Written by: Bianca Piculeata, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you come from a toxic family environment, you probably didn't have the best mother you could have. Today, you can become the best mother your inner child ever had by implementing the tips below that speak to you most.
Part of my healing journey was to become a good mother for my inner child since lots of my needs were not met as a child.
I wanted to teach you how to become the mother for your inner child that you never had to heal yourself and become more confident, secure, and loving towards yourself. Here are my best nine tips:
1. Speak positively to yourself
The negative dialogue in your mind is coming from past abuse. That negative voice doesn't belong to you, and it's time to replace that with a more positive dialogue. Each time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, STOP AND SWITCH. Switch to a more positive and empowering sentence. Example: you catch yourself saying: I am not enough. Catch that belief and immediately switch to:
you are enough
you are enough
you are enough
By repeating a more positive affirmation to yourself, you'll quickly shift to a more empowering dialogue with your inner child. Don't you think she deserves a mother who pushes positive reinforcement on her? I believe she does.
2. Accept your emotions
In an abusive and toxic home environment, emotions are not encouraged, comforted, or validated. You can start by taking your inner girl by her hand and give her the right to express herself. Give her the right to cry, scream, throw a tantrum, be jealous or be envious. Grant her the right to her emotions because you are an emotional human being, not a robot. There is a societal belief that is very toxic and perpetuates the lie that people should not have emotions. Validate and comfort your inner child: a teddy bear or pet should do a great job. If she wants to scream, let her scream in a pillow and hit something (without hurting someone) because she has the right to be emotional!
3. Be kinder to yourself
You might have gone through many kinds of abuse: mental, emotional and/or physical. It's time to end it and become a kind mother to your inner child. How can you become kinder to yourself? You never deserved to be abused! It was an unhappy circumstance you had to go through, and it was never your fault. Children put the guilt on themselves to survive abuse. The idea that their parents or caretakers don't love them unconditionally is unbearable to them. Bring justice to yourself and be more forgiving and kinder to yourself. You don't need to be perfect to be lovable, loved, treated with kindness and gentleness. You are worthy of unconditional love just as you are. Give yourself the kindness you always deserved and forgive yourself!
4. Accept yourself as you are
When we are children, we learn to reject parts of ourselves that we perceive unlovable. I am here to tell you that all parts of you are lovable, and it's time to accept all of whom you are! The facets of yourself that you have learned to hide, as a way to seek acceptance and love from others, are waiting for your permission to come up to the surface. Today, you don't need anyone's love and validation but your own. Give your inner girl the acceptance she needs to let herself shine in all of her facets! You are a diamond! When you fully accept yourself, you radiate self-confidence! All your perceived defaults can become qualities if you allow yourself to! Your combined qualities and defaults, make the unique woman you are today! Let your inner child express herself freely and accept all that she is!
5. Fulfill your needs
I bet a lot of your needs were not satisfied in your childhood. What if today, you started paying attention to your needs? How would you feel looking from the outside in a home where a child's needs are not being met? Would you be sad for her? It is also valid for your inner child, and she deserves having her needs met. You are the only one that can do that for her. Start paying attention when you need rest, crave healthy foods or water, need exercising, have a splurge of creativity, seek fun or play, need more understanding or more compassion. Give your inner child all she needs because she is worthy of your love, caring and attention.
6. Say "no" more often and more "yes" to yourself
This one is a biggie! To say "yes" to yourself more often, you should be ready to lose people's love and approval by saying "no" to them. When you love and approve of yourself, you don't need validation from anyone else. You become self-sufficient and feel safe and secure within yourself. When you say "no" to others and "yes" to yourself more, you teach others how to treat and respect you. On an energetical level, they will feel they can't take your energy away anymore. They will stop asking for favors because you have become safe within yourself first. When you see yourself wanting to say yes but feel like saying no, stop yourself. Say to your inner child: "it's ok if we lose that person or her love or approval, because you'll always have me by your side! We are a team, and we are safe!" The more you reinforce safety & security within your inner child, the easier it becomes to say "no" when you mean it. You are not responsible for others' happiness other than your own (leaving kids aside here). You have learnt as a child that you were responsible for adults' wellbeing and happiness, and I am here to tell you that is utterly bull. They were the in charge of your happiness and wellbeing, not the other way around! Stop saving others and save yourself first!
7. Stop looking outside of you for what you possess within you
All you are looking for outside of yourself, exists already in you. If you are looking for love, it exists inside of your heart. If you are searching for approval, it exists in you if you give yourself the right to validate yourself. As children, we have learned to look for love outside of ourselves. We were not taught to find love in our own hearts: the love that we give so freely to others is available to us if we decide so. It's a split-second decision! When I realized that the person I used to love didn't want my love, I made the decision to give myself the love I had in my heart. Give yourself the love, validation, acceptance, approval and comfort your already possess in your heart. The only thing that stands between you and all these feelings is you. Decide today to give yourself what you need and stop looking for these feelings in other people. It starts with you, and it gets mirrored back to you by others when you are self-sufficient. When you decide to love yourself, you'll no longer feel empty and in need to find love outside of yourself!
8. Let your inner child express herself
I invite you to close your eyes and ask your inner child what she needs. Let her express herself in the way she wants to. As an adult, I went through different periods of childhood and teenager healing processes. I used to let my inner child express herself and let myself cry, laugh, play, joke around, be crazy, because I knew that it was a temporary process. In order to heal and become a full-grown adult, I had to let my inner child explore what she could not in the past. In my childhood, there was not a safe space for me to express myself fully, so I decided that I could do that now as an adult, and that was a very healing journey for me. I can say that I'm lucky that my partner accepted me in all my childish behaviors and sometimes even took part in them. I needed someone to accept me unconditionally, without judging me. You do not require a partner to heal your inner child. Either in a relationship or not, let your inner child explore and express whatever she needs to.
9. Learn to reassure your inner child
When you get fearful and anxious, you can calm your inner child by talking to her. Tell her that you in charge and that she can go and play with her dols or do wherever she wants. This change of perspective will help you feel secure and empowered, while your inner fearful girl will feel reassured by your loving adult-self. Do this each time you are fearful, reassure her and help her see that you are IN CHARGE and she has no responsibilities other than playing and having fun.
I invite you to start implementing what speaks more to your heart or close your eyes and ask your inner child what she needs most urgently from these nine tips to feel more secure, confident and happy. It's time to love your inner girl and attend to her needs, and you will be glad you did!
For the spiritual woman that is ready for a powerful, fast and an all-around transformation, you can book a soul match free 30-minutes discovery call with me to see if we are a match made in heaven! You are worthy of living in abundance at all levels, start by clicking on this link.
Bianca Piculeata, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Bianca aka Mystical Queen Goddess is a leader in healing and transformation. Having struggled with feeling blocked with low self-esteem, generalized anxiety, trauma, emotional wounds, sabotaging patterns and limiting beliefs, Bianca created her own transformational method called Transformation 360 because she felt other methods were not powerful, simple or fast enough for her. She has since dedicated her life to helping wounded spiritual women to heal, transform and reach a higher frequency that will bring them abundance at all levels. Her mission: to bring justice to every spiritual woman so that she too, can experience happiness and abundance at all levels!