4 Ways to Reclaim Your Power to Choose

Written by Rasha AlShaar, Mind-Body Coach, PCC

Rasha AlShaar, PCC, is a Mind-Body Coach with an integrative approach to healing and self-development. By merging modalities that range from mindset and somatic tools, she's on a mission to facilitate full-body healing and head-to-toe awakenings to help people embody their authentic truth and innate power.

I was called strong early and often. It rarely felt like a compliment; it felt more like a verdict passed down after every hardship I survived with a smile. I wore “strong” proudly until the label started feeling less like a badge and more like a cage.

What I didn't understand then was that I wasn't living in my power, I was performing strength to avoid the discomfort of feeling like a victim. My frustration when I saw others in victimhood wasn't actually judgment; it was a form of unexpressed empathy. When I saw someone handing away their power, I was feeling the ache of every time I had quietly done the same through a stoicism I mistook for resilience.

The truth is, appearing "tough" while avoiding your internal reality is still giving your power away. Letting the external world dictate how we show up (whether we do it with tears or with a blank face) isn’t personal power. True power begins when we realize that strength isn't about what we endure, but about the choices we make while enduring it.

What true strength is

Strength, as I have come to understand it after over a decade of doing “the work” and then helping others do “the work” too, isn’t about how unaffected you are or how dry your eyes can stay amidst the chaos. Strength is a capacity, a natural potential for behaving, thinking, or feeling in ways that are authentic and life-giving.

But the strength itself is only potential, autonomy and agency are the forces that move that potential into action. The freedom to choose and the ability to execute on those choices are what make someone truly powerful.

Choice as the foundation

The biggest obstacle I see in my clients, and the one I had to dismantle in myself, is the belief that choice disappears when circumstances get hard. We treat agency like a luxury to be earned once life feels “good,” but Self-Determination Theory proves that autonomy is actually a fundamental human nutrient, as essential to our psychological survival as water is to our bodies. Even when our environment restricts us, our “capacity for self-governance” remains.

The truth is, despite the most limiting and unfortunate circumstances, the internal mechanism of choice never actually disappears. Reclaiming that agency isn't just a cute mindset shift; it’s a practice of providing our psyche with the fuel it needs to survive the most limiting circumstances.

My “bad” choice

I spent a few years (that felt like decades) in a job that felt like a body-no from the day I signed my employment contract. I said yes by signing, and stayed as I called that self-abandonment what “I had to do.” I told myself I had no choice but to say yes, yes to the salary, the stability, and the opportunity. I had constructed a very reasonable-looking cage and moved right in.

But even there, every single day, I had choices, small ones with big impact. Like how I arrived at the office, what I listened to on the commute, how I spoke to myself in the elevator, where I put my attention during meetings, whether I drowned in the 3pm anxiety, or if I chose to actively and deliberately notice it and tend to it.

Those micro-choices didn't change my circumstances, but each one was a small reclaiming of self. They built the internal muscle of my capacity and trust in myself, which eventually allowed me to make the big and terrifying choice to leave.

4 ways to practice your power

Below are some ways to start growing your muscle of agency and autonomy to expand on your expression of true strength.

1. Reframe “powerless” thoughts

When you feel the voice of the victim arise, write their statements on paper and challenge them: Do I believe this without a shadow of a doubt? As the lie loses its grip, write one true counter-thought (e.g., "My circumstances are restricted, but my character is my own”).

This breaks the cycle of learned helplessness. By moving a thought from your head to paper, you stop "being" the emotion and start "observing" it, which allows you to step back into the role of the conscious participant.

2. Practice deliberate micro-choices daily

Choose something on purpose: the exact time you drink water, the way you sit, or how you spend the next 10 minutes. Name the choice out loud: "I am choosing to do this now," and follow through.

This builds a felt sense of agency. It proves to your nervous system that you are still the boss of your body and your immediate environment, preventing the "shutdown" response that happens when we feel totally trapped.

3. Make a control vs. Influence list

For any stressful situation, divide a piece of paper in half. List what is out of your control (other people’s actions, the news, the past) and what is in your control (your boundaries, your tone, your next breath). Pick one controllable action and do it within 24 hours.

This prevents cognitive overwhelm. By physically separating the "unchangeable" from the "actionable," you stop leaking energy into the void and start investing it where it actually creates a shift in your reality.

4. Track and celebrate aligned choices

At the end of the day, write down one choice you made that you’re proud of (no matter how tiny).

This provides identity evidence. Your brain naturally looks for proof of your limitations, and this practice forces it to find proof of your power. Over time, it shifts your self-identity from "someone life happens to" to "someone who shapes their life."

If this resonates and you’d like to explore how I could support you on your self-growth journey through mindset and somatics, book a free consultation call to chat about where you are and where you’d like to be.

Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Rasha AlShaar

Rasha AlShaar, Mind-Body Coach, PCC

With over a decade of experience in healing practices and self-growth tools, Rasha AlShaar founded her coaching practice in 2020, shaping her integrative approach through ongoing personal growth and rigorous training, blending subconscious, emotional, somatic, behavioral, and energetic modalities to best serve her clients.

Rooted in her curiosity, driven by her commitment to service, and grounded in her PCC accreditation from the International Coaching Federation with 700+ hours of 1:1 coaching experience, Rasha is on a mission to help others on their transformative journeys as a Mind-Body Coach, guiding them to reconnect with their inherent wisdom and worth through insightful dialogue, embodied experience, and tangible action steps.