Written by: Karen Gibson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If I could wave a magic wand to every worried parent (myself included), I would urge every parent to STOP negative futurizing. When we envision the worst possible catastrophes our children might experience, we end up traveling down that deep dark hole of negativity. I remember when my 19-year-old daughter was in 4th grade and failed to turn in her book report on time; I had visions of her being fired from a job as an adult because she would be consistently late. When my 25-year-old daughter was so shy that her preschool teachers thought she was mute, I worried that she would never be able to speak in public with confidence.
As an educator for nearly three decades and a parent coach, the number one challenge parents seem to suffer from is fearing that their children will not possess the skills to be successfully independent adults. Many check every homework assignment and become way too invested in their children’s school projects that they end up doing the majority of their work. I’ve had parents of high school students constantly contacting teachers to ensure that their child has turned in assignments, passed exams with high grades, and completed extra credit work. Many of us take our child’s failures personally. We feel that it’s our job to ensure our kids complete extra practice to prevent low test scores and nag endlessly to prevent any incomplete work. If our teen suffers from mental breakdowns, we often need to heal their broken soul.
When will we learn that children need to be responsible for their journey? We must surrender our worries and simply trust that our children will be turn out fine without our intervention. If they fall, we should envision them getting back up. Once we stop worrying, the worries will fade. The parenting tip that will melt away future worries is simply letting go of the need to control our child’s future. Let our children learn from natural consequences even if we feel that their choices are the worst possible choices to make. Parents feel uncomfortable watching their kids suffer from anxiety. The truth is that they desperately desire to protect themselves from witnessing it. We have low tolerance, and our emotional tank is nearly empty from constant worry. Many of us can’t stand the anxiety building up as we watch them struggle. When we rush in and prevent our children from experiencing negative emotions, it increases their anxiety and ours. As parents, when we learn to stop worrying, we not only help build our children’s self-esteem, we allow them to develop the needed skills to navigate a forever changing society and overcome challenges. If there’s one tip that will reduce the tremendous parental stress that seems to build exponentially as our children grow, it’s to surrender any worries. Parents must allow their children to make mistakes to build resilience from suffering. It’s essential to trust that our children will overcome any challenges. Our ultimate goal is to prepare our children for life without us. If we continuously worry and hover over them, how will they learn to navigate life independently? Co-dependency can cause our children to grow into adults who fail to set
relationships.
Karen Gibson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Karen is the founder of "Letting Go with Aloha," offering coaching for overwhelmed parents and those in parenting roles who want to parent with peace instead of pain. As a former special education teacher, she also founded Brain Builders, a private tutoring business whose mission is to enhance students' mental and emotional potential. She is the author of "Mama's Gotta Let Go: How to Let Go Without Losing Your Sanity,” available on Amazon, as well as “100 Parenting Tips Inspired by the Pandemic,” published in March 2021 by Balboa Press.
