Self-Compassion For Healing “Disordered” Eating
- Apr 8, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 9, 2024
Lisa Schlosberg embodies the new paradigm of health and healing from a heart-centered lens. She empowers her clients and global community to use their struggles with food and body image.
If you struggle with your eating habits or body image, it’s likely these issues also bring up some level of shame, judgment, embarrassment, or criticism of yourself. Before you know it, and sometimes without you even knowing it, your self-deprecating thoughts and negative feelings toward yourself become so paralyzing that you grow disconnected from the problems you were trying to solve in the first place. Through working with hundreds of clients (and living as an emotional eater myself), I’ve experienced firsthand how destructive the “inner critic” can be for our growth, healing, and overall well-being. As a result, I’ve grown increasingly passionate about integrating self-compassion and practices of self-love to support myself and others access more inner peace, embodied safety, and mind-body-soul alignment. The best part is: when your energy reserves no longer have to fight or protect you from the bully inside (when your inner dialogue is not sending you into a fight/flight/freeze stress response internally), there’s much more life force available to manifest the reality you desire.
The exercise
I often refer to Dr. Kristin Neff as “The Queen of Self-Compassion.” The frameworks and techniques she offers based on years of original research have inspired and informed the way I think, live, and coach my clients.
Because my expertise is in the area of emotional and “disordered” eating, I’m going to break down one of her most foundational practices, called the “Self-Compassion Break,” and offer insights on how we can use this specifically for healing around food and body image.
To begin, simply identify what is causing you stress and/or discomfort in your relationship with food or your body. It could be how you feel inside when you look in the mirror or see a photo of yourself. Maybe it’s the emotions that came up after you over-ate in the cupboard again late last night. Perhaps you feel uncomfortable about the recent weight gain you’ve experienced as a result of turning to food to cope with stress. Any and all of these are okay.
Where do you feel a charge or activation about something?
Once you’ve landed on something you’d like to work with, see if you can feel the emotional energy in your body. Instead of thinking about it logically (trying to understand, analyze, or make meaning of it), gently notice your experience internally. Simply put: how does this situation honestly make you feel? Without any judgment, observe what emotions come up for you (ex: shame, fear, embarrassment, anger, sadness, etc.). If you can, draw your awareness to the corresponding sensations in your body (ex: a pit in your stomach, pressure on your chest, tightness in your back, pins and needles in your arms, etc.). There are no wrong answers. In this step, you are practicing being the objective observer of your experience and creating space for all parts of you to be here.
Having connected to the emotional discomfort that is present for you, it’s time to begin moving through the practice:
Self-compassion mindfulness
The first part of the Self-Compassion break is mindfulness: becoming aware of your experience. Important note: you are not becoming aware of your experience with the intention of changing, fixing, controlling, getting out of, eliminating, or otherwise manipulating it; you may (if you’re anything like me) have to challenge yourself to stay present with the feelings without giving into the habitual tendency of “figuring out what to do about it.” Dr. Neff suggests grounding the mindfulness practice with a statement such as “This is a moment of suffering,” “this hurts,” or “this is stress.” You can also non-judgmentally label the emotions you notice: “This is anxiety,” or “This is shame.” Pro tip: it can often be helpful to use phrases like “(part of me) is feeling angry” rather than “I am angry” to support you in creating some distance between you and your emotions and not over-identifying with your present moment experience. Our emotions ebb and flow; this is not a permanent state of being. If you feel physical sensations, you can also label them here: “I notice a tension in my shoulder,” or “I’m aware of the tightness in my throat.” In this step, you are honoring yourself by acknowledging what is true for you right now.
You feel uncomfortable, you feel hurt, this is hard. You are experiencing a moment of suffering, pain, or discomfort. That’s okay. You’re human.
Common humanity
The next part, referred to as common humanity, is where you can remind yourself that suffering is a part of life. It is normal, valid, okay, and safe for you to feel exactly as you do right now. It’s not your fault and you’re not doing anything wrong. Other people have felt this way and you are not alone in this experience. Especially when it comes to food and body image issues, I like to remember that it is absolutely appropriate for me to feel exactly how I do. It only makes sense that I would automatically feel a sense of fear or judgment about emotional eating, for example, given all the years I’ve spent internalizing messages from the shaming diet culture that raised me and suggested my whole life that my eating habits were a character defect or personal shortcoming. Similarly, if I feel uncomfortable about my body’s weight, shape, size, or appearance, I remember the fat-phobic society I grew up in and the thin beauty ideals I inevitably absorbed as a child and young adult. It almost feels like an instinct to judge and objectify myself, and that’s not my fault. When I expand my awareness to include my fellow humans and see myself as part of a larger whole, I feel reconnected to the knowing that I am not the only one who experiences this. Many of us do.
If you’re open to it, you can experiment with physical touch by placing one or both hands on your heart. Feel the warmth of your hands on your chest and breathe into the connection you’re creating with yourself. You can also try holding your hand, cradling your face, or wrapping yourself in a hug. The intention is to communicate to yourself that you are here, mindful and present with you exactly as you are.
Kindness
For the final component, we practice extending kindness to ourselves. Some ideas for what you can say to yourself include: “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I be patient with myself,” or “May I be strong.” This sounds different for everybody, so it can be helpful to embrace curiosity around what kindness would look, feel, or sound like to you right now. With this step, I often think about what I would say to my best friend or my future daughter. How would I speak to someone I love? What would I say to them and how would I say it? I remind myself that I am much more than my body, that I am worthy of connection and belonging regardless of how I look or what I weigh, that I am unconditionally lovable no matter how I behave around food, and that I am safe to be in my body right now – exactly as it is (even if I don’t feel completely comfortable about it). This step of reconnecting with myself on a deeper level restores a sense of safety to my mind-body system and allows me to breathe a little deeper. This is typically the moment I feel grateful that even though life is hard and emotions can be difficult to sit with, I am with myself. Even if I can’t change the situation or solve the problem, I’m not abandoning myself in it. That feels very loving to receive. When I struggle to identify how to be kind to myself, I often notice the answer is to simply stop being so mean, critical, judgmental, and shaming toward myself. I find “getting off my own back” is regularly the answer for me on this step. It’s easier said than done and it continues to be a practice, but regularly remembering this framework has helped tremendously.
I hope this outline serves you well and that you are able to move forward on your journey with more kindness, compassion, and love for yourself. If this resonates with you and you’d like to learn more about how to practice this in real-time, please join me on 4/20 for a free live online workshop!
If you are struggling with emotional eating, please know that you are not alone and there is hope for a brighter future. If you’re seeking more support with this kind of healing, please click here to learn more about working with me directly.
Lisa Schlosberg, Holistic Health Coach and Certified Personal Trainer
Lisa Schlosberg embodies the new paradigm of health and healing from a heart-centered lens. She empowers her clients and global community to use their struggles with food and body image as a path to rebuilding the mind-body connection so that they can access deeper authenticity, exercise personal power, and embody a life of freedom. Having lost and maintained 150 pounds for more than a decade by healing her relationship with food (through emotional healing, somatic experiencing, mindset shifts, and more), Lisa founded Out of the Cave, LLC., where she combines her comprehensive expertise as a Social Worker (LMSW), Certified Personal Trainer, Integrative Nutrition Holistic Health Coach, Yoga Teacher.
