The Importance Of Self-Love For A Loving And Long-Term Relationship
Updated: Jul 13, 2023
Written by: Astrid Niels, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The most common mistake I see men and women make in relationships is that they seek love outside themselves. As a result, they remain single or end up in co-dependent and/or unfulfilling relationships (marriages).
People often ask me what I do as a love counsellor and coach, and my standard response is that I help you find, feel, and fill your voids. This will allow you to connect with another person based on a loving and fulfilled love energy.
“What is a void?” a bright man once asked me. A void is a part in yourself that you do not love – yet. As a result, another person cannot love it yet either, resulting, as mentioned earlier, in you remaining single and/or ending up in co-dependent relationships.
The following question therefore arises naturally. “How can you know if you still have love work to do before you can find and keep your right partner?”
Here are some indications
For women
You are eternally single.
Your relationships are always on the rocks. Men keep telling you “I’m not feeling it.”
You make statements similar to:
Men can’t handle me (and my ambitions).
Men feel intimidated by me.
It’s down to the man.
For men
You just can’t manage to find and keep your dream partner.
Your relationships keep failing. No matter how hard you try, you can’t win her over.
You make statements similar to:
I can’t do anything right for her.
There’s no longer something like a real woman.
I don’t want to date CEOs or businesswomen – and definitely not lawyers, they are way too much hard work.
If you recognise yourself in these statements, you should ask yourself the following question: How can I turn this around so that I can attract and keep my dream partner?
As a certified love consultant and coach, I guide both men and women with my company, “Happy Thinking” in finding and keeping the right partner.
The first step you need to take is an inventory of your:
Self-image (How do I perceive myself?);
Self-love (How do I like to see myself?);
Self-esteem (How valuable do I find myself?).
You can rate yourself on a scale of 0-10 (with 0 being the lowest score and 10 the highest). What emerges during this reflection exercise is where the growth for your love potential lies.
The second step is perhaps even more important than the first step. You may still know all of the above (RATIO – head), but do you feel and experience (EMO – heart) it? Finally, how do you take ‘heartfelt’ action (INTUO – gut)?
Our heart (EMO) is our first brain, our ‘gut’ (INTUO) our second and our head (RATIO) our third.
More often than not, we try to solve a first brain problem with our third brain. Recognisable?
This is where I see nine out of ten people going wrong. Throughout the years I have also started to believe you cannot do this on your own.
When I consider my own process, and that of my clients, I see that when it comes to emotions, we need someone to hold the space when we explore our (still unknown and often challenging) feelings for the first time. This allows us to try and do it ourselves, based on a safe and kind experience.
Astrid Niels, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Astrid is a certified coach (PCC level) according to the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
Before entering the private industry, she worked as a coach for multinationals Johnson & Johnson and Danone, entrepreneurs (co-founders) and companies with different family generations (grandfather-grandson). She was and is the glue between both parties time and time again. In 2022, she completely changed track, left the corporate world behind to teach coachees how to experience more love for themselves, together and with others. Astrid works with a three- or five-month programme. You can contact her at astrid@happythinking.me, LinkedIn/Instagram or via her website www.happythinking.me. She is more than happy to talk to you.
