How to Find a Therapist Who’s the Right Fit for You
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 17
- 7 min read
Written by Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma and she is researching the harms that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
Finding the right therapist can feel like navigating a huge maze, right? You want to find support, you know you need something, but you're not sure what that is. You want to find someone who will really hear you, but where do you even begin? How do you make the choice with confidence that the person you choose is actually a good fit for you and what you're going through? It's a big decision, and it's okay if it feels a little overwhelming.
Think of it like finding the perfect pair of shoes. You wouldn't just grab the first pair you see, would you? You'd consider what you need them for, running, hiking, a fancy dinner, and then you'd try on a few different styles and sizes until you found the ones that felt just right. Finding a therapist is similar. It's about finding someone who understands your "terrain" and can walk alongside you comfortably, guiding the way in a way that feels helpful and supportive.
It can help to break this journey into some manageable steps, giving you the tools and insights to find a therapist who can work with you and is responsive to your needs.
1. Getting clear on your needs: Knowing what it is you're seeking
Before you even begin, it is helpful to take some time for honest self-reflection. What are the main reasons you're considering therapy? What are the challenges you want to overcome and the goals you want to work towards?
Identify the main challenges: Are you struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, addiction, eating disorders, grief, or something else? Be as specific as possible. Instead of "feeling down" or “anxious”, perhaps it's persistent sadness, feeling afraid of everything or specific things, loss of interest in activities, feeling hopeless and unable to make the changes you want for your life, or changes in sleep or appetite.
What are your goals: What do you hope to achieve through therapy? Do you want to develop better coping mechanisms, understand past experiences, improve your relationships, or work towards specific behavioural changes? Having a general idea of your goals will help you find a therapist with relevant expertise.
Think about your preferences: Are you ok with online sessions or do you want to see someone in person? Is there a type of therapeutic approach that resonates with you? Do you prefer a more directive approach where the therapist offers guidance or a more exploratory approach where you lead the sessions? Are you interested in specific modalities like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), psychodynamic therapy, or something else? Don't worry if you don't know all the jargon; you can research different approaches or discuss this with potential therapists.
Reflect on past experiences of therapy (if any): If you've been in therapy before, what did you find helpful or unhelpful? What qualities did you appreciate or dislike in your previous therapist? This can provide valuable insights into what you're looking for now. You could also ask friends or family about their experiences of therapy.
2. Where to begin: Casting a wide net
Once you have a clearer picture of your needs, it's time to start your search. Here are some common avenues to explore:
Your doctor or primary care physician: They can often provide referrals to trusted mental health professionals in your network. This can be a good starting point, especially if you have specific health concerns and the doctor knows you and can direct you towards what might be helpful.
Insurance provider directory: Most insurance companies have online directories of in-network therapists. This can help you narrow down options that are more affordable. Be sure to check your coverage details and any co-pays or deductibles.
Online therapy platforms: Websites and apps like Talkspace, and telehealth psychological services can offer convenient access to therapists via video calls, messaging, and phone. These can be particularly helpful if you have limited access to in-person options or prefer the flexibility of virtual sessions.
Professional organizations: Associations like the American Psychological Society (APS), Australian Psychological Society (APS), Psychology Today, or the Australian Association of Social Workers (AASW) have online directories where you can search for registered and qualified therapists based on their specialization, location, and other criteria. Other services can offer online directories of specialist services, such as the Association of Eating Disorders (AED), the Australia and New Zealand Association of Eating Disorders (ANZAED), or other non-government organisations can also help in providing a list of therapists.
Employee assistance programs (EAPs): If your workplace offers an EAP, it can provide confidential access to short-term counselling services and referrals to longer-term care if needed.
Word-of-mouth: Trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who have had positive experiences with therapy might help offer recommendations. But remember that what works for one person might not work for another, so do your research as well.
Local community mental health services: These services often provide affordable or free mental health support and can be a valuable resource, especially if you're facing financial constraints.
3. Evaluating potential therapists: Digging deeper
After you make a list of potential therapists, it's important to explore further and confirm if they align with what you are looking for.
Review their credentials and experience: Make sure the therapist is registered and licensed to practice in your state or territory. Look for information about their education, training, and areas of specialisation. Do they have skills and experience working with the challenges you're facing?
Read their online profiles and websites: Many therapists have online profiles that provide information about their therapeutic approach, areas of expertise, fees, and appointment availability. Get a feel for their personality and whether their approach resonates with you.
Consider their theoretical orientation: While you don't need to be an expert, awareness of their theoretical orientation (e.g., CBT, psychodynamic, solution-focused) can give some insight into how they approach therapy. Do some basic exploration of different modalities to see if one seems like a better fit for your needs and preferences.
Consider practical factors: Think about logistics like their location, availability (including evenings or weekends if needed), fees, and whether they accept your insurance. These practical considerations can significantly impact the accessibility and sustainability of therapy.
4. The crucial first contact: Asking the right questions
The initial contact with a potential therapist is important. Most therapists offer a brief phone or video consultation (usually 10-15 minutes) to discuss your needs and their services. This is your chance to interview them, ask questions, and get a feel about if they might be a good fit. Here are some questions to consider:
What are your skills and experience working with [your specific concerns]?
What is your therapeutic approach or orientation?
What are your fees, and do you accept my insurance?
What is your availability for sessions? (In-person or telehealth?)
What is your cancellation policy?
Do you offer an initial consultation session? If so, what does that entail?
Pay attention not only to the answers but also to how the therapist communicates. Do they listen attentively? Do they answer your questions clearly and respectfully? Do you feel a sense of connection and a level of safety during the conversation?
5. Trusting your gut: The importance of "fit"
One of the most important factors in finding the right therapist is the sense of connection you feel with them. This is often referred to as the "therapeutic alliance," which strongly predicts positive outcomes in therapy.
Do you feel comfortable talking to them?
Do you feel heard and understood?
Do you sense empathy and genuine care?
Do you feel respected and accepted for who you are?
Do you believe they can help you achieve your goals?
Sometimes, you might not feel a strong connection right away, and that's okay. It can take a few sessions to get a sense of the therapist. However, if you consistently feel uncomfortable, judged, or misunderstood, it might be a sign that this isn't the right fit for you.
6. The trial period: It's okay to shop around
Think of the first few sessions as a trial period. It's an opportunity for you and for the therapist to see whether you're a good match. Don't feel obligated to continue with a therapist if you don't feel it's a good fit. It's your well-being that matters most.
If you decide that a particular therapist isn't the right fit, be honest and direct with them. You can simply say something like, "Thank you for our sessions. I've realized that I'm looking for a therapist with a slightly different approach, and I've decided to explore other options." A good therapist will respect your decision and offer recommendations for other therapists.
7. Remember, therapy is a journey, not a destination
Finding the right therapist is the first step of your journey. Remember that progress is rarely linear. It’s like riding a roller coaster. Having a supportive and well-suited therapist can make all the difference.
Don't be afraid to communicate openly with your therapist about what's working and what's not. Your feedback is essential and helps them tailor their approach to be able to meet your needs.
Finding a therapist who suits your needs takes thoughtful self-reflection, some research, and a willingness to trust your intuition. It's an investment in your well-being, and finding the right fit can lead to profound and lasting change. So, take a deep breath, be patient with yourself, and embark on this journey with the hope and belief that you can find the support you deserve. You've got this.
Read more from Sandi James
Sandi James, Psychologist
Sandi James is a psychologist who finds ways to help people with individualised and person-centred care. She is also a PhD candidate in Australia. Her specialties include long-standing eating disorders, addiction, and trauma. She is currently doing her PhD researching harms and adverse events that can happen during treatment for mental health challenges.
