What Scares You? Is It Really the Spider?
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
Written by Abi Hill, Entrepreneur, Mentor & Coach
Abi Hill is a UK entrepreneur, mentor & coach, and the founder of Just Starting Out. Widely recognised for championing underserved communities and cost-of-living resilience, she’s on a mission to cut first-year failure rates. “If you want to make waves, pack a swimsuit!”
Fear is a funny thing. It can stop us in our tracks, keep us awake at night, and convince us not to do things that we are perfectly capable of doing. But I've often wondered whether we're actually afraid of the things we say we're afraid of. When someone says they're scared of spiders, is it really the spider? When someone says they're scared of heights, is it really the height? When a new entrepreneur says they're scared of starting a business, is it really the business that's frightening them?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that fear often wears a disguise.
The cottage in Devon
In my late twenties, I moved into a beautiful cottage in the Devon countryside. It was peaceful, quiet, and exactly the sort of place people dream about living in. There was just one problem. The spiders.
Not the tiny little spiders that occasionally appear in the corner of your bathroom. These things were enormous. The sort of spiders that make you stop in your tracks and question whether you're actually living in England or have somehow been transported to Australia.
Within the first couple of weeks, I encountered two of them. A friend of mine listened patiently as I described my predicament and then offered a simple solution: "Get a cat."
It sounded sensible enough. So I got a cat. Did it work? Not at all. The cat would happily sit and watch the spiders with complete fascination. He never chased them. Never caught them. Never removed them from the house. He was completely useless. Yet, strangely, I felt better.
The spiders hadn't changed. The cottage hadn't changed. The risk hadn't changed. The only thing that had changed was the feeling that I wasn't facing it alone, which got me thinking.
Was I really afraid of the spiders? Or was I afraid of something else?
So what is the fear?
Many people say they're afraid of spiders. But when you ask a few more questions, the answers become more interesting.
Fear of spiders: Is it the way they move? The unpredictability? The possibility that they might jump? The feeling that they're somewhere they shouldn't be? The way they have far too many legs? Or perhaps it's the fact that they make us feel out of control.
Fear of heights: Most people aren't frightened by standing on a tall building. They're frightened of falling.
Fear of flying: Most people aren't frightened by sitting in a comfortable seat at 35,000 feet. They're frightened by the thought of the plane crashing.
In other words, the thing we think we're afraid of is often just the surface-level version of a deeper fear hiding underneath. The visible fear gets all the attention, whilst the real fear quietly does the damage.
What do the experts say?
Experts define a phobia as an overwhelming and persistent fear of a specific object, situation, place, or activity that poses little or no actual danger. Unlike ordinary fears, phobias can trigger intense anxiety and often lead people to avoid the thing they fear altogether. In fact, the NHS describes phobias as one of the most common forms of anxiety disorder, with an estimated 10 million people in the UK experiencing a phobia at some point in their lives.
Some of the most common phobias include fear of insects, needles, blood, enclosed spaces, and public speaking. However, phobias can be surprisingly specific. While some people fear spiders or snakes, others experience intense anxiety around balloons, buttons, mirrors, vomiting, clowns, or even bananas. As unusual as these fears may sound to those who don't share them, psychologists emphasise that the emotional response is very real.
What does this have to do with business?
Over the years, I've spoken to countless people who want to start a business. Many tell me they're scared.
Scared to launch. Scared to post on social media. Scared to attend networking events. Scared to meet their first customer. Scared to raise their prices. Scared to put themselves out there. But if we dig a little deeper, those things are rarely the real fear.
Someone who is afraid to post on LinkedIn may not be afraid of social media at all. They may be afraid that nobody will engage with their post. Or worse, that people will. Someone who is afraid to launch their business may not be afraid of launching. They may be afraid of failing publicly. Someone who is afraid of meeting their first customer may not be afraid of the customer. They may be afraid of disappointing them.
When we strip away the surface-level fear, we often uncover something far more human. Rejection. Embarrassment. Judgement. Disappointment. Failure. Not feeling good enough.
The fear behind the fear.
What new business owners told us
Recently, we explored this topic with 150 aspiring and early-stage business owners, and the results were fascinating.
The biggest fear
The biggest fear people reported wasn't creating a website or understanding tax. It wasn't registering a business or growing their socials. The number one concern was that their business wouldn't make money.
The second biggest fear
The second biggest concern was competition. At first glance, those answers seem straightforward. But when we look closer, they reveal something deeper. Why are people worried that their business won't make money? Because they fear failure. Because they fear losing time, energy, or savings. Because they fear having to admit that something didn't work.
Why are people worried about competition? Often because they worry that someone else is better than them. More experienced. More qualified. More talented. More established.
Once again, the fear sitting on the surface isn't always the real fear underneath.
How do we manage fear?
There's a popular phrase that says, "Do one thing every day that scares you."
Well, I've never been entirely convinced. Life can be challenging enough without deliberately seeking out new reasons to feel terrified. Instead, I'd suggest something different. Do one thing that gives you confidence or creates momentum.
What that looks like is anyone’s guess, but it could be speaking to a potential customer, updating your website, or celebrating a small win. Confidence doesn’t always come through overcoming fear.
They’re more frightened of you than you are of them
This is absolute nonsense. But looking back, the spiders in that Devon cottage taught me that often in life, the real challenge lies beneath the surface. The challenge is identifying what we're actually afraid of and deciding whether that fear deserves to make the decision for us.
Once we understand the fear behind the fear, it often becomes much easier to move forward. As for me, I’m still terrified of spiders, and I now have three cats. Are they any good at catching spiders? No. But I don’t seem to get many these days. Think about that!
Read more from Abi Hill
Abi Hill, Entrepreneur, Mentor & Coach
Drawing from a Senior Management background and 20+ years working alongside minority and underserved communities, Abi is best known for advocating within the start-up community, her mission being to reduce the 20% of small businesses that don’t make it through year one by giving them the tools, training, and trust they deserve. Because why should starting out mean forking out?
