The Influence Of Families – 3 Truths To Consider
Updated: Jul 25, 2024
Mindy Schrager is an ICF PCC credentialed coach, Systemic Facilitator, Aura-Soma practitioner and founder of Systems of Change, LLC. Mindy’s focus on and passion for transformational work is built on years of experience creating strong, well balanced teams, combined with a powerful personal discovery journey.
There are an unlimited variety of family configurations, and I notice them more frequently since I’ve been working with systemic constellations. There are blended families, single-parent families, families with a stay-at-home parent, stepfamilies, and the list goes on and on.
Even within one type of family, there are variations, such as
One parent by choice versus circumstances
Strong connection with both sides of the family versus alignment more with one side
Everyone living in close proximity versus dispersed or even disowned
Adopted children feeling wanted versus given away
Attachment to the nuclear family only versus the larger extended family
Stay-at-home dads versus stay-at-home moms.
And when you add in the elements of ancestry and life experience, it highlights that no two families are alike. Yet, there are a few truths to consider.
We come from two family lines – Even if
There was a parent who rejected us and who we in turn reject
A stronger alignment is created with one side of the family than the other
There is a need to create distance to keep yourself safe
Other circumstances such as immigration, death, or war separate us
Regardless of the reasons for separation or alienation, the blood of two families runs through our veins. And that means the patterns of both physical and emotional DNA that belong to them, belong to us. When we reject one parent or side of our family, we are rejecting a part of ourselves.
Where are you in terms of being connected to both sides of your family and the families of your children? Do you have a sense of belonging? Do you acknowledge members of your family, even those from whom you keep a distance, either by choice or circumstance?
The influence of our family lineage is wide-ranging
It has been shown that we inherit emotional patterns, trauma, conversations, and more from those who came before us. The influence may be hidden, but the effect can be seen across generations and in different facets of our lives. Those hidden factors can manifest in the areas of health, money, career, relationships, separation within families, and various other aspects of our personal experience. It has been found that we inherit those patterns up to seven generations back.
Where do you see common patterns within your family? In what part of your life do you feel stuck? How much do you know about the patterns of your ancestors that may be impacting you?
What we exclude will find a way to belong
One of the core principles in systemic work is that what we exclude will find a way to replicate and expand. I have seen it time and time again in doing the work of family constellations; the people, events, and aspects of our families that we exclude, either knowingly or unknowingly, will find a way to be included. Sometimes it is an illness that serves as a reminder of the excluded one; in other situations, it is a secret that repeats itself.
Who are the people in your family that you don’t talk about? What secrets are being hidden? What events would your family rather forget?
Systemic constellation work is an amazing way to look at hidden patterns within families and organizations to gain insight into specific patterns keeping you from living your best life. Learn more about them on my website. Upcoming systemic events can be found here.
© July 2024, Systems of Change, LLC
Mindy Schrager, Transformational Coach and Systemic Facilitator
Mindy Schrager is an ICF PCC credentialed coach, Systemic Facilitator, Aura-Soma practitioner and founder of Systems of Change, LLC. Mindy’s focus on and passion for transformational work is built on years of experience creating strong, well-balanced teams, combined with a powerful personal discovery journey. Her experience and training have been focused on creating positive change in life and business experiences working with individuals and groups. Mindy loves to shine a light on hidden patterns and the root cause of dysfunction and then help create new pathways to growth.
