Replace Rules With Boundaries for True Success – A Candid Conversation with Stephanie McAuliffe
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 minutes ago
- 8 min read
Tricia Brouk helps high-performing professionals transform into industry thought leaders through the power of authentic storytelling. With her experience as an award-winning director, producer, sought after speaker, and mentor to countless thought-leaders, Tricia has put thousands of speakers onto big stages globally.
Being able to support speakers in using their voices for impact is a privilege, and I had the pleasure of sitting down with Stephanie to discuss how boundaries are a superpower and the key to our true success.
Stephanie is a Boundary Strategist and guides conscious, high-performing leaders to their next level of success. She alchemized 27 years as an executive on Wall Street with her work as a transformational energy healer and works with clients to clear the rules and vestiges that invisibly weigh them down. She guides her clients to own their truth without apology, as they heal body, mind, and spirit, unleashing the past and stepping into a clear future. Stephanie is the Founder and CEO of The Way of the Diamond Warrior. She is also the author of two international best-selling books: The Impact of Silence: Reclaim the Sovereignty of Your Soul and The Message in the Bottle: Finding Hope and Peace Amidst the Chaos of Living with an Alcoholic.
Stephanie, what is a boundary strategist, and why do we need to have strategies around boundaries?
A boundary strategist is someone who works with leaders to help them understand the patterns that hinder their forward progress. Together, we clear the old paradigms through mindset work, practical psychology, pattern recognition, clearing of old stories, and energy healing.
Through this process, you get to unwind the stories, labels, and boxes that hold you back. You get to play with who you are and discover what has been hidden within you. This is part of the superpower of boundaries, because ultimately, the need to create boundaries lessens as you stand stronger in your own personal power.
Many of us grew up with rules, but rules are not boundaries. When you step away from the rules that were ingrained in you about who and how you were supposed to be in the world, you can begin to see how those rules actually held you back and may continue to do so.
Most rules are created in an attempt to control a situation or a person’s actions. As a child, your parents may have done so to keep you safe. But when you continue to live by someone else’s rules, you have, in essence, given your power over to them. You act at their whim.
As an adult, it is important to have a strategy around boundaries to better understand the drivers behind why you do what you do. Living by a set of rules leaves you in reaction mode rather than acting from a place of personal power.
One of the key pieces is knowing the strategy behind a boundary. For example, choosing not to partake in after-work events that aren’t inclusive for both men and women. The reasoning may be that trust is built when people feel part of a team. With trust comes creativity that supports the organization or team to function at its highest level. Saying no to invitations that aren’t inclusive creates a strategic boundary for you and your team. On the other hand, if you pick and choose invitations based on who is there and what you might get out of it, you are still operating by a rule and not a strategy.
Another example is choosing not to go out past a certain time. It is not just about being in at a certain hour; the strategy is to hit the pillow at a regular time so you function at your highest level the next day. But if you stay up to watch certain shows and hit the snooze button on the alarm, you are living by a rule, and rules are made to be broken.
Something stays a rule until you have a strategy. Once you have a strategy, it becomes a boundary.
What have you seen in your work that is the biggest challenge leaders have when it comes to their relationship with boundaries?
Fear of abandonment. We’re afraid that if we say no, we’re not going to get the promotion, the invitation, or that we’ll somehow be othered. As leaders, there’s a fear of becoming obsolete. The average tenure for a CEO is seven years, and we see less and less loyalty to senior leaders within an organization.
So we say yes when we want to say no. Family gets put on the back burner, vacations are delayed, or vacations don’t really happen because you’re always on. Even when a new role doesn’t feel right or resonate, you say yes to it for fear of being passed over for the really plum assignment.
In essence, even when a leader creates what they think is a boundary, it’s a rule that gets broken due to the rules of the organization or the pressure to perform.
Another challenge is golden handcuffs. As a leader, you stay in an organization that you know doesn’t respect your autonomy or authority, but you dismiss your own boundaries because of the financial incentives.
When you help a CEO or leader have a more intentional relationship with boundaries, what’s the first benefit you see for them? And what does the next level of success look like?
The first benefit is that they connect more with a new or revised vision, not the vision that defined how they got to where they are now. Early in our careers, success might be defined as reaching a certain level or working in a specific organization or industry. Many leaders thrive in change, but when you’ve achieved a major goal that defined success from early in your career, the question of “what’s next?” can feel daunting. Yet staying where you are isn’t an option either. Getting to where they are may have taken a lot of drive. Tapping into a new vision, while executing exactly where they are, allows them to let go of the reins and play in the space of what success means for them now.
We connect with what really speaks to them and their heart. Knowing what it took to reach their current level, a leader may feel that the effort to achieve what’s defined as “next” doesn’t have the ROI. So, it doesn’t mean leaving a position or a relationship. It’s a process of looking at interests beyond what may have been a singular focus until now. Is it bringing their expertise into philanthropy work, or perhaps more time with family, travel, or bringing back a long-forgotten hobby? This work allows the leader a deeper level of presence with exactly where they are, as well as deeper levels of satisfaction, because satisfaction in multiple areas of your life allows you to be more present in each.
Now that we have identified our boundaries or lack of boundaries, how do you suggest we begin to adjust, redesign, or simply re-evaluate?
First, be honest with yourself. When you see what’s really holding you back, you then get to choose whether or not to change it. Not changing is still a choice, and sometimes something needs to stay status quo while you create your plan.
Then, look at the people around you. Do they truly support you and your growth, or do they find comfort in keeping you where you are?
And finally, ask yourself, “In what ways have I been following someone else’s rules, or been in a pattern that seems so natural and ingrained that I feel like I’m on autopilot?”
Answering these questions may not feel easy, yet it was in the exploration of these and other questions that opened up a world I couldn’t have imagined otherwise.
Awareness is part of your superpower. From awareness, you get to make informed choices, decisions that support you, rather than choices made from reaction mode or based on someone else’s rule.
What would you say to someone who thinks they have stellar boundaries? And as a high-performer, how can I improve my boundaries as a leader?
Look again. Do you feel like you need to control everything? And do you use control as your boundary?
In my 27-year career on Wall Street, my last assignment was in my Senior Director role as program manager for a large global transformation program. I controlled everything within an inch of its life. There was great responsibility with the role, and I was dedicated to both the program and the organization.
In reality, I had no control over anything and was exhausted. I made sure I had everything in line, exactly how I needed it to be. The funny thing was, at the time, I didn’t even realize it. Back then, if you had asked me if I trusted myself, I would have said absolutely yes.
There’s a continuum between control and trust. The more we trust ourselves and our team, the more we empower them to work in their zone of genius. On the opposite end is the need to structure things so firmly that you squeeze out all space for creativity.
With responsibility as a leader comes the need to let go. If you, as a leader, aren’t willing to allow people to work in their zone of genius, it’s an indication of a lack of trust. What’s interesting is that our outsides reflect our insides. The health of your organization is a reflection of the strength of your own boundaries.
Stephanie, how do you guide someone as their personal boundary strategist? And how long does it take to make a shift?
We work to understand why you make the decisions you do, why you lead as you do, and why you lead yourself as you do. We explore formative years from a place of curiosity. Who raised them? What were the people in their family tree like? In what ways were rules disguised as boundaries in their family of origin? Were personal boundaries even supported or championed? Exploring these four questions gives a wealth of information.
We get to the root of why they need control. For someone raised in an authoritarian household (which is full of rules), the creation of rules as an adult may provide them with a sense of safety. We examine their continuum of control versus trust.
They will often see that the patterns from their formative years continue to play out in their current timeline. If someone was told they’d never amount to anything, in what ways does that drive their decision-making process and how they lead now? This is why we review the heart of their stories, the labels, and the boxes they or someone else may have placed them in, and the “why” behind them. We do this through the alchemy of mindset, practical psychology, pattern recognition, clearing of old stories, and energy healing.
I work one-to-one with leaders in three-month increments. Three months provides a nest for a leader to rest in, to give a voice to something they never had before, as well as time to explore their deeper “why.” It’s usually just long enough to move through a current challenge and not so long that they lose focus. During our time together, we also tap into what success means for them now, and their dreams and vision for the future. We define a strategy for how boundaries can empower them. It’s deep and effective work, and some re-engage for another three months because of the power of it.
I’m offering a free masterclass on September 4, 2025, so you can get a feel for what I do. Join me for The Conundrum of Boundaries: Alchemizing Boundaries into Pathways to Freedom.
Tricia Brouk, Founder of The Big Talk Academy
Tricia Brouk helps high-performing professionals transform into industry thought leaders through the power of authentic storytelling. With her experience as an award-winning director, producer, sought after speaker, and mentor to countless thought-leaders, Tricia has put thousands of speakers onto big stages globally. She produced TEDxLincolnSquare in New York City and is the founder of The Big Talk Academy. Tricia’s book, The Influential Voice: Saying What You Mean for Lasting Legacy, was a 1 New Release on Amazon in December 2020. Big Stages, the documentary featuring her work with speakers premiered at the Chelsea Film Festival in October of 2023 and her most recent love is the new publishing house she founded, The Big Talk Press.
