Written by Dr. Jackie Cawley, CEO, Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness Dr. Cawley is an osteopathic family physician, health care executive, and leadership mentor with over 30 years of experience. As the CEO and founder of the Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness, she is dedicated to helping others achieve optimal wellness through personal development and transformational growth. Let’s be honest, work can be stressful. Tight deadlines, shifting priorities, and complex personality dynamics can quickly create a sense of overwhelm. And as a leader, you’re not just managing your own stress, you’re guiding your team through it, keeping them focused, productive, and engaged. Some days, that responsibility can feel like a tall order. But here’s the shift that changes everything, workplace stress is rarely random. It’s often predictable, and therefore manageable. Today’s chaotic economic environment and geopolitical constraints require leaders who understand that reduced workplace stress is an organizational imperative. Calm leaders lessen workplace tensions to unlock team performance and create a competitive edge. High-performing leaders understand that stress tends to fall into four key categories, mismatched skills and responsibilities, unclear or constantly evolving roles and organizational objectives, environmental pressures, and interpersonal conflict. When you can identify the source, you can begin to lead with precision instead of reactivity. Below are five simple strategies to help leaders stay calm and win big: 1. Build awareness through connection Great leadership starts with awareness, and awareness starts with connection. Leaders who reduce stress effectively stay close to their teams. They go beyond surface-level check-ins and create space for honest, meaningful dialogue. Through active listening, thoughtful questions, and consistent engagement, they uncover not just what their team is doing, but how they’re experiencing the work. When people feel seen, heard, and understood, stress begins to soften, and trust begins to grow. Related: Intentional Connection – The Practice of Showing Up for Others 2. Shape a culture of trust and communication Culture is not a buzzword, it’s a leadership tool. A calm, resilient team culture is built on trust, psychological safety, and open communication. Team meetings become more than status updates, they become opportunities to strengthen relationships, share perspectives, and identify friction points early. When communication is clear and consistent, uncertainty decreases, and so does unnecessary stress. Related: Mastering the Trust Factor and How Great Leaders Build Connection and Credibility 3. Make small shifts that create big impact Reducing stress doesn’t always require sweeping changes. Often, it’s the small, intentional actions that make the biggest difference. Offer flexibility where possible to support work-life integration. Monitor and rebalance workloads to prevent burnout and recognize team member contributions consistently and authentically. Provide opportunities for professional growth and development, and be deliberate in addressing conflict early, before it disrupts team cohesion. Be clear in explaining the “why” behind organizational goals, and in setting expectations for team performance. None of these purposeful changes are complex, but they are powerful when practiced consistently. 4. Model the behavior you want to see Your leadership presence sets the tone. Your team is always observing, not just your words, but your behavior and actions. When you prioritize your own well-being, you give your team permission to do the same. Taking breaks, setting boundaries, and creating moments to reset are not signs of weakness, they are signals of sustainable leadership. Calm is contagious. So is burnout. Be mindful in choosing to model calm over chaos, and a mindset that is open and focused on growth. 5. Normalize recovery as a performance strategy Self-care is not a luxury, it’s a leadership imperative. Encourage your team to take time off. Reinforce that rest fuels creativity, focus, and resilience. Provide tools for time management and support your team through periods of change and uncertainty with clarity and consistency. Celebrate success and achievement of performance goals. Sustainable performance is built on cycles of effort and recovery, not constant output. Related: 5 Practical Ways to Strengthen Resilience Lead with strength, and humanity Perhaps the most powerful shift a leader can make is this, be human. Share your own strategies for managing stress and acknowledge challenges openly. When leaders demonstrate vulnerability with intention, they create psychological safety. That fosters an environment where people feel safe to speak up, ask for help, and perform at their best. While stress may be inevitable, struggling in silence is not. Strong leaders don’t ignore stress, they meet it with awareness, compassion, and clarity. By doing so, they don’t just manage teams, they elevate them. They create environments where people don’t just perform, they thrive. Related: Leading Through Chaos: When Trust and Humanity Matter Most Let’s work together to achieve your development goals Ready to lead with greater calm, clarity, and resilience? You don’t have to do it alone. With the right structure and support, building a high-performing, low-stress team becomes not just possible, but sustainable. To learn more, click the link to schedule your free discovery call: Book an Appointment With Dr. Jackie Cawley - Delean Institute . Follow me on LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Jackie Cawley Dr. Jackie Cawley, CEO, Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness Dr. Jackie Cawley is a healer, teacher, and thought leader in wellness, personal growth, and leadership development. She has a passion for helping others achieve their full potential and be empowered to pursue their personal and professional goals. Dr. Cawley is the founder and CEO of The Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness, author of Power Up, and creator of the Power Up Framework for transformative growth and empowerment. Her mission is to help others achieve wellness through personal growth.

Dr. Ioana Marcus started her curiosity about the human body and mind in Romania where she attended medical school. When she moved to the United States, she continued refining her passion and academic/professional interests by pursuing counseling as a career. As an immigrant, she always supported the unconventional and the underdog, as well as exploring the least familiar paths for healing. Ioana B Marcus, Psychotherapist & Founder, Equibliss Psychotherapy Who is Ioana Marcus? Dr. Ioana Marcus is a psychotherapist, counselor educator, and equine facilitated psychotherapist. She founded Equibliss in 2013 with the vision of creating a community focused on healing in nature and with animals. She envisioned integrating experiential Gestalt therapy and clinical supervision with the horses and dogs. She was a full-time professor at Marymount University and continues teaching graduate-level courses in clinical mental health, including trauma and social justice issues in counseling. Out of commitment to social justice and equitable access to equine therapy and eco-therapy, she founded HEART (Human Equine Attachment and Relational Therapy) Space Fund for immigrants, refugees, and foster care families. What personal or professional turning point led you to do the work you do today? After attending medical school in Romania and moving to the United States in search of a medical career in a completely new world, I found psychotherapy as my guiding path to serving others. Every turn I took, whether completing my master's degree or my PhD, confirmed that I was on the right path. My passion has continued to grow ever since, and deepens with my compassionate and experiential understanding of the human psyche when impacted by mental health challenges such as trauma, mood disorders, eating disorders, and beyond. The other significant turning points have consisted of listening to my intuition and inviting animals into my clinical work with clients, specifically horses and my dogs. This journey has also added a rich experiential and relational dimension to my work with my clients. I am a perpetual learner with an incessant curiosity and a thirst for a deeper understanding of what makes humans heal, resilient, and ultimately grow and thrive. Who are the people you feel most called to support, and what are they struggling with when they come to you? My clients are usually people who have struggled with traditional therapeutic approaches. They have needed to reset their nervous system in nature and by being around animals. My approach is experiential, compassionate, genuine, sometimes playful, and embodied. I work with clients facing trauma, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, or the complexity of medical trauma or chronic illness. Like my clients, I have also mentored, trained, and supervised students, residents, and professionals who find that traditional therapy may miss key pieces, including somatic, experiential, and relational perspectives on growth. How would you explain your work and approach in a way that feels human, not clinical or complicated? I get to know my clients with an authentic and compassionate curiosity for their experience and journey through their upbringing, culture, and also experiences with oppression or discrimination. What makes your approach to psychotherapy and healing different from more traditional methods? I value connecting authentically with my clients, and by integrating my dogs and horses into therapy, I am able to delve into what makes them feel truly seen while modeling a secure and embodied attachment with the animals and me. We learn from the animals the value of connection, respect for boundaries, subtle embodied ways of building trust and growth in relationships. We also learn from nature and in collaboration with one another, taking it one step at a time. What patterns or blocks do you see most often in clients before real change begins? I see their suffering and survival patterns that prevent authenticity or presence. I see their reluctance to give up emotional, cognitive, and behavioral patterns. I love the moment when the shift happens, and a client releases control and opens to the mystery of life. How do you help clients move from feeling stuck or overwhelmed to feeling grounded and empowered? I am present with them in their embodied experience. I encourage them to slow down and notice how their patterns of survival have impacted them and how to return to their own wisdom. We learn from nature and the animals we work with. They are always embodied, present, and don't have an agenda/ expectations. We then notice and integrate the connection, lessons, and choices/ freedom. What role do the body, nervous system, and emotional safety play in the healing process you guide? The body and our nervous system are the most integral parts of our emotional healing. We've been taught, traditionally, to focus on cognition, our minds, emotions, behaviors, and ourselves, but reality is that we are relational beings. Our nervous systems co-regulate with other beings, so our healing process starts with the nervous system, with our bodies feeling safe, our minds starting to listen to our bodies, and being supported in relationships that are healthy, grounding, and nurturing. What kind of transformation do clients commonly experience after working with you? Oftentimes, clients share a sense of being seen and understood at a deeper, intuitive level. They share a sense of calm, safety, support, and embodiment as they start being more aware of their old patterns, experience more support and freedom to explore new pathways to grow and thrive. How do Equibliss and your wider initiatives support healing beyond one-to-one therapy? My goal is for the clients to integrate this work, identify their relational and innate resources, and be able to rely on them in their lives, whether in healthy relationships, nature, animals, spirituality, or most of all, their embodied selves. Oftentimes, clients continue their journeys with animals and in nature. Other times, they find ways of serving and empowering others in their lives. And when it comes to the numerous equine facilitated groups and eco-therapy groups we have hosted (e.g., women’s, breast cancer patients, trauma therapists, foster care families, immigrant youth), I hope to plant seeds of connection, community, and hope that will ripple way beyond the actual event. What would you say to someone who feels they need support but is unsure where to start? Reach out and start by asking questions, see if this or another type of therapy/ therapist is a good fit. If a reader resonates with your message, what is the best next step to begin working with you? Clients and therapists can reach out through my websites here and here . Follow me on Facebook for more info! Read more from Ioana B Marcus

Written by Carmel Shami, Holistic Time Management Mentor Carmel is a time management mentor, author, and former social worker who helps overwhelmed professionals and individuals with demanding lives break free from burnout and constant overload. Using a holistic productivity and time management framework, she helps them regain clarity, balance, control, and live intentionally. Going to save this article for later because you truly want to understand your procrastination? You are exactly the person I wrote it for. Give yourself just seven minutes to read it now, and it may help you move toward real change. Most of the time, when I hear people talk about procrastination, it is wrapped in guilt, shame, and frustration. Almost without exception, at some point, the word "lazy" comes up. We blame ourselves, mentally beat ourselves up, and try to fight procrastination with more pressure. But in my experience, that approach rarely solves the problem. It only adds more emotional weight to a task that was already hard to face. The question that changes everything So rather than judging the delay, I try to understand it. When a task keeps getting pushed from one week to the next, I do not start by asking, “Why am I not doing it?” I ask, “What is blocking this task?” Because procrastination is not one simple problem, the same solution will not work for every task. A task may be delayed because it is unclear, emotionally loaded, boring, overwhelming, or simply asking for more energy than you have at that moment. Sometimes there is one blockage, and sometimes several are layered together. Once you understand what is truly blocking the task, it becomes easier to respond in the right way. That is when work begins to feel lighter, clearer, and less like a constant inner fight. What is procrastination really telling you? Research increasingly supports what many people feel but do not always know how to explain, procrastination is often tied to emotional discomfort, not just poor discipline. A 2025 systematic review and meta-analysis found a moderate positive association between procrastination and negative emotions, especially depression, anxiety, and stress, and pointed to emotion regulation as an important part of the picture.[1] In other words, procrastination is often the brain’s attempt to avoid discomfort now, even when that creates more stress later. That is why the better question is not, “How do I force myself to do this?” It is, “What about this task feels hard for me?” What I have found is that procrastination usually falls into six broad categories. Under each category, there may be several possible blocks. Once you identify the block, it becomes much easier to understand what the task needs from you, choose the right tool, and place it in your schedule at a time that matches the kind of energy it requires. The 6 categories behind procrastination 1. Clarity gap The problem: Sometimes the task is not being avoided because you are lazy or resistant. It is being avoided because it is still too vague for your brain to begin. When the task is unclear, the mind keeps circling instead of moving. Possible blocks: needing more information, not knowing where to start, not knowing what “done” looks like, unclear next step. Examples: writing a proposal without knowing what to include, delaying an email because you are not clear about what you are asking for, wanting to start a project but not knowing the first step. One shift to make: Define “done” in one sentence, then identify the smallest next action. Research supports this too. A 2025 study found that a brief procrastination intervention helped by naming emotions, breaking the task into smaller steps, and making the outcome feel more worthwhile.[2] 2. Decision and mental overload The problem: Sometimes procrastination is really decision fatigue. The task is too mentally crowded. There are too many options, too many moving parts, or too many questions trying to get answered at once. Possible blocks: too many choices, overthinking, decision fatigue, overwhelm, trying to solve the whole thing at once. Examples: delaying a business decision because too many directions seem possible, putting off planning because everything feels important, avoiding a task because it feels like ten tasks inside one. One shift to make: Do a brain dump first to unburden your mind and get everything onto one page. Then reduce the options to two, or decide only on the next decision instead of the entire outcome. Once the mind stops trying to hold everything at once, the task usually feels lighter and more workable. 3. Emotional friction The problem: Some tasks carry emotional weight. They trigger fear, discomfort, self-doubt, or vulnerability, so the brain avoids them. In these moments, procrastination is often less about time and more about emotional protection. Possible blocks: fear of failure, perfectionism, self-doubt, fear of exposure, fear of rejection, hard conversations, difficult decisions with emotional weight. Examples: posting online and feeling exposed, raising your prices, sending a pitch, having a boundary conversation. One shift to make: Ask, “What feeling am I trying not to feel here?” Then make the step smaller, safer, or messier so it becomes emotionally doable. It can also help to get a pep talk from a friend who believes in you and can help move you toward action. Another useful question is, “What is the worst that can happen?” Many times, the worst-case scenario is much bigger in our head than in reality. 4. Dopamine gap The problem: Some tasks are not emotionally hard or mentally unclear. They are just low-stimulation. The reward is too far away, while the discomfort is immediate, so the brain reaches for something that feels better now. Possible blocks: boredom, craving immediate reward, low interest, repetitive tasks, tasks with distant payoff. Examples: admin work, follow-up emails, paperwork, repetitive household tasks. One shift to make: Add immediate reward. Pair the task with music, coffee, a timer sprint, a visible win, or a small reward at the end. A 2024 Scientific Reports study found that people who placed less value on future rewards were also more likely to procrastinate. In plain language, when the payoff feels too far away, it is harder for the brain to get moving now.[3] 5. Energy mismatch The problem: Sometimes the task is not wrong, but it is wrong for your current energy state. You are trying to do something that requires focus, emotional capacity, or physical energy at a time when you simply do not have it. Possible blocks: low mental energy, emotional depletion, physical fatigue, brain fog, mismatch between task demand and available energy. Examples: trying to write at the end of an exhausting day, putting off a difficult conversation because you have no emotional capacity left, delaying a decision-heavy task when your brain is already overloaded. One shift to make: Match the task to the energy it requires, not the energy you wish you had. You can ask, "Deep focus? emotional courage? social energy? physical effort?" Then place it where it actually fits. A 2024 study looked at general procrastination, bedtime procrastination, sleep sufficiency, and daytime fatigue together. The takeaway is simple, tiredness and sleep patterns can shape how procrastination shows up, which means delay is not always just a discipline issue.[4] 6. Accountability and environment gap The problem: Sometimes the issue is not inside you at all. The environment is full of friction, or the task has no structure around it. Without support, urgency, or the right setting, some tasks simply do not move. Possible blocks: distractions, unsupported environment, no clear start time, no accountability, no one expecting progress. Examples: trying to focus with your phone next to you, working in a noisy house, business development tasks. One shift to make: Create structure and find an accountability partner or coach. Change the setting, remove distractions, set a clear start time, and build in follow-up so the task does not live only inside your head. Why this matters What makes this framework matter is that it helps connect your daily tasks to your bigger picture. Tasks are not just things to get done for the sake of being productive. They are meant to support your goals, your values, and the life you want to create. When you understand what is blocking a task, you are not only making it easier to follow through, you are making it more possible to move toward your deeper purpose and aspirations with more clarity, intention, and alignment. Over time, this understanding is what led me to create my TaskFlow method, a practical way to work with resistance, energy, and time so tasks can be planned more wisely and completed with more ease. In other words, it helps bridge the gap between insight and action, so people are not only aware of what blocks them, but also know how to build a task management system that works with the way they actually function. If you made it to the end of this article instead of saving it for later, that is already a small win. It means procrastination is not as powerful as it sometimes feels. A good place to begin is by looking at the tasks you keep postponing and getting curious about what may be underneath the delay. Once you start to see the reason more clearly, it becomes easier to plan that task at a time that matches what it truly requires from you, whether that is focus, emotional courage, energy, or structure. And if you find that you want further support and guidance as you work through that process, I am here to help. I would also love to hear how it goes for you and whether this way of looking at procrastination makes a difference. Follow me on LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Carmel Shami Carmel Shami, Holistic Time Management Mentor Carmel is a time management expert who helps people rebuild clarity and balance in demanding lives. She is the founder of It’s About Time, a holistic productivity practice rooted in mindset, structure, and energy management. Drawing on her years of work with the elderly and families facing grief, she developed an approach that considers the whole person, not just their schedule. Witnessing how often people reach the end of life with unspoken regrets shaped her mission to help others choose intentionally how they live. As she often reminds her clients, no one dies finished. Choose what matters. References: [1] The association between procrastination and negative emotions in healthy individuals: A systematic review and meta‑analysis [2] Now I feel like I’m going to get to it soon: A brief, scalable intervention for state procrastination. [3] Temporal discounting predicts procrastination in the real world [4] General procrastination and bedtime procrastination as serial mediators of the relationship between temporal perspective and sleep outcomes

Written by Elizabeth Day, RTT® Therapist & Coach Elizabeth Day specialises in working with both individuals and companies, eliminating both emotional and physical issues, enabling peak performance, both personal and professional success. Working with a range of issues from eating disorders and addictions to autoimmune disease and repetitive negative relationship patterns, achieving rapid results. I’m Elizabeth Day, an RTT Therapist and Coach, and a domestic abuse survivor. Through my personal journey of escaping a narcissistic abuser, I’ve not only rebuilt my life but found a deeper sense of purpose in helping others do the same. In my work, I support individuals in breaking free from the psychological grip of narcissistic abuse and reclaiming their identity, confidence, future and freedom. This article explores what narcissism is, the stages of narcissistic abuse, practical steps to minimise its effects, how Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can support healing, and how you can build a new life and truly thrive after such an experience. What is a narcissist? A narcissist is someone who exhibits traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or strong narcissistic tendencies. These individuals often display: A deep need for admiration and validation A lack of empathy for others Manipulative or controlling behaviours. Frequently employing manipulative tactics like gaslighting, blame shifting, love bombing and creating a volatile ‘walking on eggshells’ environment A fragile self-esteem masked by grandiosity. This usually manifests itself in them projecting a false image of who they are to hide their insecurities and behaviour. In relationships, narcissists create an imbalance of power. They may initially appear charming and attentive, but this quickly shifts into control, criticism, and emotional harm and in many cases physical harm. Daniel Goleman, a Psychologist, Harvard lecturer and best-selling author globally, has written and spoken extensively on narcissism and the relationship between them and the empaths they seek out. His work is enlightening on so many levels and explains every aspect not only of how the narcissist operates but how the dynamic works, what happens when the empath sees them for who they are and leaves and how to navigate this behaviour. His talks, many of which can be found on YouTube, are really educating and enlightening on this matter, as are his published books and articles.   The stages of narcissistic abuse Understanding the cycle of narcissistic abuse is key to recognising what you’ve experienced and why it can feel so confusing and inescapable. Idealisation (love bombing): At the beginning, you are placed on a pedestal. The narcissist showers you with affection, attention, and promises. It feels intense and intoxicating. Isolation: They gradually and subtly distance you from your friends, family and support network. Causing issues, refusing to engage with them or placing themselves in the centre of your network and denigrating you to them. Devaluation: Gradually, criticism, withdrawal, and emotional manipulation begin. You may feel like you are ‘walking on eggshells’ and trying to regain the person you first met. Discard: The narcissist may abruptly end the relationship or emotionally withdraw, leaving you confused and devastated. Hoovering: They may attempt to pull you back in with apologies, promises, or emotional appeals, restarting the cycle. Instead of taking the blame for their behaviour or mistakes, a narcissistic partner or family member may project bad behaviours on to you. They use a manipulative tactic of shifting blame onto their victim, denying guilt and damaging their credibility. They accuse you of their own abusive behaviour or minimise their abuse by claiming they are overreacting. This is known as DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. This not only has the affect of absolving the abuser of any guilt or blame but also confuses and undermines your sense of reality. A narcissistic abuser often exploits intimate knowledge of or sensitive information shared in trust to emotionally wound, control and deepen your sense of dependency on the abuser. I lived through this cycle myself. It began as what felt like a deeply loving relationship, but became a pattern of control, emotional, physical and financial control and harm. It was extremely confusing. Breaking free required not just physical distance, but emotional and psychological untangling. Ending the relationship is the hardest and often the most dangerous part. You really need help and support at this point from someone who understands this kind of narcissistic abuse. Talk to a professional and reach out to friends who can support you. It's hard to see a way out, and often, this is why people stay so long in these situations, having no financial autonomy, and fear of what they know the abuser will do when they do attempt to end these relationships. And it's important to understand that the narcissist will escalate the behaviour when you attempt to end the relationship, it's the most dangerous time.   Steps to minimise the effects of narcissistic behaviour Healing begins with understanding and boundaries. Here are key steps to reduce the ongoing impact: Establish no contact or low contact: Where possible, cutting off communication is essential. If you are not able to, for example, if you are co-parenting, strict boundaries are crucial. You will never win an argument with a narcissist or be heard by them or change their behaviour. You will just end up spending energy defending yourself and it gives oxygen to the narcissist. It's what they want. They want to draw you back in. Rebuild your reality: Narcissistic abuse distorts your sense of truth. You question whether you are overreacting if things did really happen the way you perceived them. This is where establishing no contact helps give you the space for that. Therapy and talking to trusted people can help you reconnect with what is real. This is where RTT Therapy and coaching come into their own. Getting to the root cause of where and why these thoughts are embedded in your mind. Recognise gaslighting: Understand that manipulation tactics like gaslighting are designed to make you doubt yourself. Naming them removes their power. Strengthen boundaries: Learn to say no without guilt. Boundaries are not selfish, they are protective. Prioritise nervous system regulation: Trauma lives in the body. Practices like breath work, meditation, and therapies like RTT or Somatic therapy help restore a feeling of calm and safety internally. How RTT therapy can help Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is a powerful, solution-focused approach that works at the subconscious level to uncover and reframe limiting beliefs formed in our past. This is especially effective in rectifying and reframing the negative self-beliefs and warped sense of what’s real that have been established by an abuser. After narcissistic abuse, many individuals carry beliefs such as: I am not enough I am unworthy of love It was my fault RTT helps to: Identify the root cause of these beliefs Reprogram the subconscious mind Replace self-doubt with confidence and self-worth by reframing these beliefs and installing new positive ones In my own healing, addressing these deeply ingrained beliefs was transformative. It allowed me to break free not just from the relationship but from the emotional patterns that kept me stuck. And that is the most important step to your new, successful life, freedom and happiness.   Steps to healing and rebuilding your life Healing is not about returning to who you were before, it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more aligned with your true self. Reconnect with your identity: Abuse often strips away your sense of self. Rediscover what you enjoy, what you value, and who you are outside of the relationship. Release shame and self-blame: You are not responsible for someone else’s behaviour. Healing begins when you shift from self- blame to self-compassion. Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who uplift and validate you. Healing does not happen in isolation. Set future standards & clear boundaries: Use your experience to define what you will and will not accept moving forward. Seek professional support: Therapeutic support can accelerate healing and help you process trauma safely. And RTT is particularly helpful in this process, as the name suggests, it is much more rapid in its effect than traditional forms of therapy. Embrace growth and purpose: Your experience, while painful, can become a source of strength. Many survivors go on to help others, advocate, and create meaningful change as well as thriving and becoming successful in whatever it is they choose to do. Living life with no limits and no boundaries is available to anyone. From surviving to thriving Leaving a narcissistic relationship was one of the most difficult things I have ever done and the aftermath one of the most challenging in my life, but it was also the most empowering. My counsellor and advocate said to me before I left, when I was doubting I could do it, that yes, the journey would be hard, but it was a forward-moving journey to the possibility of a better, safer life, staying would mean remaining in a downward spiral that would not end well. Those words remain with me today and she was so right. There was a time when I doubted myself, questioned my reality, and felt completely lost. Today, I stand grounded in who I am, running a practice that helps others reclaim their lives and living a happy, rich and fulfilling life. That transformation didn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. You are not broken. You are not weak. You are someone who has endured, survived, and has the capacity to thrive because that has all made you able to withstand anything. Healing is not just about moving on, it’s about rising into a life that feels safe, authentic, and truly yours. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Elizabeth Day Elizabeth Day, RTT® Therapist & Coach Elizabeth Day specialises in working with women with trauma from abuse, burnout and limiting blocks to achieving their goals, building self-confidence and guiding them to reinvention and success. Her own background is one of abuse, having escaped a 30-year relationship with an abusive partner and rebuilt her life and reinvented herself. Her experience of working with corporates for over 25 years has led to her to use both this experience and her own trauma to heal and coach clients and achieve ultimate success.

The transition beyond sport is one of the most defining moments in an athlete’s life, demanding far more than a new career plan, it requires identity, resilience, and purpose. In this exclusive interview, we explore how a three-phase framework of assessment, action, and intentional rebuilding helps athletes translate their strengths into meaningful leadership and long-term success beyond the game. Jonathan Rose, Mental Health Advocate & Public Speaker What strategies do you use to help athletes transition from elite sports careers to purposeful lives beyond the game, and how do these strategies foster long-term success? My approach to supporting athletes through the transition beyond sport is built on a three-phase method, assess, address, and build. First, we assess. This stage is about gaining clarity, identifying what the athlete truly wants to pursue while evaluating the skills, experiences, and resources they already possess. We take a deep look at how the qualities developed through sport, discipline, resilience, and leadership, translate into real-world environments. It’s about helping them recognize that their athletic background is not a limitation, but a foundation. Next, we address. Here, we determine what is transferable and what gaps need to be filled. Whether it’s certifications, formal education, or specialized training, we map out exactly what’s required to move forward with confidence and credibility in their chosen field. This step turns awareness into actionable direction. Finally, we build. With clarity and direction established, we focus on execution, developing strong portfolios, resumes, and personal brands that position the athlete competitively in the marketplace. This phase equips them with tangible tools to pursue and secure opportunities aligned with their new path. Together, this method not only supports a smooth transition, but also lays the groundwork for long-term success by aligning identity, skill, and purpose beyond the game. What role does mental health play in your work, and how do you guide individuals in overcoming mental health challenges while achieving their personal and professional goals? Mental health is at the core of my work. My commitment to this space is rooted in my own journey, working through and ultimately overcoming battles with depression. That experience shaped not only my perspective, but also the level of empathy and intentionality I bring to every individual I work with. When engaging with people facing mental health challenges, I lead with the same approach I would hope to receive, transparency, compassion, and a completely judgment-free environment. I focus on levelling the playing field, removing the stigma and creating a safe space where individuals feel seen, heard, and understood. Building a like-minded, supportive community has been a powerful part of that process. Drawing from my background as a professional athlete, I openly share my personal experiences to bridge the gap in understanding. It reinforces a critical truth. Even those who appear to be living their dream lives face internal struggles. That realization alone often alleviates a significant sense of isolation, helping individuals feel less alone in their journey. From there, we align mental wellness with personal and professional growth, ensuring that individuals are not just coping, but building the resilience and clarity needed to move forward with purpose. How do you help your clients harness their unique strengths to cultivate self-awareness and become leaders in their communities? I begin by developing a personalized profile for each individual I work with. This serves as a foundational reference point, allowing me to provide thoughtful, tailored, and constructive feedback throughout our time together. From there, I guide clients through a rigorous yet supportive advisory process. I ask intentional, often personal questions to better understand how they respond, what they speak about with confidence, and where hesitation, anxiety, or discomfort may arise. Those responses reveal valuable insights into both their strengths and the areas that require deeper attention. Once we’ve established that awareness, we identify their passions, whether rooted in hobbies, interests, or past experiences, and begin to explore how those can be translated into something tangible and actionable. The goal is to move from internal understanding to external expression. For example, many of my former athlete clients express a desire to remain connected to sport after their playing careers, but struggle to define how or why. In those cases, I encourage them to explore opportunities such as coaching intramural or youth teams, alongside joining one as a participant. It’s a practical way to test alignment. If it resonates, we build on it. If not, we refine the path until it truly serves their current purpose. Ultimately, this process helps clients not only discover who they are, but also step confidently into leadership roles where they can create meaningful impact within their communities. What impact have you seen in athletes who embrace your message of resilience, and how does this influence their lives both on and off the field? Whether an athlete is active or transitioning out of the game, there often comes a point in the journey where their drive begins to fade, where the very thing they once loved starts to feel heavy, and self-doubt begins to creep in. In those moments, I serve as a steady reminder. You don’t have to continue down the same path, but you do have to remain committed to growth and purpose. For my active athletes, this means understanding that challenges, setbacks, or unmet expectations are not valid reasons to lower their standards or level of professionalism. Adversity is part of the process, but how they respond to it defines their trajectory. The athletes who embrace this message of resilience begin to shift their mindset. They develop a stronger sense of accountability, discipline, and self-respect that carries over into every area of their lives. On the field, it sharpens their focus and consistency. Off the field, it builds character, reinforces purpose, and prepares them for success beyond sport. Ultimately, resilience becomes more than a mindset. It becomes a standard they live by. How do you use your personal experience as a 104th Grey Cup Champion to inspire others, and what lessons do you pass on to help them ‘prove themselves right’ every day? I love this question because it speaks directly to the foundation of everything I stand for and why Prove Yourself Right Inc. exists. On paper, my journey looked like it was supposed to be straightforward. I was a high school All-American with strong recognition and potential, someone coaches believed in early. But the reality behind the scenes told a very different story. I faced adversity that challenged me at my core, including the loss of a close friend to gun violence during my first university experience, followed by being dismissed for not meeting team expectations. I was given another opportunity to redefine myself, yet found myself repeating the same patterns in a new environment with even greater stakes. At that point, the narrative around me had shifted. I was being labeled in ways that didn’t reflect who I truly was, but the truth is, I hadn’t yet done the internal work to change that perception. I had to take accountability for getting in my own way. Everything changed when I was given the opportunity to play for the Ottawa Redblacks in 2016. Winning the 104th Grey Cup wasn’t just a championship moment. It was a turning point. It gave me the platform to rewrite my story, not for anyone else, but for myself. That’s the lesson I pass on every day, stop focusing on proving others wrong, and commit to proving yourself right. That means showing up with discipline, owning your setbacks, and aligning your actions with the person you know you’re capable of becoming. When you take that approach, resilience becomes a daily standard, and success becomes a byproduct of that commitment. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jonathan Rose

Written by Josh Sagar Chauhan I, C.E.O, Model, and Multi-Talented Artist Josh is a C.E.O., model, and multi-talented artist with over a decade of experience in financial services, renowned for delivering insightful, up-to-date coverage on international affairs, culture, and technology, offering clarity and perspective. In the contemporary examination of mental health, a profound disconnect often exists between formal certification and the actual efficacy of clinical practice. HRH Sagar V. Chauhan I, through a consistent and rigorous study of psychological frameworks, provides a critical lens into this phenomenon. His research, which is deeply rooted in the analysis of real case studies, identifies a recurring parallel where practitioners appear exemplary upon their formal documentation, yet they fail to meet the complex needs of the human psyche. The Fallacy of the Documented Expert emerges from the work of Chauhan I, suggesting that the modern psychiatric establishment has become overly reliant upon academic accolades and standardised diagnostic criteria. This reliance creates the “on-paper” psychiatrist, an individual who possesses the requisite titles and the legal authority but lacks the intuitive depth required for genuine healing. Chauhan argues that when a clinician follows a rigid, checklist-oriented approach, the patient is often reduced to a set of symptoms, and the underlying person is obscured. Chauhan draws from diverse case studies to demonstrate that technical proficiency does not equate to therapeutic success. He highlights how strict adherence to Western clinical models can lead to a sterile environment, and this environment frequently ignores the nuances of individual history and the specific pressures of the modern world. In such settings, the patient is positioned within a diagnostic framework before being understood as a person, and the therapeutic relationship becomes procedural rather than transformative. A central pillar of the research conducted by Chauhan involves the intersection of Indigenous advocacy and psychological health. He posits that the “good on paper” psychiatrist is frequently a product of an educational system that remains tethered to post-colonial structures. These structures often prize universalist theories over localised knowledge, and they neglect the profound impact of historical trauma upon the individual. Such omissions, Chauhan argues, perpetuate a form of psychological reductionism, where culturally embedded suffering is treated as isolated pathology, rather than as a response to collective experience. “A practitioner may hold every distinction afforded by the academy, and they may follow every protocol to the letter, yet they remain ineffective if they cannot perceive the historical and cultural weight carried by the soul.” A significant extension of Chauhan’s critique lies in the role of childhood trauma and its enduring impact upon cognition. Psychological research consistently demonstrates that early adverse experiences alter the development of executive functioning, memory processing, and emotional regulation. When trauma occurs during formative years, the brain adapts to prioritise survival and threat detection over exploration and abstract reasoning. This adaptation can result in heightened vigilance, fragmented memory encoding, and difficulty in establishing secure cognitive schemas. From a psychological perspective, childhood trauma reshapes learned experience by influencing how information is interpreted and stored. Individuals who have experienced instability, neglect, or abuse often develop cognitive shortcuts rooted in protection. These shortcuts may manifest as negative expectancy bias, difficulty trusting interpersonal cues, or an overgeneralisation of threat. Such patterns are not deficits of intelligence, but rather adaptive strategies that were once necessary for survival, and later became embedded within cognition. Chauhan emphasises that clinicians who rely exclusively on standardised testing may overlook these trauma-informed cognitive adaptations. A checklist may identify anxiety or depressive symptoms, yet fail to recognise that these presentations originate from deeply structured learning patterns formed in childhood. Without recognising the cognitive imprint of trauma, treatment risks addressing surface symptoms, while leaving foundational learning processes unchanged. Furthermore, childhood trauma influences neuroplasticity and the development of identity. The child learns not only emotional responses, but also interpretive frameworks about safety, belonging, and self-worth. These frameworks shape adult behaviour, decision-making, and perception. Chauhan argues that effective psychological practice must therefore consider how trauma-informed cognition affects the individual’s interpretation of therapeutic interaction itself. A patient may perceive neutrality as rejection, or structure as control, and these interpretations stem from learned cognitive patterns rather than resistance. This dimension is particularly relevant within Indigenous contexts, where childhood trauma may intersect with intergenerational experiences, displacement, and cultural disruption. Chauhan’s research suggests that cognitive development cannot be divorced from historical conditions. The individual’s learning environment includes both personal experiences and inherited narratives, and these collectively shape psychological functioning. Through his consistent research, Chauhan identifies several areas where the “paper” excellence of psychiatry diverges from reality: The preference for pharmacological intervention over the exploration of systemic distress, and the resulting alienation of the patient. The inability of standardised testing to capture the depth of Indigenous identity, and the cultural specificities of mental well-being. The prioritisation of institutional safety and administrative compliance, over the radical empathy required for true psychological breakthrough, and the stagnation of the field because of this caution. The failure to recognise how childhood trauma reshapes cognition, and how learned experience influences symptom presentation. The scholarship of HRH Sagar V. Chauhan I challenges the profession to look beyond the curriculum vitae. By integrating real-world case studies with a firm commitment to Indigenous rights, his research advocates for a psychological standard that values lived experience as much as formal theory. He suggests that the true measure of a psychiatrist is found in their ability to bridge the gap between the clinical record and the authentic human condition. In this vision, psychology becomes less about compliance and more about comprehension. It moves away from rigid categorisation and towards relational understanding. Chauhan’s work calls for a discipline that acknowledges trauma, honours cultural knowledge, and recognises that cognition itself is shaped by lived experience. Only through such integration, he argues, can the profession move beyond documented expertise and towards genuine healing. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and LinkedIn  for more info! Read more from Josh Sagar Chauhan I Josh Sagar Chauhan I, C.E.O, Model, and Multi-Talented Artist Josh Chauhan is experienced in banking, finance, luxury sales, marketing, advertising, and recruitment, with a desire to continually learn more. A proficient digital and creative consultant, Josh I has over two years of experience in niche brand and project delivery. With more exposure in advertising, television, and radio, as well as acting and live performance to national and international audiences, Josh Chauhan I is in research & development for his Incorporation Umbrella, Miwted.

Written by Victoria (Vicky) Russ, Managing Director and Leadership Coach Vicky Russ is a leadership coach and former CEO with 20+ years’ experience across the public, health and education sectors. She specialises in leadership, transformation and helping leaders navigate complex change and life transitions. Retirement is one of the biggest transitions in life. So why do we spend decades preparing financially and almost no time preparing psychologically? We plan meticulously for the financial side of retirement. We build pension pots, consult financial advisers, calculate projected income, and model different scenarios for when to stop working. By the time most professionals reach their late fifties or early sixties, they have a reasonably clear picture of whether they can afford to retire. What almost nobody plans for is the psychological side. The loss of identity. The disappearance of structure. The quiet, disorienting question that arrives uninvited on a Tuesday morning three weeks after the leaving party: Who am I now? This is the retirement crisis that nobody is talking about. Not a financial crisis, a crisis of purpose. And it is affecting far more people than most of us realise. The evidence is striking A 2020 meta-analysis published in the journal Healthcare, drawing on eleven studies across the United States, Greece, Australia, Singapore, Spain, France, and Canada, found that the pooled prevalence of depression among retirees was 28 percent. To put that in context, the World Health Organization estimates that depression affects approximately 5 percent of the general adult population worldwide. The meta-analysis found that depression was most common among those who experienced mandatory or involuntary retirement, suggesting that control over the transition matters enormously. A longitudinal study using data from the Health and Retirement Study in the United States, published in Psychiatry Research, found that retirement led to increased depressive symptoms over time and that the relationship was bidirectional, meaning depression also increased the likelihood of early retirement. The researchers concluded that practitioners should try to identify older workers at risk of depression before the retirement transition, rather than waiting until difficulties emerge afterward. In the United Kingdom, the Mental Health Foundation reports that depression affects around 22 percent of men and 28 percent of women aged 65 and over, yet an estimated 85 percent of older people with depression receive no help at all from the NHS. This is a staggering treatment gap for a population going through one of life’s most significant changes. And it is not only about clinical depression. Many retirees experience what researchers describe as a loss of role identity, social disconnection, and a decline in perceived purpose, a constellation of experiences that may not meet the threshold for clinical diagnosis but profoundly affect quality of life, relationships, and health. Why purpose matters more than money The financial planning industry has done a remarkable job of convincing us that retirement readiness is a numbers game. And of course, financial security matters. But a growing body of research suggests that purpose may matter just as much, if not more, for long-term health and well-being after retirement. A landmark Japanese study published in 2008 found that older adults who lacked ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning a sense of life worth living or purpose, had a 50 percent higher mortality rate over seven years compared to those who reported having it. A more recent US study of adults over 50 supported these findings, showing that those with the strongest sense of purpose were at least half as likely to die within eight years compared to those with the weakest. Research published in Age and Ageing in 2025 confirmed that the number of peer-reviewed studies on ikigai and ageing has quadrupled in the last decade, reflecting a growing scientific recognition that purpose is not a soft concept but a measurable determinant of health outcomes. The research identifies three core components of ikigai, life satisfaction, challenge and personal growth, and recognition of social role all of which are directly disrupted by retirement. Longitudinal research on Japanese older adults published in The Lancet Regional Health found that ikigai was associated with reduced psychological distress, improved subjective well-being, and greater resilience in the face of stress. The researchers noted that people with a higher sense of purpose tend to perceive stressors as less threatening and recover from negative events more quickly. The implications are clear. Purpose is not a luxury. It is a health intervention. And yet, while we spend years building pension funds, we spend almost no time building purpose funds. The identity gap For many professionals, particularly those in senior roles or public service, work is not just what they do, it is who they are. Their identity, their social network, their daily structure, their sense of contribution and relevance are all tightly woven into their professional role. When that role disappears, the loss can be far more profound than the loss of income. Research from the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that while 67 percent of workers felt confident about having enough money for retirement, only 48 percent reported feeling emotionally prepared. That is a gap of nearly 20 percentage points between financial readiness and psychological readiness. The American Psychological Association has reported that individuals who engage in psychological retirement planning report 42 percent higher satisfaction levels post-retirement. Yet most pre-retirement programmes offered by employers focus almost exclusively on pensions, tax, and estate planning. The emotional, relational, and purpose-related dimensions are barely addressed. This is the gap that coaching fills. What coaching offers that financial planning cannot A good financial adviser helps you plan your income. A good retirement coach helps you plan your identity, your purpose, and the structure of a life you actually want to live. Coaching provides the reflective space and structured support that most professionals never get during the retirement transition. It helps them explore questions that no pension calculator can answer. What gives me energy? What do I want to be known for in this next stage? How do I use decades of experience in a way that still feels meaningful? How do I create a rhythm that sustains me without the external structure of work? Frameworks like ikigai, which help individuals identify the intersection between what they love, what they are good at, what the world needs, and how they can contribute, provide a practical, evidence-based foundation for this exploration. When used within a coaching context, ikigai moves from an abstract concept to a working tool for designing a purposeful next chapter. The evidence supports this approach. Research consistently shows that purpose-driven activities, maintained social connections, and a sense of ongoing contribution are among the strongest predictors of positive retirement adjustment. Coaching addresses all three. An opportunity, not a problem None of this means retirement is inherently negative. On the contrary, for many people, it represents an extraordinary opportunity, the chance to step back from the pressures of full-time work and design a life with more freedom, choice, and meaning than they have ever had. But that opportunity does not arrive automatically. It has to be created. And for professionals who have spent decades defining themselves through their work, creating it requires more than a new hobby or a long-postponed holiday. It requires real reflection, honest self-examination, and the support of someone who understands the transition from the inside. Financial advisers help you retire with enough money. Coaching helps you retire with enough meaning. In an ideal world, everyone approaching retirement would have access to both. If you are approaching retirement, recently retired, or supporting someone through this transition, the question worth asking is not just “can I afford to retire?” but “who will I be when I do?” Planning the answer to that question may be the most important retirement planning you ever do. Follow me on LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Victoria (Vicky) Russ Victoria (Vicky) Russ, Managing Director and Leadership Coach Vicky Russ is a leadership coach and former CEO with over 20 years’ experience across the public, health and education sectors. She specialises in leadership, transformation and helping leaders navigate complex change and life transitions. Her work focuses on supporting leaders to maintain performance while creating psychologically safe, high-performing cultures. Vicky is also a teacher of Positive Psychology Leadership and brings a practical, human approach to even the most challenging situations. She is passionate about “protecting the protectors” and helping leaders move from pressure to purpose. References: Fernández-Martínez, E. et al. (2020). Prevalence of Depression in Retirees: A Meta-Analysis. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(20), 7548. Azar, A. et al. (2018). Retirement and depressive symptoms: A 10-year cross-lagged analysis. Psychiatry Research, 269, 565–570. Mental Health Foundation (UK). Older People: Statistics. mentalhealth.org.uk Sone, T. et al. (2008). Sense of life worth living (Ikigai) and mortality in Japan: Ohsaki Study. Psychosomatic Medicine, 70(6), 709–715. Alimujiang, A. et al. (2019). Association Between Life Purpose and Mortality Among US Adults Older Than 50 Years. JAMA Network Open, 2(5), e194270. Kodate, N. (2025). What do we know about ikigai in research on ageing, health and wellbeing? Age and Ageing, 54(Supplement 4). Shiba, K. et al. (2022). Ikigai and subsequent health and well-being among Japanese older adults. The Lancet Regional Health – Western Pacific, 21, 100391. Employee Benefit Research Institute. Retirement Confidence Survey (various years). ebri.org American Psychological Association. Psychological retirement planning and adjustment outcomes. Kotera, Y. et al. (2021). Health Benefits of Ikigai: A Review of Literature. In Ikigai: Towards a Psychological Understanding of a Life Worth Living (Springer).

Written by Dr. Elizabeth Kathryn, Intuitive Coach and Healer Dr. Elizabeth Kathryn is an Intuitive Coach and Healer who helps women clear emotional and energetic blocks, awaken their inner power and divine gifts, and manifest soul-aligned lives through her practice, Creating Inner Beauty, LLC. There are seasons in life when everything seems to unravel at once. A relationship ends unexpectedly. A job disappears. A home, a sense of certainty, or even your health shifts in ways you did not see coming. In these moments, it can feel as if the ground has been yanked from beneath you. Yet, even in the middle of chaos, it is possible to find your center again and move toward a new future. When your life falls apart, the path forward begins with grounding, emotional honesty, and a willingness to trust that something new is trying to emerge. When life changes suddenly There are moments in life that leave us feeling completely disoriented. Something unexpected happens, and suddenly the future we imagined no longer exists in the same way. In these moments, you may feel overwhelmed, anxious, numb, or frozen. You may question everything you thought you knew and struggle to know what to do next. This is a normal and deeply human response. When something significant shifts, your nervous system, emotions, and sense of identity need time to catch up. What matters first is not having all the answers or knowing exactly what comes next. What matters is creating enough space and steadiness within yourself to begin navigating what has happened and laying a new foundation for the life ahead of you from here. Acknowledge your feelings One of the most important first steps is allowing yourself to fully acknowledge what you are feeling. When it feels like your life is falling apart, you may become flooded with anxiety or try to disconnect from your emotions entirely by engaging in numbing behaviors like overworking, scrolling on social media, alcohol use, overeating, or just withdrawing from the world. But when feelings stay unprocessed, they tend to keep the body and mind in a state of confusion, paralysis, or freeze, making it that much harder to put your life back together and start to move forward. That is why it helps to pause and ask, What am I actually feeling right now? Under the surface feelings of overwhelm and anxiety, there are often many layers. There may be grief, disappointment, anger, fear, sadness, and a sense of losing the future you thought you were moving toward. Taking time to name and fully express those emotions can bring tremendous clarity. Journaling can be especially helpful here, as can talking with a trusted friend, coach, therapist, or healer. Giving yourself permission to cry, grieve, and process is not a sign of weakness. It is part of how emotion moves through the body and begins to release, which allows you to start moving forward again. When you let yourself feel fully what is there, you create the possibility for clarity to return and new possibilities to emerge. Related Article: 8 Ways To Effectively Journal Return to the present Once you begin truly acknowledging your emotions, the next step is grounding. Grounding means bringing your awareness into the present moment instead of spiraling into fear about the future or obsessing over the past. It is a way of signaling to your body, mind, and energy that even though life feels chaotic, you are safe in this moment. Grounding can take many forms. Slow, intentional breathing can help calm the nervous system and create a sense of safety. Sitting quietly with your hand on your heart can help you reconnect to yourself and find peace. Going outside and placing your feet on the earth will support your energy field and help you feel more anchored and stable. Mindfulness practices, breathwork, and gentle visualizations can all help bring you back to the here and now. The purpose of grounding is to help you stay connected to yourself while you move through what is happening in your life. When you can find a sense of internal safety, moments of peace, and support in the midst of the chaos or pain, you are creating the new foundation for the next phase of your life. Related Article: Grounding, Techniques to Achieve Balance And Well Being Create daily anchors During difficult seasons, daily rituals are powerful lifelines. When life feels uncertain, it helps to have small, consistent practices that remind you who you are and help you return to a sense of steadiness. These rituals do not have to be complicated. What matters is that they create an anchor point in your day. This might look like a morning ritual that includes lighting a candle, grounding, meditating, journaling, EFT tapping, prayer, or setting intentions. It might be an evening ritual that helps you release the day and reconnect with calm before bed. It could even be a short midday pause where you step outside, breathe deeply, and come back to yourself. Ritual creates continuity when everything else feels unstable. It gives your body and mind something dependable to return to, even when the outside world feels unpredictable. Related Article: Can A Morning Ritual Really Change Your Life? Here’s What To Know Move gently Gentle movement can also help you reconnect with your body and shift stagnant emotional energy. When people are going through painful transitions, they often become disconnected from their physical selves. Movement helps restore that connection. Yoga, stretching, walking, or simply spending time outside intentionally can support both grounding and emotional release. Nature can be especially healing in these seasons. The natural world reminds us that change is part of life, that endings and beginnings often happen together, and that growth can emerge even after periods of loss. You do not need intense action or movement right now. Gentle, consistent movement is enough to let your nervous system find a sense of calm and safety, which will then free you to have more energy and clarity in how you move forward from here. Related Article: The Therapeutic Power of Yin Yoga for Emotional Healing After Heartbreak Take baby steps forward When your life falls apart, it is easy to feel pressure to fix everything at once or try to figure out how it is all going to work out. But healing and rebuilding rarely happen that way. Instead of trying to solve your entire future, focus on one small step at a time. Ask yourself, What is one thing I can do today that helps me feel a little more supported, clear, or connected? If you are grieving a relationship, that step might be journaling, reaching out for support, or taking time to rebuild your relationship with yourself. If you have experienced a job loss, it might be updating your resume, exploring a new career possibility, or simply allowing yourself to imagine a different future. If you are dealing with illness or burnout, the next step might be rest, nourishment, or finally listening to what your body has been asking for and acting on that. Small steps create momentum. They help you rebuild trust in yourself and remind you that forward movement is doable and does not have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Look for the lesson At some point, once the initial emotional wave has softened, it can be helpful to begin asking a deeper question. What might this experience be here to teach me? This does not mean bypassing pain or pretending that loss is easy. Some experiences are incredibly heartbreaking and difficult. But many people eventually discover that the very things that once felt like devastating endings became turning points. Many times your life falls apart because something in you is being called to awaken. It falls apart because the universe is clearing away what is no longer aligned so that something even better, more authentic, healthy, or soul-led can emerge. A breakup may reconnect you with yourself and result in finding a healthier and deeper love. A job loss may reveal that you had outgrown a path that no longer honored your gifts and place you on the path to more abundance and fulfillment. An illness may become the moment you finally stop abandoning your own needs and start creating a life that fulfills you. A period of feeling stuck may push you to choose a life that is more authentic and aligned. This perspective does not erase the pain and difficulties of dealing with life changes. But it can begin to bring meaning to it and create hope for a new future. Imagine new possibilities When you are ready, begin asking yourself what good might still be possible from here. This is where hope really begins to return. In times of loss or uncertainty, it can be easy to assume that nothing positive could come next. But often there are possibilities you simply cannot see yet from where you stand. Sometimes a loss opens a door you would never have walked through otherwise. As you reflect, pay attention to what your imagination begins to reach for. If you find yourself fantasizing about freedom, rest, travel, creativity, healthier relationships, or a more meaningful career, that may be important information. Those longings can reveal what your soul is asking for and leading you to next. In this way, even difficult seasons can start to clarify what matters most and point you toward a more aligned future. Trust the rebuilding When your life falls apart, it can feel like everything is being taken from you. But sometimes what is really happening is that life is asking you to rebuild on a stronger, truer foundation. This process is rarely comfortable. But it can become sacred. If you are in one of these seasons right now, be gentle with yourself. Let yourself feel. Ground into the present. Create small rituals that anchor you. Take one step at a time. And when you are ready, begin looking for the gold hidden inside the challenge. Because even when life feels like it is falling apart, something new may already be trying to come together. A supportive next step If you are moving through a time of upheaval and feeling called to reconnect with yourself, know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. A beautiful place to begin is with my free Magical Morning Rituals mini-course, a gentle, supportive series of practices designed to help you feel more grounded, centered, and connected each day. These small, intentional moments can become the foundation for deep healing and inner stability. And if you’re ready to go deeper, to not only feel better day to day, but to truly release the patterns, blocks, and emotional weight that have been holding you back, I invite you into my course Heal and Align: Release Your Blocks and Come Into Your Power. Inside, I guide you step by step through the same healing and spiritual processes that helped me move from feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and heartbroken, to creating a life filled with clarity, peace, self-love, and aligned manifestation. Because when life feels uncertain, your power lies in coming back home to yourself and learning how to rebuild from that place. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram ,  and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Dr. Elizabeth Kathryn Dr. Elizabeth Kathryn, Intuitive Coach and Healer Dr. Elizabeth Kathryn is an Intuitive Coach and Healer for conscious and spiritual women. With a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and deep expertise in energy healing, she guides women to heal emotional wounds, reconnect with their intuition and divine gifts, and create soul-aligned, fulfilling lives. Through her practice, Creating Inner Beauty, LLC, Elizabeth blends psychology, intuition, spirituality, and Goddess energy to help women release blocks and manifest empowered, joy-filled lives. She is devoted to helping women reconnect with their divine feminine essence and step fully into their radiant, empowered selves.

Written by Rita Farruggia, CEO & Founder HappyBeingWell Rita Farruggia is the CEO and Founder of HappyBeingWell.com , a platform dedicated to awakening a billion people globally to the power of self-love and daily spiritual practices. Through her mission, she teaches others how to reprogram their subconscious, align with universal truths, and incorporate self-care rituals into everyday life for greater personal transformation. In a world that glorifies productivity, constant movement, and mental overdrive, many of us have become disconnected from the one place that holds our deepest truth, our body. We’ve been taught to think our way through life. To analyze, strategize, and “figure it out.” But what if the answers we’ve been searching for aren’t found in the mind at all? What if healing begins in the body? Welcome to the powerful and transformative world of somatic healing, a rising movement in personal development that is changing the way we understand trauma, stress, and emotional well-being. What is somatic healing? Somatic healing is a body-based approach to releasing stored stress, trauma, and emotional patterns. The word “somatic” comes from the Greek word soma, meaning “body.” Unlike traditional talk therapy, which focuses primarily on thoughts and narratives, somatic healing works directly with the nervous system. It recognizes that unresolved experiences, whether big or small, don’t just live in your memory. They live in your body. That tension in your shoulders. That tightness in your chest. That constant feeling of being “on edge.” Those are not random sensations. They are messages. Your body is speaking. The question is, are you listening? Why so many people feel stuck Have you ever felt like you’ve done all the “right” things, read the books, listened to the podcasts, repeated the affirmations, and yet something still feels off? That’s because healing isn’t just cognitive, it’s physiological. You can understand your patterns intellectually, but if your nervous system is still stuck in survival mode, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, your body will continue to react as if the past is still happening. This is where somatic healing becomes life-changing. It doesn’t just help you understand your triggers. It helps you release them. The body keeps the score, but it can also set you free Somatic healing empowers you to reconnect with your body in a safe, gentle, and empowering way. It allows you to process what was never fully processed and discharge what was never fully released. Instead of pushing through discomfort, you learn to: Slow down Tune in Feel without judgment Release without force This is not about reliving trauma. It’s about releasing it through the body’s natural intelligence. A must-listen conversation on somatic healing If you’re curious about how this works in real life, one of the most insightful conversations you can explore is on the Happy Being Well podcast. In the episode featuring Liz Tenuto, also known as The Workout Witch, you’ll discover how somatic healing can help you break free from chronic stress patterns and reconnect with your authentic self. Listen here: Liz Tenuto, When The Body Speaks, How Somatic Healing Sets You Free, The Workout Witch In this episode, Liz shares how your body holds onto unresolved emotions and how simple, consistent somatic practices can create profound shifts in your energy, mindset, and life. How to begin healing yourself through somatic practices The beauty of somatic healing is that it doesn’t require hours of your time or complicated techniques. It starts with small, intentional moments of awareness. Here are simple ways to begin: 1. Build awareness of your body Start by checking in with yourself throughout the day. Ask: What am I feeling in my body right now? Where is there tension, tightness, or discomfort? No need to fix anything, just notice. Awareness is the first step to healing. 2. Practice brounding Grounding helps bring your nervous system back to a state of safety. Try this: Place your feet flat on the floor Take a slow breath in through your nose Exhale slowly through your mouth Notice your surroundings This simple act signals to your body, I am safe. 3. Let the body move Your body naturally wants to release stress through movement. This doesn’t have to be intense exercise. It can be: Shaking out your arms Stretching gently Swaying to music Walking mindfully Movement helps complete stress cycles that were previously “stuck.” 4. Feel without judgment We often suppress emotions because they feel uncomfortable. Somatic healing invites you to feel them, without labeling them as good or bad. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,”. Try, “This sensation is here. I’m going to allow it.” Emotions move when they are felt. 5. Regulate, don’t force Healing is not about pushing or forcing yourself to “get over it.” It’s about co-regulating with your body, building trust, safety, and presence over time. Small, consistent practices create lasting change. Why somatic healing is trending now More people are waking up to the realization that true healing goes beyond mindset work. We are entering a new era of personal development, one that honors the body as much as the mind. Somatic healing is gaining traction because: It’s accessible It’s gentle It’s effective And most importantly, it works As we become more aware of mental health and emotional well-being, the missing piece is becoming clear. You can’t think your way out of what your body is holding onto. Final thoughts, come home to your body Your body is not the problem. It’s the portal. Everything you’ve experienced, every stressor, every emotion, every moment, has been stored within you, waiting to be acknowledged and released. Somatic healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been, before the stress, before the overwhelm, before the disconnection. Whole. Grounded. Free. And it all begins with one simple step, listening. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Rita Farruggia Rita Farruggia, CEO & Founder HappyBeingWell Rita Farruggia is the CEO and Founder of HappyBeingWell, with the mission of being the 1 Self-Care Community in the world. Her mission is to awaken a billion people globally to their love while teaching them how to love themselves, reprogram their subconscious, align with truth, universal laws, and create a daily spiritual practice that involves self-care practices. HappyBeingWell offers the tools/products, education, and inspiration to use in our daily spiritual & self-care practice. Rita believes a daily spiritual practice is not limited to yoga and/or meditation. The truth is, when we are manually cleaning our dishes, we often go into a trance. This is also a form of meditation. Rita believes our personal hygiene (self-care) and home cleaning sessions can also be our spiritual practices. Self-care and spiritual practices changed Rita's life and increased her ability to love herself.

Written by David Fisher , Global Public Speaker and Communication Coach David Fisher is an award-winning international speaker, executive communication coach, actor and author. Named one of LA Weekly’s “Top 30 Entrepreneurs to Watch” and a Top 10 Speaking Coach by Yahoo Finance, David brings over two decades of experience helping teams communicate and lead with passion, clarity, and intention. When I was growing up with my grandfather, I never asked the question, “Who am I?” I did not know that was something I could do. I also did not like who I was. I knew what my grandfather was saying was wrong when he would complain about people who were too liberal or didn’t look like us, but I had no context or history with which to defend it. Bullied in school, I had no confidence with which to speak up in a situation that may have brought conflict. Yet I desperately wanted to play the hero. For those of you who are conflict avoidant, I understand. I still feel my heart rate rise when there is a disagreement over something as simple as where to go out to eat. I have learned the tools to manage it, but it’s still there, like sweeping dust under the carpet. I am clean and calm on the outside, but inside I am dusty, and I want to sneeze. At 12 years of age, I would lie in bed at night and imagine myself being what I saw in the movies or on TV. I began to lucid dream as a preteen to escape reality. I did not even know that was a thing people learned to do! I created whole stories, whole worlds, inside my head. Who was I? In my dreams, I was one person. In real life, I was someone different. There is a Star Trek Next Generation episode, “Hollow Pursuits,” where one of the characters is too shy to interact with the other members of the crew in real life, so he spends his time, even to the point of addiction, in the holodeck, a place where he can live out his own fantasies and become the person he wants to be. I was this person. A word of encouragement. This is not about being shy or introverted. This is about not knowing oneself or not liking oneself. This is about the disconnect between who you are and who you want to be. You do not have to be an extrovert to change the world. You just have to be you. I am an ambivert, in the middle between the two. There is no such thing as introvert or extrovert. There is a bit of both in all of us, although many lean one way or the other. For me, this was the hollowness in the pit of my stomach that I did not have words for at the time. Growing up in the mountains, the stars in all their splendor would shine down between the trees in the clear skies and high altitude. I would lie on the grassy hill, one I had to mow every week, and look up and imagine myself traveling through the galaxy. Who was I? All I knew was that I did not like the answer to the question I was not asking. Then I discovered Star Wars. Some would argue that Star Wars is not a literary masterpiece, and I would be in a difficult position to argue otherwise. However, a friend of mine who also proudly claims to be a literary snob, and truthfully an expert, says Star Wars is an obvious and beautiful example of the hero’s journey. Lucas follows this formula so precisely that you could pop in at the middle of the movie, never having seen it before, and understand where you are in the story arc. You can take a good guess at what happens next in the plot. Star Wars is the perfect example of how our brains are trained to tell, remember, and be influenced by stories. This is why plot twists can be so effective. Darth Vader is Luke’s father. We expect one thing because we have told the hero’s journey for thousands of years. When something unexpected happens, it hits us at the core of who we are. Lucas throws in the twist, and still follows the hero’s journey in predictable and profoundly effective ways. For me, as a young boy with no literary understanding, it worked. It made a deep impression on my life. Suddenly I was not alone. Someone understood me. It sounds trite, and writing it now almost seems silly, but as a young boy, Luke Skywalker became my mentor. Here was someone who was as unhappy with his life as I was with mine, and through circumstance and tragedy, he found a way out. The death of my father and the bullying in school fit the tragedy. Now I just needed circumstances to change. That would not come until years later. I still did not know the words or context to describe my situation, but I began to explore the question, “Who am I?” First, we see Luke as a farmer on Tatooine, but would he call himself a farmer? I would argue that he would not. He would say that is what he does, but it is clear in his conversations with his aunt and uncle, and with Obi Wan Kenobi, that he did not want to be a farmer. He wanted to join the resistance, maybe for glory, or for defending the galaxy, but mostly for adventure with his friends. Luke held the position of farmer, but inside he was an adventurer. This is the beginning of his hero’s journey. Something we will talk about later. I did not know who I was, but now I knew who I was not. Let me ask you a question. Who are you? Take away your title, your job, and your relationship status. Take away your hobbies that distract you from the worries of life. Take away your family position, and your past. Take away the stories you tell about yourself, and the stories others tell about you. Sit naked in the forest. Who are you? You may not know the answer. That is not important. What is important is that you ask the question. Reach down, ground yourself, feel your feet on the ground, firmly planted, take a breath, and ask yourself, Who am I? Follow me on LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from David Fisher David Fisher, Global Public Speaker and Communication Coach Through A Culture of Us™ David Fisher teaches companies, institutions, and everyday leaders how to work with passion, communicate with clarity, and lead with intention, all toward strengthening their connections to create positive change, while having fun along the way. His keynotes, workshops, coaching sessions, and trainings are not just about bettering communication and leadership, they are about genuine transformation. His approach is simple: A Culture of Us™ helps each of us tap into the hero within, and use that power toward working with others and leading with vulnerability and strength.

Written by Wai CS Wong , Legal English Consultant and Textbook Writer Steven Wong is a Legal English Consultant and Textbook Writer with 15 published books. He is currently working on his novel about HK post 1997. My father left Hong Kong in the 1960s as so many New Territories men did, trading rice paddies for restaurant kitchens, sending money home until he could bring my mother and me over. What he left behind, land, clan rights, a stake in the New Territories remained. For years, we assumed it would always be there, legible and protected. That assumption is now worth examining. I grew up in the UK, shaped by two legal systems and two languages. What I did not anticipate was that the law governing my family’s rights in Hong Kong would begin conducting its most important work in a language I cannot fully access, with judgments arriving in English only as summaries, not translations. Hong Kong is undergoing a quiet but real language shift in its courts, and for lawyers, litigants, investors, and diaspora families like mine, the consequences are profound. A system under pressure Under Article 9 of the Basic Law, English ‘may’ be used as an official language alongside Chinese. That single word has always carried tension, it is permissive, not protective, leaving English in a position of tolerance rather than entitlement. For decades, the balance held, with major judgments issued in both languages. Those of us in the diaspora before 1997 had every reason to trust that common law would endure, it was written into the Sino-British Joint Declaration, enshrined in the Basic Law, and tested in the courts within weeks of handover. What we did not foresee was that the guarantee had a ceiling, 2047, and a gatekeeper, Beijing. Increasingly, significant judgments are issued in Chinese, with English summaries rather than full translations. The distinction matters enormously. A summary tells you the outcome. Only the full text tells you the reasoning, the precedents applied, the principles used. In law, the reasoning is the judgment. Who is affected Lawyers face a bifurcating profession. English-dominant practitioners are at a growing disadvantage, Cantonese-dominant ones welcome the shift. Both groups function for now, but the trajectory is clear. Judges must engage with centuries of English-language precedent while drafting in Chinese, translating and interpreting simultaneously. In that gap, meaning can shift, not through distortion, but through the unavoidable imprecision of crossing languages in a system where precision is everything. International business built its confidence in Hong Kong on common law reliability in English. If new case law becomes primarily accessible in Chinese alone, that proposition weakens. Litigants and diaspora Hongkongers are most directly exposed. The right to use English technically remains, but if the law being applied is evolving in a language you cannot read, your ability to challenge or anticipate decisions is compromised from the start. Article 40 and the land question The stakes become concrete at Article 40 of the Basic Law, “The lawful traditional rights and interests of the indigenous inhabitants of the ‘New Territories’ shall be protected by the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region.” Every key word, lawful, traditional, indigenous, has been litigated and continues to be. In 2021, the Court of Final Appeal upheld the Small House Policy, the 1972 arrangement allowing male indigenous villagers to build on ancestral land, ruling that Article 40 is a constitutional carve-out overriding anti-discrimination provisions elsewhere in the Basic Law. The CFA defined ‘traditional’ by reference to 1990, when the Basic Law was enacted, not 1898, while leaving the door open for future reform. This is live, evolving law governing real property. It is being developed through a court system increasingly producing its most important work in Chinese. For a diaspora rights-holder who cannot track the evolution of ‘lawful traditional’ across consecutive rulings, the gap between having rights on paper and being able to protect them is growing. When translation fails, three clauses from a real contract I am a party to a land development agreement in the New Territories, translated from Chinese into English. Three clauses show precisely what is at stake when legal language is rendered carelessly. Clause one, a restriction with no foundation The agreement restricts Party A from selling, assigning, charging, or developing certain land, but uses “promise” where English law requires “covenant.” That is a legal category error, not a stylistic one. The clause then compounds the problem. “Such sections” is undefined, “develop” has no stated meaning, there is no time limit, and the penalty for breach is twice total costs paid, a figure unquantifiable and almost certainly void under Hong Kong common law as a penalty clause. A restriction with no defined subject, no time limit, and an unenforceable penalty is not a restriction. It is a dispute waiting to happen. Clause two, hope is not a remedy A second clause reads, “Party B hopes that Party A may get the best conditions and better rental benefits.” No court in any jurisdiction would treat this as enforceable. “Hopes” is aspiration. “May” is permission. “Better” is unquantifiable. A binding obligation became a polite expression of goodwill somewhere in translation. The party who relied on it has no remedy. Clause three, the Tso problem Most troubling is a clause purporting to confirm that three managers of the Tso, the customary clan trust through which New Territories land rights flow, declared consent of all members. The clause does not verify that authority, does not reference the District Office consent customary law requires, and does not confirm the managers could bind the entire Tso. In New Territories land law, where the Tso is the vehicle for rights under Article 40, this is not a drafting oversight. It is a potential ground to invalidate the entire agreement. These errors arise when translation is treated as a linguistic task rather than a legal one. In a system where case law is increasingly developed in Chinese, a party who cannot follow that development is doubly exposed, once by the contract, and again by the courts. What this means This is not an argument against Chinese in the courts. There is a genuine case for making justice accessible to Cantonese-speaking Hongkongers in their own language. But bilingualism must mean both directions. A Chinese judgment with an English summary is not bilingual justice, it is Chinese justice with English signposting. For a city whose value to the world rests on rule-of-law predictability, that asymmetry is a liability. Full translation of significant judgments is expensive. It is also an investment in the very thing that makes Hong Kong worth investing in. If you hold property or contracts in Hong Kong, audit your legal arrangements now. Ensure your advisors are genuinely bilingual and can track case law as it develops. If you are a diaspora Hongkonger with New Territories interests, the rights under Article 40 are real, but they are only as useful as your ability to follow the law that interprets them. And if you are a policymaker, a legal system whose reasoning is inaccessible to those it governs is not delivering justice. It is delivering outcomes. Language is not just communication. In law, language is power. Who can read the law is, in the end, a question of who the law serves. Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Wai CS Wong Wai CS Wong, Legal English Consultant and Textbook Writer Steven is bi-lingual and bicultural. Arrived in UK at aged 4, grew up working in his father's hospitality business, attended university in Scotland and also a second degree in HK. He has worked in serval (several) countries including the UK, Belgium, The Netherlands and Hong Kong, China. Although retired he continues to consult in Legal English and write Common Error textbooks for the HK, Taiwanese and Middle Eastern market.

Written by Carolina Alay , Founder & Executive Director Blue Minds is a company dedicated to providing exceptional Applied Behavior Analysis services to neurodivergent children ages 0-12 specilizing in Autism and related conditions. They empower caregivers with essential science based tools to support confident and compassionate parenting. Most of us know the feeling, looking in the mirror or at a half finished to-do list and wondering why we didn’t follow through on the things we genuinely wanted to do. We skip the workout, break the routine, and avoid the task even when we know it moves us further from our goals. It feels personal, but it’s not a character flaw. It’s a behavioral pattern. Keep reading to learn what your behavioral patterns reveal about your future self and the evidence based steps you can take to change direction. Define a key concept. What is behavior? Behavior is anything we do that can be observed and measured. Eating, jumping, brushing our teeth, typing, punching a bag, and even sleeping are all behaviors. We can see, describe, and track them if we choose to. These easily noticeable actions are referred to as public behaviors. Public behaviors can be divided into two categories: Socially mediated behaviors, which require another person for the behavior to occur, like asking for help or seeking attention. Non social behaviors, which happen without anyone else involved, like twirling your hair because it feels soothing. However, there’s another category we often overlook, private events, also referred to as private behaviors. These are the thoughts, feelings, urges, and internal rules that happen inside our minds. We can’t see them, but they influence almost everything we do. In fact, these private events drive most of our actions, often without us realizing it. Explore how to recognize patterns that keep us stuck We don’t actually need a guide to recognize what keeps us from making progress toward our goals. Most of us already know exactly what we wish we could change to make our lives look and feel different. Still, it's completely normal if you aren’t sure what’s holding you back. Self sabotage can sometimes hide beneath the surface, making it tricky to spot. If you find yourself unsure, try asking, "When do I typically get stuck? Are there certain situations, emotions, or times of day when making progress feels the hardest? What habits or thoughts have I noticed repeating?" Simple reflection questions like these can help you uncover patterns you might not have noticed before. “If only I had more energy to exercise.” “I need the motivation to start saving money.” “I’m just not a morning person.” “I can’t skip meals.” These statements aren’t random, they’re examples of people identifying the very patterns that hold them back. So, if we already know what we’re lacking, why can’t we simply do the opposite? The answer is simpler than we think, we set the bar too high. Research shows that people often believe change requires dramatic, sweeping shifts in their daily routines. And when the expectation feels too big, the brain does what it always does under pressure, it rationalizes. It creates reasons why the change is unrealistic, inconvenient, or impossible. As a result, we don’t take action at all. Why does self sabotage even exist? As much as we wish certain behaviors didn’t exist, they do, and there’s a powerful reason behind them. They work. It might feel strange to think of self sabotage as a behavior, but it is. It even passes the classic “dead body test” used in behavioral science. If a dead body can’t do it, it’s a behavior. And we all know, dead bodies don’t self sabotage. Self sabotage is a mechanism our brains developed over time to keep us safe. The brain loves anything familiar because familiar patterns are predictable, and predictable patterns feel safe. When we try to introduce a new routine or make a dramatic change, the brain reacts. It sends reminders of how “comfortable” things were before we decided to disrupt the pattern. That’s when the self doubt creeps in: Is this really going to work? Why am I even doing this? Maybe this isn’t for me. And after a few days of effort, we quit, not because we’re weak, but because our brain is trying to pull us back to what it knows. Familiarity is easier for our brains, it is its comfort zone, but it could hurt us if we are not aware and make efforts to switch gears. Why do we repeat behaviors that hurt us? Even when we understand the root causes of our behavior and genuinely want to improve, many of us struggle to build patterns that support our long term goals. Instead, we fall back into the same habits that set us back. This isn’t because we’re lazy or unmotivated, it’s because the brain is wired to prioritize safety and familiarity. Sometimes this instinct goes even deeper. The brain can interpret change as a threat, leading us to believe that something bad will happen if we step outside our usual patterns. We may even develop catastrophic thoughts about why change is dangerous. For example, someone might avoid improving their finances because they grew up hearing, “Having too much money brings too many problems.” Or they may feel guilty leaving food on the plate because they were taught to “always finish everything.” From a behavioral science perspective, these are rules the brain stored early in life, shortcuts meant to help us navigate the world. Over time, they become automatic guides for our decisions, even when they no longer serve us. There’s another layer, too, behaviors that hurt us in the long run often feel good in the moment. Research shows that even people who fully understand the risks of smoking may continue because the immediate gratification outweighs the distant consequences. The reward is now, the cost is later, and the brain is heavily biased toward “now.” This combination of old rules, emotional safety, and instant gratification creates a powerful loop that keeps us repeating behaviors we know aren’t good for us. Those internal or external rules are what we call ruled governed behavior. The role of ruled governed behavior Rule governed behavior shows up in our everyday lives, often without us realizing it. It isn’t always tied to early learning, sometimes it’s as simple as following instructions because we’ve been told to. For example, most of us avoid reclining our airplane seats during takeoff and landing, even if we don’t fully understand what would happen if we didn’t. We follow the rule because it was given to us. In ABA, rule governed behavior occurs when a person follows a rule that describes a behavioral contingency without having directly experienced the consequences of that behavior.[1] In other words, its behavior is controlled by instructions, not by personal experience. But there’s another layer to rule governed behavior, and this one is deeply connected to the patterns that keep us stuck. These are the internal rules we absorbed early in life, the beliefs, sayings, and “truths” that became part of our identity long before we ever questioned them. Rules like: “You must finish everything on your plate.” “Money changes people.” “Don’t draw attention to yourself.” “Resting is lazy.” At one point, these rules may have served a purpose. They may have kept us safe, helped us fit in, or made sense in the environment where we grew up. But as adults, many of these rules no longer serve us, yet we continue to follow them automatically, as if they are unbreakable truths. These internal rules shape our decisions, our habits, and even our self sabotage. And because they operate beneath our awareness, they often feel like “just the way I am,” when in reality, they are learned patterns that can be rewritten. The science of breaking old habits We’ve explored what happens behind the scenes in our brains when we feel stuck in old behavior patterns. Now let’s look at practical, science backed strategies you can use to feel unstuck and begin your own change journey. Before we jump into the science based strategies, let me give you a quick example of what happened to one of my clients, whom we call John to protect his identity. He was constantly biting his nails to the point that his fingers got infected, and he was in pain, both physically and emotionally. This habit was keeping him from enjoying playing basketball, which was one of his preferred activities, and he felt there was nothing he could do to stop it. We started little by little, working on making the behavior obvious so he could identify his patterns and stop before the nail biting behavior occurred. I suggested he wear band aids on the tips of his fingers to make it evident and realize what he was about to do, and to set a goal of 1 day without biting his nails. He did it, then we went for 3 days in the week. He also was able to accomplish that, so we moved the goal to a full week. By then, the nails were recovering and looked healthier, his motivation and self esteem were rising, and he wanted to set a new goal. 1. Behavioral activation Behavioral activation is often used with individuals diagnosed with autism, anxiety, or depression, but anyone can benefit from it. It’s especially powerful when you’re trying to build a new habit or routine that is meaningful to you. The idea is simple. Engage in a behavior you’ve been avoiding, but in small, manageable doses. Research shows that when practiced consistently, these small actions become more enjoyable and intrinsically motivating. Over time, you’re more likely to engage in similar positive behaviors. Try this, instead of aiming for a one hour workout, start with a five minute walk. Small steps compound. 2. Replacement behaviors Replacement behaviors are alternative actions that provide a similar sensory or emotional payoff, but with far fewer negative consequences. Examples: Swap soda for flavored water or natural juice. Read an article you enjoy instead of doom scrolling the news. Pro tip: Make the replacement rewarding. Reinforcement is what makes new habits stick. 3. Environmental design Environmental design means creating spaces and systems that help you help yourself. Your environment should make the desired behavior easier and the undesired one harder. Examples: Assign specific times to tasks and write them down. Block time in your calendar for focused work. Set realistic expectations for how long tasks take. Pro tip: Overestimate your time. Most tasks take longer than we think. 4. Positive reinforcement Reward yourself for completing small steps. Reinforcement increases the likelihood that the behavior will happen again. Just make sure the reward doesn’t contradict your goals. For example, don’t reward a productive morning with something that feeds your self sabotage cycle. Timing matters. Reinforce immediately after the behavior. Delayed rewards create weaker associations. 5. Self monitoring As my child’s karate instructor says, “Habits you track are habits you keep.” Keeping a journal or using a habit tracking app helps you stay consistent and aware of your progress. Tracking creates accountability and visibility, which strengthens motivation. 6. Values based action Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) uses values as the engine of behavior change. When your actions align with what truly matters to you, consistency becomes easier. Values give meaning to effort. And when something is meaningful, you’re far more likely to stick with it. How to break free, a simple, evidence based framework Here is a simple, science backed 5 step guide to help you break the self sabotage cycle and step into a more empowered version of yourself. 1. Identify the rule Go beyond the surface of what’s making you feel stuck. Ask yourself whether there’s a phrase, belief, or internal rule you’ve held onto for years that’s shaping your behavior. These rules often sound like: “I’m not a morning person.” “People like me don’t make that kind of money.” “I have to finish everything on my plate.” Once you identify the rule, you can begin to question it and loosen its grip. 2. Observe the trigger Every behavior has a trigger, an emotion, a situation, a thought, or even a sensation in the body. Notice when the old pattern shows up: Is it when you feel overwhelmed? When you’re tired? When you’re afraid of failing? Awareness is the first step toward interrupting the loop. 3. Interrupt the pattern When you catch yourself about to follow the old rule, pause. Take a breath. Name what’s happening. This moment of interruption gives your brain a chance to choose something different instead of running on autopilot. 4. Choose a replacement behavior Pick a small, doable action that moves you closer to your values and goals. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, in fact, it shouldn’t be. Examples: Five minute walk instead of skipping movement altogether Drinking water instead of soda Reading something uplifting instead of doom scrolling Small actions compound into big change. 5. Reinforce the new pattern Celebrate the small wins. Reinforcement strengthens new neural pathways and increases the likelihood that you’ll repeat the behavior. Just make sure the reward aligns with your goals, not your old self sabotage cycle. And keep it immediate. The closer the reinforcement is to the behavior, the stronger the association. Change doesn’t happen because we suddenly become more disciplined or more motivated. It happens because we learn to understand the patterns that shape our lives, and we choose to rewrite them with intention. As Atomic Habits reminds us, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” And self sabotage is simply one of those systems, a familiar loop your brain created to keep you safe. But here’s the truth, self sabotage isn’t a flaw. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be rewritten. When you identify the rules you’ve been following, observe the triggers that activate them, and replace them with small, meaningful actions, you begin to build a new system, one that supports the future you want instead of the past you’ve outgrown. 6. Sustaining change You may ask yourself, “What should I do if I slip back into old habits after making progress?” The answer is to go back to what worked best the first time. If you skipped the exercise routine, do a workout. Did you indulge yourself with a dessert? Choose a healthier meal next time. Did you lose your patience and yell at your kids? Try engaging in a productive conversation to close that cycle and start again in a positive manner. The trick is to start again, always start again. You don’t need to transform your life overnight. You just need to take the next small step consistently. Over time, those steps become habits, and those habits become the foundation of a life that feels aligned, intentional, and fully yours. Now imagine what becomes possible when you learn to rewrite your own patterns. If you can do this for yourself, what could you model for your children? With compassionate support from Blue Minds by your side, you can help them build healthier habits, stronger confidence, and a future shaped by intention rather than fear.   Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Carolina Alay Carolina Alay, Founder & Executive Director Blue Minds was funded in 2014 as a response to a growing community need for high quality Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) services delivered in the natural settings. From the start, it embraced a holistic model that actively involved parents, grandparents, teachers, and other professionals in each child's plan. Blue Minds has shown that meaningful change happens when natural connections grow in a safe, compassionate environment, grounded in respectful, guilt-free discipline practices. The organization has received multiple awards for its work in inclusion and advocacy. [1] (Cooper, Heron, & Heward, 2020; Skinner, 1957)