Why Being Truly Seen Can Be the Ultimate Trigger
- May 14
- 5 min read
Written by Guy Van de Putte, Spiritual Guide & Mentor
Guy Van de Putte works as a guide for those looking for help navigating life's challenges or finding themselves at a crossroads. Blending shamanism, breathwork and constellation therapy with the non-dual and yogic traditions, he has a wide toolkit to support the power of presence and the healing words to accommodate lasting change.
We often long for a relationship where we can be fully seen and accepted, yet when someone gets close enough to truly witness us, an unexpected discomfort can push us to pull away. This article explores the inner conflict between the identities we perform to feel safe and the mirror intimacy holds up to our unspoken fears, and how returning to self-acceptance can change the way we love and are loved.
It sounds like the ultimate romantic fulfillment to find someone who truly sees us in our best days and our worst days. There we can be completely ourselves, and we don’t have to pretend. Yet every so often, we end up running from that very person. Something feels off, an unease arises in our bodies, and we distance ourselves. That distance calms our bodies, and the only logical conclusion our mind can come up with is that it must have been the other person.
It sounds like a paradox. Running from what we truly want brings us the peace we thought we would find there. So something must have been wrong with that person or that relationship after all. But what? Why didn’t we see it from the start? Maybe we keep attracting these situations repeatedly. Like a bad taste we can’t get out of our mouths. What felt so real turned into something so scary.
The truth is, we all perform an act. We have carefully constructed an image of ourselves that we present to the world. Certain traits, behaviors, or roles give us a sense of acceptance. It brings us validation from our peers by providing something they need. As humans, we have learned to survive in groups. We were dependent on the group for our very survival. As helpless infants, it started in the family we grew up in. We quickly learned that we gained praise and approval by achieving certain goals or performing certain acts. We studied harder to get even better grades. We trained harder to do even better in sports. We helped more in the household, or we learned to be quieter, taking care never to disturb our parents or family members. We turned into the good boy or girl, learning fast how to perform so as not to lose our place in the household. In ancient times, being excluded from the tribe would have resulted in certain death.
We continued to perform. All through our adult lives, even when we can provide for ourselves. It has become second nature, like a body suit that fits perfectly. No way to see where it ends, and the body begins. We have become the pleaser. Or the strong, independent one. The helper or the savior. It repeats itself in our relationships, whether romantic, professional, or just friendships. We don’t even have to think about it. We have perfected the act since the moment we were born.
It can be refreshing to then meet someone where you can be yourself. Someone who brings out a whole new aspect of yourself. Like a breath of fresh air. We slowly start letting our guard down. Cracks start to appear in that armor, that body suit, that carefully crafted image we present to the world. Through those cracks, the light shines. Not inward, but outward. Your true light slowly exposes itself to the world, and it gets picked up fast. You see it in the way someone looks at you, a sparkle in their eyes, a sudden change of posture, or a smile on their face. You feel exposed and quickly try to shut it down, restore the armor, and move on. The more a relationship deepens, the more you let your guard down, and the more your true self starts to shine through. But why can that be so triggering?
The only reason you started to perform in the first place is the belief you weren’t enough, you weren’t good enough as you were, and you had to be different, better, smarter, faster, stronger, quieter, etc. Being seen triggers all these old beliefs. The fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment. Our nervous system goes into overload, telling us to run and hide, to increase our performance, or to adjust our behavior. We start blaming the other person for the unease we feel within our own body. In doing so, we fail to recognize the gift they bring us. They’re just holding up a mirror for what we truly believe about ourselves. That’s why meeting a true spiritual teacher or guru can be so upsetting for many people as well. They see past the veil, straight into the essence of you. Into the pure, innocent, and perfect soul that you are.
But you have to start believing that yourself first. Have a look in the mirror at the beginning and the end of every day. Look into your eyes and remind yourself that you are perfect just the way you are. Start seeing yourself first. Accept yourself and all your crazy little quirks. Be your own authentic self and remember that this is your gift to the world. The world doesn’t need more copies of the same, more clones of some fake ideal. Share the beauty of you with everyone around you. Feel the fear, but do it anyway. The moment you accept yourself, you won’t get triggered or feel exposed anymore. You’ll discover the weight of that mask you’ve been holding up your entire life and how much easier life flows once you stop wasting your time and energy on the performance. Fall in love with yourself first.
After all, isn’t that what makes you fall in love with another person as well? Those cracks, those moments of authenticity, when their true light shines through. Little moments of openness, vulnerability, naivety, or craziness. So open up, let the world fall in love with you. You might not be everyone’s taste, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Some people like dark chocolate, others prefer white. You can’t blame the chocolate for it.
Read more from Guy Van de Putte
Guy Van de Putte, Spiritual Guide & Mentor
Guy Van de Putte works as a guide for all those looking for help navigating life's challenges or finding themselves at a crossroads. His passion is helping people who are ready to wake up go beyond the stories and patterns that unconsciously run their life. Thereby helping them to debunk the lies they told themselves, that are at the root of all the drama in their life, and take back the power over their own lives. So the old wounds from the past can be permanently healed and a new life of true freedom can emerge out of that. A fulfilled life in service off and in harmony with their true calling.
