Newsflash – It Is Okay To Rest And Recover From The Pain Of Loss
Updated: Feb 8, 2024
Written by: Lisa Heacock, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office years ago, talking about all of my losses. I talked about not wanting to avoid my pain. I knew from others around me and the science behind ignoring difficulties in life that they can, sometimes, manifest themselves both in the physical body and mental well-being. I read “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk. I was struggling with my trauma. My thoughts, my panic, my anxiety, my anger, my deep, deep sadness, and so much more. It was there. Sitting there.
Knowing this and being very adamant that no matter what pain or trauma I had endured, I was going to work through it, not around it. I was going to be real, authentic, transparent, and hold my pain. I was going to sit in my pain and let it wash over me so I could work through it.
I was going head first with determination to ensure I did not keep it all in and then be diagnosed with some auto-immune disease. That was my thinking. That was my goal. My goal was to come out alive, not completely screwed up both physically and mentally.
I was exhausted! I was working hard. I was quite successful, to be fair. I rid myself of toxic relationships or those who were not supporting me or witnessing my grief in the way I needed. Do not get me wrong, sometimes people say the ‘wrong’ things or do the ‘wrong’ things like I have done so many times. I give a lot of grace to those individuals because it is hard to navigate pain and loss for all parties involved.
Back to sitting in my therapist's office and explaining I do not want to ‘go crazy.’ She asked me what that looked like in my head. I explained what that meant for me.
She said something that, in hindsight, should have been obvious and probably is too many. However, to me, it was revolutionary.
“You know Lisa, it is ok to rest and recover. It is ok to put your hoodie over your head, watch Netflix and eat popcorn. It is ok when the overwhelming feelings of loss, pain, and grief hit you to say NOT TODAY, NOT RIGHT NOW.” Then do something that gives you joy, happiness, peace, rest.”
What the hell! Mind blown! Once I started to embrace this rest and recovery thing and not just pretend, freedom followed. I gave myself permission to rest and recover. I gave myself permission to sit in my pajamas, eat crap, watch crap on TV and not worry about being lazy or getting fat. I was still healing.
I knew I would not stay there for days, months, or years. That I would get up, work hard, cry hard, sleep hard, and then rest and recover.
It is ok and necessary to rest and recover from your pain, whatever that is. I know this is not new information, but it may be a new practice for you as it was for me. I still battle with this idea and battle not feeling guilty for “wasting time.” I soon get out of that thought pattern and listen to my body, my mind, and my intuition.
It is ok to rest and recover.
Lisa Heacock, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lisa Heacock is a Certified and Accredited International Life Coach specializing in Personal Development and Grief Coaching. Lisa knows all too well the pain of multiples losses over a short period of time. Lisa helps individuals who feel stuck or grieving any type of loss to rebuild, transform and take action to create a life of passion and purpose. Lisa is the proud owner of Holistic Life Coaching with Lisa Marie.
