How To Decide – An Infinite No/ Yes Game
Written by Marc Scheff, Life Designer
Marc Scheff works with people to design lives beyond what they think is possible. As a child he saw first hand what shifts in perspective and mindset can create even against difficult odds. He now dedicates his time to working with high-level creators and entrepreneurs to create well beyond the success they've had and into the success they've dreamed about.
Pro/con lists are bullsh*t. Have you ever had a decision that just felt hard, and every time you go to map it out, you get stuck?
This happened to me recently. I was shopping for a Halloween costume, and I was trying to decide if I wanted to spend the extra $$ on an optional coat for the pirate costume my daughter insisted I buy (yes, I have a boss, too).
If I spend it, will my wife be annoyed?
If I don’t buy it, will my daughter care?
Do I care about these things?
How much do I care?
Am I being smart or caving to a scarcity mindset?
These are all surface questions. The truth is most questions are, and it’s nigh impossible to weigh factors that are completely unrelated.
That’s why you can solve this by going underneath your answers.
In the myth of the Minotaur, Daedalus gave instructions to Ariadne to solve the labyrinth: go forward, always down, and never left or right.
So let’s do this, with two simple questions.
The infinite no/yes game
I recently created this game for my creative membership group as a way to discover a deeper set of answers.
By the end, you will have a deeper why and clarity on values, and your decision might be easier.
Here’s how to play, it’s simple as pie
Ask, “If I say yes to this, what might I say no to?”
Then ask, “If I say no to that (the thing you just said you’d say no to), then what could I say yes to?”
Go to question 1 and do this until you have no more answers.
Some advice on how to play
I use the words “might” and “could” intentionally. These are words that invite creativity and imagination. It’s not asking “what will definitely work” or “what I’ll for sure not do or do.” By saying what you might or could do, it’s a game. What if you did? What might that look like, keep playing it out.
Be curious, and dig deep. When I play this with my clients, we go well past “Should I buy this costume?” and we get to questions of identity and values.
For me, this looked like calling out my own scarcity mindset. Fear of spending money, playing small and safe. And my eventual yes was to approach with abundance. If I embrace an abundance mindset, I know that I have the money for this small purchase, and if I need to, I can earn that money, sell the jacket, gift the jacket and create joy for someone else, or find ways to get even more joy from the purchase at other times. That felt creative!
The issue isn’t whether the jacket was right or wrong. There’s no answer to that! But there is an answer to who I will be if it ends up being right or wrong.
Where might you play this game?
What’s a decision you’re facing or WILL face that might benefit from this game?
Marc Scheff, Life Designer
Marc Scheff works with people to design lives beyond what they think is possible. As a child he saw first hand what shifts in perspective and mindset can create even against difficult odds. He now dedicates his time to working with high-level creators and entrepreneurs to create well beyond the success they've had and into the success they've dreamed about. His purpose is to unleash creativity, and he has had the distinct pleasure of doing with work with a healthcare exec, a museum curator, an advisor to the president, and hundreds more.
