The Comparison Trap – Staying True To Your Own Timeline
- Dec 29, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 3, 2024
Written by: Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
In the fast-paced world we live in it often feels like there is a race against time. We are consistently bombarded with societal expectations and personal goals that come with their own timelines. Whether it is career achievements, relationships or personal milestones, these timelines can create immense pressure leading to a range of complex emotions. In this blog, we will explore the concept of timeline pressures and delve into the feelings that often accompany them.
From an early age, we are conditioned to believe that life follows a linear path: education, career, marriage, family, house, retirement. This well-defined timeline can lead to feelings of inadequacy if one's life does not align with these milestones at the seemingly expected times. The question, "Where are you in life?" can be a loaded one making many of us uncomfortable and anxious. One of the primary sources of timeline pressures is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. Social media amplifies this phenomenon showcasing the highlight reels of people's lives. We see friends and acquaintances achieving their goals, traveling to exotic destinations, and seemingly living their best lives. It is easy to feel left behind which can lead to feelings of envy, insecurity, and even depression.
The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO is a modern-day affliction exacerbated by timeline pressures. We fear missing out on experiences, opportunities and even relationships because we are not meeting the expected milestones. The fear of missing out can lead to rash decisions and overcommitment. Causing burnout and unhappiness in the long run.
The weight of expectations
Our families, friends and society often have their own expectations for our lives. These external pressures can be overwhelming as they may not align with our own desires and dreams. The feeling of carrying the weight of these expectations can be stifling and lead to a sense of helplessness.
The pursuit of perfection
In our quest to meet societal timelines we may strive for perfection in every aspect of our lives. Perfectionism, while driving us to excel can also be paralyzing. The fear of making mistakes or falling short can cause anxiety and self-doubt.
Impostor syndrome
As we rush to achieve our goals within a set timeframe, we often suffer from impostor syndrome. We doubt our own abilities and believe that we do not deserve our achievements. This self-doubt can be emotionally draining and prevent us from fully enjoying our successes.
The toll on mental health
The feelings behind timeline pressures can take a toll on our mental health. Anxiety and depression are common companions on this journey. The constant pressure to meet deadlines and expectations can lead to chronic stress affecting our overall well-being.
Managing timeline pressures and the emotions they evoke
So, how can we navigate the maze of timeline pressures and the emotions they bring? Here are some ideas of strategies:
Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your own desires and goals. Are they in alignment with societal expectations or are they truly what you want? Understanding your own motivations can help ease the pressure.
Set realistic goals: Break down your goals into smaller manageable steps. This can make them feel less overwhelming and give you a sense of accomplishment along the way.
Limit social media: While social media can be a valuable tool for staying connected and learning it is essential to limit its influence on your self-esteem. Remember that people often curate their online personas and real life is more nuanced. Do not go down the rabbit hole everyday consuming content draining your own value.
Seek support: Do not be afraid to talk about your feelings with friends, family or a therapist. Sharing your struggles can provide emotional relief and a fresh perspective.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Nobody's life follows a perfect timeline and setbacks are a part of the journey. Necessary even at times.
Mindfulness and stress management: Engage in mindfulness practices and stress management techniques like meditation, yoga or exercise to help alleviate the emotional toll of timeline pressures and stay present.
Timeline pressures are a reality of modern life but they do not have to define your journey nor self-worth. Understanding the emotions behind these pressures and adopting strategies to manage them can lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful life. Remember that your path is unique and it is okay if it does not conform to societal expectations. You deserve better than comparing to other’s. Remember, getting your first degree after 21 is still an achievement. Being married after 30 is still beautiful. Starting a family after 35 still possible. Buying a house after 40 still a boss move. You can still decide to travel at 45. Dreams are lifelong, start the business do the challenge whenever you want. Also, if you do not want any of these things, you do you. Find your happiness whilst staying authentic to you. Embrace your own timeline and you will find that the journey becomes just as important as the destination. I am here absolutely routing for you and encourage you to celebrate the wins small and big!
Hopefully, this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch for a free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from therapy. I also have some affordable options Worldwide Online and Leeds – LS3: £25 launching in January 2024 through a collaboration project.
Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Canse Karatas, has her own Counselling & Psychotherapy Private Practice. Has 10 years experience working for a range of services with a variety of issues like abuse, anxiety, depression, loneliness, low confidence, schizophrenia, self-harm, suicide and much more. She also worked in a Therapeutic Community which was DBT focused with ladies who have a personality disorder. Canse is Passionate about mental health awareness and actively seeks ways to help people. Her therapeutic influence is from an Integrative Approach mostly linked to Humanistic, Relational & Creative ways of working. Being mixed race she really values diversity and open-mindedness. Canse believes that we all have the resources within us to be the best version of ourselves for the future we deserve.
