Leading on a Different Frequency
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Alexandra Bennett, Founder and Director of Equanimity Psychological Services, leverages 28 years of experience in diverse psychological areas as a psychologist, teacher, writer, entrepreneur, and advocate to provide comprehensive care and mentor clinicians in complex assessments and interventions.
If you are a neurodivergent CEO or founder, you may know this moment intimately. Someone asks you a question you absolutely know the answer to, and suddenly your brain starts doing dopamine loops like monkeys at a circus. You can see the pattern. You know the solution. But finding the words and lining them up in polished, professional CEO language feels almost impossible. Before you have even begun, the overwhelm is already there. Shutdown is knocking. Disappointment arrives early, and the familiar perception of failure starts speaking before you do.
This is one of the most misunderstood realities of neurodivergent leadership. It is not a lack of intelligence. It is not a lack of capability. More often than not, it is a lack of fit between how a neurodivergent brain operates and the conditions under which leadership is expected to happen.
The moment no one sees
Traditional leadership advice tends to assume that strong leaders can think clearly on the spot, speak linearly under pressure, and tolerate a constant stream of interruptions, decisions, and social demands. For many neurodivergent executives, that assumption breaks down quickly.
The problem is not that the answer is missing. The problem is that the brain is trying to retrieve, sort, sequence, regulate, and translate all at once. When that happens under scrutiny, the internal storm can become so loud that coherent speech feels out of reach.
That is why some of the brightest people in the room go unheard. It is not because they lack insight, but because the environment makes access to that insight unnecessarily hard.
The second collapse happens later
Another pattern I often see is what happens when a neurodivergent entrepreneur starts to succeed. They build something brilliant. They grow. They expand. Then the executive load increases, bringing more people, more complexity, more decisions, more communication, and more invisible administration.
At some point, the whole architecture becomes too much. Because many neurodivergent pioneers do not always see the problem until they are already drowning in it, what follows can look like retreat, shutdown, or quietly shutting up shop just as things were getting started.
We celebrate innovation, but we do not talk enough about the cost of sustaining innovation inside systems that were never designed for neurodivergent leadership.
Too many yeses
Then there is masking. Masking is expensive. It asks neurodivergent leaders to monitor tone, pace, eye contact, timing, facial expression, emotional intensity, and the unspoken rules of what counts as acceptable executive behaviour, often all at once.
Over time, that effort turns into too many yeses, too much overfunctioning, and not enough room to recover. This is where burnout starts flattening creativity. It is where strategic thinking gets crowded out by survival thinking. It is where a deeply capable leader starts confusing fitting in with belonging. Fitting in asks you to edit yourself until others feel comfortable. Belonging allows you to remain intact.
Leading with coherence
When I explain coherence to neurodivergent leaders, I do not start with jargon. I start with a picture.
You know those movies where someone is running alongside a train, trying to jump on, while the train just keeps speeding up? That is how many neurodivergent executive leaders feel most of the time.
For many of us, time does not feel smooth and evenly spaced. It feels like there is now and not now, with very little in between. So, when traditional leadership advice tells us to simply spread the work across a neat internal timeline, it can feel useless at best and shaming at worst.
Coherence is when the train slows down enough for you to actually get on. It is not about running faster. It is not about trying harder. It is not about learning to mimic someone else’s nervous system. It is about creating the conditions in which your own brain and body can access clarity, communicate effectively, and move toward your destination without breaking yourself in the process.
Three questions to ask yourself
Where am I still trying to run faster instead of slowing the train?
Which part of my executive load no longer fits the way my brain actually works?
Where am I choosing fitting in over belonging, and what is that costing me?
Why place matters
Last year, I spoke at a conference in a ski resort village in British Columbia, and something about that place stayed with me. I am not a skier. In fact, I am quite certain that I would be a danger to myself and others on skis.
But the village itself did something profound. It felt small enough and big enough all at once. It was friendly without being intrusive. You could be alone in a room full of people. You could say no and feel at ease about it. You could step in and out as you pleased.
At night, when you looked up, you felt really, really small. Oddly, that was a relief. What struck me most was this: because it felt so safe to disappear when needed, it also felt safer to be social.
That is a feeling many neurodivergent leaders rarely experience. When belonging feels safe, unmasking becomes possible.
A different kind of workshop
That experience is what shaped my decision to host a two-day workshop for neurodivergent executive leaders and CEOs in British Columbia in January 2027.
This will not be another high-performance event asking already overloaded people to optimise harder. It will be a space to calm the storm. A space to understand how your brain works under pressure. A space to develop more reliable ways of leading, communicating, and belonging without self-erasure.
Most of all, it will be a space for coherence. Neurodivergent leaders do not need a better imitation of the old playbook. They need a new one. In my view, the future of leadership depends on whether we are finally willing to build it.
Read more from Alexandra Bennett
Alexandra Bennett, Equanimity Psychological Services
Alexandra Bennett, Founder and Director of Equanimity Psychological Services, brings 28 years of expertise in trauma, ASD, ADHD, personality and mood disorders, fertility, women’s health, sexual health and wellness, relationships, and sexual dysfunction. Renowned for her skill in complex assessments and diagnostics, she employs diverse interventions to address her clients' needs. As a teacher, writer, entrepreneur, and advocate, Alexandra mentors group clinicians, fostering their development in comprehensive psychological care.
