The 4 Steps To Be A Resilient Leader Through Feeling Your Feelings
- Brainz Magazine
- May 7, 2023
- 3 min read
Written by: Abigail Stason, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Thanks to advances in science, we know emotional fluency is non-negotiable for resilience and necessary to support our immune system. Despite these proven scientific facts, few people are comfortable feeling their feelings. The ramifications are enormous.
Humans are predictable. We know today how our brains and biology affect our behavior. When we suppress/repress our emotions, we drift from presence. Here’s the unconscious formula:
We experience some feeling – a wave of energy.
We suppress/repress the energy.
The body generates epinephrine (aka adrenaline) along with other unnecessary hormones.
We hop onto The Drama Triangle to ease the tension in the body and mind.
We get the perceived perception that we are doing something to alleviate the discomfort of the feeling.
This lack of consciousness creates a toxic environment on an individual and collective basis.
There is an alternative; all that is required is a bit of skill. This requires us to get out of our minds and into our direct experience. We are a very “in our thoughts” society. We aren't fully integrated human beings because we think our way through our existence.
Conscious Leaders are masters of emotional fluency – feelings are no big deal. Part of trusting your process is ensuring you are in harmony with your emotions. Instead of regulating, integrate. Here are the four steps to process emotions – your conscious formula:
1. Locate sensations in your body.
Emotions are feelings and sensations in our bodies. It’s crucial to understand the connection between the mind and the body. Most people believe our brains cause our emotions when it’s the reverse. Our body sensations are emotions. To be familiar with your feelings, you must begin with your body by identifying your sensations. This is hard for people to grasp.
For example, I don’t sing because I’m joyful. I’m joyful because I sing. The body's experience creates emotion. Because of this complex connection between our neurology, endocrine, and immune systems, there is no separation between mind and body. The thought, “I am joyful,” is a thought; it’s not real. What’s real are the feelings and sensations in our body, which in turn create a joyous experience. Try it out right now. Start smiling, and you will notice you start to feel happy.
2. Discern the emotion.
Once you identify your body sensations, you can become aware of what emotion you are experiencing. Each body sensation creates an emotion, a specific feeling. As I just stated, smiling is associated with joy. Joy emanates from the body’s sense of smiling, not the other way around.
3. Capture the wisdom from feelings.
Because our mind, body, brain, immune, and endocrine systems are all connected, we can capture real wisdom from emotions. Each emotion has information from which you can choose to express or not to express freely and professionally.
4. Breathe and move to support your nervous system.
Breathe and move to support your nervous system and keep your energy flowing. Your nervous system needs oxygen to function. By breathing and moving, emotional waves come and go naturally. Otherwise, you will be hijacked. When hijacked, we are vulnerable to harmful behavior.
Finally, it’s time to stop subscribing to two myths. The first one is that emotional intelligence equals empathy. This is just not true. The second myth is that emotional fluency equals vulnerability. Vulnerability is an overused and polluted term. As I mentioned earlier, these two myths come from thoughts. The invitation is to be present with our direct experience using the conscious formula.
Do you want infinite resilience? Do you want an organization of resilient human beings? Start practicing immediately by diving into your learning and development with my online course.
Like everything I teach, this is simple to say but not easy, especially in our modern world. And as I always say, don’t take my word for it – check it out yourself!
Abigail Stason, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
More Master Teacher than coach, Abigail “Abby” Stason is a social activist and skill builder with 20+ years of professional experience as a leader, organizational consultant, and group facilitator. As a disrupter, Abby is committed to a new social awareness in favor of exposing outdated structures that are no longer of service, giving way to the experience of peace, freedom, and truth in the world. She is a catalyst for societal evolution. In short, she helps human beings, leaders, teams, and organizations wake up by equipping them with behavioral skills for a modern world. Abby created a conscious leadership curriculum, a series of practices that are easily accessible to everyone.
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