Redefining Success – Why Midlife Women Lose Their Identity, and How to Reclaim It
- Brainz Magazine
- 12 hours ago
- 10 min read
Written by Joanne Pagett, Midlife Mentor & Strategist
Joanne Pagett is a transformational Midlife Mentor and strategist for women in their Prime. She empowers solo entrepreneurs to overcome burnout, reconnect with their purpose, and build powerful, aligned lives and businesses through mindset, wellness, and strategic clarity.
Do you ever feel like life is just slipping through your fingers like sand? They told us that if we worked hard, climbed the ladder, ran the business, raised the family, and kept the plates spinning, we’d have it all.
This article is for the woman who looks successful on the outside but feels unanchored on the inside. For the woman who’s quietly wondering what happened to her spark. For the one who is ready, not to rewind, but to redefine.
You’re not alone, midlife has just hit. Don’t panic, in this article, you will find 10 practical strategies to help you beat the Midlife Identity Crisis.
The hidden identity crisis of successful women
This isn’t just a fleeting moment of “feeling a bit lost.” It’s an impactful internal shift, an identity crisis masked by outward success.
Midlife women, especially those who’ve achieved a great deal, executive roles, thriving businesses, and well-managed homes, can suddenly find themselves staring into the mirror and not recognising the woman looking back.
It feels disorienting and deeply personal. Yet it’s happening to millions of women behind closed doors.
Many of us did it; we built careers, managed households, delivered on deadlines, and became the go-to person for everything and everyone. Suddenly, the titles and roles that once defined us start to feel hollow. The goals we once chased no longer inspire us. The energy that once felt endless now needs to be rationed. And beneath the surface of success, a quiet question emerges:
“Who am I without the work, the title, the role, the routine?”
But what is a midlife identity crisis?
A midlife identity crisis is a deeply personal and often unexpected period of emotional, psychological, and spiritual questioning that many women experience, typically between the ages of 40 and 60. It occurs when the roles, responsibilities, or external markers of success that once gave life meaning begin to feel misaligned or empty.
For many midlife women, it sounds like:
“I’ve achieved so much so why do I feel so unfulfilled?”
“I’ve been a mother, a leader, a partner, but who am I?”
“My life looks good on paper, but I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
It’s the moment where the doing no longer satisfies the being.
What causes a midlife identity crisis?
A midlife identity crisis isn’t something that arrives suddenly or dramatically. It often evolves into a quiet but persistent sense that something no longer feels aligned. For many midlife women, this shift begins when the roles that once defined them start to fade or feel restrictive. Children grow up, go off to university, or leave home and need us less. Careers that once excited us may now feel like routines. Long-standing relationships evolve, and we have chosen to no longer engage. In these moments of transition, the question begins to rise: “Who am I now, without all of that?”
At the same time, hormonal and emotional changes such as perimenopause or menopause can intensify the internal pressure. These physical shifts often come with changes in mood, energy, and mental clarity, adding to the emotional weight many women carry. What is often overlooked is how these biological changes prompt deeper emotional reflection. Our bodies start asking for rest and recalibration, often before our minds are ready to respond.
Then there are the dreams we once had, the passions we now bury under responsibility, the ambitions we shelved in the name of practicality. Midlife has a way of resurfacing those longings and desires. Not to shame us for not pursuing them earlier, but to remind us they’re still available. What once felt far-fetched might now feel necessary. This is the moment when suppressed creativity, purpose, and desire begin knocking louder.
Often, our values begin to shift, too. The accolades, the approval, the packed schedule, that once fuelled us, start to feel like noise and discombobulation. In its place, we crave more space, more stillness, more truth. We were taught how to build careers, raise families, and meet expectations, but rarely how to stop, reflect, and choose again.
A Midlife Identity Crisis is not about losing yourself. It’s about meeting yourself fully, possibly for the first time. It’s not a detour, it’s a doorway. And it leads to something deeper, more aligned, and entirely your own.
Whilst the exact number of women in the UK experiencing Midlife Identity Crisis is unknown, it’s a common experience, and studies suggest that around 10-20% of adults experience Midlife Identity Crisis.
Related Article by the British Psychology Society
Midlife is not the end of your story. It’s the turning point.
The symptoms of a midlife identity crisis
Midlife Identity Crisis manifests in various forms, each with its distinct characteristics. These types include:
Emotional volatility: This can surface, including mood swings, anxiety, or unexpected sadness. Confidence may start to dip, particularly around appearance, ageing, or sense of value. Fatigue and burnout might linger, even after rest, and feel different from anything you’ve experienced before.
Meaning or creativity: There’s often a growing desire for more meaning or creativity, coupled with grief for missed opportunities or time lost. And perhaps most disheartening, you find yourself comparing your journey or what you’ve achieved in life to others, especially those who appear to be thriving in midlife.
Restlessness: As previously discussed, a deep sense of restlessness or dissatisfaction despite external success. A loss of direction or motivation, especially in a career or role that once felt purposeful. You might find yourself questioning your identity beyond titles like mother, partner, or professional. There may be a strong urge to make a big change in your job, relationship, or lifestyle, yet you feel unsure where to start.
These signs don’t mean you’re broken. They mean your internal compass is trying to realign. Your identity is no longer rooted in who you had to be, and that’s a powerful invitation. You’re being called to rediscover who you choose to become next.
Why do midlife women feel like it’s a struggle?
We mistook achievement for identity
For decades, society rewarded us for achieving, producing, fixing, and doing. We were praised for our productivity, for holding it all together, for showing up and delivering, no matter the cost or the impact on our mental and physical health.
Which resulted in many women building their sense of self and success on external outcomes: titles, salary, roles, and results.
But what happens when the roles change? Whether this be through redundancy, children leaving home, hormonal shifts, or simply a realisation that we want something different, something more, and that’s not being selfish, we’re left with a terrifying question: Who am I when I’m not proving myself?
The identity you’ve built wasn’t rooted in who you are, but in what you do. So, when the doing stops or shifts, it feels like you’ve lost yourself.
You’ve outgrown the version of you that built your success
The woman you’ve been with until now was a powerful force. She pushed boundaries, she achieved, she kept going when things were hard, you know the saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”, and likely she didn’t get enough credit for it. She became everything to everyone. But that version of life, that’s now coming to a close. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right. You showed up. You delivered. You led.
But what once fitted like a glove feels like a heavy coat that no longer suits the weather. You’ve changed, your needs have changed, and what once motivated you before has shifted.
This is not a failure, it’s growth. You’ve outgrown the identity built for approval and performance. Now you’re being called to create your new identity, rooted in meaning, alignment, and self-connection.
You never got the blueprint for this chapter
In the early stages of life, we were given instructions for how to succeed. From an early age, we were taught how to do well in school, how to get a job, how to build a family, and how to push forward in our careers. The message was clear: work hard, stay busy, keep achieving. But no one ever taught us how to pause and take time out.
There wasn’t a guidebook given to us for this stage of life when everything starts to shift. Your body begins to change, your role at home or work evolves, and your priorities no longer match the ones you’ve lived by for decades. That roadmap for midlife we hear about, it doesn’t exist. No one teaches you how to let go of who you’ve been, or how to create space for the woman you’re becoming.
This chapter, call it midlife, in your prime, midpoint, reinvention, or the great reset, isn’t a crisis; this is your awakening. It’s a natural invitation to re-evaluate. Time to slow down and reflect on what really matters now. But because we’ve never been shown how to do that, it can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. That’s okay.
What you’re experiencing isn’t confusion. It’s clarity, you’re being called to make decisions not out of obligation, but from a place of deeper truth. This is the chapter where you get to reimagine success. No longer being based on how much time and effort you invest in others, but on how aligned you feel within yourself.
You’re not behind. You’re not late. You’re right on time.
And while there may not be a ready-made blueprint for this chapter, the beauty is, you now have full permission to design one that’s entirely your own.
10 effective techniques to reclaim your identity and rewrite the rules
Midlife is not the end of your story. It’s the turning point. These ten techniques are designed to help you move from feeling stuck to reconnecting with your power and purpose. Each one includes a simple action to get you moving forward.
1. Be honest with yourself
Stop saying “I’m fine” when deep down you know you’re not. The first powerful step toward change is telling yourself the truth.
Action: Take 10 minutes to journal what feels misaligned in your life right now, no filters, no judgment from your heart.
2. Reconnect with the woman behind the role
You are more than the job title, the business card, or the endless to-do list. Ask yourself: What did I love before life got so full?
Action: Choose one old passion or interest and carve out 30 minutes this week to revisit it.
3. Put yourself back on your priority list
This isn’t about being selfish, it’s about being whole. You know the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup!” If you don’t fill your cup, you can’t pour into others.
Action: Set a daily non-negotiable that supports your wellbeing (a walk, five minutes of stillness, a nourishing breakfast). Make time for you, because you’re worth it!
4. Let go of outdated expectations
The version of you that did it all doesn’t have to be the version you stay attached to, because what got you here isn’t going to get you there.
Action: Write a “release list” of roles, beliefs, or pressures that no longer serve you. Read it out loud, then physically let it go, rip it up, or burn it.
5. Curate your environment
Who and what you surround yourself with influence how you feel. Energy is contagious.
Action: Audit your space, remove one thing, person, or social media account that drains you. Add one that lifts you. Don’t overload your space, one in, one out!
6. Get curious, not critical
Don’t know if you’ve been told this, but you’re not broken; it’s your time to evolve. Replace judgment with gentle exploration.
Action: Ask yourself one empowering question each morning: “What could this chapter be opening up and offering me?”
7. Ask more empowering questions
Your inner voice matters. Speak to yourself with the same compassion and attention you give others.
Action: Reframe self-doubt by using these two prompts: “What am I learning?” and “What am I now ready to claim?”
8. Surround yourself with women on the same journey
There’s a real strength in shared experiences. You don’t have to do this alone. Loneliness is another subject for another day.
Action: Join a group or network, attend a workshop, lean in towards a new dimension, or follow women online who are also navigating midlife transformation with purpose.
Related Article: You’re not meant to do it alone
9. Make something, anything
Action fuels clarity. You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin; in fact, you shouldn’t. Remember “Progress over Perfection”.
Action: Write a blog post, make a vision board, record a voice note, or sketch your ideal future. Creation activates identity.
10. Decide who you’re becoming, then start showing up as her
Don’t wait for permission. You already have everything you need to begin.
Action: Write a short statement: “I am becoming the woman who,” and start taking small steps today that align with her energy and values.
Midlife isn’t about letting go of who you were; it’s about becoming who you’re meant to be.
Break down these actions into achievable steps and set clear, realistic goals for yourself. Setting attainable goals can prevent feelings of overwhelm and empower you to make progress toward you who you’re becoming. Instead of focusing solely on the result, break down your goals into smaller, manageable actions that you can tackle one step at a time. Celebrate each win along the way, no matter how small, and use them as motivation to keep moving forward.
Celebrate your successes
Take a moment to acknowledge and honour your progress, no matter how small it may seem. Recognising your efforts reinforces self-belief and motivates ongoing growth. Whether you’ve completed a challenging day, achieved a personal breakthrough, or simply shown up for yourself in a new way, pause and give yourself credit. You might choose to mark the moment by sharing it with someone who supports you, treating yourself with something meaningful, or quietly reflecting on how far you’ve come. These acts of self-recognition build confidence, encourage resilience, and remind you that your efforts are worth celebrating.
Start your journey today
If any part of this article resonated with you, pause and celebrate that. This is your moment. Not to hustle harder or to mask what you’re feeling, but to finally meet yourself with truth, courage, and compassion. You don’t need to fix yourself. You need to find yourself again.
Because the real power in midlife isn’t in going back. It’s in rising forward, with intention, with clarity, and on your terms. Take the next small step. Say yes to your growth. Begin the conversation you’ve been avoiding. Join the community you’ve been quietly watching. Reach out for the support you deserve. If you're ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, book a coaching call today. Let's work together to break free from living in your own shadow and embrace your true potential. The woman you’re becoming is already within you. And she’s ready.
Read more from Joanne Pagett
Joanne Pagett, Midlife Mentor & Strategist
Joanne Pagett is a Transformational Midlife Mentor and Strategist for women in their Prime who are ready to reclaim their purpose, energy, and confidence. Following a serious case of Burnout in 2021 and over 25 years of experience in corporate leadership and entrepreneurship, she helps female business owners shift from burnout to bold clarity. Through her signature Pathway to Midlife P.O.W.E.R.™ framework, Joanne empowers women to realign their mindset, wellness, and life strategy so they can lead their next chapter on their terms.
