How to Ditch Comparison and Embrace Your Worth in Midlife Even When You Feel You're Not Enough
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 20
- 8 min read
Sharon Wright, the founder of Gorgeous Hearts Coaching, is passionate about helping empty nesters to regain their vitality, realise their soul purpose and enjoy meaningful relationships. She is a qualified coach and naturopath with over 10 years of experience in somatic voice work (a modality that facilitates alignment to the soul).
Have you ever said, “I’m not good/intelligent/young/disciplined/attractive enough,” and not taken that next X offer, studied that subject you always wanted to, bought that dress that was a bit risqué, dared to change something big in your life, or strutted your beauty regardless? Well, you’re not alone!
Why do we grade ourselves by benchmarks that seem to be established by others and aren’t necessarily true? Why do we compare and compete rather than claiming ourselves with full presence and empowerment? Well, you may say that this is because of all of us, all of us who create a society, including how we are parented, our education, our culture and religious beliefs, and the law and jurisdiction of where we live. But what if we could let go of the limits that the world places on us and get a little freer with our expression? Could we go there and start living a more authentic midlife?
If talents and skills weren’t compared, they would just be expressions of purpose
We automatically compare how well we can do something with how well somebody else can do the same thing. However, we all have talents and skills that, without comparison, would be simply an expression with a specific purpose. If you’re a talented leader, you lead to inspire your team and support them to grow. If you’re a skilled writer, you have a way of using words to express complex ideas simply. But what if you’re retired or chronically ill? What if you work in a rather banal kind of job, or you don’t feel like you have any creativity?
Whatever you do in life, there is a purpose to it that goes beyond talents and skills. The only reason for a talent or skill is to serve a purpose. If you place your worth on comparing talents and skills, you will never feel enough, because somebody will always have more or ‘better’ skills than you do. This is sometimes felt very strongly in midlife women, who can feel irrelevant at work or in relationships.
Instead of comparing talents, I like to appreciate what I naturally bring to life, and I find that life undoubtedly offers more of itself in ways I didn’t expect.
An example of this is somebody who commits to learning a language and consistently studies a little bit each day. Maybe they will never have the skill of a bilingual speaker, but how wonderful to be able to go to a market in another country and ask for produce whilst connecting with the vendor!
Low self-worth or fear of claiming yourself and being you?
Low self-esteem seems to be a trait that many women carry around with them from as far back as they can remember, and midlife sometimes exposes it even more. Even super confident women may give their power away and doubt themselves in certain environments, such as overly competitive workplaces. The tall poppy syndrome and fitting in with opinions and ideals can hold women back in their expression, causing all kinds of health problems, such as alterations of the thyroid. Read more here.
How to let go of negative narratives about yourself in midlife
If you feel like you’re tired of being tied up like a bale of straw and you want to break those strings, I have some tips to get you started. As a somatic voice coach, these three tips can help you feel more empowered and confident in your day-to-day. They are all related to the body and your expression. OK, let’s go:
1. Claim your breath, feel empowered
By this, I mean take back the reins.
Your breath can be in reaction to outside situations and your emotions. The rhythm of your breath gets quicker when you’re in fear; it slows down when you’re settled. This means that your breath is at the beck and call of circumstances outside of your control. However, when you breathe correctly from the diaphragm, you observe that you immediately feel calm and confident.
The problem is, if your body is in a state of panic, it’s difficult to breathe correctly. This is the same if you have that low-level anxiety that bleeds vitality from you and leaves you feeling disempowered. For this reason, it’s important to learn correct breathing as a daily ritual so that it becomes more accessible in moments when you need more confidence and strength.
When you learn how to breathe more deeply and from a space within you that’s rather like the still eye of the storm, you will feel settled and confident in yourself. It’s especially healthy to learn to breathe like this in midlife, as you release so much tension from your body.
2. Posture is beauty
Moving your body to sit or stand in a more graceful position, taking a walk and connecting with your feet and your heart, lowering your shoulders, relaxing your jaw, all of these body movements make a huge difference to your thoughts.
Try it. When you next feel a little blue, take a deep, full breath and sit up, relax your shoulders, and observe how you feel. It sounds simple, but there’s science behind how posture can affect thoughts.
3. Connect to your voice
Your voice is a part of your body that you use to interact with other people. You are using it continuously, in both professional and personal relationships. When you focus more on your voice and bring it from your whole body, you instantly feel more at ease when you communicate, and you gain confidence in your expression. Keep the connection to your whole body when you speak, and bring your breath from the diaphragm. (If you don’t know how to connect with it, practice by breathing in and puffing out your cheeks, then pushing sound out through your gently but firmly closed lips, you will feel how your whole stomach engages, and that’s what supports your diaphragm.)
If you feel hesitant about your voice and don’t like it very much, check out my other article here.
I support midlife men and women to exercise their ability to reconnect to their voice and their whole instrument body in my somatic coaching program. Find out more here.
No comparison, you are a midlife miracle
The body is a miracle, you have one, and right now, if you’re reading this, it’s working. You’re able to read and breathe and perform a whole host of other functions that allow you to live. But there’s so much more.
Are you able to see yourself as a divine spark with a divine purpose that you are here to maximise?
When we compare ourselves, it’s rather like one star saying to another, "You’re in the position I want to be in, and why are you shining brighter than me?" Maybe the other star is just doing its job, to be and shine. Can you do the same without judging yourself?
Some people enjoy affirmations, but I feel that they need to come from you. You must name the comparison, name it, expose it for yourself (no need to tell anyone else), and you may find that you have been lacking in the self-appreciation department. Or perhaps you are resisting some strength that you naturally have but feel uncomfortable expressing. Whatever it is, name it and write the opposite of what that discomfort is.
For example: if you feel that you compare your lack of creativity with your very arty neighbour, and you realise that you are the most organised person, but you’ve been downplaying that because it’s not very exciting, honour that beauty in how you organise and order space. It’s such a beautiful quality and one that supports a whole household or workplace. Write down something like: My body is in its beautiful maximised design when I’m organising space. Of course, you can write this however you please, but the emphasis is on your unique design rather than what you do.
You are always so much more than ‘enough’
I’ve heard people say that they have self-acceptance or that they are ‘enough,’ but I’d like to go one step further.
Could it be that you are not here by accident? And if it’s no accident, then why are you here? Are you just another body in a mass of other bodies?
Some people may believe so, but that’s up to each one of us. I personally believe that you are much more than enough and that you are no accident. I don’t believe in coincidences at all, and during my life I’ve observed that there are cycles, patterns, and communications from many different sources gently leading us to realise that we are not here to compete, but to love, to love unconditionally and to express our divine design with purpose, responsibility, and integrity.
We are light and fire when we live like that. We cease to emphasise what’s wrong and instead start realising the magnificence of what we are here to be in that love.
Your voice is so amazing and powerful in this world. If you start reconnecting to it and embodying it, expressing your truth in a way that doesn’t impose on others but enriches those around you, it is the greatest purpose you can have in midlife. You can tap into a wisdom that shines out like the constellations. There’s no room for low self-worth in the universe, so why are you any different?
Don’t let those old narratives get in the way of feeling the true beauty of your voice and what you are here to be.
And as a final takeaway: when you let go of low self-worth, you may get a few reactions. Just observe them. As much as you can, try not to react. You cannot be responsible for the reactions of others. Some people are a little put off by another’s confidence because they may have some things they need to look at in their own expression.
If you would like to know more about how you can feel more empowered to love and express yourself authentically during midlife, here’s a blog for further reading.
And a final question, What’s one small way you can love your authentic voice today?
If you’re ready to take a leap into your midlife magnetic miracle self and stop the comparisons and feelings of being less, my somatic voice coaching program can support you. I offer free 20-minute taster sessions, so please do get in touch!
You can contact me here for a free taster.
You are also welcome to download my 15-page PDF booklet “How to Feel Damned Good About Yourself After 50 & Connect Deeply With Your Partner.” It comes with a bonus somatic voice exercise that helps you let go of the tensions of transitions by reconnecting to your body and expressing yourself more lovingly. You can download it for FREE here.
Read more from Sharon Wright
Sharon Wright, Somatic Voice & Relationship Coach
Sharon Wright spent many years searching for true meaning and love in her life. After many spiritual detours, that nearly destroyed her marriage, she learned that her body was a way to connect to true love, aka the soul. She has since developed and shared techniques to facilitate that reconnection via awareness of the vibrational integrity of the voice. She both coaches and mentors her clients, empty nesters who often feel alone after their kids have left home, to manage anxiety and connect more deeply with their partners. One of her main tenets, that the vibrations of the voice can harm or heal, depending on the energy one is aligned to, brings focus to heart-led living for purposeful and evolving relationships.
