Written by: Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We can learn a lot from our pets, can’t we?
My dog Achilles lies in this very specific part of our house. It’s by a window in a room that we typically don’t go in.
We’ve never told her to go in there. We’ve never shown her that sunny spot and yet somehow she found it and she chooses it all the time. I drew an easy conclusion; she must like it if she’s choosing it.
Because why would she choose something that she didn’t like?
And I had to laugh.
It seems like a simple question with an obvious answer.
I’m sure your brain wheels are already turning about humans and how we do things differently. As soon as I asked that question I immediately thought of how people seem to choose things in a complex way.
We have an infinite ability to create logic for and rationalize any decision we make.
This often leads to us choosing things we don’t like. Probably more than any of us would like to admit.
We don’t pick the sunny spot because we like it.
Instead, we sit in the dark corner, on the hard wooden wobbly chair because somebody gave it to us. Someone that we might not even like or know.
We choose to stay in situations, relationships, agreements, and even habits that we don’t want and don’t like.
And I know you’re wondering if this is true for you, and it’s good to wonder because wondering means that you’re learning something, doesn’t it?
This is true for the person who chooses to stay in an unfulfilling relationship because her parents taught her that loyalty is an important family value.
This is true for the person who decides to stay in the dissatisfying job that pays the bills but kills their soul and takes them away from who and what they love.
This is true for the person who has the “best intentions,” to eat well but keeps gorging on doughnuts, skittles, and pringles.
It’s true for the closet artist who ignores the little nudge to spend his days at the beach and painting landscapes.
It’s the dreamer who hears a little voice inside them calling them to rally for change and they say, “I’ll do that later.”
It’s the person who says, “When the kids move out,” or “When I retire,” or “When I win the lottery,”
Isn’t it so interesting how often we do this as humans? When these choices are repeated over and over they become habits.
Meanwhile, Achilles is happily chilling in her self-found sunny spot in the vacant room.
It’s different between animals and humans. Wild animals - and our pets to some degree - do what they want, when they want. They follow their natural urges. They think less. They don’t rationalize their choices.
Humans override their nature. All the time. Every time we do it, we deny ourselves.
And we know when we do this, that it’s not good for us. We know it’s not good for us because we feel it in our bodies, don’t we?
Our physiology changes when we make choices that we don’t want or like. Maybe it shows up as anxiety, insomnia, burnout, hormonal imbalances, persistent pain or autoimmune disease.
You might be reading this with wide eyes, thinking, “REALLY?” Yep. I’ve seen all those connections (and more) over the years as a Naturopathic Doctor and brain-based transformation coach.
If we know we’re miserable, why don’t we do anything about it?
We might be aware of the change we want. We might be able to describe in vivid detail our dream life. But we can’t think our way there because change doesn’t happen at the level of the conscious mind.
Change happens at the level of the unconscious mind.
Here’s the difference. If you had a PhD in hair growth and you knew all the details about how hair grows, would you be able to start or stop your hair growing at will? No, this change is happening beyond your conscious control.
All change, habits, learning and healing happen at the level of the unconscious mind. The habits of staying when you want to go, going when you want to stay, ignoring that little voice inside, putting others first, or eating junk food, are all happening deep below the surface of your awareness.
The good news? Each choice and habit serves a purpose. It meets a need. As a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner, I believe that behind every behavior is a positive intention. Even the ones that seem to be making us miserable, have a higher intention for us. This is a great opportunity for self reflection.
I bet you’re tempted to say, “Why am I still here and still doing this? I’m not happy!” Why questions are not going to get you the shift you’re looking for. Why questions will give you reasons and excuses. Because loyalty, because the pay is good, because doughnuts taste so good, because I can’t make a living as an artist, so why bother? Because I’m not worthy enough of getting or having what I want.
Instead, a far more productive question is, “For what purpose?”
Stop and do this right now. Ask yourself, “What purpose does this unwanted choice serve?”
And if you automatically think, “There is no purpose. I’m suffering here,” then give your unconscious mind a little credit. Suspend disbelief for a moment and imagine that your unconscious mind actually wants the best for you.
Ask again. If you were to know, what could your unconscious mind be trying to achieve for you by staying in the habit of this unwanted choice? If you were to know, what is the benefit?
That little thought or vision or sound that just popped into your head? That’s why you’re sitting on the hard wooden wobbly chair in the dark corner, instead of finding the sunny spot that you really like to lounge around in.
This next question is your way out of the unwanted patterns.
How can you meet that need, serve that purpose, reach that higher intention in a different way, with a different choice that is more loving, supportive, and nurturing to you and your desires?
The good news? The unconscious mind can change. It can heal. It can easily and effortlessly break through the negative emotions, traumas, or limiting decisions that are keeping it - and you - stuck on that hard chair.
That’s exactly what I do with my coaching clients. We use contemporary neurological rewiring techniques to clear the past which allows you to regain power over your choices, and reclaim your ability to choose your desires.
The sunny spot becomes the easy choice.
If you’re ready to change your mind so you can change your life, then I invite you to consider a breakthrough. You can read about it here and can book a discovery call here. Those calls are free and we chat heart-to-heart to see if a breakthrough is the next best step for where you're at and what you’re wanting.
Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Tonia has been practicing as a Naturopathic Doctor since 2007. With contemporary neurological reprogramming techniques, she helps women overcome burnout, stress, anxiety, and fatigue. Essentially she helps them calm their minds, sleep deeply, and find joy and energy in their lives again. Guiding clients through a "Breakthrough" process, they recode their unconscious minds for change, self-care, and success, priming them to create new, healthy, sustainable habits. Dr. Tonia has been featured on CTV, the Costco Connection, The Elephant Journal, Conscious Nutrition, The Autoimmune Simplified Podcast, and the New Generation Entrepreneur Podcast. Ultimately she helps everyday people create exceptional lives for themselves and their communities. To learn more about her brain-based coaching breakthroughs, head on over to https://www.toniawinchester.com/breakthrough/
