What If Your Child Chose You?
Updated: 1 hour ago
Lital is a women's wellness expert, entrepreneur, and founder of WholeNest, an all-natural postpartum care and family wellness line. With a background in holistic health, Shiatsu, Pilates, body-mind balancing, and spirituality, she integrates conscious living, emotional awareness, and personal transformation.
We spend so much time thinking about what we will teach our children. We imagine the values we will pass on, the opportunities we will offer, and the love that will help them feel safe in the world. Then they arrive, with personalities, needs, and ways of seeing life that we could never have fully anticipated.
Somewhere between the plans we made and the children we actually meet, our own education begins. I believe that our children choose us before they enter this world. I see the bond between parent and child as a soul connection, an agreement to meet in this lifetime, each bringing something essential to the other's journey. Our children come with a purpose of their own, and our relationship with them also invites us to grow.
You do not have to share this belief to explore the question it raises: What if there is a deeper meaning to why this particular child is in your life?
The child beyond our expectations
Before becoming parents, many of us carry an image of the family we hope to have. We may imagine a child who shares our interests, responds to our guidance, or moves through life in ways we understand.
Yet a child is a whole person. Their temperament may be different from ours. Their pace may challenge our patience. What comforts us may overwhelm them. What comes easily to us may require great effort from them.
Believing that our child chose us does not mean assuming we already know how to parent them. It asks us to pay closer attention. Who is this person entrusted to our care? What do they need from us? Which of our expectations are helping us see them, and which are getting in the way?
Their purpose belongs to them. Our task is to support its unfolding, even when it takes a direction we would not have chosen.
What our children bring to the surface
Few relationships reach so deeply into us as the relationship with our children. Their disappointment can stir our guilt. Their resistance can awaken our need for control. Their growing independence can touch a fear of being left behind.
A sensitive child may invite us to soften the tone we once considered normal. A strong-willed child may ask us to develop boundaries that are firm without becoming harsh. A child who needs more time may reveal how closely we have tied our own worth to achievement.
These encounters can be uncomfortable. They can also make visible patterns we have carried for years without questioning them.
When a reaction feels bigger than the moment in front of us, we can pause and ask: What am I afraid of right now? Am I responding to my child, or to an old experience this moment reminds me of? What do I need to understand in myself so I can respond with more care? The answer will not always come immediately. Sometimes growth begins with noticing that we have a choice.
Our healing remains our responsibility
There is an important responsibility within this perspective. Our children are not here to manage our emotions, repair our past, or make us feel complete. The relationship may reveal places in us that need healing, and doing that work belongs to us.
A child needs room to be angry, uncertain, different, and imperfect without carrying the weight of a parent's growth. We can seek support, examine our patterns, and learn to respond differently. We can apologize when we get something wrong.
An apology can be simple: “I was frustrated, and I spoke too sharply. That was my responsibility. Let me try again.”
In that moment, we give our child an experience of an adult taking ownership. We also practice becoming the parent we want to be.
Finding meaning in ordinary moments
The larger purpose of parenthood often meets us in ordinary places: getting everyone out the door, sitting beside a child who is struggling, listening to a story when we are tired, or holding a boundary through tears.
Remembering a deeper connection can help us bring more intention to those moments. We may still feel frustrated or exhausted. We may still need help. Meaning gives us a reason to return to the relationship with curiosity and care.
For me, believing that my children chose me brings both comfort and humility. It reminds me that our connection matters and that I must keep learning how to honor it.
I do not believe every painful experience needs an explanation. We can seek meaning while taking suffering seriously, protecting our children, and getting the support they need. A belief in purpose should deepen our care for one another.
Growing together
Perhaps the agreement between parent and child is an invitation to keep becoming, to meet the person in front of us more honestly, to loosen old patterns, and to love with greater understanding.
We guide our children as they discover who they are. Along the way, we discover parts of ourselves that still need attention, courage, and tenderness.
If our children choose us, then being chosen carries a responsibility. We can honor that connection by listening closely, taking ownership of our growth, and allowing them the freedom to live their own lives. The child we are raising is becoming someone. So are we.
Read more from Lital Bernstein
Lital Bernstein, Founder & Owner of WholeNest
Lital Bernstein is a women's wellness expert, entrepreneur, and founder of WholeNest, an all-natural postpartum care and family wellness line born as a natural extension of her many years of experience in the wellness field. Her background spans holistic health, Shiatsu, Pilates, body-mind balancing, Theta Healing, spirituality, and conscious living. Throughout the years, Lital has taught and facilitated body-mind classes, healing circles, Pilates, and workshops exploring the internal organs and the Five Elements of Chinese medicine, along with other experiences designed to help people reconnect with themselves on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Her approach brings together natural wellness, emotional awareness, consciousness, and personal transformation. A mother based in New York City, Lital is devoted to helping others, especially women, feel supported, empowered, and more deeply connected to their own well-being and purpose.
