Understanding, Coping, and Finding Support When We Have Thoughts of Ending Our Own Lives
- Sep 9, 2025
- 8 min read
Written by Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma and she is researching the harms that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
Suicidal thoughts can be frightening, confusing, isolating, and overwhelming. People around us may respond to an expression of these thoughts with statements like “but why? You have so much to live for” or “don’t be silly, you don’t want to die”, or worse.
It’s important to know you are not alone in what you’re experiencing. So many people across the world are experiencing these thoughts and feelings every day. Beneath them, we often find loneliness, a sense of hopelessness, exhaustion, and despair, which happen for all kinds of reasons. The article offers some suggestions for ways you might be able to respond differently to your own thoughts and feel safe enough to regain hope. This is often most helpful when implemented alongside effective and appropriate support and care from others.
This article offers a compassionate and evidence-based guide to understanding how suicidal ideation develops and tries to provide some practical tips to help manage and navigate these thoughts, along with some information about ways to find appropriate and caring support.
If you or someone you know is struggling intensely, please consider seeking professional support as soon as possible or contacting a suicide prevention service in your country.
Why do people experience suicidal thoughts?
Suicidal ideation is complex. It rarely happens as the result of a single event or brief change in mental state. More often, people experience these feelings after multiple sustained and interacting factors. These can include:
Discrimination, systemic barriers, and stigma based on colour, religion, race, socioeconomic status, gender or sexual identity, neurodiversity, physical or mental ability, body size, or any other reasons.
Mental health challenges of any kind.
A sense of hopelessness or feeling like nothing can change for whatever reason.
Isolation and loneliness, such as being cut off or separated from meaningful relationships, or feeling misunderstood and unheard.
Major stressors such as unavoidable life changes like relationship difficulties or the death of someone we care about, loss of or underemployment, chronic illness and disability, financial insecurity, loss of housing, or experiencing trauma.
Ongoing world and local events like wars or natural disasters.
Existential challenges stemming from a sense of lost purpose and meaning, dignity, or autonomy.
It’s vital to recognize that these thoughts are not a failure or personal flaw. With understanding and support, people can and do find hope and freedom and thrive.
What’s the role of loss of hope and sense of helplessness?
Hopelessness makes it hard to imagine a future. Helplessness leads us to believe we have no power to change anything at all. It can narrow your thinking, leading you to see only pain and struggle or dead-end outcomes. As despair deepens, suicide may start to seem like “the only solution,” even if other options exist, they may seem invisible or impossible in those moments.
Hopelessness also discourages help-seeking. If you think no one or nothing can help, reaching out seems pointless. But research shows that those who find even a small glimmer of hope, even in unexpected places, are more likely to survive and eventually recover.
I always hold onto the idea that things will work out. They may not be what I want. They often are nothing like what I hoped for. Sometimes it is painful. Sometimes, the fight against the unfolding outcome is the most distressing part. And yet, somehow, it can be ok eventually if I hang in there through the hard and scary parts.
You are not your thoughts
When these thoughts intrude or snowball, please remember that what we think is not factual. I am not my thoughts, I am more than my thoughts, and I know this because I can also step back and observe my thoughts. Those deeply negative thoughts are responses to deep and ongoing pain and suffering. We are so much more than our darkest thoughts and moments.
Everyone’s journey is unique, everyone’s experience is different, and everyone’s adventure is their own. The following strategies can help interrupt the cycle of hopelessness by finding calm amidst the storm.
Some tips for managing suicidal thoughts
Create your own plan, listing things that help, and let some other people know about it.
Here are some ideas for things you could try during moments when thoughts are intruding. They may be helpful, and you might need to try more than one to notice any reduction in the intensity of those thoughts. Remember that you can repeat these as often as needed and that the thoughts might not disappear completely. The goal is to reduce the distress and allow yourself some space to find a sense of hope and maybe feel calmer.
What are the warning signs that things are spiralling downwards? Create a short list of the things that you and others might notice when you start feeling worse. For example: changes in sleep, appetite, withdrawing and isolating, not returning messages or calls, and intrusive, harmful thoughts. Share these with a trusted person if you can.
Identify your go-to coping strategies: This includes activities that might soothe you or distract you (listening to music, dancing, going to the park and playing on the swings, watching a movie, doing puzzles, walking, writing, creating, breathing exercises, etc)
People to call: Make a list of supportive and trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals, and keep these close.
Professional and crisis contacts: Keep phone numbers for crisis helplines or emergency contacts accessible.
Ways to make your environment safe: Remove or secure items you could use for self-harm or that may lead to an increase in intensity of the thoughts.
Writing out a safety plan on paper or your phone can be a powerful anchor during distress. When moments of distress are elevated, you can change your phone's screen saver to something that brings you back to things you value.
Practice present moment awareness and grounding
When suicidal thoughts appear, try to notice them without judgment as mental events, as stories your brain is telling you, rather than as commands or directives. Techniques like mindfulness can help you “watch” your thoughts come and go, creating distance between painful feelings and actions.
Say to yourself: “I am noticing that I am having the thought to...”
Label the feeling: “I’m having the thought that I can’t tolerate this any longer.”
Slow down, slow down the pace of your speech, slow down the pace of your breathing, slow down the pace of your movement. Notice what is around you, what you can see, hear, touch, what colours can you see?
Breathe, focusing on your breath, focusing on the in and then the out, pause in between. Notice the cooler entering your nose and the warmer air exiting your nose. Allow the thoughts space to enter your mind and leave again when they are ready.
Reach out, connection fights isolation
You might feel like a burden or worry about “bringing others down.” These are symptoms of a sense of hopelessness and distorted thoughts, they are not objective truths. Evidence shows that connection, even in small ways, reduces suicide risk:
Call or text a trusted friend or relative, even if you simply say, “I’m struggling and could use some company.”
Join peer support groups online or in person.
Consider talking to a warm crisis helpline. Anonymous, trained listeners can offer immediate support. Do this with care and intention, and try to find a service that will be supportive rather than reactive.
Connection doesn’t mean you need to tell anyone everything all at once. Sometimes, sharing even a little can break the sense of aloneness.
Disrupt the cycle: Change your environment
When dark thoughts become intense, getting physically “unstuck” can change their power:
Leave the space you’re in and walk around the block.
Go somewhere with other people, parks, cafes, or libraries.
Engage in a simple activity (shower, listen to uplifting music, tend to a plant, or play with a pet).
This isn’t about “curing” the pain. It’s about distracting and putting some space between you and the thoughts, with the intention of reducing the immediate urge to act impulsively.
Focus on the present: A one more hour or day approach
When hopelessness insists that the pain will never end, try to put your focus on something. Be intentional in the thing you focus on. Focus on that single thing:
Focus on getting through the next hour or next day, rather than trying to solve everything.
Tell yourself. I can survive this moment. I will survive this moment. I don’t have to do what these thoughts are telling me to do.
Write down or say aloud any reason to keep living, no matter how small. If you can’t find one, commit to giving yourself one more day to try.
Seek professional support
Therapists, counsellors, and doctors are trained to help with suicidal perspectives. You don’t need to wait until things get “worse.” There are evidence-based therapies that can help with strategies and skills for managing intense emotions and shifting thoughts of hopelessness. You may also be able to connect with peer support workers and lived experience advocates who can help you navigate the systems and find a provider who could help with your individual circumstances and needs.
Medication can help to stabilize mood or reduce symptoms when clinically appropriate. Be honest with your healthcare provider about what you’re experiencing and what might be most helpful for you.
Limit access to means
Reducing immediate access to potentially lethal means (such as firearms, certain medications) saves lives. Even if you doubt your ability to act, there are some practical steps you can take:
Ask someone you trust to hold onto those items temporarily.
Store medications in a lockable box or give them to a friend for safekeeping.
Avoid impulsive decisions by distancing yourself from any means when you feel vulnerable.
Remember, you have survived through hard times before
Intentionally recall moments where you endured darkness and it eventually lightened, even a little.
Consider:
What helped then?
Who did you talk to, or what small things assisted you?
What are you proud of surviving?
Every hard time you’ve moved past before is evidence of your courage and strength.
Practice self-compassion
You may criticize yourself for feeling suicidal, believing you “should” be stronger or “shouldn’t feel this way.” Recognize that these emotions arise from pain, not weakness. Practice gentle self-talk:
“I am having a hard time, and I am doing what I can to get through.”
“It’s okay to need help.”
“This pain can and will change.”
Check out resources on self-compassion, such as Kristen Neff, who provided a plethora of free and accessible tools here.
Challenge hopelessness: Notice small signs of hope
When your mind insists things will never improve, look for “exceptions.” Even tiny moments of laughter at a joke, enjoying a meal, warmth from the sun remind us that life can still contain fragments of light.
Keep a “glimmers of hope journal” where you list micro-moments (no matter how small) that brought relief or pleasure. Over time, this can begin to challenge the narrative of total hopelessness.
Myths about suicidal thoughts
“Talking about suicide will make things worse.”
In reality, asking directly about suicidal thoughts saves lives. Honest conversations reduce shame, provide relief, and connect people to help.
“Once suicidal, always suicidal.”
Most people who survive do not go on to continue thinking about or eventually die by suicide. With time and support, things can and do change.
“Only people with mental illness feel this way.”
While mental health issues increase risk, anyone can be pushed to suicidal thoughts by life circumstances, trauma, or chronic pain.
When to seek immediate help
If you ever feel unable to keep yourself safe, it’s an emergency just like a heart attack or injury. Don’t try to “wait it out” alone.
Go to an emergency room or call a suicide prevention hotline.
Ask someone you trust to stay with you.
Remove access to dangerous items.
Reaching out is an act of courage, not weakness.
Final thoughts
Suicidal thoughts can be a sign that your suffering has exceeded your current resources, not that you are broken, bad, or incapable of recovery. Hope and help exist, even if you cannot see them right now. By using strategies to stay safe, reaching out to others, and seeking professional guidance, you give yourself and those who care for you a powerful chance at a better future.
Your life matters. You matter. You are valuable. Please, hold on. There is a path through even the deepest darkness.
Read more from Sandi James
Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma. She is currently doing her PhD researching harms and adverse events that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
