The Adult Child at Christmas – Navigating Estrangement, Grief, and the Changing Meaning of Home
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 12
- 3 min read
Written by Louise Grant, Self-Relationship Coach
As a self-relationship coach, Louise has lived experiences in a multitude of areas and combines this understanding with her qualifications to support clients in recovering from addiction and navigating relationships or divorce. At the heart of her work is returning to who we are meant to be!
Christmas can be a complicated season for the adult child, especially when family relationships have shifted, broken, or been forever changed. While there is often an expectation of togetherness, many adult children move through December with a very different story, often dealing with estrangement, loss, or facing the reality that Christmas looks nothing like it once did.
The season becomes less about tradition and more about emotional navigation, finding steady ground in a place of memories, expectations, and personal healing.
1. When family isn’t simple anymore
As adults grow, relationships with parents or siblings may fracture due to unresolved conflict, trauma, or the need for healthy boundaries. Estrangement can bring relief, but it can also bring a deep sense of sadness during a season centered on family unity. Christmas can magnify that absence, making the adult child feel like they are standing on the outside of a celebration the world insists they should be part of.
2. Grief that arrives wrapped in memories
For many adult children, grief sits at the table during Christmas, grief for loved ones who have passed away, for traditions that no longer exist, or for the family they wish they had. This time of year evokes memories, the smell of old recipes, familiar decorations, or a song that reminds them of someone they miss. Grief can be sharp or soft, and it can also be unexpected.
Recognizing that grief is not a disruption to Christmas but a natural part of it for many adults can bring comfort and acceptance.
3. Redefining what family means
Estrangement and loss can force adult children to rethink the very idea of “family.” Instead of the people they were born to, family may become the people they choose, friends, mentors, partners, or even communities built around shared experiences. Christmas becomes less about obligation and more about belonging, creating space with people who feel safe, supportive, and kind.
4. Allowing yourself new traditions
If old traditions are too painful or no longer possible, creating new ones can feel both empowering and healing. This might mean a quiet Christmas morning, volunteering, traveling, or celebrating with a chosen family. Giving yourself permission to shape the holiday differently acknowledges your growth and honors your emotional well-being.
New traditions do not erase the past, but they make room for a future that feels happier and healthier.
5. Handling guilt, pressure, and social expectations
The adult child navigating estrangement or grief often faces unspoken pressure, as it is the season of “goodwill,” and may feel pushed to “just go home,” “make peace,” or “get into the Christmas spirit.” But healing does not follow holiday timelines. Choosing distance from harmful relationships, or choosing solitude over chaos, is not a failure. It means you are working through codependency.
This is a period of time, and you have the right to experience it in a way that protects your mental and emotional health.
6. Supporting yourself through the season
Adult children carrying grief or estrangement often need support, even if they do not always ask for it. This support might come from:
Therapy or support groups
Connecting with friends who understand
Spending time in nature or with comforting routines
Setting boundaries around gatherings or conversations
Practicing self-compassion on difficult days
Small, intentional acts of care can provide stability in a season that feels unpredictable.
7. Honouring what is gone without getting stuck there
In the end
The adult child at Christmas, especially the one carrying estrangement or grief, deserves gentleness, understanding, and space to breathe. Christmas does not have to match magazines, IG influencers, or TV ads.
It can be quiet. It can be different. It can be healing.
Christmas can still hold meaning, even when it holds pain. And in the process of navigating loss and change, the adult child may discover something deeper, the strength to build a time of year that reflects truth, resilience, and a softer, more authentic kind of hope.
We are always evolving on this courageous journey of healing.
Merry Christmas to all!
From Louise at The Journey to Love
Read more from Louise Grant
Louise Grant, Self-Relationship Coach
Louise is a compassionate Self-Relationship Therapist and Coach who helps clients break free from codependency, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Drawing on both professional training and lived experience of addiction and recovery, she offers a safe space for healing and transformation. Her work blends spiritual and holistic practices to guide clients toward authentic relationships, inner peace, and lasting freedom
