You Have Achieved a Long-Sought-After Goal, Now What?
- 1 hour ago
- 6 min read
Written by Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz earned his reputation over 37 years of coaching novice to elite swimmers. He has also been in finance and insurance for over 20 years. He has earned the Neuro-Linguistic Programming Master designation from ABNLP and is a certified Life Coach.
In any setting, there will be success or failure. Success is not always clearly defined beyond a number. Your team scores the most points, your favorite athlete records the fastest time, or you achieve a financial level seldom seen. All are valid gauges of success, but what determines your success or failure?
Is it you?
Success is not the norm, but a desired state
Are your friends on board, or do they heighten the emptiness you thought would never appear?
Self-sabotage can lie deep within our thoughts and behavior and may stem from fear rather than laziness or emotional flaws. This pattern of behavior becomes a cycle that may not be broken unless we become aware of it and consciously decide to change it by challenging past actions and outcomes.
We may find that when we achieve the goal that has been burning in our soul for an eternity, it comes with perceived burdens we could not have foreseen. Why can’t we simply enjoy the fruits of our labor and move on to the next challenge? Maybe we can.
1. Replacing fear of failure or success
Our brains often seek familiarity, and failure can become a comfort zone simply because it is familiar. We fear failure, and when we refuse to pursue anything without a guarantee, we avoid risk entirely. The fear itself may not be obvious, but we will likely feel a sense of avoidance that causes our subconscious to yearn for something more.
Fear of success is equally debilitating. I have personally coached elite athletes who sabotage their performance out of fear of the expectations placed on them. When more is given, more is expected. They enjoy the idea of recognition for their success, but what if the expectations of others remain hidden and are never discussed? The fear of failure and the fear of success are equally disturbing if you haven’t considered both realities.
Is the pain of sacrifice stronger than the pain of regret?
2. Deflecting the projections of others
Even with the best of intentions, our families, friends, or coworkers will often project their fears or rationalize why their concerns should become reasons for us not to pursue something we desire. It is amazing how frequently those living with various levels of disappointment will freely offer unsolicited advice on how we should do something. Mind you, they have never experienced anything close to the outcome they predict, but that never deters them from spewing emotional diarrhea. This gives them a vehicle for saying, “I told you so,” if you come up short.
Those who live vicariously through the success or failure of others may struggle to see beyond what benefits them and should hold little influence over your success. Don’t let them steal what you have earned.
3. Removing guilt or feelings of unworthiness
When success happens, it may become evident that impostor syndrome will start living rent-free in your head. Misery loves company, and those unwilling to pay the price, make the sacrifices, or exercise discipline may prey on your emotions. They will plant seeds suggesting that you should feel guilty for enjoying the fruits of your labor because others are not experiencing them. All of these are external and will remain that way unless you allow them to become internal. The price you have paid is the fortress you have built to protect what is yours.
Don’t let the doubters become the key that unlocks the door and allows them to enter.
4. There are no winners in the blame game
Acknowledging failure and taking ownership are tremendous steps toward progress. A bruised ego is not a pleasant thought, but it is a reality if overcoming setbacks is a desired goal. If the tendency is to deflect negative results, you will eventually run out of people or things to blame. With each deflection, the potential for ridicule increases, which can lead to a lasting loss of credibility.
Accept the outcome, but learn from the mistake. Sometimes, pretty good is good enough.
5. Perfectionism is poison
In the words of Ricky Bobby in “Talladega Nights,” “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” Although the comedy gave us a plethora of memorable one-liners, this one stood out as an all-or-nothing proposition. Even the greatest investors on Wall Street are sometimes wrong, and in professional baseball, hitting safely three out of 10 at-bats is considered an excellent batting average. With each endeavor, we desire success, but that is not always reality. The bigger lesson to be learned is that too many things are out of our control for us to accept that it is entirely our fault if we come up short after doing everything as planned.
I just broke a record in the history of my body, even if no one else noticed.
Design a flexible plan
When you put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard, you are taking ownership by giving your time to improve your situation. There is a reason the first, second, or even third drafts are considered rough drafts. They will be dissected, edited, reedited, critiqued, and rewritten before a final draft is acceptable. Companies hire teams of consultants to take a concept from inception to fruition. Don’t feel that you have to create a perfect plan from which you should never deviate.
Celebrate victories: No matter how small, a win is a win. Enjoy and acknowledge each one.
Increase the potential for discomfort: If you experience total success and no setbacks, you may become stagnant. One step forward, two steps back. As they say in soccer, sometimes you have to move backward to move forward.
Small steps: Don’t feel like you have to revamp your entire life all at once. Focus on one change, and when it has been successfully achieved, add the next step. Hint: Keep knocking out the small steps to give yourself a sense of victory rather than tackling a larger task that could take weeks or months to complete.
Pat yourself on the back: It takes a lot of courage to get out of your comfort zone, so give yourself grace and love.
Spend time with healthy friends: This is not about fitness or going to the gym, although that is not a bad idea. Healthy friends want you to be the best version of yourself, and they will offer support and positive influences to feed your hunger for improvement.
Take a break: A common tendency is to go all out until you crash and burn. The initial emotions always run high, but enthusiasm can burn out quickly. When you make your plan, schedule free time and “me time” for yourself.
Be your best coach: You know yourself better than anyone. The voice you hear most frequently and loudly comes from your brain and self-talk. Be honest, but be supportive.
Fall in love again: Acknowledge that you love the person you are becoming. Loving yourself is not the same as being in love with yourself. Love who you are and what you are trying to do to make things better.
Actions count: Thoughts reflect your good intentions, but actions define you. They are what others will see and will become your calling card.
Decide to be incredible: You have influence over your thoughts, good or bad. Your thoughts will influence your actions. Leave things better than they were when you arrived.
Don’t be cruel
One of the many great hits by Elvis Presley was “Don’t Be Cruel.” Of course, the song’s message was directed at a lost love interest. You need to give yourself grace and keep moving forward. Each step you take to improve is a giant leap toward becoming your best self. Big or small, a step is a step. Those little steps grow larger, and eventually, you are in a full sprint toward achieving your desired outcome.
If you are ready to break the barriers that bind you and achieve levels that once felt beyond your reach, book a coaching call today. Together, we can create a continuing journey toward success, and you can leave doubt behind. Visit here to book a call.
Read more from Jim Lutz
Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz is a published writer with over 12 books and is currently working on a children's series focusing on ADHD characteristics. It is a fun reading experience. His life coaching has covered clients from world-ranked athletes to professionals and students. His program is designed for individuals to overcome self-doubt by breaking down limiting beliefs to achieve confidence. Jim empowers leaders who have experienced burnout, frustration, or a sense of "hitting the wall" to gain balance and achieve their highest global impact.
