Give From the Overflow – Why Filling Your Cup Is the Secret to Sustainable Giving
- Brainz Magazine
- Jan 23
- 11 min read
Written by Tatiana Goded, Motivational Life Coach
Tatiana Goded is passionate about helping women find their life purpose and rediscover their passions. She is the CEO of Puiaki Precious, a life coaching, NLP, and mindfulness business designed to leverage women find their true selves. Tatiana is also the author of “A Trip Towards the Sunset,” a journey of self-discovery published in 2025.
Since we were little, most of us have been told how important it is to give to others, sometimes at the cost of giving to ourselves. From parents, teachers, and religious authority figures, giving has been the center of many lessons shared with children.
And yes, giving is important. It is our way to express who we are, to share our lessons, our feelings, and our thoughts. There is nothing better, when we are going through a hard time, than receiving an act of care and love from someone else that can completely change a moment or even an entire life.
However, most of us have not been told about the consequences of giving with an empty cup.
If you have not experienced it before, there is no better time to discover this truth than in parenting. Whether you are a recent parent dealing with sleep deprivation and a constantly crying baby, or trying to get through the day with your toddler, parenting challenges us to keep giving at the cost of forgetting ourselves, including our need for rest and calm, love, and understanding.
And if you have a neurodivergent child, this lesson becomes even more profound. Children with neurodiversity are incredibly sensitive. They pick up our moods instantly, often more than neurotypical children. If they sense you feel angry or even slightly annoyed, they may close down, and the situation can worsen. It is not their fault if you have an empty cup or if you have abandoned yourself in order to be a parent.
It is our responsibility as parents and as adults to take care of ourselves. But it is hard. Sometimes it is even hard to find time for a simple cup of tea.
I know that. I have been there. But if you do not do it, nobody will. And more importantly, everyone around you will suffer the consequences of your empty cup.
The empty cup syndrome: What happens when we give from depletion
Research on burnout provides sobering evidence of what happens when we continuously give from an empty cup. Burnout is characterized by complete depletion of energy, including physical exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, and mental exhaustion. It occurs when stress is prolonged and excessive and exceeds our capacity to manage our lives and stressors.[4]
When we give from depletion, several things happen. Studies show that burnout leads to reduced productivity, suboptimal delivery of care, and poorer outcomes, whether you are caring for patients, clients, or your own children.[6] The World Health Organization has classified burnout as an occupational phenomenon related to prolonged exposure to chronic, unsuccessfully managed workplace stress.
But burnout is not just about work. It extends to every area of life, including caregiving, parenting, relationships, and identity. When we run on empty, we experience:
Physical and emotional exhaustion that does not improve with rest
Resentment toward the people we are caring for, even though we love them
Feelings of being taken for granted or unappreciated
Decreased patience and increased irritability
Loss of joy in activities we once loved
A sense of running on autopilot, disconnected from ourselves
I experienced this myself. For years, I was told that taking care of myself should be my first priority. I tried. I remember going for walks on my lunch breaks and feeling energized, with the rest of the day going much better. But I easily forgot about myself. When I was tired, too busy at work, or too stressed, I would forget self-care, precisely on the days when I should have taken longer breaks rather than eliminating them altogether.
As a good friend once told me, normally, you can manage with a 15-minute meditation. When you are stressed, you need 45 minutes. But as a working parent, I forgot these important lessons over and over again.
My turning point: When self-care became non-negotiable
It was not until I had no choice but to revisit my life habits that everything changed. As a single mother working full-time, without much help or support, things became really intense. Only then did I realize that those wise words I had heard for years were actually the only way to get me through the days.
Finding moments to fill my cup became part of my daily life. I started to take the task seriously, thinking about how to fit in time to exercise, to meditate, and to do something that brought me joy. And I noticed something remarkable. On the days I could fit in those me times, things went more smoothly with my child. I felt more energized, happier, and motivated.
But I also noticed something troubling. My cup would empty again, and I would soon need more for myself. It was as if I had given all the energy away. The little amount I had managed to bring back was quickly depleted. I did that happily, but I began to notice an unconscious resentment about my small reserve of energy being taken away. I wondered if there was another way.
And then, a very wise woman told me something that changed everything, "Fill up your cup, and give from the overflow."
The overflow principle: A revolutionary approach to giving
That moment was magical. She explained that I needed to make sure I gave myself enough to overflow my cup, and only then was it time to give to others.
This is still a work in progress for me, and I only manage it some of the time. But on the days I do manage, and even on the days I imagine it happening, something magical occurs. I realize that life is abundant. There is plenty for everyone. We simply need to manage our own serving.
As Melinda Cohan writes in Sustainable Success, “When you give from the overflow, you ensure that you never have to stop to recharge. Instead of working to exhaustion and then refueling in spurts, you are consistently fueling yourself as you go.”
Research supports this approach. Studies on self-care and resilience show that self-compassion and ongoing self-care practices are among the most important factors in maintaining well-being and preventing burnout. When people prioritize filling their own cup first, they actually have more energy and capacity to give to others.[5]
Think of it like the airplane oxygen mask analogy. You must put on your own mask before helping others. Not because you are selfish, but because if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you cannot help anyone.
What giving from the overflow looks like in practice
Giving from the overflow is not about being perfect or never experiencing stress. It is about fundamentally shifting how you approach self-care and giving.
The old way (giving from an empty cup)
You give to everyone else first, fitting in self-care only if time permits, which it rarely does
You run on fumes, feeling depleted and resentful
You crash periodically and need an extended recovery time
You feel guilty when you take time for yourself
Your giving feels like an obligation rather than joy
The new way (giving from the overflow)
You prioritize filling your cup daily, making it non-negotiable
You give to yourself until your cup overflows, then share from that abundance
You maintain consistent energy levels rather than experiencing extreme highs and lows
You understand that self-care enables better care for others
Your giving comes from a place of joy and genuine generosity, not obligation
It does not need to be entire weekends away from the kids. Sometimes, 30 minutes here and there are all that we need. But we need to be consistent and prioritize it. Because sometimes, the best thing we can do to be good parents, good partners, friends, caregivers, or professionals is to look after ourselves and our own serving of joy.
As a good friend told me when my daughter was born, a good parent is a happy parent. I would never have imagined that it would take me a whole decade to fully understand this.
The special case of neurodivergent children: Why your energy matters even more
If you have a neurodivergent child, you already know this truth in your bones, they have a special radar for sensing your mood. You cannot trick them with smiles and good words. They immediately know whether their parent is in a state of openness and availability to be there for them.
When you are depleted, even if you try to hide it, they sense it. Often, they respond with increased dysregulation, meltdowns, or shutdowns. Not because they are being difficult, but because your nervous system state affects theirs. They pick up on your stress, your depletion, and your barely contained overwhelm.
But when you are in a state of overflow, when you have genuinely filled your cup and are operating from a place of calm and centeredness, they sense that too. And magic happens. Interactions become smoother. Connection becomes easier. They feel safe because your nervous system is communicating safety.
This is not about being perfect. This is about being resourced. And you cannot be resourced if you are constantly giving from an empty cup.
The transformative benefits of giving from the overflow
When you take care of yourself, as a parent, as an adult, as a human being, you are more present for others. Your loved ones enjoy being with you because they feel the positive energy that emanates from you. This does not mean everything will be perfect, but you will be in a better position to deal with everyday challenges from a place of calm, centeredness, and possibility.
Research confirms this. Studies show that when people establish healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care, they experience improved mental health, better relationships, increased self-esteem, and greater resilience.[7]
The benefits extend to:
Physical health: More energy, better sleep, a stronger immune system
Emotional health: Greater patience, less resentment, more genuine joy
Relationship quality: Deeper connections, less conflict, more presence
Parenting effectiveness: Calmer responses, better attunement, modeling self-care
Professional performance: Increased creativity, better decision-making, sustained productivity
Life satisfaction: A greater sense of fulfillment, meaning, and purpose
As noted in Brainz Magazine[3], prioritizing self-care and reframing it as an essential practice, not a luxury, lays the foundation for sustained empowerment. It allows you to engage regularly in activities that rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit.
How to start giving from the overflow today
If this concept resonates with you but you are not sure where to begin, here is a practical guide.
Assess your current state: On a scale of 0 to 10, how full is your cup right now? Be honest. If you are below a five, you are giving from depletion, not overflow.
Identify your refueling activities: What genuinely fills your cup? Not what you think should fill it, but what actually does. Make a list. Include physical, emotional, mental, social, practical, and spiritual activities.
Schedule non-negotiable self-care time: Put it in your calendar like any other important appointment. Protect this time fiercely. Remember, this is not selfish. This is essential to your ability to care for others well.
Start small but consistent: Even 15 to 30 minutes daily can make a significant difference. The key is consistency, not duration. Daily small acts of self-care are more sustainable than occasional grand gestures.
Notice the overflow: Pay attention to when your cup is not just full, but overflowing. How does it feel? What led to it? How do others respond to you when you are in this state? Use this awareness to refine your self-care practices.
Give from that place: When you feel resourced, energized, and at peace, that is when you give. Notice how different it feels to give from overflow versus obligation. Notice how others receive your giving differently when it comes from this place.
Refill daily: Do not wait until you are depleted to refill. Just as you would not wait until your car is out of gas to refuel, do not wait until burnout to practice self-care. Keep yourself consistently resourced.
The abundance mindset: There is enough for everyone
One of the most profound shifts that comes with giving from the overflow is recognizing that life is abundant. There is plenty for everyone.
We have been conditioned to believe in scarcity, that if we take care of ourselves, there will not be enough left for others. That prioritizing our needs is inherently selfish. That good people sacrifice themselves for the greater good. But this is a lie that keeps us small, depleted, and resentful.
The truth is this. When you fill your cup to overflowing, everyone benefits. Your children benefit from a parent who is present and calm. Your partner benefits from someone who has energy for connection. Your friends benefit from your genuine joy. Your work benefits from your creativity and focus. Your community benefits from your sustained contribution.
In the same way we avoid fishing when the little ones are growing to ensure sustainable fish populations, we can only create a sustainable, positive, energetic environment, in our families, our workplaces, and our communities, by taking care of ourselves first.
This is not selfishness. This is wisdom. This is sustainability. This is love, for yourself and for everyone around you.
A final invitation: Make the shift today
So I invite you. Stop making excuses about why you cannot prioritize yourself. Stop believing the lie that taking care of yourself takes away from others. Stop running on empty and wondering why you feel resentful, exhausted, and disconnected.
Instead, make a commitment today. Fill up your cup. Not halfway. Not just enough to get by. Fill it until it overflows. And keep that state of overflow for as long as you can, refilling it daily.
You will see the difference it makes in your life and in the lives of your loved ones. You will experience the joy of giving from genuine abundance rather than depleting obligation. You will discover that when you honor yourself, you actually have more, not less, to give to the people you love.
And you know what? Everyone around you will sense it immediately. They will feel the shift in your energy. They will respond to your calm and presence. They will benefit from your overflow.
So be there for yourself. Fill your cup. Give from the overflow. It is a win-win situation for everyone.
Ready to transform how you give and receive?
If you are ready to learn how to fill your cup and give from the overflow, sustainably and joyfully, I offer programs and coaching specifically designed to help you make this shift.
Through my Self-Care Revolution program and one-on-one coaching, you will learn practical strategies for prioritizing yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and creating sustainable rhythms of self-care that keep your cup overflowing.
Because you deserve to give from abundance, not depletion. You deserve to feel energized, joyful, and at peace. And everyone you love deserves the best version of you, which is only possible when you take care of yourself first.
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Read more from Tatiana Goded
Tatiana Goded, Motivational Life Coach
Tatiana is a Motivational Life Coach passionate about helping women find their life purpose and rediscover the passion in their lives. She spent many years trying to find her own life purpose and recover her childhood passion for writing, wishing someone would help her reach her goals. Her journey was full of struggles and setbacks until she discovered the key elements to success. She is now following her life purpose as a life coach, and has followed her passion for writing, publishing her first book, “A Trip Towards the Sunset,” in March 2025. Tatiana’s mission is to help women in their midlife rediscover their long-forgotten dreams and recover their true selves, bringing back joy and passion to their lives.
References:
[1] Change Mental Health. (2023). Boundaries and mental health. Link
[2] Cohan, M. (2023). Sustainable Success: Thriving in business and performing at high levels without burning out. Wiley.
[3] Kenyon, L. (2024). The empowerment revolution: Women rising together. Brainz Magazine. Link
[4] Teladoc Health. (2024). Mental health tips: 8 ways to avoid burnout. Link
[5] Weston, K., et al. (2025). The role of self-care and self-compassion in networks of resilience and stress among healthcare professionals. Scientific Reports, 15, 1111. Link
[6] West, C. P., et al. (2023). Workplace interventions to improve well-being and reduce burnout for nurses, physicians, and allied healthcare professionals: A systematic review. BMJ Open, 13(6). Link
