The 5 Ways of Self-Management To Keep Your Organization Out Of Undue Conflict
- Brainz Magazine
- May 19, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: May 23, 2022
Written by: David Kegley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Some organizations live in a cycle of conflict. Just about the time one conflict tapers off, a new one hits the fan and everyone is back into crisis mode. In those organizations, most don’t know how to operate well in non-crisis mode. How do you manage crises in the workplace? If chaos is business-as-usual, how do you manage the slower days? You don’t want to become a crisis-only organization. What you want is to be an organization that manages well and you want to be a leader who manages yourself well. If you’ve suddenly been thrust into crisis mode, you might want to check out my article in a previous Brainz publication entitled Working With Conflict. Today, however, I want to share what you can do to stay the course when you are in that well-greased organization.
The 5 Ways
Remember that you do want some conflict; you don’t want to be conflict-averse. In fact, if you are in a place where nobody experiences conflict, that’s a whole other problem. If you have some tension, and if people can disagree respectfully and even argue with some heat and then move on, then good. Here are a handful of ways to manage yourself well and to prevent undue conflict:
1. Self-Care: It slips a little, your body and everyone else around you are forgiving. Then a few months go by, nothing much comes of it, a few additional fast-food stops, a few less good nights of sleep, a few more pounds… and on it goes. Your health and your nerves deteriorate, and the gradual decline are hardly detectable. It could be that your intimate relationship shows signs of faltering or is it your direct reports? Eventually, those close to you find it increasingly difficult to be around you. You become less tolerant of them.
Or… is it the work ethic you worked so hard to discipline yourself around for a certain number of years that finally gives way. Very scrupulous individuals suddenly became unthinkably reckless with what would otherwise be no-brainer decisions around their work.
Self-Care is a hard one. It’s at the top of my list because it’s so slippery. It is so easy for us to weasel our way out of it and the lack of it sneaks up on us so quietly that we hardly ever know when it lands a blow. We can easily rationalize that it has no relationship with conflict, our work performance or even our wellbeing. But just as easily, the lack of it robs us via a conflict, low work performance and depression.
The crazy thing about it is how good it feels to take care of ourselves. I’ll place a small wager and even give odds on the fact that those leaders who are better at self-care have less conflict in their organizations (someone, please do a study on this).
Movies are made around this topic. The typical scenario is the stressed-out executive with high blood pressure, is made to realize that there is more to life and that he or she misses his or her almost-lost family. This person has some kind of breakthrough and leaves their work situation just as they are about to undergo a cliffhanger of a moment to go play with their children and spouse. For fun, I could reach all the way back to Mary Poppins, where the father, a banker, splits from the bank to go fly kites with his wife and children. (!) So, go…
2. Avoid Presumption (the “We’ve already arrived” kind): Presumption has a way of blinding us from things we really need to see. If your board is confident in your leadership and you are overly confident that you have already arrived, you are set up to run headlong into conflict both internally and externally. Instead, use your ability as a leader to strategize several possible ways forward that can account for problems you may encounter. Refuse to be arrogant around your position in your market or your perspective as a leader.
Look for other perspectives that may not agree with yours or competing interests that may challenge your positions. It may at first feel disturbing that those opinions are out there. You may not want to hear them. However, leaders who don’t anticipate competing bids for their position or for their general approach may pay the price of conflict that sidelines their agenda or worse, jettisons their leadership altogether. Some clear-minded, calm strategy strategic thought can avert those bids for attention and keep the ship sailing smoothly in the direction you want it to.
3. Avoid Presumption (The “I can do anything I want with you” kind): Leaders who have established clout can make the mistake of pushing people around as though their power plays had no expiration date. This kind of presumption is also blinding. In most cases, co-workers, support staff and colleagues alike cannot get through the thick rind of this kind of presumption. Lose it as fast as you can. The world, in most places, is growing less tolerant of it. Further, it is a breeding ground for conflict.
Often organizations with CEO’s and managers who are laden with this kind of presumption are rife with conflict and those who use this approach are prone to burnout. Those with this makeup and on their way to burnout are the hardest to help because they usually won’t admit that they are burned out.
If you are an individual who got this far into an article like this and holds to this kind of presumption, I think that there is great hope for you. The ice has somehow already begun to melt. The real promise for you is empathy. If you can begin to see how others see things, you’ll make monumental strides. Begin to put yourself in other people’s situations, especially your direct reports and those you are close to. Listen to them. Learn from them. Things will shift.
4. Maintain a Light Touch with the Discontented: In every organization, some will oppose you. This goes for you as a leader, especially when you have innovative ideas that stand to make a difference for your organization. Especially most of your best ideas! Make it standard practice for you to keep a light touch with those people (or a representative number of them). These are the discontented, those who disagree with you or the organization you represent or who somehow seem distant from you.
If you are leading a small organization, you may be able to make a short visit with all of them. If it’s a large organization you cannot do that, so your light touch becomes more symbolic than does a visit with every discontented person. But the point is the same: 1) you are staying connected with them with a positive intent; 2) you do not approach them argumentatively or to change their minds; 3) you connect with their humanity, and 4) you exit after a brief and positive encounter.
5. Lead with Your Mission in Mind: I’ve written elsewhere in Brainz about developing a mission statement. There are three ways leading with your mission can help significantly. First, it enables you to have a purpose beyond the sometimes-petty distractions or arguments your organization can get hooked on. When you and your organization can say, “OK, that (otherwise petty distraction) is a concern but we have a larger mission to accomplish. Compared to this larger mission, that distraction can be dealt with, now let’s move on.” When everyone realizes the relative pettiness compared to the heft of your mission, usually the mission wins. A couple of people or an ad-hoc committee can be assigned to tackle the emergent concern if necessary.
Secondly, the organization’s mission can inform how to address an emergent concern. Once that mission is defined (and I advise developing accompanying Guiding Principles and Vision Statements) the governing board can consult the statements as a tool to clarify how to proceed. Numerous times what were otherwise reasons for profound conflict were averted simply because a governing board knew its Guiding Principles, Mission and Vision.
Finally, your personal Mission statements give you an edge when it comes to making choices about everything I’ve said in this article. It helps you define yourself in terms of self-care, how you will be a strategy-seeking individual instead of presuming that you have arrived, how you will cooperate with your direct reports instead of presuming upon them, and how you will maintain a light touch with the discontented and how you will define yourself in your Mission Statements.
But even beyond that, knowing who you are and where you are going as a leader (i.e.: knowing your personal Guiding Principle, Mission and Vision for your own life) helps you stand with confidence in situations that may otherwise test your decisiveness.
While these things cannot prevent all undue conflict from happening to you or your organization, they will go a long way in helping you be a leader that maintains a steady and strong position which is much less likely to invite undue conflict.
Want David to help you with your executive performance? You can reach him at: drkegley.com or LinkedIn
David Kegley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Kegley specializes in coaching well-educated, progressive leaders and executives who have been stopped in their tracks due to health setbacks. His doctorate is in theology and preaching. His first 25-year career was in the Presbyterian Church U.S.A., where he was a Pastor and Head of Staff. But, after getting nearly burned out, getting diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, and going through cancer treatment, he emerged as a credentialed coach. Now he Coaches in the areas where he experienced his own humility and growth: Health and Wellness, The Cancer Journey, Burnout Recovery, and Leadership and Executive.
