Is Your Self-Image Secretly Controlling Your Life?

Written by Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach

Gacia Tokajian is a certified life and mindset coach and founder of GT Coaching, where she empowers individuals through personalized 1:1 coaching to gain clarity, direction, and create a life aligned with their values.

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Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you keep finding yourself back in the same patterns, struggles, limitations, and ultimately the same outcomes? Whether it’s in your health, career, relationships, or finances, you might feel like you can do more, be more, and have more, yet something unseen is holding you back.

That "something," according to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, is your self-image, the internal blueprint quietly governing your entire life. In this article, we’ll explore how this inner mechanism works and how you can start shifting it in your favour.

What is cybernetics?

According to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, our brain and nervous system function like a servo-mechanism working according to cybernetic principles, a self-correcting system that essentially governs how we experience life.

Now, if you’re anything like me and not particularly drawn to mechanical jargon, you might be wondering: What is a cybernetic mechanism, and how is it controlling my life?

A few years ago, I came across Dr. Maltz's book Psycho-Cybernetics, which opened my eyes to my internal guidance system and self-image. That’s what inspired me to share these insights with you here.

Let’s begin by defining the term. According to ScienceDirect, cybernetics refers to a self-regulating system that moves toward a clearly defined goal, using a feedback mechanism that enables it to self-correct when it strays off course.

Let me simplify.

A cybernetic system has three main components:

• A specific goal is programmed to reach,

• A feedback loop to monitor progress, and

• An automatic correction system to steer it back on track when deviation occurs.

A simple example is your home’s thermostat. You set a desired temperature (the goal). When the room temperature rises above it, the air conditioning turns on (corrective mechanism). If it drops below the target, the heating kicks in. The system constantly adjusts to stay aligned with the original setting.

The internal thermostat: Your self-image

So, what does this have to do with you?

Well, according to Dr. Maltz and the work of Dr. Norbert Wiener, we each have a similar built-in cybernetic mechanism inside us: our self-image.

Your self-image is the mental concept you hold of yourself, basically the type of person you believe you are.

Dr. Maltz explains that, just like the thermostat, we’re programmed to operate within the limits of our internal conditioning. That conditioning influences how much love we feel we deserve, how much money we think we can earn, and how much success we believe we’re capable of, and it applies to every area of life.

These beliefs are usually formed in our early years, influenced by family dynamics, cultural messages, schooling, and life experiences. Once these beliefs create a mental image, we stop questioning them. Instead, we accept them as truth and align our actions, emotions, behaviours, even our capabilities to fit that internal blueprint.

In other words, if you believe you’re a failure (or a success), you’ll unconsciously act in ways that reinforce that belief, regardless of the opportunities or evidence around you.

Why change often doesn’t stick

So, let’s put this in a real-life example.

Have you ever struggled with your weight or known someone who has?

Most of us have seen people caught in the cycle of trying to lose weight. They go on diets, control portions, start fasting, commit to exercise routines, and often see great initial results. But a few months later, they’re back to square one.

Sound familiar?

They might blame stress, the holidays, or life circumstances. But often, these are just surface-level explanations. The root cause is deeper: their self-image is still that of someone who is overweight.

Just like the thermostat, once the external results (weight loss) deviate from the internal programming (self-image), the subconscious kicks in to course correct, returning them to match that old identity.

This principle applies to any area of life where your results don’t match your desires. Until we shift the internal programming, the outcomes will remain the same.

Reprogramming your self-image

So, can we break this cycle? The good news is: Yes, we can.

Your self-image is not fixed. It can be changed, no matter your age, past, or current circumstances. Here are some steps to help you start shifting and improving your self-image:

1. Develop awareness

Before you can change anything, you must first become aware of what you’re currently believing and how you’d like things to be different.

Ask yourself:

• What am I believing about myself when it comes to success, health, income, and love?

• What outcomes do I want to see instead?

2. Audit the beliefs

Once you've surfaced some of these internal narratives, it’s time to question them.

Ask yourself:

• Are these beliefs really true?

• How are they serving me?

• How much longer am I willing to carry them?

3. Create a new image

Now comes the fun part: choosing who you want to become.

Ask yourself:

• What do I want to believe about myself in different areas of life?

• How would I act if I were already that person?

• How would that version of me walk, talk, behave, and feel?

4. Visualize the new version

Once you have a clear picture, write a short script describing this new version of you. Read it every day and visualize it vividly.

Find a quiet space, set a timer, and start imagining yourself moving through your day as this new identity. Focus especially on how it feels to be that version of you.

5. Take aligned action

Finally, begin identifying small, daily actions that reflect your new self-image. In short: Act as if you already are that version of yourself.

It could be something as simple as being more patient with loved ones, speaking up at work, or making a healthier food choice. Every aligned step reinforces the new image.

You can redraw the blueprint

As you can see, your self-image is the foundation on which your personality, behaviours, and life experiences are built. Everything you go through only reaffirms and reinforces this inner blueprint.

However, the empowering truth is, your self-image is not set in stone; it’s a mental picture you can redraw over and over again.

As Paulo Coelho beautifully said, ‘You are what you believe yourself to be.’

So, let me ask you:

What’s one old narrative you’re ready to let go of, and what will your new story be?

If this resonates with you and you're ready to start rewriting your inner blueprint, I’d love to support you on your journey. Feel free to reach out and connect; this might just be the beginning of something powerful.

From my heart to yours, I send you love, and I wish you a beautiful day!

Follow me on Instagram for more info!

Read more from Gacia Tokajian

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Gacia Tokajian, Life and Mindset Coach

Gacia Tokajian is a Jay Shetty-certified Life and Mindset Coach. Her journey into personal development began nine years ago after experiencing anorexia, which led her to explore the deeper root causes beneath the symptoms. Through years of training, workshops, and inner work, she transformed her life, moving from a place of feeling stuck and frustrated to cultivating peace, self-love, and self-acceptance. Today, she guides others on their own path of reconnection, helping them rewrite life stories that feel aligned and empowering.