Why Confidence Isn’t Built by Thinking Positively
- Brainz Magazine
- 14 hours ago
- 5 min read
Danielle Young is an international speaker, bestselling author, and Master Certified Life Coach. As the founder of Inspired Action Wellness, she helps women move beyond survival by rebuilding confidence, restoring nervous system balance, and reclaiming control of their lives.
You’ve probably heard it a thousand times, “Just think positive.” But what happens when that doesn’t work? You say the affirmations. You try to believe them. Yet deep down, the doubt stays. The truth is, you can’t think your way into confidence. Confidence isn’t a mindset, it’s a relationship with yourself. It’s built through evidence, not slogans. In this article, I’ll share what actually builds confidence, what’s happening in your brain when positive thinking falls flat, and how to use affirmations in a way that feels real, not forced.
The problem with “just think positive”
Most of us were raised to believe confidence starts in the mind. Say the mantra. Visualize the outcome. Think happy thoughts. The truth is, your body doesn’t always believe what your mind says.
If you’ve lived with trauma, chronic stress, or self-doubt, your nervous system learns to protect you by keeping you small. Even when your mind says, “I’m confident,” your body still remembers, “It’s not safe.”
Research supports this. Studies on self-affirmation theory from the National Institutes of Health show affirmations only work when they align with what you already believe about yourself. If the words feel too far from your truth, your brain flags them as false. Instead of peace, you feel tension.
In neuroscience, this phenomenon is referred to as prediction error. The brain expects your self-talk to match your past experiences. When it doesn’t, it assumes something is off and resists the new message.
So when you tell yourself, “I’m enough,” but your body still remembers being criticized or dismissed, it can’t fully accept the words yet.
The science behind confidence
Confidence isn’t a mindset or a personality trait. It’s a learned skill. Psychologists call it self-efficacy, the belief that you can handle what life throws at you. That belief develops when your brain connects effort with outcome. Each time you act and see results, your brain updates its internal “confidence file.”
The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that plans and evaluates decisions, builds trust through data, not affirmations. Every time you follow through, your brain logs proof that you can rely on yourself. That’s why small, consistent actions create more lasting confidence than motivational talk ever could. Confidence is not built in the thinking, it’s built in the doing.
Why affirmations can backfire
When your words don’t match how you feel, your brain experiences inner conflict. You’re saying one thing but feeling another. That tension, known as cognitive dissonance, can make you feel worse. You might start wondering why affirmations “don’t work” or assume you’re doing something wrong.
The problem isn’t effort, it’s the gap between your message and your body’s truth. Affirmations alone can’t override a nervous system that doesn’t yet feel safe. To make them work, pair your words with aligned action. If you tell yourself, “I’m strong,” do one small thing that supports your strength. If you say, “I’m worthy,” make a decision that reflects that worth. Confidence grows when your words and behaviour start lining up.
When affirmations do work
Affirmations can be healthy and effective when they’re grounded in truth. They work best when your nervous system feels calm and your words feel believable. If you’re rebuilding confidence, start with gentle statements that bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Instead of saying: “I love myself completely.”
Try: “I’m learning to like myself more every day.”
Instead of: “I’m fearless.”
Try: “I can handle fear when it shows up.”
These kinds of affirmations help your body feel safe while still encouraging growth. Once your self-trust strengthens, bolder affirmations start to land naturally. They become reminders, not rehearsals, of what you already believe. Affirmations work best as reinforcement, not repair.
The missing piece: Self-trust
Low confidence isn’t a mindset issue, it’s a self-trust issue. When you say yes when you mean no, or make promises you don’t keep, your mind learns you can’t be counted on. Over time, that erodes credibility with yourself.
Rebuilding confidence means keeping your word. Do what you said you would, even in small ways. Every follow-through sends a message to your brain, “I can depend on me.” Neuroscience shows repetition rewires belief. The more you act in alignment, the more your brain associates self-trust with safety. That’s when confidence begins to feel stable again, not forced or faked, but real.
How to rebuild confidence step by step
You don’t need a total life overhaul to feel confident. You just need small, consistent proof that you can rely on yourself. Speak up when you’d usually stay quiet. Say no when something doesn’t feel right. Rest without guilt.
Each choice adds evidence that you’re safe in your own hands, and over time, those moments build real, lasting confidence. Confidence doesn’t come before action, it grows because of it.
The truth about confidence
Confidence isn’t about pretending to be fearless. It’s about knowing you can handle what comes next. You don’t have to think your way into it. You have to live your way into it. Confidence isn’t built in your head. It’s built in your habits, one kept promise at a time.
Transform your confidence from words into action
If you saw yourself in this article, always overthinking, doubting your choices, or wondering why “just be confident” never works, my Confidence Audit was made for you. It’s a short, eye-opening experience that helps you pinpoint where your confidence is solid and where it’s slipping. You’ll uncover what’s really holding you back, understand how your nervous system plays a role, and get simple next steps to rebuild self-trust. You’ll also receive a personalized report and a one-on-one call with me to create a plan that helps you feel confident, capable, and calm again.
Read more from Danielle Young
Danielle Young, International Speaker, Bestselling Author, Coach
Danielle Young is an international speaker, bestselling author, and Master Certified Life Coach dedicated to helping women heal, grow, and reclaim their power. After overcoming her own experiences with trauma, she developed The Inspired Action Method™ to guide others from survival to self-trust. She is the founder of Inspired Action Wellness, where she blends neuroscience, psychology, self-inquiry, and body-based modalities like yoga, breathwork, and somatic healing to help women rebuild confidence and create lasting transformation.
References:
Rahmani, S. et al. (2022). Self-Affirmation Theory: A Review of Its Psychological Basis and Effectiveness. National Institutes of Health. PMC9306298
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control. W.H. Freeman & Co.
Turel, O. (2019). The Neuroscience of Confidence. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 13, 266.
Cuddy, A. J. C. et al. (2018). The Confidence Gap. Harvard Business Review.
Brainz Magazine. (2023). The Journey To Building Confidence
Brainz Magazine. (2023). Why Chasing Confidence Is A Waste Of Time
