How to Become an Intuitive Parent
- Brainz Magazine
- Jan 20
- 9 min read
Updated: Jan 21
Kirsty Marie Denny specialises in trauma, neurodivergence, and sensitivity, empowering her clients to transform their lives through energetic kinesiology. Her focus is on each individual’s unique gifts and challenges and the root causes of distressing symptoms.
In today’s world, we have access to so much information about parenting, as well as everything else. It’s wonderful and, at times, overwhelming. Do you ever wish you didn’t have so many conflicting viewpoints to wade through, so much pressure to get it “right,” and that you could simply trust your instincts when it comes to your children?
In previous generations, it was simpler in some ways. Parents took care of the basics, providing shelter and sustenance, and teaching their children the skills they felt they needed to make a living. Parenting techniques were largely modelled on what the neighbours were doing and what their parents did before them. Of course, I’m not implying that our forebears were necessarily getting it more “right” than us. Naturally, prevailing social norms have changed over time, as well as varying across cultures, and I think we’ve made an awful lot of progress from the times of physical punishment and “children should be seen and not heard.” However, in this time of information overload and polarised opinions, I do think it’s more important than ever to learn to give our intuition the weight it deserves.
My story
When I was pregnant with my firstborn, I did a lot of research. Prenatal vitamins and nutrition, supporting the birth process, where to give birth, clothes, bedding, attachment parenting versus structured routines, cloth or disposable nappies, which kind, cots versus co-sleeping, purées versus baby-led weaning, providing enough stimulation for the baby, but not too much, and on and on, wanting so badly not to mess up my kid.
What actually happened was that the reality of my postpartum experience was so very different from what I expected. Guess what, all that research didn’t allow me to control the situation. This really pushed me to trust my intuition.
I won’t write a novel here, but my first son was a very unsettled baby. The crying and reflux were pretty extreme. I had a feeling, or perhaps I would go so far as to say I “knew,” there was more to it than him being “just colicky” and needing a more structured schedule, perhaps some sleep training or early solids, the standard advice from most self-professed baby experts at the time. Turns out I was right, by my own reckoning at least, and I learned to really back my choices, attune to my child, and do things our own way.
What is intuition?
You don’t have to be “woo woo” to realise we all use our intuition sometimes. You know who is calling just before the phone rings, you walk into a room, and the energy is “off,” or you can just tell that people have been talking about you, for instance.
Parenting intuition
Our instincts are naturally strong when it comes to our kids. We’ve spent so much time with them, potentially from the moment of conception if you are the child’s biological mother. We are biologically primed to respond to their every need when they’re tiny, as they’re just so vulnerable.[1] Our love for them has a purity in its unconditionality. We’re not loving them in order to get something back, we simply want to see them thrive.
How modern life degrades parenting intuition
I will begin by talking about the biological mother here, as the connection is so obvious, but this certainly doesn’t mean that intuitive bonds don’t apply to fathers and other caregivers.
In the case of a mother and her baby, the intimacy of the connection is undeniable, even at the physiological level. The baby is physically bonded to the mother, hearing her heartbeat, responding to her emotions, her voice, and her environment, as well as receiving physical nutrition. You may have seen information about how mothers even retain genetic information from the baby in a process known as microchimerism. Read more about this phenomenon here.
Truly, the whole process of conception, gestation, and birth is an incredibly finely tuned miracle. However, from the moment of realising she has conceived, or even before, Mum is presented with a barrage of information about what could go wrong and which medical professionals to place her trust in. Sometimes birth is empowering, but often it is the opposite, a fearful, medicalised experience. Interventions like induction, epidural, and Caesarean section can interfere with the natural flow of hormones, especially oxytocin, that influence bonding and relaxation.[2]
Sometimes, mother and baby are separated for a time following birth, although generally their instinct is to keep that precious new baby as close as possible. An often disjointed birth experience is then rapidly followed up by stresses around feeding, sleep, which medications to give or not give, and so on. The abundance of advice from many well-meaning “experts” and family members may go directly against the mother’s instincts, causing her to question whether she’s even qualified to be a parent.
Is the intuitive connection already broken?
Instinct or intuition?
As an aside, I’ve been using the terms instinct and intuition somewhat interchangeably here, and in everyday language, both may refer to impulses and aptitudes that are inherent and not entirely conscious or rational. However, for the sake of clarity, keep in mind that “instinct” more often refers to a scientific concept of something biologically hardwired, whereas “intuition” may refer to enhanced awareness based on subtle perception or experience, or indeed something more spiritually informed. As parents, we can experience both instinct and intuition.
Am I getting it all wrong?
The purpose of this article isn’t to tell you what the “right way” is or isn’t, or to elicit feelings of shame or guilt. Far from it.
What if you had a traumatic birth, you’re not able to breastfeed, you’re the father, your child is adopted, etc., etc.? Is your connection doomed? Of course not. One of the wonderful things about being human is that we consciously choose love, it is not simply an animal instinct.
Therefore, the intuition that comes with deep bonds can be enhanced and grown, whether we are biologically related or not, and where rupture in trust and connection has occurred, repair is always possible.
6 tips for strengthening your intuition
1. Gather evidence
Notice when you already use your intuition. Reflect on all the times you’ve just had a hunch, you’ve known what was about to happen, or what the right decision was. Do you know what others are feeling, or who is about to call? Did you duck out of the way just before impending doom? Maybe you’re like me, and sometimes you make a list of pros and cons when making an important decision, only to completely ignore it in favour of what feels right. What are you intuitively aware of as a parent? Even the most rationally minded among us will be able to come up with one or two examples.
2. Cultivate awareness
Tune into your body and/or develop a mindfulness practice. In the rush of a busy modern lifestyle, sometimes noticing the more subtle energies of intuition requires intentional creation of space. This doesn’t need to involve long periods of meditation. Let’s be honest, you’re probably a parent if you’re reading this, so who has the time? Find ways to integrate this practice into daily life. Take a few deep breaths and check in with your body while you’re standing at the kitchen bench. Notice the whirl of thoughts in your mind and allow yourself to be somewhat separate from that busyness. Fold the washing or wash the dishes with conscious awareness, glamorous, I know. Scan the room and notice how it feels energetically. There’s no right or wrong here.
3. Deep presence
Cultivate deep presence with your children. Life is very distracting, and there’s a lot to get done. No one besides the next incarnation of Buddha is 100 percent present in their relationships all the time. However, even short periods of time where you intentionally set aside all distractions and mental to-do lists to simply be with your child are worth their weight in gold. Focus fully on your child, regardless of their age. Make eye contact or connect in the ways you know they like best. Listen, engage, notice their subtle gestures and facial expressions, and naturally, you will become more aware of what is going on with them beyond what is physically or verbally obvious.
4. Fear-based conditioning vs. intuition
Learning to tell the difference can take time to develop, but don’t worry. Enhancing your intuition isn’t all or nothing. Be gentle with yourself during the learning process, which is ongoing.
Naturally, fear or danger-based responses have their place. Think about those instantaneous responses to something that might be a snake before the thinking mind even has time to kick in. Life-saving. In my case, I’ve pulled off quite a few ninja-like catches of babies and toddlers, considering I’m not someone known for amazing coordination. However, most of the time we’re not in actual life or death scenarios, and so it becomes very helpful to discern between the churning in your gut based on fear versus inspired intuition.
When it comes to how fear impacts parenting, it takes practice to notice where our motivations come from. For example, when someone offers you advice about your kids, pay attention to what is happening for you. What do you feel in your body? What thoughts are springing to mind, and where do they really come from? How are you conditioned to react? Do you automatically resist well-meaning advice, or do you find you tend to defer to others, immediately placing higher value upon their opinion, especially if they are coming from a place of real or perceived authority?
5. Reflect on your own childhood
What did you learn about parenting when you were a child? This is related to point 4 above and is a powerful exploration. Consider where your default parenting styles come from and how your triggers or fears are influenced by your own upbringing. Our habitual beliefs and conditioning are not the same as intuition and can take some teasing apart, but it’s so very worth the effort, in my opinion. You may want to spend some time learning about attachment theory, see here for a basic introduction, and reflecting on how the way you were raised shapes your approach to parenting now. You might also consider working with a coach like Donna Stichbury, The Relationship Facilitator, who specialises in attachment and relationship dynamics.
This is not about blaming or judging our parents. There are no perfect parents. However, reflecting on our childhood baggage can provide us with opportunities for growth and much healthier relationships all around. Speaking of not blaming your parents, try to be gentle with yourself, too. Forgiveness and repair apply to the self as much as to others. How can you give yourself grace when it comes to parenting decisions you may regret, especially if you know you acted out of line with your intuition?
6. Act from wisdom
Intuitive parenting is not about abandoning knowledge or rationality, and I wouldn’t recommend this. It can, however, provide you with an internal compass for discerning the right action for your unique family amongst the flood of information that can become overwhelming.
Neurodiversity and intuition
Learning to trust your parenting intuition is a useful tool for everyone. However, this may be of even greater relevance if your child is neurodivergent, sensitive, or displays “intense” behaviour. In these scenarios, it’s likely you are presented with more judgement, more advice, more pressure, and more decisions to make than the average parent. At the same time, many neurodivergent people are highly sensitive and intuitive, indicating there may be great treasure to be uncovered here with appropriate attunement and alignment with each other’s subtle cues.
It is even becoming more mainstream to discuss the propensity of some non-speaking autistic individuals toward telepathy and spiritual insights. For example, check out Diane Hennacy’s “The Telepathy Project.” Just as a blind person’s hearing may become more acute, those whose bodies prevent clear speech may find other ways to communicate, including via so-called extrasensory perception. If this is something that interests you, you may wish to look into The Telepathy Tapes and associated scientific research investigating neurobiology and telepathy.
Finding support
There are many ways to develop your intuition and to benefit from renewed trust in your ability to balance it with your rationality. Working with kinesiology is one of the available tools. The very process of working with muscle testing can help you to tune in to your body and mind’s more subtle levels of awareness. Kinesiology is also fantastic for uncovering and recalibrating beliefs and patterning picked up early in life, allowing for greater mental and intuitive clarity. We can even work on clearing up distortions in the pineal gland and energetic body that may lead to intuitive blocks.
If you’d like some assistance with more energetically aligned parenting, I’d love to hear from you. Kinesiology sessions are available online or in Auckland, New Zealand, by appointment.
Kirsty Marie Denny, Kinesiologist and Neurodivergence Specialist
Kirsty Marie is an energetic kinesiologist who believes in each human’s capacity to thrive as their unique and authentic self.
Kirsty navigated chronic health challenges in her 20s and an intensely stressful early parenthood experience. Having transformed her own life as well as her children’s, she is on a mission to empower others.
She specialises in supporting those who are highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or who have experienced trauma. Her approach is truly holistic, incorporating practical lifestyle coaching as well as energetic processes for balancing the brain and body and transmuting emotional stress.
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