The Feminine Burnout Crisis – How Good Girls Are Exhausting Themselves to Stay Loved
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 19
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 22
Empowerment Coach and founder of Own Your Life, Julie Vander Meulen, is a pioneer in researching and applying personal development strategies to help ambitious women overcome the good girl syndrome and become the powerful individuals they were always meant to be.
Success isn’t always what it seems. Behind polished smiles and endless achievements, many women are quietly burning out, not from weakness, but from striving too hard to be “good.” This article explores the hidden cost of Good Girl Syndrome, why exhaustion runs deeper than physical fatigue, and how true healing begins with permission to rest, reclaim joy, and embrace self-worth without performance.
When success starts to feel like survival
I didn’t burn out because I was weak. I burned out because I was trying so hard to be good.
Good at being reliable. Good at being supportive. Good at achieving, overdelivering, showing up polished, prepared, and pleasant no matter what.
At first, it looked like excellence. But behind the scenes, I was sprinting through my life in a constant state of performance, terrified of what would happen if I stopped. If I slowed down. If I dropped the ball, said “no,” or (God forbid) admitted I was tired.
What I didn’t realize back then was that my exhaustion wasn’t just physical, it was emotional. It was identity-deep. Because I didn’t just want to be liked. I believed I needed to be liked to be safe.
That’s the secret contract of Good Girl Syndrome, if I’m perfect, I’ll be protected. If I’m selfless, I’ll be loved. If I never ask for too much, I won’t be abandoned, and it is exhausting.
What burnout really looks like for the good girl
Burnout for Good Girls doesn’t always look like collapsing in bed for days. It looks like the bright, high-achieving woman who keeps showing up, no matter what it costs her.
It looks like:
Saying yes when you mean no.
Succeeding on the outside, while quietly unraveling inside.
Working harder than everyone else, just to prove you're “good enough.”
Being the emotional glue for everyone around you without ever letting yourself fall apart.
Feeling guilty the moment you rest.
We don’t question it because it’s been normalized. Praised, even. You're admired for being dependable. For having it all together. For pushing through.
But here’s what I know now. If you have to abandon yourself to be loved, it’s not real love, and it’s not sustainable success either.
The deeper wound beneath the hustle
Good Girl Syndrome is not just about people-pleasing. It’s about survival. It’s about childhood conditioning that taught you love is earned through obedience, compliance, and emotional labor.
So, of course, your nervous system resists rest. Of course, it clings to doing. Your inner child is still trying to be the “good girl” who doesn’t cause trouble, doesn’t complain, and never lets anyone down.
But you’re not that little girl anymore. And the woman you are becoming? She doesn’t hustle for scraps of love.
She claims love. And rest. And joy. And full aliveness, not as a reward, but as a birthright.
Healing the burnout pattern starts with self-permission
The first step isn’t a sabbatical. It’s not a spa day. It’s not even better time management. It’s permission.
Permission to slow down. To want more. To rest before you break. To stop chasing love through performance. To rewrite the script that says you're only worthy when you're productive.
You don’t need to prove anything. You don’t need to earn the right to breathe. You are enough as you are, without the overgiving, overachieving, overcompensating.
And as scary as it feels to step away from the performance, I promise you, there’s peace on the other side.
Reclaiming your energy is a radical act
Every time you choose yourself, you shift the world. You model a new way of being for your daughters, your clients, and your colleagues. You show them that women don’t have to self-abandon to be loved or successful.
And most importantly, you come back home to yourself.
You remember that love, rest, joy, and softness are not luxuries. They’re your baseline, and you stop living on the edge of burnout and start living in alignment, beauty, and truth.
Because that’s the life you were made for.
Want more?
Sunday Sanctuary Newsletter: Weekly love letters for high-achieving women who are done performing and ready to come home to themselves. Join here.
Take the Good Girl Syndrome Quiz: Identify how Good Girl Syndrome is fueling your burnout, and what to do next. Take the quiz here.
Book a Free Coaching Session: Ready to break the burnout pattern and lead from fullness, not fatigue? Let’s talk. Book your free meet & greet.
Julie Vander Meulen, Empowerment Coach for Ambitious Women
Julie Vander Meulen is an Empowerment Coach for ambitious women and the visionary founder of Own Your Life Academy, a premier coaching platform dedicated to personal and professional development. Through her innovative research and holistic coaching strategies, Julie specializes in guiding women to break free from the 'good girl syndrome,' empowering them to claim their worth and step into their power. Her work is rooted in the belief that every woman has an inner powerhouse waiting to be unleashed. With a vibrant community and a track record of transformative coaching experiences, Julie's mission is to inspire women worldwide to embrace their true selves and create lives they love.
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