How to Recognize the Hidden Signs of Coercive Control
- Feb 10, 2025
- 4 min read
What is coercive control? If you're like me, you had to do a quick web search to learn more about it. Maybe you found yourself surprised, realizing that it is not just a term used by experts or a label for extreme situations. It is something that could be quietly affecting you in your everyday life. Chances are, you have noticed how certain relationships have been draining, leaving you mentally worn down and unable to accomplish the dreams you have been chasing. You are probably wondering: Is this normal? Is it just me?
The truth is, coercive control is a hidden, insidious form of abuse that does not leave physical bruises but can have just as powerful an impact on your mental health, your goals, and your ability to grow.
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is a type of emotional abuse that is often hard to spot. Unlike physical violence, it is not about harm you can see; it is about control over your choices, your thoughts, and your life. It involves patterns of manipulation, restriction, and dominance that gradually diminish your sense of self-worth.
Maybe it is the constant undermining of your confidence or the subtle guilt you feel for wanting to take time for yourself. It can be as simple as someone dismissing your opinions, making you second-guess your reality, or isolating you from your support system. Over time, it wears you down and starts to feel like the only reality you know.
The danger of coercive control is that it is difficult to recognize because it often starts small, such as insults here or restrictions there. Before you know it, your whole sense of self is eroded, and the person pulling the strings has power over not only your actions but your dreams too.
Digging deep: The power of self-reflection
It is time to take a deep breath and look inward. The first step in breaking free from coercive control is self-reflection. Ask yourself: How do I feel in my own skin? Am I living authentically, or am I making decisions based on someone else’s desires?
These are not easy questions, but they are crucial. To regain control over your life, you need to reconnect with yourself, your true self.
Start by setting aside time to reflect. You can do this through journaling, meditation, or simply quiet moments in your day. Ask yourself: What did I love to do before the world told me I could not? What parts of myself have I hidden away to please others?
Recognizing these hidden desires is the first step toward reclaiming your identity and realizing that you have the power to rewrite your narrative.
Giving yourself grace
When you realize you have been under the grip of coercive control, it is easy to fall into shame. “Why didn’t I see this sooner?” you might ask yourself. But here is the truth: you didn’t know. You didn’t know because coercive control is built on manipulation, and it is designed to be undetectable until it has rooted itself deep within.
So, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the grace to heal.
Forgiving yourself does not mean ignoring what happened. It means recognizing that this is part of your journey. Healing takes time, and it is okay if you do not have all the answers right away.
Know that healing is not linear, and every step you take toward reclaiming your power is progress. You deserve that grace, and you are worthy of the life that lies ahead.
Honor your purpose and reconnect to your dreams
The next step in your healing journey is reconnecting to your purpose, the dream you had before the noise of coercive control drowned it out. Your purpose is the spark that lights up your world, and it is still there inside you, waiting to be rediscovered.
Start by remembering what excites you. What did you love doing as a child? What made you feel alive? Sometimes we lose sight of these passions because we have been made to feel that they are unimportant or that we are not worthy of pursuing them. Reclaiming your purpose starts with small steps. Write down your dreams, no matter how big or small. Set one small goal for yourself each day, and watch your purpose come back to life. The more you honor what makes you unique, the more you push back against the hold of coercive control.
Strategies to combat coercive control
You can break free from coercive control, and there are practical strategies to help you do that:
Setting boundaries: Boundaries are vital in protecting your mental and emotional space. Learn to say “no” when something does not feel right, and stand firm in that decision. Boundaries are not selfish; they are self-preserving.
Building a support system: Surround yourself with people who lift you up, people who support your vision for your life. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist—anyone who can provide a safe space for you to speak your truth.
Self-love practices: Incorporating daily self-love rituals like affirmations, journaling, or even pampering yourself can help rebuild your confidence. Remind yourself daily that you are enough and that you deserve love, respect, and success.
Taking control of your environment: Create spaces that reflect who you are and honor your needs. Whether it is your workspace, your living environment, or your mental space, taking charge of these areas helps you feel more grounded in your own identity.
Embrace your power to create change
It is time to reclaim your power. You have been through so much, but you still have a bright future ahead of you. Do not let coercive control stop you from living the life you were meant to live.
Remember, your dreams are not out of reach, and your purpose is still waiting to be fulfilled. Embrace your inner strength, give yourself the grace you deserve, and step forward with confidence. The world is waiting for you to step into your greatness.
Read more from Bri Landry-Bunch
Bri Landry-Bunch, Special Guest Writer and Executive Contributor
Bri Landry-Bunch is an artist, educator, and entrepreneur dedicated to inspiring growth and self-discovery. As the founder of Creative Xpressions Artistry and CX Virtual Solutions, she helps others express creativity and build their dreams. A leadership graduate and community advocate, Bri shares practical insights to empower readers to achieve their goals.
