Written by: Dr. Heather Browne
Let’s rip the glasses right off of Imposter Syndrome! And how about we stop buying the Kool-Aid too. Why are we creating syndromes and labels that encourage us to disempower ourselves and others? I know, I know, I sipped a little of the fruit punch too. It’s hard not to with the fact that we are drinking this in just about everywhere. I think it’s been in dozens of magazines and many influencers have also talked about it. But let’s think about this a little bit.
Why? Why are we eagerly swallowing this? Because imposter syndrome let’s us come up with a new way to blame. Hold on. Hear me out because I am going to help you bring it all back and reclaim YOU!
Instead of blaming the government, our parents, or even our boss, with imposter syndrome we have now come up with a doozy. Are you ready? Now, we get to blame ourselves. But not for who we truly are. Nope that wasn’t disempowering enough. Now, we get to blame ourselves for who we aren’t. Wait, what? I know. It sounds a little crazy, doesn’t it? But that is what we are saying,
“Poor me. I can’t feel strong and brave as I grow and come into my “soon to be” future self. I can’t be patient and excited as I figure this next step out. No, I need to tell myself that it’s normal to feel like I’m a fake or a fraud. I should feel like a fake.”
And we have bought it. But you know this, your mind and your spirit hate this. It goes against your entrepreneurial drive. And your brain absolutely swirls around confused unable to mix this all together. And so what do you do? You beat yourself up for not being good at being you. But now, get this,
you aren’t even good at being a fake you.
What? Thi is crazy! I am ripping off these glasses of imposter syndrome and I am pouring out this crazy juice. I have decided that I'm going to own all of me. Not diluted, not sugared down but just me. At times I am confident and strong. That’s me. At times I am insecure and unsure, that’s me too. Sometimes I am confused. Yep, that’s me. And that’s you too. We all are. All these parts or flavors are part of who you are. You don’t need labels or excuses. You just need to let yourself learn, grow, succeed, fail, and overcome. How about you embrace every aspect of you and every opportunity that you have the guts to take! Let’s de-bunk, de-drunk imposter syndrome.
But, how do we do this? Look at this each situation and instead of disempowering yourself, use it to clarify and grow. Here’s a truth. You are changing all the time. You are growing all the time. There is no stagnant you. And this feeling of “I don’t know if I can be all that I want to be” makes sense. You aren’t there yet. You are looking toward your future self, but from today’s you. You aren’t able to see exactly how you will grow. But the key isn’t seeing you perfectly, the key is you showing up and changing as you learn. Think of a surgeon. He knows the body, his skill, the procedure, the crisis potential, the desired result, BUT he can’t promise any outcome. So why do we think we “should” know how our next experience will feel? The better question is: What do I need to learn in this moment?
Fear reaches up too, when you are stepping into a situation where you must “sell” yourself or come through. You don’t have complete control. There are other powers involved: the customer who has the power of saying yes or no, a situation where things don’t come together as desired, there is the uncertainty in the moment. And that makes you feel a little insecure. And that is natural. So how do you get out of the fearful “are they going to see me as I want them to see me” loop? First, by recognizing that this is the challenge. You are trying to win the other over or the situation. You need to rise above the competition and bring something unique or special that helps you stand out, you need to be adaptable, and then you need to fully drink this truth in.
There are very few absolutes. You are a creature of change and possibility.
So, have you done your work? Uh oh. Insecurities and doubts will creep in if you are fudging. Have you mastered everything that you say you have mastered? Or are you trying to get away with less? If you’re fudging it, that's not imposter syndrome, that’s “I'm not prepared and I’m scared.” Help yourself out and make sure you have truly done the work. And then you can speak into, “This is what I have. This is what I know. This is what I can do. I want the contract.” You are asking someone else to put their trust in you. How scary is it to trust a surgeon? Or an investment banker? Or a coach for an expensive contract? And they are in a tougher place in deciding if they can trust you. You know what you know. They are hoping you are true. Are you the real deal or are you a scam?
You are picking up on their fear.
This is important. Don’t ignore it. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Talk to them. What do they need to know? What do you need to show them about you? Otherwise, it’s like those trusting people who drank the Kool-Aid. And we all know how that went. You are telling them that you are going to come through for them. Part of the reason that it can feel like you are being an imposter is because you are not there yet. So, let's change the phraseology. You are not an imposter. You are just not yet in the action part of your role. You are in a place of offering hope.
And what happens with hope? More fear creeps in. You have to back it up with proof. So ask, “What is it specifically that you are needing of me? How can I come through amazingly for you? What is the thing that you really want as your outcome?” Find out in specific detail so you can structure what you give them to fulfill their need. And if you can’t, be honest. Get all the information that you need to be confident. How can I best serve you? How can I make this a total win win? Because that is what you both want.
You are not a fake. You are not a phony. You have done your work. You found out what they need. And now you get to step in and come through. And this is where the biggest empowerment comes, you get to bring your mastery, your creativity, and your individual juice. No one else’s but yours. Keep tweaking, keep changing, keep growing, keep stirring, whatever is needed for you to be the success that you want in this moment. And whether you wear glasses or not, lift up that glass proudly and give yourself a toast. You are the only you in this whole big world of 8 billion people. Isn’t that mind blowing? Be you. Just as you currently are, and just as you are about to taste. You keep improving. You are one flavor out of 8 billion. That’s no accident. And that is one hundred percent valid and absolutely, irrefutably true.
