How to Not Go Crazy During Big Life Transitions
Written by Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach
Constanze Zientek is a women's coach who works with highly sensitive women in their thirties, helping them to cultivate inner strength, embrace embodied leadership, and build an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust.
Sometimes, change feels like relief. Especially when someone perceives it as positive, or if there has been a lot of tension built up before. In these cases, the change often takes a long time to begin on the outside, and when it finally does, it feels very welcome.
In other cases, going through periods of change can require lots of inner processing. Especially when the change arrives quickly or in unexpected ways. Even if it is wanted. In these cases, change can pretty quickly feel like losing the ground beneath your feet. So what do you do when change comes knocking at the door, making you feel overwhelmed? To get to the bottom of that, we first have to take a look at why major life transitions can feel destabilizing.
Reactions of the body
It truly makes sense to take a look at what happens in the body the moment we go through big life changes. The body activates the sympathetic nervous system and releases adrenaline as well as noradrenaline, while the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis releases cortisol. Your body is scanning for risks, going into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. Concentration and memory can therefore feel less reliable because your mental resources are being directed toward the extraordinary circumstances your body is perceiving. This can also have an effect on sleeping and eating patterns. Irritability, numbness, tearfulness, or feeling easily overwhelmed are all signs of these processes happening in the body, not necessarily signs that you are coping badly, but signs that you are navigating unknown waters.
So when these reactions occur in the body, it basically means that our bodies are scanning for problems in order to ensure our survival. Our brain and nervous system don’t care if the changes we are going through are actually leading to situations that might be better for us in the long run. They only care about keeping us safe within the environment and habits that we are already used to because, apparently, if they did not make us die, that is enough of a sign that they might work for us. Everything that is outside of this range is monitored as a potential threat in the first place. Just like that, we can spiral into fear of the unknown.
Positive changes are still changes
The thing about the spiral is that it also doesn’t stop at changes we perceive as purely positive. To be clear, not every change that is perceived as positive is hard for one to accept. Sometimes, it can simply feel liberating. Since even positive change can force you to change habits, your known environment, the people you engage with, and the way you approach all of them, it can still require lots of adjustments and the releasing of old attachments. The more deeply the old attachments were incorporated into your daily routines, the more challenging it can be to actually release them. It can also bring up much deeper fears of the unknown.
The role of grief
Something that cannot be emphasized enough is how much grief can actually be a part of change, even in cases where the change is welcome or chosen. Times of intense change also bring up the topic of endings in life. As you are changing, a part of your life up until this point might actually be over. That can bring up lots of grief as well. You might be releasing something from your life that may have been with you for a long time, whether that is a role, a person, a place, or a habit. It might even have been such a deep part of your life that letting go of it feels like releasing an actual part of yourself.
The void and discomfort
Feeling discomfort through times of change doesn’t mean that something has gone wrong. Change is part of discomfort just as much as discomfort is part of change. When we change, we move into new, unfamiliar territory. We have to start from the beginning and, therefore, many times we have no clue. We need to train our brains in new habits, explore new environments, and learn new ways of doing things. Sometimes, this can feel like a toddler learning to walk, and it can surely be a lot. So in case you’re going through change and feel discomfort, don’t necessarily take that as a sign that something has gone wrong. It is most likely a sign that you are still in the middle of navigating new waters.
Another part of old roles and identities dissolving is that you may feel lost before you feel lighter again. When a role or identity that has been a big part of your reality wears out, it leaves a void that has to be replaced by something new. Feeling the void is not a sign that you have made the wrong choice. It’s the liminal space between who you were and who you are becoming. Assuming that it will be replaced with something new, maybe even better, can require lots of trust and effort.
About outside opinions
As you are navigating big changes in your life, don’t expect to be understood by everyone. While there may be many people who actually do understand and may help you with your transition, there can also be many people who don’t get the picture fully or at all. That is okay. Making decisions is about finding your own truth, and so is navigating changes. Whether you may have been the one who actively initiated a change or the one who just felt taken along by change, your actions and reactions are uniquely yours. People might have very different opinions about your situation and your actions due to different values, beliefs, and experiences. What really matters is that you face the changes you are going through according to the values and beliefs that resonate most deeply with you.
Becoming opposed to old behaviors
This is an interesting one because many times, change brings in more change. As you are navigating big changes, it can easily happen that old behavioral patterns simply stop working. You might have had a tendency toward people-pleasing, overworking, staying busy, controlling behavior, seeking reassurance, or intellectualizing feelings up until a certain point, but since change can make you more irritable and focused on yourself, you simply have less energy at your disposal. Therefore, maintaining ways of behaving that actually cost you lots of energy becomes increasingly difficult. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy to change the pattern itself. The pressure to do so becomes increasingly higher.
Reversible and irreversible decisions
Changes are often dramatized as irreversible. Of course, there are decisions that are, in fact, not reversible, like bringing a child into the world. So an important way to approach irreversible changes can be the formation of an explicit desire. If an irreversible decision is backed up by a genuine desire, it becomes easier to release insecurities around it (“I really want this.”). Another important pillar is building self-trust (“I’ve really got this.”).
Many times, however, even with big changes, there would, at least theoretically, be a way to go back or at least a possibility to change again. Think about a move or, in many cases, even quitting your job. If a decision is, in fact, reversible, it can be a lot easier to make once you bring to your awareness that you could always go back. It is then up to the new version of you to decide.
10 tips on how to navigate a phase of transition while staying true to yourself
1. Stop expecting yourself to feel certain
Don’t ever wait for making a change to feel like you’re 100% ready for it. That moment may never come. In fact, many times, the feeling of readiness actually disappears before you really enter the process of leaping. The readiness might have shown up in glimpses along with the will to do something, but suddenly, when you're right before starting the thing, you notice that all you feel is doubt and nervousness. That is your body entering the conversation. It feels that things are suddenly about to get serious and therefore shows a physical reaction to potential threats. So how do you get back to feeling more ready? By repeatedly taking steps of action that suggest to your body that you are, in fact, in the driver's seat during the change you're navigating. The more you consciously take action, the more your inner state will switch from “I don’t feel ready” to “Wait, I am already in the middle of actually doing this.”
2. Permit yourself to be less productive
Transition phases contain different stages. While some might be for boldly taking action, others simply require holding yourself through it all. As already mentioned above, your body is working overtime during transition phases as well. Truly showing up for yourself can simply mean lowering the expectations you put on yourself and focusing on recovery, even physically. You don’t have to make progress all the time. You are allowed to make mistakes and take steps back. Sometimes, you simply have to sit with yourself and take it all in.
3. Create small pockets of predictability
Surely, navigating unknown waters becomes easier once there are elements of familiarity to it. So how can you build up a sense of knowing, even if you are in the middle of a situation you have never been in? Take inventory of all the positive habits and ways of acting that have gotten you further in other areas of life, especially during previous periods of change. The body loves repetition. Bring in useful habits, places, and people that are familiar to you. By creating a sense of familiarity, the unknown part of what you are going through can gradually become easier.
4. Think in terms of the next step, not the entire future
I have seen this in myself and my clients so many times. One thing that actually keeps us from even trying out something new is that we think we need the perfect plan to achieve a goal. When that plan doesn’t seem to show up or work out, we get discouraged and often hold back from trying in the first place, but what if you wouldn’t even need a full plan? By that, I don’t mean to say you should just take directionless action. What I mean is that we often think we need a perfect plan in order to even start something, when this is just us wanting to control every single part of the process.
By setting a goal, breaking it down into smaller parts, and leaving room for adjustments as you go, it becomes easier to focus on the next reasonable steps instead of feeling pressured by the whole big picture.
The process becomes more tangible. Tasks become doable. Reactions to unforeseen circumstances become possible without moments of major crisis. Room for flexibility is created, and still, that doesn’t mean that you have to stop aiming at your big goal, or something even better, all along.
5. Reduce unnecessary noise
People are creatures of habit. Of course, they will have different opinions about the things you should or shouldn’t do in your individual circumstances. These opinions are based on their own thoughts, environment, upbringing, and overall life experiences. Their own views don't have to be yours. Reducing interactions with people who make you feel incapable or unworthy of your desired outcome can have a big impact on the energy it takes you to make your own assumptions and act according to your own convictions.
6. Separate facts from fearful predictions
When we don’t know what’s coming and we already feel very activated, it can be easy to take on a lot of fear. Your own insecurities, as well as those of other people around you, can quickly take over in these circumstances, leaving you feeling almost like you can’t make any more moves forward. In these moments, it is very important to separate facts from fearful predictions. Facts are circumstances that can either be proven or disproven. Ask yourself directly, “Is this a fact, or is that a fearful prediction? If so, how can this truly affect me?” More often than not, the mind makes up its own catastrophic, unhelpful assumptions.
7. Don’t make every uncomfortable feeling mean something
As the feeling of discomfort rises up, ask yourself what you are actually making it mean. Does the discomfort really indicate that something is wrong with the direction you are taking? Be very honest with yourself. You can always consider making adjustments to the direction you are taking, but chances are high that the discomfort is actually just a sign that you are going through a growing process and will pass over time.
8. Remember that ambivalence is normal
Speaking of different standpoints, it is actually crucial to realize that ambivalence is pretty normal during significant times of change. You can deeply desire to leave a place and still be sad that it is happening. You can feel relieved and frightened about a situation at the same time. Many times, this happens because one part of you is moving toward new possibilities, while another part of you is still in touch with the old.
9. Let your identity remain unfinished
You don’t always have to figure out who you are and to what degree, especially when you find yourself in a phase of deep transformation. If you were always the “one who x/y/z” and suddenly you don’t even know where you stand anymore, let it be. Sometimes, we only arrive at figuring out who we are by deciding who we are not. Even that takes time. Not every part of life continuously needs a standpoint.
10. Treat yourself like a person in transition
Treating yourself like a person in transition means that you give yourself credit for the fact that a part of you is busy processing uncertainty, releasing an old identity, and adapting to what has not yet become familiar. It means accepting that your energy is most likely more fluctuating than usual, reducing unnecessary pressure, allowing yourself to grieve, and making decisions from deeper values instead of the desire to avoid discomfort. It also means trusting that after the “work in progress” phase, a beautiful new version of you will emerge.
Clarity doesn’t always come from thinking harder
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do during a major life transition is to stop trying to navigate it entirely on your own. The right support can help you separate fear from intuition, reconnect with your own voice, and move forward with greater clarity. Let's work together to create your next chapter with intention and perspective on a stable foundation.
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Constanze Zientek, Women‘s Coach
Constanze Zientek is a women's coach working with highly sensitive women in their thirties. She supports them in cultivating inner strength, embodied leadership, and an authentic, aligned life. Her approach blends emotional depth, clarity, and self-trust. She furthermore practices as a lawyer with over ten years of work experience, specializing in inheritance law. Her work with clients in emotionally complex transitions, combined with her own journey through her thirties, led her to coaching. Today, she integrates structure and intuition to offer clear, deeply human guidance.
