Forget Date Nights – True Romance Happens In Everyday Moments
- Nov 19, 2024
- 7 min read
Sharon Wright, the founder of Gorgeous Hearts Coaching, is passionate about helping empty nesters to regain their vitality, realise their soul purpose and enjoy meaningful relationships. She is a qualified coach and naturopath with over 10 years of experience in somatic voice work (a modality that facilitates alignment to the soul).
Are you googling date ideas in an attempt to give your relationship a boost now that the kids have left home? Maybe you’re wondering if you’ll ever get the romantic spark back after such a long stretch of functionality and devotion to bringing up kids. An article by Colin’s Law Group states that, ‘Divorce rates for people over 50 have doubled since 1990 and tripled for those over 65.’ which suggests that empty nest relationships need some attention. Feelings of loss and sadness can often lead to unrealistic expectations, and the colourful often drama filled family life that couples miss when the kids leave home, can become a search for excitement with a Hollywood style romance that may lead to major disappointment. So, could a less exciting yet infinitely deeper and more enriching connection with your partner be as simple as bringing romance to everyday moments? (see tip) Keep reading to find out how to experience true long-lasting romance without the fiction
What is romance and why all the fuss?
Do you have a particular picture of what romance is? Kids are raised on Disney style fairytale romance that don’t exactly paint a true picture of relationships. As adults we’re still sighing while crossing our hands over our chests at that passionate kiss finale after a long, tense, complicated plot in the latest chick flick romance. But if your reality is not quite as dramatic, and dancing in the rain with your partner or racing to an airport to tell them you love them just before they leave forever, just doesn’t come close, let me ask you a question, “does any of the above, a bunch of flowers, a candlelit dinner or gestures, such as carrying you across a puddle or holding a coat for you as you get ready to leave a restaurant, actually define romance?
Drama and stimulation create peaks of excitement but true romance is a more settled and joyful caring way that survives the storms of life. Gestures that demonstrate care, attention, respect and love, reacquaint us with an innate connection to the love we naturally are. As babies we felt love before we could even say the words “I love you” because we were held in love without any individual identity or condition on that word. But we don’t always give that care and attention to ourselves, so when somebody else offers it to us, or we offer it to another, it feels gorgeous.
I think that true romance is a natural expression of somebody who is embracing the love they are and sharing it with another in any way that it is expressed. When this isn’t the foundation of the action, rather than romance, we most likely have false chivalry, expectations and manipulation instead.
Romance isn’t for comfort seekers, it’s a way to evolve
True romance feels very loving and confirms the beautiful being you are. Embracing romance in your life isn’t a comfort blanket, it's an evolving expression towards your true self. Making love the true purpose of your life means embracing your vulnerabilities which isn’t always comfortable. This true essence of yourself is what many people call the soul and when you feel ready to live a more soul-full life, the soul responds and shows you more of yourself, which can be challenging. However, if you’re courageous enough to face the demons i.e. guilt, resentment, frustration, expectation, and a whole host of other emotional cobwebs, it will get easier to stop reacting to them, to discard the old patterns and to embrace your true essence as well as welcoming a more settled and harmonious relationship that enriches you and your partner.
How can you get some romance back in your relationship?
If your relationship has been more functional than romantic whilst raising a family, you might be tempted to create over-imaginative date nights or surprise each other with ill-fitting lingerie and designer balms, and while there’s nothing wrong with these touches (other than slight discomfort from tight lingerie), I have some tips here to help you to make romance a part of your everyday moments together See tips. But, before we go there, there’s one really important point I want to make: You don’t need to wait for your partner. Make these moves yourself without any expectations or need for reciprocation. Be the initiator and you will create a romantic environment that cannot be ignored.
4 ways to make everyday moments truly romantic
1. Be romantic with yourself first
Making love isn’t just a sophisticated phrase for the more mature couple, it's a way of living! But how can you expect to make love with someone if you aren’t living in a loving way yourself? The first thing you might ask yourself is: “Am I romantic with myself? Am I caring, attentive, loving and authentic or am I just getting through life, avoiding connection and being distracted by things that aren’t evolving at all?” Because if there isn’t a romance with ourselves, we cannot expect romance to flourish.
So, if you feel a little lonely after the kids leave home, rather than expecting your partner to suddenly become Hugh Grant, turn your attention back to yourself and start the romantic experience of a deep, enriching inner connection. Building this relationship with yourself makes you aware of how full your love-well is and you can come to your relationship from that fullness.
2. Adopt loving rituals to reconnect to romance
How can you be more romantic in the moments of your everyday life?
Self-nurturing rituals can feel very romantic and be as simple as preparing a bath with your favourite essential oils as part of a nurturing bedtime routine. This simple return to consistent loving rituals can reconnect you to what’s truly worthy yourself. Make your first movement as you step out of bed every morning, part of a ritual of true presence because if you nail the first moment of your day in presence and tenderness, your subsequent movements such as the way you prepare your breakfast, the way you get dressed etc. will follow on in that same quality – it’s the consistent repetition that helps us to stay present in our bodies. This translates into positive thoughts and an expression that will automatically create a romantic connection between you and your partner.
3. Appreciation: Love flows where appreciation goes
Have you noticed that what you focus energy on tends to accentuate and what you ignore tends to peter out? Focusing on what you appreciate about your partner highlights what you’ve always loved about them – their true essence, regardless of behaviour that can drive you up the wall. It’s so easy to focus on what someone should be doing or what they haven’t done, but if you keep coming back to appreciation, you’ll feel more joy in your relationship and those things you love will flow and grow. For me, it helps to journal what I feel appreciation for, and I include appreciation for myself in that too. Writing supports a more reposeful and reflective side of expression.
4. Romance in the everyday moments
When rituals of self-care are established as your own living rhythm, your daily movements become more naturally caring and togetherness flows and flourishes. The way you share the space in your home is a constant communication and an opportunity to bring romance to the fore. The way you pass the plates to set the table, the way you prepare food together, the way you touch and wrap your arm around their waist or the way you hug each other before leaving the house all of these movements are part of making love a living way, however, there are days when your mojo is nowhere to be found. You feel anything but love. For this reason these everyday romantic movements are really effective. They’re like a fitness program of love that brings you back to presence, stillness and joy. The more you make these everyday romantic movements, the more romantic moments you’ll enjoy and the more you’ll find it easier to come back to yourself and your partner when life gets challenging.
Let’s get the romance back
In conclusion, true romance isn’t a fairytale, it’s an ongoing commitment to evolving in love. You are very much a part of that equation, so focus on being romantic with yourself and appreciate the romance in everyday moments of your day-to-day life. When you reconnect to yourself and create rituals of loving movements, your body becomes more present and gentle in its expression and your thoughts become more self-caring and less self-critical. This creates more harmony in your relationship and a natural reciprocated response helps you both evolve and enrich each other.
If you would like to learn more, you can download my 15 page pdf booklet “How to Feel Damned Good About Yourself After 50 & Connect Deeply With Your Partner.” In it I show you how you can be present in your body more consistently and how to make self-loving rituals a part of daily life. It also comes with a bonus somatic voice exercise that helps you to let go of anxiety by reconnecting to your body and expressing yourself more lovingly. You can download it for free here.
Read more from Sharon Wright
Sharon Wright, Somatic Voice & Relationship Coach
Sharon Wright spent many years searching for true meaning and love in her life. After many spiritual detours, that nearly destroyed her marriage, she learned that her body was a way to connect to true love, aka the soul. She has since developed and shared techniques to facilitate that reconnection via awareness of the vibrational integrity of the voice. She both coaches and mentors her clients, empty nesters who often feel alone after their kids have left home, to manage anxiety and connect more deeply with their partners. One of her main tenets, that the vibrations of the voice can harm or heal, depending on the energy one is aligned to, brings focus to heart-led living for purposeful and evolving relationships.
