How To Free Yourself From Guilt and Shame
- Brainz Magazine
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
Written by Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark is a certified and accredited coach and the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where horses with mental and physical traumas are healed. After the healing process, the horses assist her in helping people with the same challenges. She is also the author of the Horsiquette book, published in 2023, together with her husband, Mats.
Do you ever feel weighed down by guilt and shame, even when you know deep inside that you didn’t actually do anything wrong? Survivors of abuse, people who step off society’s “safe” track, and those who endure financial collapse often carry these emotions like heavy stones. They don’t just sting in the moment, they echo, pulling you down into silence and self-criticism.
I know this intimately. I once worked as a trained auditor in a well-paid, respected profession. From the outside, my life looked stable, successful, even enviable. But inside, I felt suffocated. My calling was pulling me toward healing work, toward horses, toward truth. Leaving that career was one of the bravest choices I’ve ever made in my entire life, yet it led me into personal bankruptcy. Suddenly, the world’s whispers grew louder, “What did I tell you?” “You should never have left.”
And long before that, I had carried another kind of shame, the kind born of abuse. When someone harms you, especially as a child, guilt and shame twist the story, “This must be my fault. If I was better, this wouldn’t have happened.” That belief, that you are the cause of your own pain, plants a poisonous seed, “I’m not worthy of anything else. Not love. Not safety. Not success.”
This is the cruel trick of guilt and shame. They are the lowest emotional vibrations, and they don’t just hold us back, they make us want to crawl back into the comfort zone, to procrastinate, to give up our dreams, to silence our truth. But here’s what I’ve learned, guilt and shame are not truths. Abuse is never your fault. Bankruptcy is not the end of your worth. And leaving prestige behind for your calling is not failure, it is courage.
In this guide, you’ll learn what guilt and shame really are, where they come from, and how to release their grip so you can step forward with clarity, resilience, and self-compassion.
What are guilt and shame?
Guilt is the belief that “I DID something wrong.” Shame runs deeper, “I AM wrong.”
For abuse survivors, shame is often the first response. Instead of blaming the person who harmed us, we turn it inward, “If this happened to me, I must be the problem.” Over time, that lie takes root and grows into a constant whisper, “I don’t deserve better. I’m not worthy of love. I can’t expect more.”
When I left my secure profession, shame crept in the same way. Not only because of the financial collapse that followed after a few years, but because of the unspoken cultural rules I had broken, “You don’t walk away from stability. You don’t risk everything for passion. You don’t leave what others call success.”
Both in abuse and in breaking societal norms, guilt and shame distort reality. They turn traumas, choices, or circumstances into false verdicts about who we are.
But these verdicts are not final. They can be overturned.
What causes guilt and shame?
In my journey, and in those of many clients, I’ve seen guilt and shame appear when:
Abuse or trauma leaves invisible scars. Survivors often internalize the blame for what was never their fault, leading to lifelong feelings of unworthiness.
Cultural and societal expectations press in. Walking away from prestige or financial security brings judgment, sometimes even ridicule.
Bankruptcy or financial collapse strikes. In societies that equate money with worth, financial failure can feel like personal failure.
Perfectionism fuels self-criticism. That inner auditor, trained to spot flaws, can become a relentless inner critic.
Understanding where these emotions come from helps us dismantle them. They are not proof of failure. They are echoes of conditioning.
How do guilt and shame affect your life?
When I filed for bankruptcy, I didn’t just lose money. I felt stripped of dignity. Invitations stopped coming. People who once admired me fell silent, or worse, smirked. For a time, I believed their judgment.
When I lived through abuse, the shame cut even deeper. It convinced me I was broken, unworthy of love, and undeserving of anything different. That’s the harshest effect of shame, it makes you settle. Settle for mistreatment. Settle for less than you deserve. Settle for silence.
This is the cost of guilt and shame. They:
Erode self-esteem and confidence.
Keep you trapped in unhealthy jobs or relationships.
Prevent you from following your calling.
Trigger depression, anxiety, or burnout.
Reinforce destructive cycles of self-punishment.
Without healing, guilt and shame can shrink your life until you no longer recognize yourself.
The Arabian horse Jeenial, now 28 years old, was my first mirror and my first safe space. He reflected back to me the parts of myself I had been taught to hide, the fear, the shame, the guilt that whispered, “You are not enough.” With him, I didn’t have to explain, defend, or perform. His presence simply held me in a way that felt completely safe.
When I approached him, trembling with vulnerability, he responded with calm, patient attention. A gentle nudge, a soft gaze, a quiet presence, it was as if he were saying, “You are seen. You are enough. You are safe here.” Slowly, I began to notice the parts of me I had buried, the child who felt responsible for what wasn’t her fault, the inner critic that measured worth by money or status, the shadow that told me I didn’t deserve anything else.
Through daily interactions, feeding, grooming, simply sitting and breathing with him, I learned to feel these emotions without judgment. I could acknowledge the pain, the fear, the shame, and then let it move through me rather than get stuck inside.
The horses at the Horse Sanctuary taught me that healing is not about erasing guilt or shame, it’s about holding yourself with the same acceptance and patience they offered me. They showed me that the parts of myself I had thought were “wrong” were simply parts that needed love, attention, and recognition.
With the horses’ guidance, I started to release the weight I had carried for years. Each session with the herd became a small step toward reclaiming my worth, building my confidence, and opening my heart to connection, not just with them, but with myself and others. The horses didn’t just help me heal, they reminded me that I have always been deserving of trust, love, and belonging. And now, I see this same truth reflected in my clients.
Are guilt and shame hard to overcome?
Yes, they can be. Shame is sticky, it thrives in silence and secrecy. And when the outside world echoes your inner critic with “I told you so,” it can feel unbearable.
But here’s the truth, guilt and shame are not permanent. They can be released. The hardest part is realizing they are not facts about you, they are emotions, and emotions can shift when you change your perspective in thinking.
Common misconceptions about guilt and shame
“If I feel guilty, it means I did something wrong.” False. Emotions aren’t evidence.
“Shame will keep me humble.” False. Shame doesn’t humble, it suffocates. True humility comes from self-acceptance.
“If others judge me, they must be right.” False. Their opinions reflect their worldview, not your truth.
“Losing money means losing value.” False. Money is a tool and an energy, not a measure of worth.
10 ways to free yourself from guilt and shame
1. Name the truth about abuse
Say it clearly, “What was done to me is not my fault.” Speaking truth weakens shame.
2. Separate guilt from shame
Ask yourself, “Did I do something wrong, or do I just feel wrong as a person?” Naming the difference opens space for healing.
3. Challenge your inner auditor
That voice counting every flaw isn’t the truth. Replace “I failed” with “I chose courage.” Replace “I lost everything” with “I made space for a new chapter.”
4. Reframe bankruptcy as initiation
Instead of proof of failure, see it as a rite of passage. Mine stripped away illusions and left me with only what mattered, truth, freedom, calling.
5. Practice radical self-compassion
When guilt whispers, “You should have known better,” answer gently, “I did the best I could with the knowledge I had then.”
6. Release perfectionism
Your worth isn’t measured in flawless success. Humanity, not perfection, makes you whole.
7. Surround yourself with safe people
Find a community that doesn’t judge you, that sees beyond status or money. Healing thrives in safe connection. I kept my circle of trusted friends small. By doing the inner work and shifting my energy, I attracted and built a supportive tribe.
8. Track acts of courage
Leaving, surviving, starting again, all of these are victories. Write them down. Let them remind you of your strength.
9. Celebrate resilience
The fact that you endured abuse, walked away from prestige, and rebuilt after bankruptcy proves your resilience. That deserves recognition.
10. Anchor in values, not voices
Choose to measure yourself by your own values, integrity, authenticity, compassion, not by other people’s opinions.
What are the benefits of releasing guilt and shame?
When you stop carrying guilt and shame, everything shifts. You gain:
Freedom to live aligned with your truth.
The ability to build healthier relationships.
Strength to pursue your calling without apology.
Peace of mind, regardless of money or status.
A deep sense of worthiness that no one can take away.
Can anyone overcome guilt and shame?
Yes. Healing is not reserved for the lucky or privileged. Anyone can begin releasing guilt and shame, no matter their past, financial state, or mistakes. The path looks different for each of us, but the destination is the same, freedom.
Transform your life today
I walked away from auditing. I endured abuse. I went bankrupt. And I survived. Not only survived, I stepped into my calling.
You can too. Guilt and shame may feel like shackles, but they are not unbreakable. If you’re ready to lay them down and step into a life of compassion, clarity, and courage, I invite you to book a coaching call with me today. Together, we’ll release the weight of guilt and shame and guide you into a life rooted in truth and unshakable worth.
Read more from Ylwa Woxmark
Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark, certified and accredited coach and equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
.jpg)
