Why Smart, Successful Women Still Sabotage Their Own Rise Without Knowing It
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 21
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 16
Kyra is a psychology expert and transformational mentor with a master’s degree in psychology, specializing in deep healing, mindset mastery, and personal growth. As the founder of Healed Baddies, she helps ambitious women heal from the past, overcome mental barriers, and create a fulfilling, peaceful life through bold, no-BS transformation.
Smart, ambitious women are breaking barriers like never before, but many still find themselves hitting invisible walls. Despite talent, drive, and credentials, self-sabotage often hides in plain sight, quietly undermining their progress. This article uncovers the hidden patterns that hold women back and offers empowering strategies to reclaim their rise.
You should be further along.
You should be bigger, freer, and more successful by now.
You are not some lost woman still trying to find herself. You’ve found yourself. You’ve done the inner work. You’ve healed. You’ve built yourself from scratch.
So why, even with all your self-awareness, does it feel like you’re still playing beneath your true potential?
Why does success still feel like a slow burn instead of an explosion?
Why does it feel like you’re so close to reaching your next level, but something keeps pulling you back?
You tell yourself it’s fine. That good things take time. That you just need to trust the process.
But deep down, you know something isn’t adding up.
You’re not stuck because you’re not working hard enough.
You’re not stuck because of timing, Mercury retrograde, or “the universe making you wait.”
You’re stuck because his ghost is still controlling you. The narcissist is gone, but you’re still playing by his rules.
You left him but kept his beliefs about you
You walked away. You broke free. You swore you’d never let him have power over you again.
But what if I told you he still does?
Not in the way you think.
Not because you miss him. Not because you still think about him.
But because the way you move, the way you think, the way you operate in this world is still shaped by his invisible rules.
The version of you that had to dim her light so she wouldn’t be a target.
The version that had to prove herself before she could exist without criticism.
The version that had to be exceptional, but never too much.
Powerful, but never intimidating.
Visible, but never too visible.
And even though you would never let him back into your life, his voice is still there, woven into the way you show up in your career, relationships, and success.
Because narcissistic abuse doesn’t just break your heart; it destroys your soul and rewires your nervous system to believe that growth is dangerous.
And now?
Even though you’re ready for more, your subconscious still whispers:
Big success isn’t safe. (Because the last time you were fully in your power, it got used against you.)
If I shine too bright, I’ll be attacked. (Because you learned that visibility attracts punishment, not celebration.)
If I outgrow people, I’ll end up alone. (Because before, the price of growth was abandonment.)
So you hesitate. You play small. You sabotage your own rise. And the worst part? You don’t even notice it.
Because you call it intuition, patience, or "being realistic." But it’s not intuition. It’s conditioning.
Your subconscious mind still thinks power = punishment
You don’t hesitate because you don’t believe in yourself.
You hesitate because your body remembers what happened the last time you stood in your full power.
Your nervous system remembers the attacks, the manipulation, and the way your confidence was used against you.
So now?
Every time you go to fully step into your next level, your body slows you down. Every time you break through an upper limit, your subconscious creates a reason to retreat.
Every time you start to rise, a quiet part of you anticipates the downfall.
Because, for years, your uniqueness made you a target. Power came with punishment.
Visibility made you unsafe.
And even though you’ve done the healing, your nervous system is still in protection mod,e making sure you never get “too big” for your own good
Working on yourself is not enough. You need to shift your identity to be successful
You’ve done the mindset work. You’ve healed the past. So why are these patterns still showing up?
Because meditating, journaling, reflecting, or watching a course doesn’t transform your identity.
If deep down, you still see yourself as:
The woman who has to shrink herself to be safe.
The woman who has to choose between love or success, money or family, friendships or fame.
The woman who can’t have it all.
Then you will keep acting like her.
And your life will keep mirroring that back to you.
This is why the shift isn’t about working harder or waiting for “the right moment.” It’s about reprogramming your subconscious, training your body, and stepping into a whole new identity.
The identity of a woman who has it all.
The shift that changes everything forever
If you are done living under the invisible influence of a man who is no longer in your life, here’s what you need to do:
Rewire your subconscious. Stop just understanding the patterns and rewrite them. Train your mind to believe in success, safety, and expansion.
Regulate your nervous system. If your body still thinks success = danger, it will sabotage you at every turn. You have to teach it that thriving is safe.
Step into a new identity. Not the woman who was hurt. Not the woman who survived. But the woman who is limitless.
This is exactly what I guide women through inside the Healed Baddies Community.
Because the truth is, you don’t need to “learn” how to be powerful. You need to remember how to activate your magic.
If you’re ready, I’ll see you inside Healed Baddies.
Because this is where we make this identity shift happen. For good. Forever.
Ready for the next step? Here’s where to go next
Read more from Kyra Bolzan
Kyra Bolzan, Psychology Expert & Transformational Mentor
Kyra is a psychology expert and transformational mentor with a master’s degree in psychology, specializing in deep healing, mindset mastery, and personal growth.
As the founder of Healed Baddies, a global community for ambitious women, she helps individuals heal from the past, overcome mental barriers, and create a life that is both fulfilling and peaceful.
Known for her bold, no-BS approach, she challenges conventional self-improvement methods, turning inner work into lasting transformation and tangible results.
