Helpful Steps to Let in New Coping Skills and Release Old Emotions

Written by: Janet Philbin, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

We have grown accustomed to not feeling our feelings, especially the feelings we don’t like. We keep them cluttered inside, much like our expired medications clutter our medicine cabinets. We are so used to feeling them we do not even see them anymore and have grown to believe this is who I am. We believe the limiting thoughts of I am sad, angry, afraid, not worth it, not loveable, not enough, not wanted, unimportant, shy, invisible, overwhelmed, stuck, ill and more. They have been there so long we don’t know who we are without them, and we are afraid to let them go, just like we are afraid to throw out expired medications because we may need them one day.

This is dangerous thinking because you are not the same person today as you were when you began feeling the feelings that created the emotions and belief systems. Holding onto the old belief system keeps you stuck or may cause illness. Just like taking an expired medication may make you ill.

Keeping the old, outdated belief systems keeps your insides very cluttered. The clutter does not allow space to let in something new. Have you become so attached to the clutter that you are afraid to look at what is outdated? As you clear the clutter, you will learn new coping skills by healing the emotional wounds that helped the outdated, limiting belief systems form.

Take the first steps to clearing out the emotional clutter.

Open the medicine cabinet, look at the labels and check the expiration dates. Clearing the clutter will allow you to move toward the emotionally healthy place you seek.

Here is a framework to follow:

1. Sit down, feel your feet on the floor, place your hand on your heart and take a few breaths in and out. Feel your heartbeat and your chest rise and fall with your breath.

2. Write a list of all the limiting beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings that have kept you stuck, in pain, or hold you back in your life.

3. Number the list. One is the belief you can most easily let go of and continue from there until the list is numbered.

Start with number one and ask yourself these questions:

  • How old were you when you first needed this belief?

  • What was going on in your life at that time?

  • How did this belief help you then?

  • How has it helped you over the years?

  • How is it impacting you now?

  • Can you see that it is no longer helping you?

  • When you think about it now, do you experience any discomfort in your body? If so, where?

  • Acknowledge and thank this thought, emotion, belief system for showing up and helping you as it did.

  • Let it know you are all grown up now, it is hurting you, and you are ready to let it go.

  • Place your hand on your heart, permitting yourself to let it go.

  • Take as many breaths as you need to release it from your body.

  • Identify the opposite positive emotion or belief? Is it joy, abundance, self-love, self-acceptance?

  • Write down the positives with, “I am _______.” For example, I am hopeful.

  • Say the “I am” statements out loud with your hand on your heart and breathe them into your heart and body.

This will help you integrate the new coping skills into your life. This process will need to be repeated. You may need support from a therapist or coach. The good news is healing and transformation is possible. You are creating the freedom you desire. Feel proud of yourself for creating the space inside, which allows for healing, growth, and emotional wellness.

For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and visit my website!

Janet Philbin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Janet is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Hypnotherapist and Certified Conscious Parenting Coach. Janet helps adults heal from the emotional pain and trauma of their past. She is the owner of Janet Philbin, ACSW a private psychotherapy and hypnotherapy practice. For 21 years Janet has been successfully helping people recover from their emotional wounds and change their lives with the power of transformational healing and hypnotherapy.

She’s the author of, Show Up For Yourself: A Guide to Inner Awareness and Growth. Her book offers readers a framework to heal their emotional wounds and become emotionally whole once again. Show Up For Yourself hit Amazon’s bestseller status and won as a finalist in the 2020 Readers Favorite book contest. She works closely with Dr. Shefali Tsabary, NY Times best-selling author and Oprah’s favorite parenting expert, as an ambassador in her Conscious Parenting Coaching Method Institute.



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