Turning Pain into Purpose and Empowering Others to Heal – Exclusive Interview with John Comerford
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 4
- 6 min read
John Comerford is a Sydney-based author, speaker, and advocate for men's mental health. His journey, from childhood trauma and decades of silence to storytelling and advocacy, is a testament to resilience and the power of hope. Through narrative therapy and writing, JJ reclaimed his voice, creating projects like "Tarzan Loves Jane" and "Battle Armour," and now inspires others to find strength in vulnerability.
John Comerford, Author/Motivational Speaker
For those unfamiliar with your story, what pivotal experiences shaped your journey from survivor to advocate and author?
When I was 11, I was raped by a Christian Brother while cleaning the church at my school. My family’s deep religious ties made me feel isolated and unable to speak up. 2 of my aunties were nuns. I kept this secret for decades, leading to addiction, self-harm, and depression. At 52, a mental health breakdown forced me to confront my past. Saying “I was raped” out loud for the first time marked the beginning of my healing journey. Narrative therapy helped me separate my identity from the trauma, and writing became a way to reclaim my voice. This led me to advocacy and authorship, using my story to support others and challenge stigma. My books, Tarzan Loves Jane and Battle Armour, reflect this journey and offer hope and practical strategies to other survivors.
You endured decades of silence. What finally gave you the courage to break it?
In 2017, there was a Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse in Australia; the ongoing stories were everywhere. I fell into a dark space during that time that I struggled to get out of, and decided to end my life. On my way to do that, my children called, inviting me to their award presentation the following day. That moment made me realise that ending my pain would only pass it to them. Their love outweighed my self-hatred. I went to the hospital instead and, for the first time, said the words: “I was raped.” Speaking those words was terrifying but freeing. The emotions that followed were overwhelming, but it was the start of real healing.
After you first spoke those words, what changed within yourself?
The first months were raw. I judged myself harshly and felt exposed. Medications and therapy appointments left me numb and unsure. When my story was published nationally, I wasn’t ready for the spotlight, and my mental health spiralled. I don’t regret telling my truth, but I was unprepared for the vulnerability. I learned that speaking out isn’t a magic fix. I wanted it to be a turning point, but I was still self-medicating and struggling to connect with those trying to help me. Healing, I discovered, required facing the darkest parts of myself, and I wasn’t ready to stand in front of that darkness at first.
What has helped you most in moving forward with healing?
Two things shifted my healing: narrative therapy and meeting my partner, Amber. Narrative therapy helped me see my trauma as part of my story, not my whole identity. Writing allowed me to process everything and express feelings I’d never spoken. Sharing my truth with Amber was terrifying but liberating. It helped me move past self-sabotage and fear of rejection. For years, I believed my trauma made me unlovable. Only by being honest with myself and with Amber did I begin to understand real connection, which started a new chapter built on vulnerability and hope.
How did turning pain into storytelling help you process and transform your trauma?
Writing was my lifeline. It helped me release pain and chaos built up from years of silence. At first, I wrote to make sense of nightmares and memories. Over time, I saw that storytelling could help me heal and reach others struggling in the dark. My first book, Tarzan Loves Jane, was essential for my mental health, especially the chapter about my assault. Writing that was painful but liberating. That honesty was where I truly began to heal and believe in hope again.
Tarzan Loves Jane is a dark romantic comedy based on your life. What inspired you to write it, and what do you hope readers take away?
Tarzan Loves Jane was born from narrative therapy and my desire to prove to Amber that I could be the hero in my own story. It’s our love story. I wanted to show that even in the darkest moments, there can be humour, love, and hope. I didn’t want Tarzan Loves Jane to be a sad story; I wanted it to be funny, but more importantly, it’s a love story. My message is simple: No matter what you’ve been through, you can rewrite your story. You are not defined by your trauma, and secondly love, real, vulnerable love, can transform you.
How did your relationship with Amber change your outlook on love, vulnerability, and healing?
Before Amber, I was never truly open or vulnerable. I kept my guard up, afraid to let anyone see my pain. Amber challenged me to face my past and commit to healing, not just for myself but for our relationship and my children. Her support and belief in me inspired a transformation I never thought possible. I learned that real love requires vulnerability and that healing begins when we allow ourselves to be seen and supported. Amber is the most incredible human I know. I feel incredibly blessed to have met her.
What inspired your self-help book Battle Armour, and what do you hope readers take away?
Battle Armour was inspired by my years hiding behind emotional defences. My “battle armour” once protected me, but eventually kept me from healing and connecting. I wanted to create something for men who struggle in isolation and feel ashamed or unworthy. I hope readers see that true strength comes from the courage to take off the armour and face life honestly. Healing isn’t about never feeling pain; it’s about being vulnerable, reaching out, and connecting with others who understand.
100% of the proceeds from the sale of Battle Armour are donated to SAMSN, an organisation dedicated to supporting men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. Giving back to other men is something I am extremely proud of.
Many survivors struggle with shame and self-blame. What would you say to someone who feels trapped in silence or believes they are alone in their pain?
Simply this: You are not alone! Shame and self-blame are lies that keep you isolated. I spent decades believing no one would understand what I was feeling or going through, but the truth is, there are so many others who have walked this path. After speaking to other men, the one thing that still stands out to me is that we all go through and feel the same things. Speaking up is terrifying, but it's also the first step to freedom. Find someone you love or trust and express your feelings to them. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's powerful, it's the beginning of healing. The more men speak up, the better the world will be. This generation of men has the power to create a lasting legacy for all our sons and grandsons. That's the journey I am on: Generational change.
What practical tools or daily practices have helped you manage your mental health and maintain hope?
My mental health toolbox comes straight from Battle Armour. Battle Armour is 25 25-tool kit for men who are struggling with their mental health. These are the tools that I have used and continue to use as part of my journey. That’s why I am so excited about the Battle Armour movement, I know it works, because I use the tools daily.
What are the biggest misconceptions about male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and how do you challenge these?
The biggest misconception is that men aren’t victims or should just “get over it.” There’s a stigma around male vulnerability and mental health that keeps too many silent. By sharing my story openly, I hope to challenge those stereotypes and show that healing is possible. We need spaces where men can talk about pain without fear or shame.
What are your hopes for your advocacy, your creative work, and the legacy you want to leave?
I want to inspire others to speak up, seek help, and believe in the possibility of healing. I want to break the silence around male trauma and show that it's never too late to start over.
Through my writing advocacy, I hope to leave a legacy of resilience, honesty, and hope. If my books, Tarzan Loves Jane and Battle Armour, help even one person choose life, it will have all been worth it.
JJ Comerford’s journey stands as a testament to the possibility of healing, the courage found in vulnerability, and the importance of community on the road to recovery. Guided by his mission, “No man suffers in silence,” he uses storytelling and advocacy to illuminate the path for men everywhere, empowering them to reclaim their voices and rebuild their lives.
Read more from John Comerford
