Written by: Alex Sunshine Do you remember the young actress who played Jenna Rink in the cult classic comedy 13 going on 30? Well, newsflash her name is Christa Allen and she’s now 31 years old, which is not so little anymore. Christa Allen boasts an impressive 537k followers on IG but what’s even more impressive is the level of nostalgia that her followers feel towards her. She loves creating content as an actual 30-year-old looking Jenna Rink (see here). It’s unbelievable to see the amount of love she gets shown from the millennial fanbase. This is the fanbase who loved 13 going on 30 growing up. Furthermore, it can’t be stated enough how spot on the casting directors were at the time with picking Christa Allen to play the role of Jenna Rink who grew up looking identical to Jennifer Garner! Fast forward to what Christa Allen is up today? She’s making a tremendous statement on the rights for women to shamelessly pleasure themselves the same way that men do. In her most recent brand partnership with CERE, she created sexy looking James Bond style content (see here) promoting the CERE brand. CERE is a brand founded by forward thinking physicians Dr. Amir Marashi, who is an internationally acclaimed OB/GYN, as well as Dr. Kimberly Lovie, who is an Ivy league physician. Together, Dr. Marashi and Dr. Lovie have created the first sex tool that is shaped like a clitoris. They found that in their research and development studies that they witnessed an increased blood flow during a women’s climax. A little background story on Dr. Amir who grew up with multiple sisters in Iran during the Iranian Revolution. It was not a good idea for women to share their biological desire for pleasure in Iran. Dr. Amir knows all too well about the suppressed rights of women from his country who weren’t allowed to desire sexual pleasure. He sees similar problems haunting the culture in the United States. Ask a young woman as well as young man to share their comfort level in masturbation and draw an observation based on how each one responds. Not to mention ask a man if they ever slut shamed a woman or reserve any feelings on the amount of engagement women should have regarding sex. What’s even more worrisome is that the men today feel threatened by sex tools like CERE when they are ultimately meant to enhance the entire sexual experience for a couple. As Dr Amir says, think of a hot dog without adding any ketchup and then in the same breath think about what sex would be like with CERE sex tools. The partnership between Christa Allen and CERE is only the beginning of what CERE is looking to achieve in modern culture. With the help of Alex Sunshine, who is the founder of Rising Suns Agency, CERE and Christa Allen have initiated a powerhouse of statement in a partnership that is helping change the narrative around how women should feel about their sexual wellness and health. To learn more, connect with me on LinkedIn and visit our website! About the author: Alex Sunshine is CEO and founder of Rising Suns Agency, a boutique influencer marketing agency for DTC brands. He builds partnerships between brands and social media influencers with common audiences, helping brands connect with their target market in creative and lucrative ways. Over a span of 4 years, Rising Suns Agency has closed over 234 influencer contracts, totaling over $823,000 in revenue to date. Alex has signed Gretchen Rossi, Ali Levine, Jesyka Harris, and worked with brands such as Amazon and Zulily. Alex's work is shaping today's influencer marketing industry to become more widely understood. He believes no brand should ever have to worry about finding their ideal customers again.

Written by: Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Two couples are sitting in a coffee shop. The one couple turns to the other and says, “I hear you’re working on your relationship. Are you doing the work by yourselves or is someone doing it for you?” We’re always told to work on our relationships. What exactly does that mean? Foe or Ally? In 2019 my parents were both dying and my husband was depressed! I was like a mad woman!! If my dead-straight hair could have stood up on my head it would have. I was frantic, frustrated, and very very angry mainly with my suffering husband of 30-plus years. A husband who had always only offered me and our children tremendous generosity, kindness, and safety. As part of my desperate search for help for “him,” I dragged him to 3 couples’ therapists. Each in their turn would turn to him and ask why he couldn’t get himself together. Each session would end with me in tears. They were all taken with us and always told us we were “such a lovely couple and so nice to meet you!” So why did I remain so angry? Why did my frustration keep growing and why did I constantly feel unheard by these highly recommended therapists? After all, they were “going after” him just as I had hoped they would. Wasn’t that support enough?? Our relational recovery begins. It was around this time in my career as a life coach that I was introduced to the work of Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy (RLT). RLT is a systematic method for bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. And so began my journey to certification as a Relational coach. At the same time, my husband and I went to workshops together and it became clear that his healing and our relational recovery depended on both of us showing up. How so? The first principle that became apparent to us was that our relationship is actually like our biosphere. We depend upon it. We’re not outside of it, we’re in it! It is the context in which we live and it’s in our interest to keep it clean and vibrant. Remembering love! Firstly, and quite simply, we were urged to remember love! Meaning; the reason we want each other to stay happy is…we love each other and live together! Put in a different way…if we trash our common living space with angry and abusive words, we will both bear the brunt of a polluted house! If I want to yell and scream at my husband, I will feel it in his stony silence and withdrawal. We’ll then enter our special “dance.” The more I become angry and demanding, the more he’ll wall off from me and the more he retreats behind his wall, the more I will angrily pursue him! We began to understand that we were in a pattern quite unbeknown to us that was eroding and destroying any closeness or intimacy. Our knee-jerk reactions had to be brought to awareness and we had to learn ways of behaving towards each other that reflected more full respect and nonviolent living. Closeness, Loss, Closeness We had just learned our first lesson: All relationships constantly flow between HARMONY, RUPTURE , and REPAIR . A great relationship isn’t one of constant joy and happiness, a great relationship is one in which we recognize the rupture, our part in it, and how to reconnect deeply once again. We began feeling and living the magic that is created when you learn to ask for what you want, give your partner what they need, and cherish the deeper closeness that healthy giving and getting bring. We had begun moving from a “you” and “I” separate consciousness to “us”. We’re in this together! Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Beverly Ehrlich is a relationship coach. She firmly believes that we heal, grow and thrive through healthy and cherishing relationships that show appreciation for each other’s strengths and build on them. Feeling helpless and strained when her husband of many years found himself in the depths of depression, they turned for support to Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT). She has since dedicated her life to bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. Beverly encourages her clients to stand up for themselves with love while cherishing their partner at the same time. She teaches strategies that help clients speak their truth so that their partner can hear them and come into repair quicker each time.

Written by: Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Have you ever questioned whether the person you’re in love with is capable of making you happy? Well, how is that working out for you? The marriage we want is like the body we want-flawless!! Relationships are not perfect! Real relationships are the collision of your partner’s imperfections with your flaws. How you manage that, is key to your healthy relationship. Ed Tronick introduced the idea that all relationships are a constant dance of harmony, disharmony, and repair. Closeness, distance taking, and closeness once again. This pattern can play itself out over decades or 30 times over one dinner. Phase 1: Harmony ‒ I feel connected. Harmony is when you feel relational with your partner. You can listen to what their needs are, and see their perspective. Terry Real refers to this first stage as “love without knowledge.” It’s the promise phase in which you might recognize a soul connection. You feel this person completes you. They get you! They will surely heal all your wounds and hurts. They get you in every way. Real calls this phase “love without knowledge” because, while you may feel like you’ve known this person for your entire life, you don’t know how they keep their sock drawer or how they manage their finances, or if they leave their dirty laundry on the floor. As you move from being wrapped up in one another, you begin to notice other things going on in your world. Living life together doesn’t seem quite so simple and disillusionment sets in. Phase 2: Rupture ‒ I feel defensive and disconnected! Knowledge without love now comes to the fore. You now know more about your partner. You may feel you now know more about them than you ever wished you knew! You don’t feel very loving at this stage. You begin to behave in a way that keeps you protected and disconnected. Much to your shock and frustration, not only is this person not going to deliver you from all the broken places you’re trying to run from, but you discover that your partner is beautifully designed as Terry Real so eloquently puts it “to stick a burning spear right into your eyeball.” Looking more closely we have married our unfinished conversations with our early caretakers. When we were dating, we met many potential partners who would not have recreated our old family dramas. Our lives together may have been calmer, however, none of them attracted us. This disillusionment hurts like crazy! You can feel betrayed, angry, and even trapped. Phase 3: Repair ‒ Coming Back to Connectedness The third phase of the dance is repair. This is the “knowing stage of love.” You know all about your partner. You know all their ugly and imperfect parts. You know they never pay bills on time or always leave their shoes and socks strewn all over the living room floor, they squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle!! However, despite all this knowledge you choose to love them anyway. Thomas Hubl teaches that “healthy intimacy is not something you have, it’s something you do. It’s a minute-to-minute practice; as such, we need to create conditions for sustained practice and build a relationship-cherishing subculture around ourselves, our children, and our marriages. “ A healthy relationship flows from harmony to rupture and doesn't get stuck there but works its way back into repair and closeness. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and Youtube , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Bev! Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Beverly Ehrlich is a relationship coach. She firmly believes that we heal, grow and thrive through healthy and cherishing relationships that show appreciation for each other’s strengths and build on them. Feeling helpless and strained when her husband of many years found himself in the depths of depression, they turned for support to Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT). She has since dedicated her life to bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. Beverly encourages her clients to stand up for themselves with love while cherishing their partner at the same time. She teaches strategies that help clients speak their truth so that their partner can hear them and come into repair quicker each time.

Written by: Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. One of the most powerful tools in the relational arsenal is a map of how to think of yourself as well as your partner in your ongoing minute-to-minute current relationship. Healthy Self-Esteem Self-esteem means that I hold myself in esteem. I recognize my intrinsic value as a human being. Within the circle of health, I have a warm regard for myself as well as others at the same time. Unconditional Love Here is the line of self-esteem. Health in the center is where we understand that the value of a human being is very large and that no one is more valuable than anyone else. Take for example a baby. We love that baby as soon as it’s born. This baby has no accomplishments and it hasn’t proven itself in any way. However, we just love that little one. We love that precious person for just being. When we’re in the center of health, we know that we are as valuable as the next person. When we’re not in that space we can go one up and think we’re more special than other people. Or we can move one down and feel worthless or hopeless. Outside-In Many of us are taught in our families and our cultures to define our self-esteem based on external sources. Terry Real has clearly defined 3 areas of self-esteem that entrap us as they come from the outside in. Performance-based self-esteem is when you judge yourself by your performance. For instance, judging yourself as worthy or unworthy because of the grades you receive at school, your sporting successes, or your salary at work. Attribute-based self-esteem is when you judge yourself by your attributes and/or possessions. For instance, judging yourself as worthy because you have a very fit body, or being down on yourself because you drive an old car. Other-based self-esteem is when you judge yourself by what others think of you. For instance, feeling worthy because your boss relies on you, or unworthy because your father never praises you. The Energy of Contempt When self-esteem comes from external sources, people often flip-flop according to the circumstances. A person might feel superior to the other players after scoring the only goals in a game, and then feel full of shame the next day when their boss points out a mistake they made. The emotional energy of those two states is not two different emotions. Rather, it's the same emotion in two different directions. And that emotion is contempt. Contempt is the root of shame and contempt is the root of grandiosity. It is the root of any form of violence. Emotional, psychological, and even physical violence always starts with contempt Think of the energy of contempt like the beam of a flashlight. Terry Real teaches that when the beam shines down on me we call that shame. I’m such a loser! I can’t believe I just said that, I’m such an idiot. When the emotion of contempt beams out on others, we call that grandiosity. You’re such a loser! I would never have said anything like that, I can’t believe you just said that!! When we prioritize our own needs and feelings, when we get focused on being right, or thinking we have the answers, when we look down our nose at someone, we start to move up towards grandiosity. We feel entitled and above the rules. When we prioritize someone else’s needs or feelings, we slide down towards toxic shame where we move into feelings of unworthiness. The core energy at both extremes is contempt either for others or for ourselves. Grandiosity versus Shame Shame feels bad. You’re aware of feeling shame. You’re beating yourself up. You're in pain and you want to get out of it. Shame feels awful. On the other hand, grandiosity feels good. It feels good to lose constraint and tell the slow driver in front of you exactly what you think of his pathetic inconsiderate driving skills. It feels good to chat up your secretary in the canteen. It feels just fine and completely justified to lose it and scream back at somebody who's screaming at you. Drinking three whiskeys may feel great. The problem is these behaviors make a mess of your life. Grandiosity is relationally destructive. Going one up, being entitled, and being above the rules is unpleasant for the people around you. Les Havens , a psychiatrist in Boston, put it beautifully when he said. "A guy walks into an elevator, gets claustrophobic, and turns green. Another guy walks in an elevator, lights up a big fat cigar and everybody around him turns green." This is the difference between shame and grandiosity. Grandiosity does not give you pain. The people around you are in pain. False Empowerment A child who is brought up thinking they can do no wrong may have very few experiences of shame, and may simply believe they are entitled to have their way or are better than others. We call this false empowerment, and it can lead to grandiose behaviors that are very difficult to change. This is because inflated self-esteem feels good. Shame feels horrible, and people are generally motivated to feel less of it. The person who feels toxic shame is the one who will seek support from a professional. Grandiosity, on the other hand, feels good and people may be motivated to feel more of it, rather than less of it. Terry Real urges all of us to, “Step off the contempt conveyor belt. Learn to live a nonviolent, non-contempt-filled life. Nonviolent between you and others and nonviolent between your ears." Recognizing where you reside on the self-esteem spectrum when you feel triggered by others is the first step in moving toward relational health. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and Youtube , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Bev! Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Beverly Ehrlich is a relationship coach. She firmly believes that we heal, grow and thrive through healthy and cherishing relationships that show appreciation for each other’s strengths and build on them. Feeling helpless and strained when her husband of many years found himself in the depths of depression, they turned for support to Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT). She has since dedicated her life to bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. Beverly encourages her clients to stand up for themselves with love while cherishing their partner at the same time. She teaches strategies that help clients speak their truth so that their partner can hear them and come into repair quicker each time.

Written by: Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. “I am so shocked and my feelings so hurt that you would even think that of me!” If you’re boundaryless and thin-skinned, you take in everything that’s said to you. In a healthy relationship, you understand that other people think whatever they think about you. If it's not true, it's not true. It goes splat on the outside of your boundary; you don't take it in because it's not true. Why would you? You may care about what they’re making up about you, but you don’t let it in. It's about them, it's not about you. In conversation keep listening and checking true, or not true. If it's true, relax your boundary and take it in. Then you can have your feelings about it. Connected and Protected Your physical boundary is about your body. People have different comfort levels about how close others can get to their bodies. Your internal boundary is like your skin is to your body. It's where you end and the world begins. A good working internal or psychological boundary leaves you protected and connected at the same time. You're sifting through what's coming at you asking, "Is this true or not true?" If it's true, you relax your boundary and take it in. If it's not true, you keep it out. It's about them, it's not about you. Two Functions Through the work of Pia Mellody we understand that our psychological boundary has two parts to it. One part protects us while the other part contains us. Think of your psychological boundary like an orange rind. The white inside of the rind contains you and prevents you from leaking yourself all over the world, while the outer orange layer of the rind protects you. Protective: This part of the boundary protects you from the world. Nothing comes in unless you let it in. If it’s true, take the information in, embrace it, and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel about it. If it isn’t true, you don’t let it in. It bounces off you. Terry Real gives the graphic metaphor of an egg that has been thrown at a windshield. It simply trickles down the glass with no impact on you. If you’re not sure if it’s true, you take time to sit with it and get some more information such as perhaps asking others for feedback and input. Containing: This part of the boundary protects the world from you. It stops you from being offensive and saying or doing things that should stay contained. Walled-off or Boundaryless If you are walled off, you're protected but you're not connected. You're not listening. You're not sifting through what's being thrown at you. You're just walled off. You're not taking it in at all. You’re thick-skinned. On the other hand, if you are boundaryless, there's no protection. You're connected but you're not protected. You’re what we call thin-skinned. Your skin is too porous. Circle of Health In The Relational Brain workshop taught by Jules Shore , a healthy boundary is one in which you're protected and connected at the same time. With a healthy boundary, others can be different from you and you can still stay connected to them as well as to yourself. Because you have a good boundary, you’re safe, because you have a good boundary, your partner is safe. It’s ok with you that you see the world differently from each other. You don’t have to take on your partner’s truth to be connected. You don’t have to ignore it and you don't have to close it off. When you’re in health, you can hold differences pretty easily. When you’re out of health and boundaryless, you might lose thoughtfulness and the pause between what you think and what you do. You may need your partner to be ok for you. You may feel that you need to fix and make repairs quickly so that your partner can be loving and forgiving again. You need this specific response from your partner for you to feel ok again. When you go walled off, you go into a shutdown space. You may move into a victim position where you feel that nothing you do will work anyway. You feel powerless and “trapped” as a client so clearly expressed herself to me. You’re well protected but have no possibility for connection. Create Your Boundary Exercise Here’s an exercise that Terry teaches that I like to use to help my clients create a healthier and stronger boundary. I recommend you record this on your phone and listen back as often as you need to. Close your eyes and imagine a special place where you feel relaxed, happy, and comfortable. Now go there in your mind’s eye. Feel what it's like to be there. Feel the air, smell the smell, hear the sound, feel the good feeling of being in that special place. Now, hold onto the good feelings of relaxation and pleasure, and come back to the room. Encircle yourself with, a barrier, something like a glass dome. It’s impermeable and see-through. You can see out of it, and you're completely protected. You now have boundaries. Keeping your eyes closed, stay inside of it. This is what I want you to feel. Your boundary is impenetrable and you are protected. Nothing gets in unless you choose to soften your boundary and take it in. All you have to do is remember to put this shield up. Once it's up, it will protect you. Keep that boundary around you. Coming to Closeness With healthy boundaries, you are protected, connected, and appropriately contained at the same time. In other words, healthy boundaries bring us closer together. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and Youtube , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Bev! Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Beverly Ehrlich is a relationship coach. She firmly believes that we heal, grow and thrive through healthy and cherishing relationships that show appreciation for each other’s strengths and build on them. Feeling helpless and strained when her husband of many years found himself in the depths of depression, they turned for support to Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT). She has since dedicated her life to bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. Beverly encourages her clients to stand up for themselves with love while cherishing their partner at the same time. She teaches strategies that help clients speak their truth so that their partner can hear them and come into repair quicker each time.

Written by: Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Let me ask you something. Have you ever felt like you don’t recognize your behavior or you can’t believe what you just said? Sound familiar? You start to say something that really isn't the best thing to say at that moment. In fact, it’s really going to get you into trouble. It’s definitely not going to get you closer to the person you’re speaking to. You’re about to say something hurtful and unnecessary. You tell yourself to chill but you don't. You say or yell it anyway. That's called being triggered. It’s losing the wise adult part of us and moving into behaving and acting from our adaptive child. According to family therapist Terry Real this is the difference between the wise adult part of us and the adaptive child part of us. The wise adult part of us is the part that is reading this article right now. It’s present-based, moderate, here and now, thoughtful, able to make choices, stop and breathe, think and do. The wise adult part of us is present with you and present with the person you’re talking to in the moment. Nobody Overreacts What happens as we all know in our intimate relationships is that the wise adult part of us that can be reasonable and hold more than one perspective, can go offline. You have been triggered. And what you’re flooded with is a different time and a younger part of yourselves. The part that becomes flooded and triggered is in the past. Your past has overtaken your present. “A Kid in Grownups Clothing” As Pia Mellody so picturesquely describes it, our adaptive child is a child’s version of a grown-up. It’s what you, as a child cobbled together to create your understanding of an adult. It's immature and young when you stack it against the wise adult. It’s the part of you that you just lost in the heat of the moment. Our adaptive child concerns itself with protection and preservation. Relationships are seen as adversarial. In an argument, the subtext sounds like this. “You are no longer my loving partner; you’re my enemy. I fear danger. I have to make sure that I survive. There just aren’t enough resources for both of us. One of us must win and the other must lose. “ Sound relational? I don’t think so! Sound true in the heat of a fight? Absolutely! Your adaptation was exquisitely intelligent when you were a child and needed to manage whatever was going on in your life. It’s maladaptive now and makes a mess of your relationships. Our wise adult is the part of us that remembers the “us” in the relationship. It sees the whole. The Heat of the Moment When your past has overtaken your present, you are no longer fighting with your partner; you’re seeing one of your early caretakers. The one who always yelled at you, the one who was always drunk and unavailable, the one you had to take care of, or maybe the one who criticized you incessantly. Now your adaptive child has triggered your partner’s adaptive child. Your wise adult parts have stepped out for a coffee and your little hurt inner children are off to the races in the familiar patterns that simply reinforce unsuccessful communication and eat away and erode all attempts at closeness and intimacy. Where Does the Adaptive Child Come From? When you’re triggered and you're no longer reacting to what's happening in the moment, you’re most likely reacting to trauma. Relational trauma occurs from everyday lack of connection. This can either be abandoning, neglectful, you were left on your own, or it can be intrusive, controlling, telling you what to do or not do. It may be as subtle as your wanting to show a drawing you made to your Mum and she barely turns her head away from her laptop. She just says “that’s beautiful honey.” Children are intelligent enough to distinguish that kind of brush-off response as opposed to if they were given an extra moment, Mum takes the drawing in her hand and comments on it. Parents help regulate their children's nervous systems. Did you get that or were you on your own? Our parents aren’t perfect and to varying degrees have not guided us, nurtured us, or limited us in the way that we needed while growing up. Whichever it was, it was a sense of disconnect for you as a child. Your Wise Adult Has Inside Information We now want to move out of that “me” and “you” adaptive child consciousness and get ourselves re-centered in our wise adult. “I’m here with you now.” What does your wise adult know that your adaptive child doesn't know? It understands that you are not above your relationship, controlling it, or escaping from it. You're in this relationship and you depend upon it. It is the context in which you live. Sure, you can choose to pollute it by having a temper tantrum. But you're going to breathe in that pollution with your partner's withdrawal or reactivity. You and your partner are connected. You live together!! Become more Relational Today If you take one thing from this article let it be to move beyond the harshness of the adaptive child to the flexibility and nuance of your wise adult. There is nothing that harshness will do that loving firmness won’t do better. Here’s a helpful first step in becoming more relational today. Terry Real suggests: Take note of the two states, when you’re in each, and what that's like. Remember: Be compassionate and gentle with yourself in the face of your flaws and beautiful humanness. I’d love to hear how you go! You can reach out here. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and Youtube , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Bev! Bev Ehrlich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Beverly Ehrlich is a relationship coach. She firmly believes that we heal, grow and thrive through healthy and cherishing relationships that show appreciation for each other’s strengths and build on them. Feeling helpless and strained when her husband of many years found himself in the depths of depression, they turned for support to Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT). She has since dedicated her life to bringing couples back into healthy connectedness. Beverly encourages her clients to stand up for themselves with love while cherishing their partner at the same time. She teaches strategies that help clients speak their truth so that their partner can hear them and come into repair quicker each time.

Do you struggle to keep a positive mindset with the pressure of running a business? Read on for some simple steps you can take to ease your anxiety and lead a happier, more fulfilled life. Sachin Parmar, Creative Director from evokeu reveals how he remains positive despite a busy work schedule running London’s leading boutique digital marketing and branding agency. Comparison is the thief of joy In a world where we’re bombarded with a narrative about how we should be living our lives, whether professionally or personally, I fully believe that we all need to strive to be different. The 26th US president, Theodore Roosevelt once said ‘comparison is the thief of joy’, which is a mantra that I apply to everything that I do. Creatively, I’m inspired by being unique; there’s only one me and therefore the work I create should be as unique as I am. I also encourage my team to follow this outlook. At evokeu, we break boundaries and push against the grain. Think different and be different – you’ll be happier and more satisfied with the beautiful life that you’re building. Human connection is critical No matter the size or credentials of your company, clients are ultimately attracted by people. The largest projects we’ve secured at evokeu have been won because of the human connections we’ve made. If you can build a rapport with your clients, they’ll place greater trust in your abilities, which is much more valuable than impressing them with false pomp and pageantry. Perhaps even more imperative than the relationship with your client, is your relationship with your team. Bestow on your employees the same level of respect you would show your clients and you’re well on your way to forming a solid team and an optimistic work environment. At evokeu, we’re determined to help our clients realise their true potential by understanding the purpose of their brand, and designing, developing and taking their brand to market to drive sales and target the right audiences. None of this would be possible without a team that is united. Live your life with purpose I’ve always had a passion for helping others, I love smiling, I love being happy and I live my life trying to spread my happiness as much as I can. Whether I feel like my plans are on track or they’re taking a slight detour, I remember my values, so that every morning when I wake, I’m focused on being the best version of myself. This way of living was instilled in me by family, particularly my dad, uncle and brother-in-law, who have been my mentors in life and business. Never give up on what you want to achieve, you can make it happen. Since I started working as a freelance graphic designer in 2006, I have always wanted to become a market leader in my industry, who cared about the people behind the brand. Today, evokeu has over 105 five-star Google reviews demonstrating exactly that. It's not all about work Although working hard on your business is important and helps your dreams become a reality, it should never be your priority. I’m fortunate enough to have two wonderful boys and a loving wife. They’re my world and I try to spend as much time with them as I can. But what also keeps me in a positive headspace at work are my hobbies. For me, it’s riding my road bike with my cycling team, the Bombay Bicycle Club. So far, I’ve cycled from Munich to Milan, Oslo to Copenhagen, and Lagos to Malaga. In addition to my family and cycling, I also take time out every year to feed the homeless; all of these parts of my life keep me grounded, focused and ultimately positive. If you’d like to find out more about Sachin and evokeu, please visit: https://www.evokeu.com/. You can also follow Sachin on LinkedIn, where he frequently posts business advice and inspiring content. About the author: Sachin Parmar is Creative Director of boutique digital marketing and branding agency, evokeu. With decades of design experience, Sachin has a keen eye for detail and a drive to create consistently superior results. Sachin and his expert team work with big and small brands across many sectors to help clients capture customer attention and create growth. Evokeu also has a vertical brand called Graphic Kitchen, which specialises in the hospitality sector.

Deborah McPhilemy is the Founder of Selfie School, a Self-Empowerment Academy that empowers and educates women and children holistically, so they can become completely comfortable being themselves. After coming from a disempowered background of being bullied and abused, she completely ‘lost’ herself. After spending years healing and rediscovering who she was, she returned to being herself and her life was transformed beyond recognition. She now spends her life helping others to do the same, as well as helping them in a preventative context. Deborah McPhilemy, Selfologist Coach and Lifestyle Entrepreneur Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better. Hi, I’m Deborah, lover of life, my large extended family, my dog, my friends and everything travel. I’m a curious soul who loves learning and helping people to become who they want to be and live the life they’ve always dreamt of. What is your business name and how do you help your clients? My business is called Selfie School which is a Self-Empowerment Online Academy. Students learn who they really are, how to get rid of whatever is standing in the way of them being themselves and how to consciously create the future they want. I also have a brand called ‘The Bears of Blueberry Forest’, a series of books and characters that help children aged 3 – 10 to become Emotionally Intelligent and Self-Empowered. What kind of audience do you target your business towards? My audience is mostly women who are fed up with the way their lives and relationships have turned out, they are done with feeling powerless and with feeling yuk about themselves. They know instinctively that there is more to life and relationships and just need some help getting there. I have also had quite a few men join Selfie School over the years, and they’ve loved it. Selfie School is also for Tutors and Coaches who want to help children to feel comfortable being themselves, to teach children how to develop their Emotional Intelligence and build their Mental Strength. What are your current goals for your business? To keep growing steadily. I’ve always dreamt of having at least 10 000 students on a global basis graduate from Selfie School. It has been said that each of us will impact at least 10 000 people in our lives, so can you imagine having 10 000 people who truly love themselves, who are empowered with actual life skills to deal with the ups and downs of life each impacting 10 000 people? It would create an enormous ripple effect which would ultimately create a much better world. No more anxiety, bullying, abuse or mental health issues! Wouldn’t that be incredible? 😊 What would you like to achieve for yourself and your business in the future? Besides my wish for my intention to have 10 000 students graduate from Selfie School come true, I would love ‘The Bears of Blueberry Forest’ to be turned into a TV series that will reach children all over the world so they can effortlessly learn how to develop their Emotional Intelligence and Mental Strength, become self-empowered and grow up with the skills they need to navigate their own lives being equipped to deal with all of life’s ups and downs. Who inspires you to be the best that you can be? I would say that my children and grandchildren are my biggest inspirers. I know first-hand the profound effect unconscious parenting can have on you so when I became aware of how my own parenting was negatively affecting my own children, it immediately stopped in my tracks. I didn’t want my children to have to spend years recovering from their childhood, so I made it my purpose to become the best possible parent I could become to give them the best possible chance in life. When my grandchildren came along, I learnt even more from them and when we got a puppy last year, he too taught me to be more mindful and more present. In recent years my husband has inspired me to fully stand in my own power. He is incredibly supportive and has taught me what it truly feels like to be loved completely and unconditionally. What is your work inspired by? As a child I always felt incredibly out of control, I detested not being in charge of my own life, not being able to make decisions for myself and having to comply to someone else’s rules and beliefs. I felt held back, what I wanted didn’t seem important, like I never had a voice! I also blamed myself for other people’s bad behaviour, I believed that people treated me badly because there was something wrong with me, that it was my fault. It never felt safe to be me. Today I am me, unapologetically me and I love it. I want everyone to experience just how freeing and wonderful it is to live your life as yourself. To not have to hide behind a mask, nor having to comply or live up to someone else’s expectation or idea of who you should be or how you should live your life. Tell us about your greatest career achievement so far. Becoming the very first Commercial Trainer of Emotional Intelligence in South Africa in 2003 and winning a gold award in London for one of the children’s books I wrote – ‘Abby and The Gaggle of Geese’ which helps children to recognise, recover from and prevent bullying. If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why? I would make it compulsory to teach actual Life Skills in schools that help children to navigate life. A curriculum that teaches them to develop their Emotional Intelligence, build their mental strength, which shows them how to love themselves, to manage money, to be themselves, to develop confidence, to communicate effectively and to be able to express themselves in life and in their relationships. I would also take the ridiculous pressure off of them having to achieve grades in subjects that are irrelevant and defunct. A schooling system that embraces individuality and makes learning fun and inclusive. Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today. In 1991 I was diagnosed with having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome after struggling with a very long list of bizarre symptoms which included the most excruciating fatigue. Having a name for the condition brought a semblance of relief but there was no cure for it. The next 7 years for me, and my children, was ‘hell on earth’. Every day took tremendous effort for me to stay awake so I could earn a living, so much so, that I became addicted to diet pills as they were the only thing that kept me awake! It truly was an awful time as I was a single mom, and I had no choice but to work. There were no benefits in South Africa where I grew up and the maintenance I sporadically received for my children, was not enough to sustain them, let alone all three of us. One day I was visiting my mom and I saw a book lying on her coffee table. It was about a man who had healed his stomach cancer by changing his diet. I was astounded as never before had I heard about, or read about, anyone healing their bodies without the help of doctors and traditional meds. I asked my mom if I could borrow the book, took it home and read it from cover to cover. For the first time in my life, I felt hope. There and then I decided if this man could heal his body from cancer, I could heal my body from CFS. I followed his protocol and two weeks later, for the first time in more than 7 years I had the most incredible energy and felt a sense of wellbeing that I had never experienced before. I wanted to shout about my healing from the rooftops. I wanted everyone to know that they could heal themselves, that they did not have to depend on traditional Doctors to do it for them. I wanted to learn more so within a few months I signed up to attend a course in America led by the author himself, I quit my job and I sold my car to pay for it all. Healing my body myself without the help of doctors or their meds not only gave me back my life, it also made me wake up! I became conscious, aware of the fact that we all have incredible power within ourselves, that we do not have to live our lives as victims. That we can make the changes we want to make and that we are not dependent on others to do it for us. This whole experience was my catalyst for becoming the person I am today - fully Self-Empowered, in charge of and enjoying my life and my relationships to the fullest. It also awakened my passion and drive to help others to do the same so they too can have lives, and relationships, they love and enjoy.

Written by: Mary-Anne Bennett , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Whether it's puberty, menses, fertility, pregnancy, perimenopause or menopause; women's hormones change continuously during their lives. The body controls the amount of each hormone needed for the many biological processes to keep you healthy, and hormones play a major role in regulating appetite, weight, and mood, amongst other functions. Fluctuations can make you feel like you are living on a physical, psychological, and emotional rollercoaster. Signs you may have a hormone imbalance Do you suffer from- Endometriosis Polycystic Ovarian syndrome period pain heavy menstruation iron deficiency PMS sore breasts mood swings If you’re like me I had many of these symptoms and I was looking forward to menopause because, after all, once you've had your babies, hormones don't matter. But what if they do matter? In 2015, the doctors discovered I had a large cyst on one ovary and a large uterine fibroid which was why I was tired and anaemic. So after doing the rounds of my GP, a hematologist, and a gynecologist, I was booked in for a hysterectomy and a unilateral oophorectomy ‒ removal of one of my ovaries. This surely would resolve all my issues, including the anaemia, fatigue, and all the other menstrual issues. YAY for no more periods! I thought having a hysterectomy was a good idea; the doctor advised it was routine and that I would be fine. At the time I didn't know any better, as I had just started my uni degree and trusted that my doctor knew best. But did he? At university, I learned about human biology and biochemistry, and how hormones work in the body and I wondered if there was a connection. Despite my doubts, I went ahead and had the surgery, unaware of what was to come. I was so busy studying, working, and caring for my kids, grandkids, and hubby, I didn't have time to notice. I ignored the subtle signs my body was giving me that something was wrong. The first sign was weight gain, a dry vagina, loss of my sex drive, anxiety, insomnia, dry hair and skin, high cholesterol, my moods were worse and I was depressed and unmotivated. I had trouble concentrating on my studies, but most of all the fatigue was worse than ever. I felt wired but tired. Can your doctor help? When I went to my GP to discuss what was going on and asked about hormone testing, I was told there was no point, I wasn't having any more babies so they didn't matter. I remember thinking, how could a man understand anyway? By now I had finished university and whilst I'm not a doctor, combined with my studies and personal experience, my gut was telling me that the doctor was wrong. I realised I had to take the matter into my own hands and paid for DUTCH ‒which stands for dried urine testing for comprehensive hormones. And the results confirmed what I suspected, my hormone levels were in the toilet. What could I do? I spent months researching hormones, menopause, and the impact of hysterectomy on hormones. I tried a few natural ways to increase my hormones; there were a few improvements and some symptom relief, but I knew what I needed. My research suggested hormone replacement therapy should be my next choice, however, it had fallen out of favour and my doctor refused to give it to me. But what I learnt about not having enough hormones and the impact that deficiency could have on my health really scared me. But the real shock was that I wasn't alone. Why should you care? Hundreds of thousands of women 30+ have a hysterectomy with or without an oophorectomy around the world every year, with Australian rates currently steady at 32,000 procedures annually. This surgical procedure is commonly performed between 30 and 50 years, with 1-in-3 women having a hysterectomy , of which 30% have both ovaries, (a bi-lingual oophorectomy) performed at the same time. The consequences of hysterectomy and its impact on hormone levels are rarely discussed. I was never told that this surgical procedure could have a serious impact on my health long-term. I discovered that the body has hormone receptors on just about every cell in the body. And having reduced production, especially of estrogen, increases a woman’s risk of developing cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, and Alzheimer’s Disease. Three common conditions that most people know are linked to aging, but when hormones are involved your risk is even higher. And there’s plenty of scientific evidence. 3 Ways Estrogen helps you live longer 1. Cardiovascular protection Cardiovascular disease (CVD) is the leading cause of death among women, and females develop cardiovascular disease (CVD), on average, 10 years later than men. Studies suggest that women appear to be somewhat protected before the onset of menopause. This protection is associated with sex hormone levels; it also appears that the severity of cardiovascular disease (CVD) and coronary artery disease (CAD) is greatly increased in women who have had an oophorectomy compared to those with intact ovaries. Many years of research into female sex hormones have revealed that “Estrogen, the main circulating female hormone, is cardioprotective through a plethora of physiological and biochemical mechanisms". 2. Prevention of Osteoporosis Osteoporosis and fracture prevention is considered to be a public health priority by the World Health Organisation (WHO). Osteoporosis primarily affects post-menopausal women, with an estimated 200 million affected worldwide. With 30-50% of postmenopausal women likely to suffer a clinical fracture in their lifetime, hip fracture risk is even higher at 70%. Studies by the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology in both Italy and Chile have identified that estrogen deficiency is the primary factor in the pathogenesis of postmenopausal osteoporosis: the most common metabolic bone disease. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), has demonstrated a rapid normalisation of bone turnover whilst preserving bone mineral density (BMD) 3. Protecting your aging brain Aging is a biological process that is characterised by a progressive decline in physiological function and is accompanied by an increased susceptibility to disease. The main role of the brain is to enable biological homeostasis and to prevent the detrimental effects of aging throughout all bodily tissues. Researchers have discovered that whilst sex hormones, particularly estrogens possess potent antioxidant properties, and play important roles in maintaining normal reproductive and non-reproductive functions, " they exert neuroprotective actions during aging and that natural or surgical menopause is associated with mitochondrial dysfunction, neuroinflammation, synaptic decline, cognitive impairment and increased risk of age-related disorders". There is also a suggestion that "the loss of sex hormones may promote accelerated aging, leading to brain hypometabolism in menopausal women and prodromal Alzheimer's Disease (AD)". Hormones really do matter The truth about the vital role that sex hormones, particularly estrogen, play in the body opened up a pandora's box. With a family history of cardiovascular disease (CVD) (my father had a fatal heart attack at just 59 years old), combined with a genetic predisposition to Alzheimer's Disease, it was vital that I get the hormone replacement that I needed or else things could get hairy, really quickly, and my mortality could be at risk. So the next time hormones come up in conversation with your doctor, or anyone else you know, you'll be able to help them understand that hormones are vitally important throughout all stages of life, especially beyond menopause. Every day I help women, unlock the missing pieces of their health puzzle, and take control of their health, using the power of nutritional medicine. I invite you to book in for a Free 30-minute consultation to discuss how working with me can set you on the path to long-term health and vitality. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Mary-Anne Bennett, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Mary- Anne Bennett is a leading thinker on women's health, harnessing the power of food to overcome chronic illness. After suffering from a range of chronic health issues which doctors could not explain, Mary-Anne went to university to study nutrition at the age of 50 to learn how to heal. This decision ignited her passion to help others get to the root cause of their chronic health issues and find the path to healing. As Director and Clinical Nutritionist at Adelaide Nutrition and Wellbeing, Mary-Anne's success comes from her strong belief that chronic illness is not a normal part of aging. Using the principles of nutritional medicine, everyone can heal. References: Wilson LF, MEpi, Pandeya N, Ph.D., Byles J, Ph.D., Mishra GD, Ph.D.: Hysterectomy status and all-cause mortality in a 21-year Australian population-based cohort study: American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology; 220:83.e1-11, 2019. Iorga A, Cunningham CM, Moazeni S, Ruffenach G, Umar S, Eghbali M: The protective role of estrogen and estrogen receptors in cardiovascular disease and the controversial use of estrogen therapy. Biology of Sex Differences; 8:33, 2017. Gambacciani M, Levancine M; Hormone replacement therapy and the prevention of postmenopausal osteoporosis: Prz Menopauzalny; 3(4):213-220, 2014. Zarate S, Stevnsner T, Gredilla R, Varela-Nieto I, Pike C, Labandeira-Garcia J, (2017) Role of Estrogen and Other Sex Hormones in Brain Aging. Neuroprotection and DNA Repair, Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience; vol 9, article 430. Newman, M., Curran, D.A. Reliability of a dried urine test for comprehensive assessment of urine hormones and metabolites. BMC Chemistry 15, 18 (2021).

Written by: Diane Hiller , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. So many articles are written about this topic, but what does it mean? Is it even possible or healthy? Many leave out that unconditional love refers to the love of others and the unconditional love of the self. This does not mean Narcissism Narcissists are only capable of love of self. Their unfortunate love partner does not figure into the equation unless it is to be selfless to the point of being a doormat. Once they express any needs in the relationship, they will find themselves subject to abuse, mind games, manipulation, and gaslighting. All narcissists and addicts lie both to themselves and others. Does this feel like you are being loved unconditionally? I doubt it. Unconditional love does not mean putting up with any form of abuse. Unconditional love is a high vibrational frequency of the spirit, and in a romantic relationship, it can only occur between two mature adults. Love from the ego is far different It is fear-based and full of conditions. You may love someone who cannot love you back, does not know healthy love, or has never experienced it. After some time, you will be unable to remain in this situation. You then can love them from a distance and hold space and hope for them and their healing. But, unless they put in the work of self-awareness and are accountable, they are not capable of healthy love with you, themselves, or anyone else. You have heard the saying that you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. People lacking self-love and insight into the impact of their behavior are unable to love healthily. You may be their perfect match, but somehow they can’t or won’t break their old way of being. Once again, due to fear and ego, and in most cases, also trauma. We all have faults, but unconditional love does not mean you ever put up with bad behavior or excuses; you are accountable to your partner, and they are to you. You do not seek to control them, nor they you. You desire to understand each other and to find common ground. There is trust, respect, honesty, and good communication. Emotional deception is the number one reason relationships fail. Why? Because it erodes trust. What does healthy romantic love look like: Love requires the effort of both people. It may ask you to compromise, to look through a different lens. Love will help you grow and learn about yourself in the spirit of compromise. It may push you to the edges of your comfort zone, but you should feel safe with your partner. Love will require you to be vulnerable; this will be very, very hard if you are insecure or have any control issues. A lack of communication at this juncture will damage the relationship significantly, if not permanently. What does toxic love look like? ( I prefer the word unhealed to toxic ) But honestly, this is toxic, and these are some signs: You feel hurt by his/her behavior or choices, and when this is expressed, the person discounts it, makes excuses, and does not change their behavior. You constantly run into the same conflicts, arguments, fights, and nothing ever seems to get resolved. You wish your partner would understand that their behaviors are hurting you. You feel they lack empathy. It feels as though your needs, wants, thoughts or feelings don't matter to them. If they feign genuine interest at any time, a hidden motive is usually behind it. Boundaries are poor in this kind of relationship. Unconditional love can and does exist between a parent and child, or it should. This is not always the case, and those raised in conditional loving households, will not be able to love you unconditionally. They honestly need professional help to see what is healthy and what is not. We all deserve healthy love, and we all can be in alignment with the divine aspect of ourselves and offer that to share with the right person. “Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course.” ‒ Kahlil Gibran Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Diane! Diane Hiller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Diane is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Psychic Medium, Certified Feng Shui Master, and Medical Intuitive. She has been tested for accuracy. After working in the nursing field as an LPN for 13 years, she returned to college and received a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa. She then went on to earn her Master's (MSW) with a Major in Clinical and a Minor in Research, both from the University of Connecticut. She is licensed by State examination as an LCSW. In 2005 she founded Elemental Empowerments, LLC. She is noted in the book “The Top 100 Psychics and Astrologers in America.” She is one of the most well-researched psychics In North America.

Written by: Lisa Lukretia Fischer, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Do you have times when you get overwhelmed? When you feel your head rushing? When you just cannot sleep because your head is so full of ideas, unfinished business, or new things to start? I know I do. At least, that is what usually happens when I spend too much time online, where the speed of information upload and exchange seems to be ever-increasing. If thoughts were clouds, the online world must be a tropical hurricane. For me personally, I find that I easily fall into the loop of wanting "more more more." Craving that next dopamine hit so badly . All along dis-learning how to relax, let go, surrender and be calm. And I also know that by writing another article, I only seem to be worsening the issue of digital pollution - like who has time to read all the material online? However, I also hold the strong belief that I am meant to put myself out there, to inspire someone, to give hope, to share the joy, and alleviate pain. That is what life is for, in my opinion, and the online world is just a bigger playground. So, I am trusting that whoever is attracted to reading this will be of benefit to them. This article is not meant to give you new insights, findings from current research, or any kind of data your logical mind can sift through. My aim is to reconnect you back to your inner wisdom , to give you an impulse to slow down and start to listen to your inner guidance. For this, I usually use old-school meditation as a tool. However, since we are online and this is a text medium, this might seem funky, but stay with me – I am trying something new here. So this text is meant as a meditation. A simple text, no real overarching story – just simple and flowy thoughts of mine. If you want to do yourself one favor, to get the full gusto out of this meditation, then read it slowly, do not try to understand it. Just let it sink in and allow yourself to relax. Like anything in life, the speed and intensity at which we do anything can be changed at will. And that changes the effect that activity has on us. So, if this was a meditation, there is no need to speed-read, nothing to get through to the end, nothing complex to ponder or engage your mind in. Just nice and pleasant slow-reading. Meditation - at least the way I learned it - is about non-attachment. It is about calming the fluctuations of the mind. It is about non-judgmentally observing your thoughts and then letting them pass. Like a child laying in the grass looking at the clouds passing by, maybe counting them or not. The tricky thing with thoughts and clouds is: you cannot actively make them go away. And you never know how many there might be – you can only watch them pass. Or, if you are inclined to play games, and if you happen to not like a particular cloud, you just look out for another more pleasant, cool, funky-looking cloud (a.k.a. thought) to focus on. What I want to say is: Sometimes the sky is blue, and the sun is shining and some days it is all cloudy, or the grey sky might take so long to clear up that you start doubting the sun even exists (hello winter in Europe for that matter). But no matter how many clouds there are, you can trust that the sun, your personal sunshine of mind, your consciousness is always there, even though you might not see it all the time. Just like the sun, the quiet, peaceful state of mind keeps us alive and refreshed, gives us all the happy, energized feelings, and connects us to ourselves and others. And you never know, sometimes it even gives you a tan through the cloud cover. Something deep inside of you knows the feeling of that sunny place when it shows up again. It is a very innate knowing. It is that place where all is well. It is a very old and wise part of you that does not need to question everything. That always shines a light on what is important to you. It is where safety, freedom, excitement, and space are all combined. Just that wonderful feeling of being alive, of feeling tall and confident, of almost floating a bit higher than your body. It is giving up control over your thoughts (and the clouds) that makes us calm and happy. That control creates resistance and attachment and is only frustrating in the long run. Like why would you even consider letting your happiness balloon be dragged down from the sunny sky? That makes no sense. So my remedy to overwhelm is to do nothing. To literally stop, get offline and outside, to lie in the grass and watch my cloudy thoughts until the sun comes out again. Sometimes literally, sometimes on my meditation pillow. And even if the sky does not clear up right away, I have learned through practice that it eventually always will. This gives me calm grounding, trust, and an indescribable feeling of ease. That life works out for us, that we are all enough, and that sometimes less is more. And that no amount of physical/online stuff is worth paying for with my peace of mind. From my heart to your heart, I wish you all the calm you need to go through your own personal storm. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , or visit my website for more info! Read more from Lisa! Lisa Lukretia Fischer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Lisa Lukretia Fischer is a certified professional coach who helps female entrepreneurs build a holistic framework for emotional resilience, mental focus, and improved productivity to succeed in business. Having grown from her own serious health issues, physical and psychological trauma, she is now deeply passionate about the importance of wellbeing and resilience. With this awareness, she loves providing the space and structure to develop the former with the aim of bringing entrepreneurial desires to fruition. Pulling from her background as an environmental engineer, trainer in competitive sports, a teacher at inclusive schools, and yoga instructor, she combines aspects of high performance, intermittent relaxation, and loving acceptance into her coaching philosophy. Lisa holds degrees as Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, COR.E Dynamics Wellbeing Specialist, and Hatha Yoga Instructor (RYT200). Outside of her professional endeavors, she thoroughly enjoys reading books and dancing salsa.

Written by: Lisa Lukretia Fischer , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise "Who said it is easy to be loved when you look over your shoulder and you only see wasteland?" - Roo Panes I do not know about the wasteland he sees, but in my head, it shows up as the streets of masked Berlin in 2020 - no smiles, all white and blue. Truth bomb for you: I have been super uninspired to write lately. Even though I am grateful for this role of being an Executive Contributor, the opportunity to provide value, bring out my heart's content, connect with like-minded people, and be held accountable for writing consistently. As wonderful as that all is, I sometimes still get into a funk, like last month. It has just been rather struggling to even think of a topic. In general, I love to write funny, uplifting, and educational content, however, there has been quite some upheaval in my personal life. This is not meant as an excuse to slack off. I just like going for authentic transparency lately. To continue in this line, I’d like to bring out another honest point and the actual topic I want to talk about: I have absolutely no clue what I am doing here. There I said it. I mean no one qualified my writing, no one explicitly told me it was good. So, who am I to even be writing this piece? That is not even what I do professionally. "- Classic imposter-syndrome, Lisa!" If you care, I'll elaborate a bit on how this looks for me. Or wait, is this even necessary? This has already been talked about so much. Or is that just my own personal filter, my bias, the ads Facebook targets for me? Is this "the so-called value I am looking to provide with my writing"? What is value? Isn't that subjective? Also, there are no new ideas anyways. I am sure I've heard that from a credible source. Can't remember where though - Sh***, I should organize my internet space more. Am I a bad writer just because I do not know all my sources? Or can I just go back to Austin Kleon's stealing like an artist? Do I have to know more about other authors to qualify as a proper artist to start stealing already? Or does reading over 100 books a year for years count? Wait – am I humble-bragging now? How disgusting. Why do I do all this justifying, and who am I asking for validation? Pretty sure that is not making my writing any better. Or is this just my way of self-therapy? Probably both, I guess. Who even cares? Do I need a permission to write publicly? Did the others get a more thorough background check? Did I miss something in the process? Am I following all the rules of good writing? Also, why I am still writing, isn’t that a bit old-school? It seems like way more people are doing reels on Instagram and TikTok. Do I have to switch my semi-undercover-marketing strategy now? It feels like even people on the street are talking about the topic I’ve been pondering for a while. Am I already too late for the party? Why do I even repeatedly put myself through this? This is insane. Am I insane? Ok, enough with the brabbling, weird stream of consciousness extracted directly from my self-doubting self-talk! Imposter syndrome has been haunting me since I went to high school and later on university and did not feel qualified enough to be doing what I was doing. I do not want to get into the psychology and childhood issues behind it now, but rather offer you a potential solution and one that worked for me. My personal definition of this condition – which is very much a synthesis of everything I ever read – there, is that foolproof against copyright infringements? – is as follows: Imposter-syndrome is the incessant questioning and/or lowering of one's own value due to an unfair or vague comparison with other people (and their work). It is highly likely also involves a low-esteem and the fear of judgement or rejection. And it is a very normal reaction. It is an ancient tribal mechanism that our limbic brain evolved to deal with unknown situations. Meaning situations outside of our zone of safety, our place of comfort, our known bubble. Its universal basic solution: instant classification as a potential threat until proven otherwise. Giving you an adrenaline kick to get you vigilant. All fine and good in real, life-threatening emergencies, not so much in the online world of coaching, writing, expressing emotions, and sharing vulnerable stories publicly. There it becomes very stressful because there is the perceived stress coming from the online world is constant and never fully proven “non-harmful” just because of the sheer size of reach. So, the solution I was talking about: Surrender to the feeling. It sounds very basic. But I just gave up pushing this feeling away, which I had been doing in the past and which had only made it worse. Moreover, I invited it in. I experienced it fully, I questioned it and then kindly asked it to leave and it did – well, for a while at least. At the same time, I was doing mirror work on the topic of self-love. If you don’t know what that is, it is basically looking yourself in the eyes and saying all those wonderful affirmations that you probably saw on Instagram to your face. It is about learning to love and unconditionally accepting every aspect of yourself. It is about opening your heart to see the full beauty of yourself, with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Those two processes combined over a couple of weeks actually worked wonders. My inner imposter still shows up, especially when I try something new or meet someone “important”. However, I am also learning to love this part of myself. It keeps me on my toes, curious and pushes me to improve. I know this is not a quick fix and you probably won’t feel like a completely different person after doing it. But it is a start to rewire your anxious brain. And for me personally, it just gets me out of those negative spirals way faster now and calms me down. Remember changing your brain takes time. Be patient and kind with yourself! Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , or visit my website for more info! Read more from Lisa! Lisa Lukretia Fischer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Lisa Lukretia Fischer is a certified professional coach who helps female entrepreneurs build a holistic framework for emotional resilience, mental focus, and improved productivity to succeed in business. Having grown from her own serious health issues, physical and psychological trauma, she is now deeply passionate about the importance of wellbeing and resilience. With this awareness, she loves providing the space and structure to develop the former with the aim of bringing entrepreneurial desires to fruition. Pulling from her background as an environmental engineer, trainer in competitive sports, a teacher at inclusive schools, and yoga instructor, she combines aspects of high performance, intermittent relaxation, and loving acceptance into her coaching philosophy. Lisa holds degrees as Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, COR.E Dynamics Wellbeing Specialist, and Hatha Yoga Instructor (RYT200). Outside of her professional endeavors, she thoroughly enjoys reading books and dancing salsa.