Leading When Your Head’s Not in the Game – The Myth of Executive Poise

Written by Sarah Roberts, Global Strategy and Communications Leader

Sarah is one of two managing partners at Vane Percy & Roberts with 25 years of experience in global strategy and communications. Known for her clear thinking, sharp wit, and approachable style, she blends expertise in media, public affairs, and strategy to deliver smart, effective solutions that make a real difference.

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This is the final piece in a short series on leadership and mental health, something I’ve been writing about because, like many leaders, I’ve spent years learning how to lead well, even when I wasn’t fully okay. If you missed the earlier pieces, you can find them here and here.

We don’t talk about the messy middle of leadership. The part where you’re still showing up but not from your best self. The days when your words are measured, your energy feels off, and your brain just isn’t firing the way you need it to.

Because there’s a myth we’ve absorbed, quietly and deeply, about what “good leadership” looks like. Composed. Decisive. Grounded. Sharp. Always on.

It’s the image of the leader who commands a room without breaking stride. Who always knows what to say. Who absorbs pressure without flinching.

And for many of us, that image becomes the bar we measure ourselves against, even when we’re not okay.

But here’s the truth

You don’t have to feel fully together to lead well. You just have to lead honestly. And sometimes, that starts with saying (at least to yourself), “I’m not fully in it today. And that’s okay.”

I’ve had days, maybe you have too, where I delivered what was expected but felt hollow doing it. Where I brought presence to the room but not clarity to myself. Where I smiled, contributed, made decisions, but inside felt foggy, flat, or quietly overwhelmed.

And the hardest part of those days wasn’t the workload. It was the internal pressure to perform poise. To keep the mask of capability perfectly in place. To prove, if only to myself, that I could rise above it.

But that kind of leadership performance has a cost. And the longer you perform without acknowledging what’s real, the more disconnected and isolated you can become.

Mental health and executive presence are not opposites

We’ve been taught that presence means polish, that calm means certainty, that strength means never flinching.

But the leaders I trust the most aren’t the ones who never wobble. They’re the ones who stay honest within the wobble, who know how to show up without selling a version of themselves they can’t sustain.

They’re not dumping their stress on their team. They’re not over-explaining or disappearing. They’re holding their centre, gently and thoughtfully, with enough steadiness to keep the room safe but not enough ego to pretend everything’s fine.

So what does it look like to lead when your head’s not in the game?

It might look like:

• Saying less but speaking clearly

• Choosing to listen more than drive

• Letting your team know you’re processing, not disengaged

• Holding boundaries that protect your thinking space

• Allowing stillness where you might usually rush to fill the air

It’s not about collapsing or confessing. It’s about choosing a version of leadership that matches your capacity, with care.

You don’t owe everyone your inner story, but you owe yourself honesty

There’s a voice that whispers, “You should be sharper. Quicker. More certain.” That voice is fear or shame. It’s not leadership. Real leadership says, “I’m still here. I’m still thinking. I’m still grounded, even if I’m quieter today.”

Executive poise isn’t about being perfect

It’s about being present enough to lead, even from an imperfect place. So if you’re having one of those days, or weeks, where your mind feels foggy or heavy, know this. That doesn’t make you less capable. It doesn’t make you unprofessional. It doesn’t mean you’re not still leading.

Because sometimes, the most powerful move isn’t commanding the room. It’s staying in it, quietly, honestly, without the armour.

This is the final piece in a short series on leadership and mental health, something I believe we need to normalise at every level. If it resonated, I’d love to hear how you’re navigating it too.

Follow me on LinkedIn for more info!

Read more from Sarah Roberts

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Sarah Roberts, Global Strategy and Communications Leader

Sarah is one of two managing partners at Vane Percy & Roberts, with 25+ years in global comms, strategy, public affairs, and stakeholder relations. Known for her clear thinking, sharp wit, and approachable style, she delivers tailored solutions that drive impactful change. Her mission is to lead with authenticity, foster collaboration, and ensure every team member feels heard and valued. Recognised for her bold, inventive approach, Sarah is a gifted networker and convenor of creative talent, always ready to make strategic choices that drive success.