The Quiet Violence of Settling and Why “Good Enough” is Slowly Killing Your Potential
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 23
- 5 min read
Written by Jayne Robinson, Spiritual Coach & Advisor
Jayne Robinson is a skilled, intuitive spiritual advisor and coach. Director of JR Coaching, International Best Selling Author of That Impact Book, and Founder of the Good Initiative.
We often convince ourselves that a “good enough” life is all we need, but beneath the surface, it can be silently eroding our true potential. This article explores why settling for less than what truly excites and fulfills us can be more destructive than we realize, and how to break free and start living with purpose.
The devastation no one talks about
We don’t talk enough about the quiet devastation of a “good enough” life.
We justify it with words like stability, practicality, and gratitude. “It’s a good job.” “They’re a good partner.” “This is a good place to be.” It’s good. And good, we tell ourselves, should be enough. But it’s not really, is it?
Beneath that tidy veneer, what most people won’t admit is that they’re quietly mourning the life they didn’t choose, the version where they actually went for it. The one where they chose the path that made their heart race, their soul sing, not just their schedule full.
The truth about settling
Here’s the bitter reality you don’t want to hear: settling is a defense mechanism. A clever, unconscious strategy designed to minimize the risk of loss. If you don’t choose the thing you really want, if you don’t go all in, then it won’t hurt as much if it doesn’t work out. You can’t grieve what you never fully had.
This is why we date people who are “fine,” stay in roles that pay the bills, and keep showing up to a life that looks good enough but feels hollow. Because “good” is safer than excellent. Excellence demands vulnerability. Excellence demands presence. Excellence demands risk.
And loss.
Less than what you settled for
I love this saying, one of my good friends uses: “When you settle, you get less than what you settled for.” Why? Because we rarely see the full picture at the beginning. People perform well early on. Jobs are shinier when they’re new. Relationships are exciting until routine sets in.
Eventually, the dust settles, and what you’re left with is the unvarnished truth, and if it wasn’t aligned to begin with, it never will be.
This is not about perfectionism. This is about integrity. There’s a difference between compromising on surface-level preferences and compromising on your soul.
The ache beneath “I should be happy”
In the past few weeks, I’ve had more conversations than I can count with people who feel like something’s missing. High performers. Deep thinkers. People who “should” be happy. They have the career, the partner, the house, the schedule, and the wine on Friday nights. But their souls are stirring.
And here’s where I’m going to go for the Trifecta and talk about Tony Robbins’ work, which I’ve referenced for the last two weeks and now three, and it comes into play again.
His Six Basic Human Needs framework breaks our core drives into six forces. The first four, certainty, variety, significance, and love/connection, govern most of the world. These are what we pursue for survival, comfort, and identity. But the last two? They are the domain of the spirit: growth and contribution.
The stirring you can’t ignore
If you’re not feeding these two needs, it doesn’t matter how “good” your life looks. You will feel it. That invisible dissatisfaction, the low hum of restlessness, that dull ache in your chest when you realize you’ve lived another month on autopilot. That is your soul calling you back to life.
Most people don’t choose love, Robbins says. They settle for connection. Love, true love, requires risk. It demands we open ourselves fully. It calls us to trust, to leap, to surrender control. It doesn’t just apply to romance. It applies to all of life, careers, creativity, decisions, identities, and our soul calling. Most of us are choosing connection over love, proximity over depth, practicality over truth.
Let’s be honest: it’s not because you can’t have what you want. It’s because you’ve been told somewhere along the way that you probably won’t. That you’re asking too much. That you’re expecting too much. That “everything you want” doesn’t really exist, or that you can never have it all.
The sedative of “good enough”
You learn to silence the part of you that knows what it wants. You learn to dim, to delay, to defer. Because it scares the hell out of you, not because of what if you don’t get it, but what if you do and then it all falls apart?
I’m here to tell you: the life you ache for is possible. It just requires more of you. It asks you to stop settling, to stop self-abandoning in exchange for comfort.
Sometimes the real reason you’re not moving forward isn’t because you’re lazy or lost. It’s because you’re not in enough pain yet. Good enough is a sedative. It numbs just enough to stop you from making a bold move.
The blessing in disguise
What if this discomfort, the relationship that isn’t quite right, the job that drains your soul, the life that looks fine on paper, is actually the nudge you’ve been waiting for?
I spoke with someone earlier today who was let go from their job unexpectedly. Their first instinct was panic. Not long into our conversation, the shift came: “Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.” That phrase always hits because it so often is.
I’ve lived that moment. Years ago, I was let go from my job. At the time, it felt like the ground fell out from beneath me. In hindsight, it was the push I needed to step into who I truly am.
You don’t need rock bottom
Uncertainty is terrifying, yes. But you know what’s worse? Knowing exactly how your story ends and realizing it was never really yours to begin with.
My message today is clear: stop waiting for more pain to force your hand.
You don’t need to hit rock bottom to choose something better. You can choose from alignment, not just desperation. You can choose from joy, from desire, from what burns in your heart because you deserve it.
If nothing else, start with this: Ask yourself where you’re settling. Where is “good enough” quietly eroding your passion, purpose, and power? What would it look like to stop settling, not tomorrow, not someday, but now?
You weren’t born to play it safe. You were born to come alive.
That begins the moment you decide you’re no longer available for anything less.
Start choosing excellence.
Do your future self a favor: book a free 30-minute discovery call where your “crazy ideas” will finally feel sane, your dreams will feel doable, and you’ll walk away ready to ask for what you really want (and actually go for it).
Read more from Jayne Robinson
Jayne Robinson, Spiritual Coach & Advisor
Jayne Robinson is an intuitive spiritual advisor and coach. As the Director of JR Coaching and an avid student of life, Jayne is much like the phoenix rising, leaning into her edge of personal development, emerging from her own transformations and spiritual quests time and time again. As such she is dedicated to helping clients do the same, to create a vibrant new chapter in their lives. Supporting successful entrepreneurs and individuals searching for more to move beyond boredom and burnout, guiding them through a spiritual voyage of uncertainty and fear to a transformative metaphorical death to rebirth. Her mission: embrace discomfort, uncover hidden possibilities, and transform your life.
