The Wounds Left by Parents
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 11
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 12
Written by Jaskaran Soomal, Mental Health Mentor
Jaskaran Soomal is well-known in the realm of mental health and mindfulness. She is the founder of A Mindful Message, an online platform dedicated to mental wellness, the publisher of well-being journals, and an advocate speaker for international students.
At A Mindful Message, healing begins when silence is broken. Many of us carry invisible wounds from childhood, often shaped by the dynamics we had with our mother, father, or primary caregivers. These are not always dramatic or obvious traumas; sometimes, they are quiet moments of absence, criticism, or unmet needs that echo throughout our adult lives.
We call these experiences mother wounds and father wounds. They do not define us, but they often shape the way we see ourselves, how we form relationships, and how we walk into our purpose. Naming these wounds is the first step in rewriting our story with compassion, growth, and freedom. To better understand how these wounds affect us, let’s define what parent wounds are.
A parent wound is the lasting emotional imprint left when the bond with a parent feels unsafe, absent, or conditional.
A mother who was emotionally unavailable, critical, or dismissive leaves a dark imprint. The majority of the time, she is overprotective, which leaves little room for independence. At other times, she lacks nurturing, which creates feelings of abandonment or unworthiness.
A father who was absent, or someone physically present but withdrawn, unresponsive, or unable to express warmth and affection, creates emotional distance. This can leave a child feeling unseen, unheard, or disconnected, creating a lingering sense of loneliness and self-doubt.
Other expressions include harshness, conditional approval, or a lack of guidance, protection, and validation. Adults carrying this wound may struggle with self-confidence, fear of failure, or difficulty establishing boundaries.
They may feel compelled to overachieve to “earn” love and recognition, or they may experience challenges trusting authority figures. Often, the wound leaves a persistent question, “Am I truly safe and worthy?”
Both wounds whisper the same doubts, “Am I enough? Am I safe? Am I lovable?”
How do parent wounds show up in adult life?
In relationships, a person may struggle with trust, fear abandonment, or even avoid intimacy altogether. Their sense of self-worth can be challenged by a loud inner critic, leading to people-pleasing or overachieving in an effort to “earn” love and approval.
Emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness can feel overwhelming and hard to manage, and a lingering sense of not being good enough can persist, no matter the accomplishments or successes.
These patterns of avoidance are not flaws. They are survival strategies. What once kept us safe as children is now asking to be healed as adults.
The science of inherited wounds
Modern research shows us that parent wounds are not only psychological but can also be biological and generational. Epigenetics teaches us that trauma can echo across generations. The emotional pain of a parent or grandparent can shape how genes express themselves, influencing stress responses and emotional patterns.
Epigenetic changes are reversible. Healing practices such as therapy, mindfulness, and community support can rewire neural pathways and break generational cycles.
At A Mindful Message, the company recognises that healing doesn’t look the same for everyone. Parenting styles, family structures, and cultural expectations differ across communities. That’s why, as a company, support is provided in over 35 languages, with practitioners who not only understand mental health but also the cultural and spiritual contexts clients bring with them.
Meeting yourself with compassion
Self-awareness is a powerful doorway to healing. Here are a few gentle questions to explore:
What patterns in my relationships feel familiar from childhood?
What did I long for from my mother or father that I still seek today?
How do I speak to myself, and whose voice does it sound like?
What cycle am I ready to break for myself or for future generations?
Take time with these questions. Write them down. Notice the emotions. Awareness itself is a healing act.
Steps toward healing parent wounds
Healing means breaking cycles with compassion, not assigning blame.
Safe connection: Start healing through relationships. Find practitioners who share your background to feel truly understood.
Therapeutic support: Evidence-based counselling helps process grief, trauma, and unmet needs in a safe, structured space.
Re-parenting tools: Learn how to nurture your “inner child,” the part of you that still longs for the love and safety that may have been missing.
Cultural sensitivity: Recognising that cultures are diverse, openly addressing wounds can sometimes feel taboo or disrespectful. The approach should create a respectful pathway forward.
Declarations to anchor healing: Words are powerful. They shift mindsets and rewire inner narratives. Here are declarations we encourage clients to practice daily:
I am no longer bound by the wounds of my past.
I honour my parents’ humanity, and I choose to break cycles with love.
I am safe to give and receive nurturing in healthy ways.
I am worthy of unconditional love and acceptance.
I release shame and walk boldly into healing and freedom.
Speaking these aloud, journaling them, or reflecting on them daily can anchor healing in the body and mind.
A hopeful reframe
Healing parent wounds is not about assigning blame; it is about understanding and forgiveness. It is about freedom. It is about choosing compassion, both for yourself and for the generations before you who may not have had the tools to do better.
Every step you take toward awareness, compassion, and growth is a step toward rewriting your family story. When you heal, you don’t just heal for yourself; you heal for the generations to come.
Jaskaran Soomal, Mental Health Mentor
Jaskaran Soomal is a pioneer in the field of mental health, dedicated to breaking down language and cultural barriers in accessing healthcare. Utilizing self-awareness and Maslow's hierarchy of needs, she has developed a blueprint guide for achieving optimal health. She is the founder of A Mindful Message, an initiative aimed at promoting mental wellness through accessible and inclusive approaches. Her mission: To build the world's most human-centric multilingual mental health service.
