Your Job is to Understand Your Value
Updated: Jan 28
Written by Marie-Louise Gessner, Life Coach
Marie Gessner, a powerful ACC coach, is working to support you in finding your answers in life's areas. She brings my listening, and together we explore your answers.
When we see others struggle with expectations, self-doubt, and the pursuit of validation, it’s easy to want to step in, guide, and direct. But sometimes, the most considerate thing to do is to let them take the step towards insight themselves, to let them truly belong to themselves. For it is only when someone dares to face their own inner world, listen to their own truth, and decide for themselves what is important, that real change can happen. When you genuinely allow them to find their own insights, emotional freedom is the greatest reward. They let go of the need to be liked by others and dare to stand firm in their own truth.
The value of allowing them to discover their own worth
Everyone has their own unique story, their own strengths and weaknesses. Even if we see someone struggling with feelings of inadequacy or comparison, it is important to let them realise their own value. For it is in that personal insight, when you see for yourself that no one else can fill your shoes, that the strength to set boundaries and stand up for yourself grows. Discovering that being enough is linked to self-worth allows us to accept that we may disappoint others, and that our value is not dependent on achievement.
Self-awareness a process that cannot be forced
Self-awareness takes time and requires courage to ask yourself what brings joy, life, and meaning. It is a form of inner clarity that develops over time, often through reflection, experience, and even through painful moments. Consequences act as a catalyst for self-awareness, they force us to pause and reflect, to understand the link between actions and outcomes. Here, we can spot our patterns, motives, and the effects they have on our lives.
For instance, a conflict at work can lead to insight about whether you avoid difficult conversations or not. Succeeding with a project can reveal what strengths you possess and how you function in pressured situations.
Those of us around them can offer support, listen, and be present, but we must also allow them to ask the questions and find the answers themselves. A casual coffee, a chat, or a warm glance can make a difference, but the journey is their own.
Allowing them to accept both strengths and weaknesses
No one is perfect, and it’s precisely that which makes us human. When someone faces their failures and shortcomings, we sometimes feel the impulse to save, correct, or protect. But if instead we let them embrace both strengths and weaknesses, we give them the chance to grow and rise in adversity. As the Swedish saying goes, “It is in a headwind that a kite rises.” We can cheer from the sidelines, but let them fly on their own.
Learning to set boundaries is no simple matter, and sometimes we see someone struggle to say no. It’s tempting to comfort or take over, but sometimes it’s best to let them dare to assert their needs themselves. Being able to handle uncomfortable feelings and still learn from them leads to emotional maturity. We can remind them that it’s not about shutting out the world, but about daring to belong to themselves.
The journey towards belonging to oneself and understanding one's value
The journey towards belonging to oneself and understanding one’s value is rarely a straight line, sometimes we move forward, sometimes we stumble back. Just as with a child learning to walk, it is sometimes more important to stand beside and let them try on their own, than to hold their hand too tightly, but also to allow them to make discoveries on their road towards self-awareness and acceptance. For their sake, to let them understand their own value.
Self-awareness should not be overshadowed – it should be celebrated. – Marie Gessner
Marie-Louise Gessner, Life Coach
Marie’s mission is to see others rise and live the life they want. With coaching as a method, Marie helps individuals and groups find clarity, overcome obstacles, set plans, and develop potential and personal growth. Through powerful dialogues in listening, she brings you the supportive tools, and you decide if you will take action on your own answers between the sessions. You do the work, and she is behind you for support.
