Written by: Dionne Joi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The quote, "We have met the enemy, and he is us," holds a lot of truth. We sabotage our own success far more than life, other people, or bad luck. We are truly our own worst enemy. You'd be surprised how much easier life would be if you weren't constantly sabotaging your own success.
Even when life gets us down and we don’t get the outcome we want, we still insist on doing things our own way. If we keep doing what we have always done, we will continue to get the same results. Understanding that fact is half the battle toward a more desirable outcome. By adjusting our thought process and creating better behaviors, our lives will most definitely change for the better. Gain more success, loving relationships, and feel more fulfilled.
To stop sabotaging yourself, try the following methods:
1. Forget about the past. Put the past in your rearview mirror. The fact that you have failed in the past does not mean that you will continue to fail in the future. It is more useful to learn from history than it is to use it to try to predict the future. Put the past where it belongs and focus on creating the future you want.
2. Unless you're going to say something nice to yourself, avoid talking to yourself. If you spend way too much time being hard on yourself and putting yourself down, listen up. You will, in time, find yourself beginning to believe those negative words. Your perception of yourself and your capabilities will be altered as a result of receiving such negative feedback. Make sure that the way you talk to yourself is upbeat, loving, and encouraging. I recommend using an affirmation journal to help influence a positive mindset and boost your self-confidence.
3. Become aware of the habits that are sabotaging your success. Think about the goals you want to accomplish, and be honest with yourself about the behaviors that are holding you back. For instance, if you want to lose weight but make it a habit to eat an entire bag of chips whenever you're feeling stressed, your efforts will be in vain.
Create a list of all of the behaviors that are preventing you from moving forward. Create a list detailing all of the ways in which those habits are preventing you from reaching your goals. How much does it cost you to maintain each of those routines? Being conscious of the damage that your habits cause can make it easier to break them.
4. Identify your fears. Fear is at the root of all self-sabotage. What exactly do you fear? Are you afraid of making yourself look bad? Are you afraid of discovering you're not capable? Are you terrified of success? Are you concerned about how others will perceive you?
A recent article in Forbes suggests that when it comes to work, we fear outcomes, subpar efforts, and even feeling the emotions that are brought on by fear. All of this worry can force us to completely avoid the topic by avoiding anything that could validate our fears.
Acknowledge and confront the underlying fear that is driving your self-destructive behavior. Otherwise, you'll keep getting in your own way if you don't conquer or eradicate that fear.
5. Be aware of your limitations. Take note of how far you can get before you start sabotaging yourself.
For example, suppose you're stuck at a certain income level. Where do you get stuck in terms of income? When you're trying to lose weight, when do you start sabotaging yourself? Every aspect of our lives has a ceiling. Understand yours and try to figure out why.
Do you, for example, believe that you are a naturally chubby person who will never be able to lose weight? Do you think you'll never be a successful writer because you failed English in high school?
Examine all of your beliefs about the area of your life where you want to be more successful. Which of those beliefs is impeding your progress?
7. Take note of the people who get in your way. Sometimes, even though they don't genuinely care about our wellbeing, we let people into our lives anyway. There aren't many people who are truly invested in your success and want to see you reach your full potential. Some people will hold you back.
Try not to fool yourself into thinking that it's okay to let someone stand in your way. If they choose to be a roadblock in your life, you might want to think about cutting ties with them.
The encouraging thing is that having control over yourself is much easier than having control over other people or over external circumstances. Because you are the cause of your issues, you are also the person most qualified to find solutions to them. Underestimating the extent to which you delay or prevent your own advancement is a grave mistake.
It is wise to seek the help of a coach. Oftentimes it can be hard to recognize our limiting behavior, so having a different perspective from a professional can be useful. If you’re in need of a mindset reboot, please feel free to reach out to schedule a brief call to discuss your needs. If you're still on the fence, you can gain valuable insight and resources by following Joi Luck Club.
Dionne Joi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dionne Joi is an expert mindset and holistic wellness coach who is now helping people change their lives for the better through coaching and her company, Joi Luck Club. The successful business owner and motivational speaker has had to overcome domestic violence, the loss of a child, sexual abuse, and has suffered from anxiety and depression most of her life. She was able to go from struggling to thriving by changing her mindset and healing herself holistically. She now speaks life, spreads joi, and motivates others to live more fulfilled lives by changing their mindset.
