Learning What Safety Looks Like as an FGM Survivor
Written by Howaida Abdalla, Life Coach
Howaida Abdalla is a survivor of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) and a life coach who has experience when it comes to trauma that a survivor goes through and the journey it takes to heal. She helps women to reconnect and love themselves again. She is a founder of "The Growth Hub Coaching and "Women Empowerment edition: Impact for change" Podcast.
For many FGM survivors, the word safety can feel unfamiliar. It may seem simple to others, but when you have lived through trauma, safety is not something you automatically recognise. It is something you learn, often slowly, gently, and one step at a time.
FGM is not only a physical experience, it can leave emotional, psychological, and relational wounds that affect how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. Many survivors learn to stay alert, protect themselves, and expect danger. These responses are not weaknesses, they are survival strategies that helped us get through difficult experiences.
As survivors begin their healing journey, one of the most important lessons is learning what safety actually looks and feels like.
Safety is more than being out of danger
Many people think safety means the absence of harm. While that is true, emotional safety goes much deeper. Safety means being able to exist without constantly preparing for something bad to happen. It means feeling able to breathe, rest, and be yourself.
Safety can look like:
Being listened to without judgment.
Having your boundaries respected.
Feeling free to say "no" without fear.
Being able to express your emotions openly.
Knowing that your experiences are believed and validated.
Feeling accepted exactly as you are.
For survivors, these experiences can feel unfamiliar at first. Sometimes safety feels uncomfortable because our nervous system has become used to surviving rather than resting.
Learning to trust yourself again
FGM often takes away a person's choice and bodily autonomy. Because of this, part of healing involves rebuilding trust in yourself.
Learning safety means learning that your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your body belongs to you.
This might begin with small decisions:
Choosing what feels right for you.
Listening to your body's signals.
Respecting your own boundaries.
Giving yourself permission to rest.
Every time you honour your needs, you send yourself a powerful message. I am safe with myself.
Safe relationships matter
Healing rarely happens in isolation. Safe relationships can play a vital role in recovery. A safe person is not someone who tries to fix you. A safe person is someone who creates space for you to be yourself. They listen without judgment, respect your pace, and do not pressure you to share more than you are comfortable with. Safe relationships remind survivors that connection does not have to come with fear, control, or silence.
Safety in the body
Trauma can leave survivors feeling disconnected from their bodies. Some may feel numb, while others experience anxiety, tension, or hypervigilance.
Learning safety often begins with small moments of reconnecting with the body. Taking slow breaths. Noticing your feet on the ground. Stretching gently. Sitting in a place where you feel comfortable. Spending time in nature.
These practices are not about forcing healing. They are about helping the nervous system learn that the present moment is different from the past.
Creating safe spaces for healing
Safety is not something that can be rushed. It grows through consistency, compassion, and patience. Creating safe spaces may include, support groups. Coaching or therapy. Trusted friendships. Faith or spiritual communities. Personal self care practices. Survivor led spaces where experiences are understood. The more we experience safety, the easier it becomes to recognise it.
A message to survivors
If safety feels unfamiliar, you are not alone. Many survivors spend years learning what it feels like to be safe, valued, and respected.
Healing does not begin when everything is perfect. Healing begins when we experience moments of safety and allow ourselves to stay with them.
You deserve relationships that honour your voice, spaces where you can be seen and heard, and to feel at home within yourself.
Safety is not something you have to earn. It is something you deserve simply because you are human. With time, support, and compassion, safety can become more than a hope, it can become a lived experience.
Read more from Howaida Abdalla
Howaida Abdalla, Life Coach
Howaida Abdalla is a life coach who helps women (survivors) of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) to reconnect & love themselves again. She was seven years old when the FGM procedure was done on her, which left her lost and disconnected not only from people, but also from herself. She has since dedicated her life to helping other survivors reconnect and love themselves. She is a founder of "The Growth Hub Coaching," where she helps & coaches survivors. Her mission is to help, to inspire, and to empower.
