Power, Grooming, and Institutional Blindness in High-Control Religious Systems
- Jan 31
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 1
Written by Lindsey Leavitt, Transformational Coach
Lindsey Leavitt is a transformational coach. Her expertise stems from her lived experience of abuse, mental illness, and chronic pain. Lindsey's transformation has inspired her to utilize her knowledge and abilities as an artist/musician to advocate, empower, and lift others.
Uncovering the hidden dangers of high-control religious systems, this article explores the psychological impact of grooming, obedience, and institutional blindness. Lindsey Leavitt reflects on her own journey of healing, revealing how authority, secrecy, and silence contribute to prolonged suffering. Learn why religious institutions must be held accountable to protect children and support survivors, and how transparency and reform are crucial for ending cycles of harm.
Framing abuse as a game
I did not know I was abused. I did not remember until I was 41, when flashbacks began to surface, sudden, visceral, and physical. For decades, I believed nothing harmful had occurred. That belief was not denial, it was the predictable outcome of grooming within a high-control religious system, where obedience is moralized, authority is sanctified, and questioning is discouraged.
He told me it was a game.
The word shaped my reality. As a child, my inner dialogue was simple but rigid, This is allowed. This is safe. If something feels wrong, it must be me. My body often disagreed, confusion, fear, panic, but the story I was told overrode instinct. By framing the experience as play, the coercion went unrecognized, and memory encoded participation instead of violation.
The child’s inner lens
A useful lens to understand this comes from The Lion King. When Scar instructs Simba to
enter the gorge, the danger is real, but Simba’s inner dialogue interprets it as trust:
He believes in me.
I’m choosing this.
Authority shapes perception. Danger exists, but is cognitively inaccessible. My inner dialogue mirrored this:
I didn’t say no.
If it were wrong, someone would have stopped it.
The long shadow of authority
For decades, I carried anxiety, fear, depression, suicidal thoughts, and six years of chronic pain, believing these were reflections of my own failing. Meanwhile, my father maintained a
public image of moral integrity and authority. Within the religious system, that image was reinforced, appearances were sacred, obedience was expected, and questioning was dangerous. The tension between his perceived virtue and my lived experience made me internalize responsibility for harm that was not mine.
It was only later that I began to understand the dynamics at play, the pain I carried had been shaped by patterns of projection within the household and amplified by institutional structures that reinforced obedience, secrecy, and authority over individual safety. High-control religious environments can unintentionally channel unresolved conflicts, shame, and expectations onto children, creating profound internalized suffering.
Projection and the internalized narrative
The inner exile mirrors Simba’s. After Mufasa’s death, Scar rewrites the narrative, This is your fault. The child internalizes responsibility for events beyond their control. In high-control religious systems, institutions enforce a similar pattern, compliance is rewarded, questioning is discouraged, and abuse can occur in plain sight while remaining unrecognized by the survivor.
When my memories resurfaced at 41, they came as fragmented flashbacks, bodily sensations, emotional surges, and intrusive imagery. Recognition was gradual because the system had trained me not to recognize abuse. Trauma had been encoded in the nervous system long before my conscious mind had the language to process it.
I did not fail to recognize abuse. I was structurally prevented from recognizing it. Power shaped language. Language shaped meaning. Meaning shaped memory. And institutional silence ensured that the cost of maintaining authority fell entirely on the child.
Religious accountability and reform
This is the core danger of high-control religion. Abuse does not require overt violence to persist, it thrives through authority, obedience, and secrecy. Institutions must be held accountable, rules, doctrines, and cultural norms that prioritize appearances over safety create environments where harm can be normalized, minimized, and concealed. Reform is not optional. Transparency, independent oversight, and cultural accountability are essential to protect children and survivors.
The most enduring damage is not only the abuse itself, but the years spent carrying responsibility for someone else’s unresolved conflicts. Understanding this truth is not simply liberating, it is a call to action. Until religious institutions confront the ways authority, secrecy, and doctrine can enable harm, children will continue to suffer, and survivors will continue to inherit burdens that were never theirs.
Read more from Lindsey Leavitt
Lindsey Leavitt, Transformational Coach
Lindsey Leavitt is a transformational coach. She is certified in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The model focuses on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness. Lindsey battled with anxiety and depression throughout her life. She implemented various therapeutic modalities, but none were effective. Finally, Lindsey implemented the DBT approach, which changed her life forever. Now she is helping others take back their power, regain control of their lives, and start living an abundant life.
