Sandcastles and the Silent Struggles – Navigating the Summer When Your Relationship is Unsure
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 22
- 5 min read
Jennie Sutton is passionate when it comes to Divorce! She is the founder of the online platform, untyingtheknot.me. Here, she offers a one-stop shop for women as an accredited finance, divorce, and domestic abuse coach and in-person court coach, assisting women in rebuilding their lives with confidence.
The sun is setting low over the coastline. The kids are racing ahead, sticky from ice cream, sand, and sunscreen. Your dog is paddling, tail wagging excitedly as he chases the ball in and out of the waves. You and your partner are walking behind them, side by side but not holding hands, with your feet brushing in and out of the surf as your hearts drift further apart.
Onlookers might say, “What a perfect family moment.”
But inside, there’s a silence, a distance, and a tension so quiet it could almost go unnoticed—if it didn’t ache so much.
This is what summer can look like in an unsure relationship. Summer is a time for togetherness, and yet, for many, it quietly exposes the cracks and already strained foundations beneath the surface.
The reality behind the public facade
As a divorce coach working with one of the partners in a couple, I hear this story often. The holidays arrive, and the pressure to switch off and press the button to activate making memories instead builds. Yet, instead of joy, many clients describe something else. Their narrative is one of long silences, broken only by shouts to the kids and the dog. There is the constant overthinking and the pretence of putting on a smile for the children, while wondering and questioning if the relationship is quietly ending.
One client described it as “playing happy families with a partner who feels like a stranger, a roommate.” Another told me she felt like an extra in a photoshoot, smiling but not truly present.
The anticipation of grief is often invisible, yet it feels like a veil. It’s not the end itself, but the hope of searching for a resolution to make the relationship work, if only there were a small shift.
The silent struggles
Not all relational pain shows up as shouting matches, storming out of the room, or the noise of the silent treatment. In fact, there may be very little conflict at all. Clients describe this as an untethering, a disconnection. Often, there is very little to talk about, which just builds on the avoidance of any real conversations to “keep the peace.” Then, it’s masked by the façade of keeping a brave face for the sake of the children. In truth, nothing makes this scenario more painfully visible than the summer holidays.
Why summer magnifies the dynamics
There’s something about this six-week holiday that acts like an emotional magnifying glass. We’re suddenly thrust into more unstructured time together. There’s no buffer of the school run to separate the day, and no work emails to escape to. It’s more about summer logistics: packing, travelling, childcare, meals, things to do, and places to visit. The gap in emotional resilience, tolerance, and understanding widens. Even the dog, as one client put it, “seems to sense the tension; he sticks closer to the kids.”
Add this to the constant pressure to look happy (thank you, social media, for this one), and you have a recipe for silent suffering with a sting in its tail. The contrast between the image and the reality can be disorienting, deeply painful, and a quicksand of distance.
The September spike: What the data tells us
While January is often claimed to be the peak month for divorce petitions to be filed, particularly the first Monday after the holidays, research suggests that the trend isn't as clear-cut as commonly believed. September also sees a notable increase in divorce inquiries and filings, likely due to the end of the summer holidays and the start of the new school year.
Couples who have been “just about managing” through this season can, at times, step into an impasse, a tipping point. It’s that moment when silence feels heavier than words.
You're paying attention to your inner knowing
If any of this feels painfully familiar, I want you to know that you’re not being dramatic, you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone in thinking like this. Your relationship looks fine from the outside, yet inside, the story is very different. You’re taking note of your feelings, the tension, the sadness, and the disconnection. Your mirror of awareness, self-respect, and honesty is now your guiding light, your compass.
As a coach, I often say, if you’re spending more time masking than actually connecting, something needs attention.
Summer survival tools for your relationship
If you’re currently in the thick of this silent summer struggle, here are a few tools I offer my clients. They’re small, but they’re immensely powerful in changing the relationship dynamics.
1. The mirror rule
Ask yourself gently: “What am I pretending not to know?”
This is not about blame. It’s about compassionately acknowledging your own truth, even if it’s uncomfortable and hard to face.
2. Private reflections
Journaling or voice messaging your thoughts to yourself is a great way to keep on top of what you’re feeling in the here and now.
Try these prompts:
When did I last feel seen by my partner?
What am I tolerating that’s quietly hurting me?
What do I need that I haven’t voiced?
Reflecting doesn’t fix everything, but it gives your internal voice and experience the dignity of being heard.
3. The 10-minute check-in
This simple practice helps create a thread of honesty and dialogue. Once a day, with no phones and no distractions, ask each other: “How are you feeling today?” Come to the Check-In with no agenda, no fixing, just to listen.
4. Give yourself permission
This is about being a witness to your emotions. You’re allowed to feel joy, grief, confusion, and to give yourself time. You’re certainly allowed not to have the next steps figured out.
Sandcastles at the shoreline
Like sandcastles on the beach, we sometimes build a version of life together that looks picture-perfect, shells decorating the walls, flags on top, and smiles for the camera. But underneath, the tide is already creeping in. Not because you’ve failed, but because tides are inevitable. The real work isn’t in pretending the cracks aren’t there; it’s in asking, “Do I still want to build and strengthen my relationship, or is it time to begin again, something new?”
A final word from a coach who’s been there
If this summer is testing your relationship, if you’re quietly holding back tears between the family moments, you are not alone. You don’t have to make a big decision today, yet you do deserve the space to be honest with yourself.
Take five minutes tonight, after the children are asleep, when the house is quiet. Light a candle, sit with a notebook, and ask: “What is real for me right now?”
Whether you stay, go, or simply pause to reflect, your clarity matters. Let’s stop pretending everything’s perfect. Let’s start honouring what’s true, and that’s you!
Read more from Jennie Sutton
Jennie Sutton, Accredited Women's Divorce & Court Coach
Having experienced her own 30-year marriage end in divorce, Jennie turned her experience into a mission to support other women. As an accredited divorce and family court coach, she supports women who are faced with the additional challenges of domestic abuse. With twenty years as a coach and firsthand insight, she provides reassurance and guidance every step of the way. To Jennie, untying the knot is about finding the end to make a new beginning.
