Written by: Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In the dictionary, the word intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
The word Intimacy divided reads as – Into – Me – See.
Into – open, inviting, something you enjoy.
I See – this is me, see me, all of me, here I am.
You need to build intimacy with yourself before endeavoring to build a relationship with another. There is a distinct difference between sex and intimacy. Most people confuse the two. It is highly likely that a sexual relationship can be absent of intimacy. As humans, we want to be seen, we want to be acknowledged, we want to be made to feel like we belong and that we matter. We thrive on affection and being accepted. As a new relationship develops, the acceptance of each other is important, despite the state of being of the person which develops a connection. Intimacy is about getting rid of protective layers and facades by revealing yourself to someone you genuinely love with flaws and all. It is presenting yourself most authentically.
Sexual development starts in young children, often during a self-exploration stage of body parts, whereby an attempt to build intimacy with ourselves and our bodies. This is normal as per human sexual development. Between the ages of 3 and 5 years old, we experience the feeling of sexual self-discovery with our genitalia and tend to be in comparison with our parents and friends. During this sexual self-discovery, our parents or caregivers stop us from doing so. In turn, this created the message in our minds that it is a shameful act and considered dirty behavior.
As teenagers, if you are found out to be watching porn or reading an adult magazine, parents tend to overreact. This results in further negative conditioning and a barrier to developing intimacy with oneself. This void with no intimacy developed results in, a disparity between genders. A small percentage of women can achieve orgasm through intercourse alone, compared to men. Many are not aware of what truly pleasures them. Are you engaging in sexual activity to please your partner more than yourself? Do you communicate with your partner what it is that pleases or displeases you?
Basics of building intimacy
Make your partner know they are being seen
Hear your partner
Touch your partner in a meaningful manner
Laugh with your partner
Show affection and practice respect
When your partner says no, respect it
Say thank you
Earn their trust
Give your complete attention
Make cleanliness a ritual
Compliment their lovemaking
Turn sex into lovemaking
To thrive as a human, we experience or depend on the following forms of intimacy:
Emotional Intimacy – one shares feelings freely about uncomfortable issues
Intellectual Intimacy – one shares ideas and opinions in the form of debate by allowing each other to be heard
Physical Intimacy - sensual or sexual activity
Experiential Intimacy – one bonds with family, friends, colleagues through activities and experiences
Communication to Build Intimacy
A relationship cannot survive without healthy communication. Intimacy cannot be built without healthy communication either. Have you ever considered how a simple good morning or goodnight can positively impact your relationship? Not only does it give the receiver a sense that they are the first and last thought, but it builds trust.
If you have the pleasure of living together, do not take the presence of each other for granted.
Kissing each other good morning and good night can be a nice way to start or end the day. Take time to listen to each other on how the day was experienced. Make a concerted effort to have a meal together at the end of the day.
What does an Intimacy Coach do?
An Intimacy Coach helps individuals and couples to create healthy, happy, and fulfilling sex lives with positive and accurate information.
How does an Intimacy Coach help?
Help married couples bring the spark and intimacy back into their relationship
Help couples learn positive, effective communication skills
Help couples overcome a mismatched sex drive
Help women experience more pleasure and orgasms
Teach individuals and couples about pleasure and how to have better sex
Give their clients a sex-positive, safe environment to express themselves sexually without shame, blame, or guilt
Teach couples how to experiment with different types of sexual play, fantasies, and role-playing
Teach people how to explore power play and BDSM in a safe way
Teach adults about safer sex, STIs, and how to protect themselves during sex
Help couples heal a sexless marriage and cultivate their passions and desires for better intimacy
Teach individuals about their sexual anatomy like the G-spot in women and P-spot in men and how to achieve satisfying and pleasurable orgasms
Teach individuals dating skills as well as how to find their soul mate so they can embark on a long-lasting love relationship
Teach individuals how to experience greater intimacy and spiritual connection
Help individuals heal sexual issues so they can experience more sexual self-advocacy
Learn all about sex toys, the different types of sex toys, how to use them, and how to introduce them to a partner
How to initiate sex with a partner, foreplay techniques, kissing, erotic talk, erotic massage, and more.
Do you value your relationships and believe it requires investment? Did you know that the quality of your life is heavily dependent on the quality of your relationships? There is less anxiety and depression, increased productivity at the workplace and achieving personal goals. Healthy relationships contribute to a healthy immune system and can increase longevity.
If you ready to start the journey to feeling liberated, and take the first step to achieving your intimacy goals, visit my website to book a session.
Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Viloshni Moodley is an accredited Sexpert practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the cycle of negative conditioning has influenced her change in career path. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall well being and thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Her work specialises in coaching individuals or couples who wish to achieve certain goals in the bedroom and short courses in different areas of sexuality.