Written by: Stephanie Train Puente, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
One of the most important aspects of life is what you think and believe about yourself. The relationship you have with yourself affects not only your personal and professional relationships — but your overall success in life.
Having a healthy relationship with yourself is essential to success in life because you are the creator of your experience. What you think and believe about yourself influences your experiences and the relationships you believe are attainable to you.
Practicing the tips below will help you build self-love, self-acceptance, and self-esteem. With these three concepts solidly in place, the rest of the relationships in your life are poised to flourish.
What defines a healthy relationship with yourself?
Self-love, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. Self-love is the regard for your well-being and happiness. Self-acceptance is accepting yourself just as you are, as you recognize your abilities, attributes, and limitations — without judgment. Self-esteem is the confidence in these abilities — your overall sense of worth and value.
Research by psychologists at the University of California, Davis, and the University of Bern shows that a healthy relationship with yourself can positively impact every area of life. The findings suggest that people with healthy self-esteem have more success in school and at work, have healthier relationships, and improve mental and physical health. These benefits have been found to continue throughout your entire life.
Not only that but what we believe about ourselves influences how we behave. It creates our reality.
The power of your mind and your personal beliefs
If you think the same thought over and over and view this thought as truth, it becomes your belief. Beliefs create a lens through which you see your entire world. Through this lens, you look for evidence from your surroundings that corresponds with what you believe to be true about yourself. You might not even see evidence to the contrary of your belief because you’re so focused on the one that already exists.
But really, you’re just creating your own version of the truth.
How? What you believe becomes your self-concept — who and what you think you are and who you believe you’re capable of becoming. You create a story in your mind about who you are, and you tell yourself and other people this story all day long. You write your story based on your beliefs, then you take actions that are in alignment with your expectations. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Alia Crum, the director of the Stanford Mind and Body Lab, says “Our minds aren’t passive observers, simply perceiving reality as it is. Our minds actually change reality. It’s essential to recognize that mindsets are not peripheral, but central to health and behavior.”
It all starts with you.
Having a healthy relationship with yourself affects every area of your life
The relationship you have with yourself sets the stage for every other relationship in your life. When you have a positive relationship with yourself, you treat yourself with respect — and you expect others to do the same. In general, how we think we should be treated is how we expect others to treat us.
A 2018 study found that a healthy view of yourself can instill an overall sense of well-being. This positive view of self and feeling of well-being helps you form quality relationships with others and encourages personal growth and development.
Having a healthy relationship and view of yourself can even help motivate you to reach your goals — knowing you’re capable of accomplishing whatever you set your mind to. It can help combat feelings of imposter syndrome. You believe you’re capable of persevering through possible setbacks and that you’ll learn from them.
Self-love and acceptance can even affect the brain itself. A study conducted in 2014 found that having a negative relationship with oneself is linked to lower levels of gray matter in the brain — which can affect things like emotional regulation and stress management.
But the good news is? You can create a healthier relationship with yourself. It is possible to build and grow greater self-esteem, self-love, and self-acceptance.
6 Tips to strengthen your relationship with yourself
1. Focus on your wins.
Even a baby step forward is worth celebrating. What you focus on expands. You invite in more to praise and celebrate — as you celebrate every win.
2. Accept all parts of yourself.
When you make a mistake or experience something that looks like a "failure" — learn to find the lesson in it. Napoleon Hill said "Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Try and look for the “seeds of good” in a situation. Reflect on how the circumstance may have helped you to grow. Take what you’ve learned from the experience, forgive yourself, and move forward.
3. Challenge negative thinking patterns.
When you find yourself engaging with negative thoughts — try combating those thoughts with more positive ones. Our limiting beliefs cause us to focus on what's “wrong” with us. Focus on what is going well, how you’re progressing, and where you’re growing.
4. Honor and allow all of your feelings to be present.
As they say, what we resist persists. Recognize that a part of you might be feeling this way, but not all of you. It is not who you are. What is within you is more than this particular circumstance, situation, or mistake. Practice saying to yourself “I am more than this anger, frustration, or disappointment, etc.” to help you connect with this sense of yourself.
5. Create a daily gratitude practice.
Gratitude is a feeling that is harmonious with abundance. When you’re in a state of gratitude, you open yourself up to a more expansive perspective. You’re better able to receive ideas and see opportunities you might otherwise miss. Gratitude can also help you navigate through your day — and whatever life throws at you — from a more empowered place.
6. Practice conscious and intentional breathing.
Conscious breathing can help you shift from a state of anxiety or fear — to a greater state of awareness and peace. Practice taking a few deep breaths in through the nose and breathe out slowly through your mouth — as if you are blowing through a straw. This simple practice can help to create a sense of calm and ease within you — regardless of what’s going on around you.
Practicing these things on a daily basis can help transform your relationship with yourself — and transform your entire life.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website to learn more about how we can work together to strengthen your relationship with yourself.
Stephanie Train Puente, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Stephanie Puente is a certified coach, speaker, international bestselling author and practitioner of life success principles. Her 25+ years of study and experience working with transformational mindset tools has helped hundreds of people to reshape their lives and discover their inherent ability to build their dreams and create a life they love living. Stephanie is a bridge for women leaders, helping them to transform their inner critic into an empowered advocate for greater self-love and authentic confidence so that they boldly shine their light, give their gifts, and fulfill their mission in business and in life.
