The Only Right Way to Grieve Is Your Own Way
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 27
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 28
Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist with a double diploma in hypnotherapy, mind coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki master and a grief educator, and she has been trained by an international grief specialist and best-selling author, David Kessler. Nadija is also an end-of-life doula.
Grief is not a linear journey. It does not follow a checklist, a timeline, or a structured path. It is messy, raw, unpredictable, and deeply personal. Yet, we live in a society that often tries to dictate how we should grieve, how long we should grieve, and when we should be “over it.” The truth is, there is only one way to grieve your own way!
I always say that grief is not something to be solved. It is something to be carried with grace, with love, and in your own time.
Defining grief
In simplest terms, grief is a reaction to loss. The loss of a loved one through death, but also the end of a marriage or relationship, the end of a career that meant the world to you.
The American Psychological Association defines grief as the anguish experienced after a significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief often includes physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future.
Grief is a natural human response to the loss of a loved one. It can show itself in many ways. Grief moves in and out of different stages from disbelief and denial to anger and guilt, to finding a source of comfort, to eventually adjusting to the loss as well as possible.
For survivors, the grieving process can take a long time, often many years. The challenge of accepting death and dying as the end stage of life is what the grieving process is all about.
If you love, you will grieve, and nothing is more mysteriously central to becoming fully human.
We do not talk enough about the effect that grief will have on us. Our culture often makes the bereaved feel alone, isolated, broken, and like they should just ‘get over it’. In my own personal and professional lives, I have heard these words far too often. “Life goes on, and you will just have to get over it”. If only it was that easy.
Grief can manifest itself in many different ways.
It can be so powerful that all your usual coping mechanisms are useless.
You find yourself physically and emotionally unable to function with any semblance of normality.
The uniqueness of grief
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint. No two people will experience loss in the same way, even if they are grieving the same person. Each loss is a collision of personal history, relationship dynamics, past wounds, and individual coping mechanisms. So why do we often allow others to tell us how we should feel, how we should mourn, or when we should be "moving on"?
The reality is that there is no "moving on" from a profound loss. There is only learning to live with it, carrying it forward, and integrating it into the fabric of who we are. Some people find comfort in rituals; others find solace in solitude. Some express their grief outwardly, while others turn inward. Some cry every day, while others never shed a tear. And all of it is valid.
You grieve on your own terms, and that is absolutely okay.
A death-illiterate society
Despite death being the one certainty in life, we live in a death-illiterate society. We are uncomfortable talking about loss, we fear expressing our emotions, and we rush to "fix" those who are grieving instead of simply holding space for them. Society has imposed unrealistic expectations on grief, often treating it as an inconvenience or something to "get over” as quickly as possible.
Grievers are often met with well-intentioned but deeply unhelpful comments: "They are in a better place now," "At least they lived a long life," "You should be feeling better by now," or "Time heals all wounds." But grief does not operate on a predictable schedule, and time alone does not heal. What heals is giving ourselves permission to grieve in our own way, without judgment or pressure.
The six needs of the grieving
It is very important to mention the six main needs of a grieving person:
To have your pain witnessed.
To express your feelings.
To release the burden of guilt.
To be free of old wounds.
To integrate the pain and the love.
To find meaning in life after loss.
As important as it is to understand that grief is a unique journey, it is also crucial to understand the needs of a grieving person.
Having our pain witnessed while we are grieving is the most important need. Grief is deeply personal, as unique as a fingerprint, yet one truth remains universal: we all need our grief to be seen, acknowledged, and held in a sacred space. It is not about finding the right words or attempting to soften the weight of loss. It is about presence, pure, unwavering presence, allowing the depth of sorrow to exist without the need for justification or silver linings.
The power of grief education and support
As a Certified Grief Educator trained by David Kessler, I have witnessed firsthand how compassionate and informed grief support can change lives. When people are allowed to grieve authentically, without shame or societal expectations, they find their own path to healing. Grief education empowers individuals to navigate the rocky terrain of loss with greater understanding and self-compassion.
A Certified Grief Educator is committed to providing the highest level of grief support through education, experience, and insights into the often unacknowledged rocky terrain of grief. Grief educators offer an individualized approach to grief. They know there is no timeline in grief, and we know there is not a cure. But grief educators also realize that as grief educators, they can reflect and guide people towards creating a life that honours their loved ones.
Grief educators understand that true expertise in grief lies with the griever. It is our role as grief educators to understand the whole individual and their strengths and individual levels of wellness.
Grief educators understand that the responsibility for change lies with the griever. They can inform, reflect, and support others. But their journey is ultimately their own.
A certified grief educator can provide:
A safe, non-judgmental space for individuals to express their emotions.
A holistic approach to grieving.
Tools to help people understand the waves of grief and how they manifest physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Validation that their grief is real, important, and deserving of attention.
Guidance on how to honour and remember their loved ones in ways that feel right for them.
Support in setting boundaries with well-meaning but misguided people who try to dictate their grieving process.
Empowering yourself through grief
Healing from grief does not mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean "moving on." It means integrating the loss into your life in a way that allows you to carry love and memory forward. It means recognizing that your grief journey is your own, and no one has the right to tell you where you should be on that path.
If you are grieving, I want you to hear this: You are allowed to grieve in your own way. You do not have to conform to anyone else’s timeline. You are not broken, and you do not need fixing. Your grief is yours, and it is valid.
Let’s start shifting the narrative around grief. Let’s create spaces where people feel safe to mourn, to remember, and to heal in their own time. And let’s remind each other that there is no wrong way to grieve; there is only the way that feels right for you.
You matter, and your grief matters.
Nadija Bajrami, Strategic Hypnotherapist, Mind Coach
French by birth, Nadija lived in Scotland for 7 years and travelled the world. After recovering from some serious health issues, Nadija had a wake-up call and came to Ireland to find her path. She has been living in Dublin since 2017. Nadija is working mostly online worldwide and shares her time between Ireland, France, and Switzerland.
Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist with a double diploma in hypnotherapy, mind coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki master and a grief educator, and she has been trained by an international grief specialist and best-selling author, David Kessler. Nadija is also an end of life doula.
She is dedicated to helping her clients get empowered, supercharge their confidence and self-esteem, overcome their limiting beliefs as well as manage anxiety, and trauma responses. She also helps people on their grief and healing journey through her therapy, coaching, grief education and support programmes and spiritual work.
