Relationship Expert Maryanne Comaroto Offers Advice On Ending Relationships

Relationship specialist, psychologist, and award-winning author Maryanne Comaroto helps individuals discover essential tools for creating healthy, fulfilling, and sustainable relationships. Maryanne is a clinical hypnotherapist, certified Vedanta meditation teacher, popular speaker, and host of a weekly radio show that reaches a global audience across 130 countries. With a gift for making complex theories practical and telling the truth with compassion, Maryanne offers one-on-one counseling sessions and leads life-changing workshops. She is also the founder of the nonprofit the Queen of the Jungle Foundation.

Maryanne earned her Ph.D. in Depth Psychology with a specialty in Somatics. With years of researching the cultural impact on modern relationships, Maryanne developed the CORR© relationship curriculum and innovated the SHOMI® Method, a transformational system of self-inquiry. She created the audio series “Thrive: Seven Essential Truths for Revealing Your Secret, Sacred Self” and authored the award-winning Skinny, Tan and Rich: Unveiling the Myth and Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers!

Maryanne enjoys meeting people, traveling, and exploring new cultures. She and her husband own Gassho House, a boutique retreat venue for people to gather, learn and refresh. In her free time, Maryanne loves being with her family and her fur babies, and the beach is her happy place.

What are some signs that a relationship has run its course?

Some of the obvious signs are: You start fantasizing and daydreaming about having a different life or with someone else. You notice you start thinking about exes; you start thinking about your colleagues going, "Hmmm, they are pretty cute today." You start drifting away from the relationship bubble. Noticing growing discontent in general and irritability; a way that you're critical of that person.

These are some of the signs where you're like, "God, I'm so mean lately; I don't know what my problem is. Why am I being so cranky?" You're getting moody in the relationship: "They just can't do it right."

You're dissatisfied with them. The imbalance starts to become more perceptible.

What advice do you give someone who thinks they are ready to end a relationship but are worried about feeling alone?

My first suggestion is to get some therapy. I love this. This is a wonderful entree for people to get support. Therapy coaching, or reading books, because it's a really big decision [to end a relationship]. It's one thing to imagine yourself alone. It's an entirely different thing to be alone.

I would also say lean into your practice and start spending some time alone. Go for walks with yourself, and really listen to yourself. Listen to the fear: What are you so afraid of? It's important because if we don't listen, sometimes what we'll do is we'll just barter with ourselves and say, "Well, I hear this all the time. I've looked around out there, and it doesn't look good. So I'm just going to stay where I am. This is better than that."

So you make up the story (it's not even necessarily true) based on the fear that you're not really sitting with. You're making up a narrative that you're not even giving yourself a chance to see if it's true or not.

And you can't even look around at relationships around you and make that decision. That's not fair, either. Because we don't really know what it's like to be inside another person's universe. Maybe they fight a lot, but we don't know. We only know our own experience. So I'd say keep turning your attention inwards.

What are some ways to end a relationship respectfully?

Remember that this is a "we" thing. This is not a "me" thing. I think that's the most important, and people climb over this all the time. You want to make sure that these people that you have loved are left intact, that they have their pacing, are respected, and that they know you care.

With my ex and I, one morning, I looked at him, and I said, "Oh my God, I don't like you. But I love you. And I'm terrified." And he laughed. He said the same thing. We just didn't like each other, and we weren't compatible at all. We were really attached to each other. So we agreed to go really slowly.

It started with sleeping in separate bedrooms. We set a time for how long it would take. Who was going to move? We really did it together. Because we knew how attached we were, we didn't shame each other. We tried not to make each other wrong. And it was scary and painful. But we were really kind and respectful.

So lots of "we." Lots of "we" in this, and how can we do this together?

How can someone prepare to transition out of a relationship?

Having support is important. The other thing that I do suggest to people is that they go away physically and go away somewhere so they can hear themselves. I had one couple; she rented a flat for three months. They did a trial separation, but they planned this all out, and they had questions that we worked on. They were going to be with the questions when they were away, and then we met for sessions in between. And it was really beautiful. It was a soft, gentle way for them to get used to being apart together.